Generally, i adjust my outfit to reflect the current weather patterns.
i know i won't be too happy when it starts to rain and i have no umbrella but i am at my best.

so i was advised this as my horoscope prediction :
Consider such things when you walk into a room of people today.
What is the predominant mood?
How can you fit in with it and work to lift it instead of getting soaked?

yeap. how can i avoid getting soaked?

Prepare for battle.

on 19 June.

papa day tomorrow.

the last time i gave anything to my dad is my phone bills.. lolx. jk..
i mean the last thing i remembered giving him for fathers' day is actualy an ugly hallmark card i bought and wrote all my siblings' names on. i guesst that's sometime in upper Primary bah.

somehow, i have the impression the card actually shows a picture of a fisherman in tattered light blue/ white shirt.

this shows how bo xim i am huh..

fathers' day aint really a significant day for celebration. i dun mean it's not important at all, but at least a lot of pple dun put the emphasis on this day, or spend time planning way before hand.
okay. i shldnt generalise. or, maybe i'm the only one.

intense dislike for the in-between.

personality of a white. characteristics of a C.

dread knowing the ending.

-santa's best friend, Rudolph the 2nd-

felt confident today (might be the colour of the clothes i wore) and things went smoothly. so seemlessly in fact, that i felt that i am finally back in control of my life.

wanted to laugh at myself coz of all these self-talk.
control- it is all but an illusion. all about perception.

aint in the right mood,
not at the right time,
wasnt with the right people,
cant be in the right place.

excuses. excuses. excuses.

of all the things i miss, calling someone just because i want to and yakking non-stop over the phone is at the top of my list. it makes perfect sense to just contact someone when i want to and share whatever that comes to mind. but this act seems to increase its difficulty with age.

the hesitation before a call,
the it's-okay-to-put-it-off-till-later attitude,
the i've-grown-up-no-more-dependent-on-others and
the fear of exposing weaknesses...

if we're friends. should i let u know everything you should, or should i place a barrier to let u know how far u can go to know me.

risks..
helplessness if privilege-to-know-all-of-u: uses something to hurt you.
helplessness again, if distance-i-give-u-ur-privacy: cant even let u rely on coz they have absolutely no idea how to go about doing it.
risks..

so u see.. how can i not laugh at myself when i dun even know what i'm saying in the first place.

Up and away~

unable to lift up my spirits ever since the grad ceremony.
can even say i'm half depressed.

sitting in TCC waiting for the crermony to start is the beginning of total self awareness of how not sociable i am.
i'm starting to pity myself and wondering what the hell i'm doing in a hospitality course when i cant even think of what to say to the 2 coursemates sitting beside me.
for over an hour, i almost sat in silence if they dont speak to me first.
i cant even think of an excuse of why we know each other's existance yet i dun even greet them when i see them.

maybe i keep to myelf and my circle of friends too much.

or maybe we just dont have the same frequency.

in my 3 years (2.5 actually), i've never felt this lost, this aimless.. hate this unanchored feeling and that whatever i think i did right as and might be wrong all the while. maybei should face each day with a smile and act as if i'm best friends with the pple walking on earth, or maybe i should adapt to my surroundings more so that i can at least blend in instead of blend out.

saw so many pple i think i'll never have the chance to see in future. so many familiar faces that i wanted to just walk up and say 'hey, congrats.' but the words slipped away before i even have the chance to face this eager side of me. find myself asking why i am wanting to try so hard to salvage the situation, this last chance ever..

the emptiness after the spotlight dims.. the flimsy piece of paper that weigh the same.. i didnt try hard enough all these while. all i wanted to do when i stepped into poly is to make more friends, get out of the quiet self in sec school but things seem to take a turn for the worse..

maybe i didnt try hard enough.

right now, i wished i could turn back time. meet the pple i want to meet, make sure i put in enough effort to at least know most of them and not just a handful. seriously speaking, studies aint my priority. never was, never is and never will be.

if i could just turn back time. BUT doesnt moving on make a greater difference?

you are wiser. just tell me the answer.

Oh F* blogger. Load so slow.
Aint in a very good mood. A fellow trainee chatted with me online and after 4 very short replies, she asked if I'm alright coz I dun seem to sound like me.
Damn.

Everything went wrong today - even the taxi driver!

I dunno whether it's me or what, but I ALWAYS ended up feeling crappy after taking cabs that are yellow in color.

The Kbox gathering session after work sux, big time.
Firstly, singing songs with a bunch of aunties vying for the mics aint a very happy thing.
Then, all their LOUD hokkien songs that I never heard of and they dun allow pple to move songs up ye they can do so themselves pissed me off big time.
Their out-of-tune yet still want to shout out loud singing styles make me imagine Dick Lee's face saying 'you're wasting my time. GET LOST!' in Singapore Idol auditions.
And they dun just hog the mics. They hog the remote!!

Out of the 3+ hrs there, I only managed to select and sing ONE song. How pathetic can that be? And that was because they went to the washroom!
Before the time is up, a colleague is rushing me to go home.
How much fun can that be if I went to a GATHERING session where I just sat there and listen to all those crap thinking 'how and why did I land myself in such deep shit?!'

Yes. The night is still young thus the nightmare isn't over.
I dun understand why they aint gracious enough to just let whoever book the room to link the stupid k point sunder their name. Why after the hog-mic-and-controller competition, they muz vie for the points? By the time I start to get irritated, someone is rushing me home again.
I aint a 5 year old child or Cinderella having to go home before the clock strikes. I have NO curfew. And I aint rushing. I made it very clear that we can just settle everything then make our way home since it's already over 12 and the midnight charge applies. So why must we rush. It doesn't matter whether we waste another 5 minutes coz there were LOTS of cabs!

Before I can even say bye, thanks and gdnight to the rest, I'm being rushed into this YELLOW cab. Damn it. Too late.
The driver named Yeo Chung H** with the carplate SHC 0*** sux, big time. I’m pissed enough to even rbr his name.

He drove off before I can close the damn door. We have another colleague living in the same area and the other colleague just say 'never mind'. I told the driver to just STOP THE DAMN CAB and he said later. He drove a distance up and just commented 'I just drive off ar, dun need to wait for your friend. They can take another cab.' Yes, he just drove off without me even replying. After we reached the first traffic light, he said 'taxi drivers dun take pple to more than 2 destinations on fri, sat and Sunday nights. At most 2.'

Oh, what the fuck!
1st time I ever heard of such crap.
When I tried explaining that I've shared cabs with my friends for so many times and all the while we dun have this problem of 'max 2 destinations' rule or what!

I think my colleague sensed that I'm pissed. She said 'I thought he's taking cab with someone else, since they're living nearer to each other. Btw, I've always thought they live somewhere near ang mo kio,' oh. Again, the word WTF kept flashing in my head. The WHOLE office knows they're not. I joined the dept much later than her yet I know and she doesn’t. oh fine.

Reached home feeling crappy. Never been to a gathering this tong ku before.
Please NEVER ask me to take yellow color cabs!
I prefer cabs blue in color starting with C****** and I almost always get the nice polite and friendly drivers. The journey feels much more smooth.

Kbox outings have never been such a pain and yellow cabs just joined topped my list of 'shuns'.

Plus I'm driving myself crazy coz I'm losing control.
Badly need a phone number that I can call at this stupid time of the night.
Need an outlet for crap. Before I lose total control, I'm going to bed.
Just sleep the heartache and anger off.
Tomorrow will be a fine day. Fine as in Face It – Coming to and End.

Heard a colleague's relationship story last week and was affected, somehow.

she was telling us abt her past relationship. the guy came from a well-to-do family with 'good' family background and his parents are very religious. they expect their future daughter-in-law to be 1) very traditional 2) has certain qualification 3) holding a job that is of respect/ esteem (eg: teachers/ lawyers)

the reason why the two of them cannot be together is 1) her highest qualification is a 'N' level cert 2) her job is in some office as a normal front office agent

so i asked a very bold question:
so he broke up with you coz of that?

and i heard a very disappointing answer. the spotlight dimmed.

she continued with 'his parents are paying for all his expenses. his car, his bills, his allowance.'

never felt so disgusted. and i got to know that his current gf is a teacher.
they broke up because of external conditions. because one party succumb to the comfort of life. the lure of temptation.
not because they dun hav feelings for each other.

seems so much like the plot we see so often in drama series. and it sux knowing that the more money and power one has, the less possible it is to gain freedom. to enjoy the simplicity in life.

alright. who am i to comment on stuff like that?

for richness or for love.
can we all take the risk and fall in love instead of risking the love and end up with nothing.

my world hasnt been revolving. it's your worlds that are revolving..

Let's see..

Papa Juliet - thanks to monica. i dun even know where she gets the idea from.
Color of dusk - for as long as i can remember.
Odd numbers - only even number is zero.
Missed my pager number - 93258096, which runs upwards from the bottom-right of the keypad, to downwards right in the middle. pple dun even need to remember my number.
Quite anti social - but sure can yak a lot.
Professional archaeologist - expert at living backwards.
Abudant patience- only for drama series and endless episodes.
Anime lover - cause all troubles will be solved by the end of the episode (maybe even two or three)
Great liking for quotes - only way to steal intelligence to pull off as my own wisdom.
Seemingly the perfect student - the quiet one that pple usually take no notice of coz they dun cause trouble and am not exceptionally bright to gain attention. excellent for me cause i get to do what i want to do and get off trouble, like sleep in class and having short attention span.
Believe when pple say you dream of what you think - cause i can continue interrupted dreams! and that's an achievement! lolx.
Aint an accessory lover - but cant think of a time i'm without them.
The opposite - make mountain out of molehill and make molehill out of mountain.
Hate horror shows - but love the thrill.

that's all i can think of now. more next time when the pink moon is up.

I wish Tania can stop sending me emails and Cheryl can stop giving me calls.
The IMF world bank is giving me a headache though it's like like 4 more months away.

I better start preparing myself with all the nonsense that's coming my way soon. maybe by tomorrow. let's just say i have at least 30 pieces of black and white i can show them in the event that they start the chi-gong style of work, as usual.

and i hope sha dont try to create more problem. i am confused enough. so let's not imagine how tania feels. everytime i spot her name amongst like 100 emails, i'll go.. haizz... so she gets all the attention. dunno whether that's considered good or bad..

seem like i've been messing things up more often recently..
everytime i try to put in more, i get more.. yeah.. crap..

My dad bought me a Sony Ericsson W900i today..

the initial plan was to just go and change his phone numbre to one that is of significance to him and get a new phone for myself 2 months from now.

we ended up staying and buying that sony ericsson phone. to tell the truth, i dislike flashy bulky phones.. but ended up getting one.. and i think it's expensive coz of the recent launch date.

wanted the new samsung phone, for a change of the nokia phone.. but ended up with bigger phone each time i wanted a slimmer one. dunno whether i should laugh or cry. -_-"'

and since i'm not the one paying for it, i shall juz shut up. Hope this phone's worth the money..
at least i have entertainment on my way to work.. juz pray hard that my clumsiness wont cause any major damage.. haizz..

I dread the coming of every May.

It's the season of nowhere and the time of the year where it's not here nor there.

Seems like we're always the fool-ishest in our own stories huh..

Children grow at an amazing speed. all because they have all the time in the world to let their thoughts run wild and allow their lives to revolve around imagination and fantasy.

adults, are chained to everday routine-ness, so much so that even their spare time is spent trying to relieve their stress or to find entertainment to forget the aspect of life that they cant seem to live without.

thus, i aint going to comment on work. coz i wont be able to stop once i start.
shall go on to nonsensical stuff then.

i find it weird. weird that i dont find the recent hype about the election interesting. okay, initially it's quite entertaining.. but after a couple of days, the excitement disappears.. after a week, i'm beginning to feel as if we're slowly turning into a mini Taiwan, with their infamous political scene, though we're not of THAT caliber yet.

seriously speaking, it doesnt matter if the flats are not upgraded, lifts dont stop at every level and that we need more of this and less of that. people in old neighbourhoods live longer because they DON'T have lifts that stop at every single level, making it a necessity to climb stairs everytime they get out of the house. this routine excercise is a great way to keep fit! secondly, if we have lifts that stop at every level, most of us wont be able to know the neighbours who live one level or even two floors down.. i am not saying these are impossible when we have flats with lifts at every level, but there'll be fewer chances.. we are contented, just because it's a way of life. we dont take things for granted. i cant deny that if this is implemented, the result will benefit a lot of people, especially so to those furniture movers. but well, to each his own.

personally, it's not too mch of a big deal whether i'll have greater convenice after 5 years because i have to endure the process of noise pollution and greater irritation that come with removation and upgrading.. it doesnt matter if flats around my area get privatized or we have beautified so and so. been living in that area for so long it's become a part of my life. i like things the way they are right now. everyone can promise great things. i can do so too. but what comes out of it is another story. just like what they always say, we must learn to see the light at the end of every tunnel.. but it may well be the headlights of another train in your case... lolx..

am saying too much aint i? well, coz i am not qualified to vote this time round. gotta wait for another 5 years or so. wait for the progres package that never seem to benefit the underaged.

so this is it. tomorrow is the day. let's hope we dont get rowdy. to whichever party that triump in my area, all the best. not much of a difference who wins coz ultimately, no matter what they proprose, it's for the good of the people. no fear coz S'pore is a safe country. we wont be expecting much of a big hoo-ha outta it coz we still have to upkeep the image of our political field. hee.. =X

red. net. ERP.

1st May is over.

i'm looking forward to 6th May.

wanted to take a long rest at home but being woken up early in the morning by those PAP and WP vans with loudspeakers.. and i still cant believe i allow the temperature to control my emotions.. stayed at homeand fa xiao jie pi qi the whole day.. it's an average of 28-30 degrees and humidity of approximately 77% today... my body condition is driving me nuts.. and i'm going insane..

why cant i have a proper rest on labor's day? geez..

everyone is so looking forward to polling day.. and life should get a little interesting, but it's not.

well, back to more aimless pursuits... cant labor day pass any faster.. i'm extremely irritated at myself, my unreasonable and childish behaviour that stems from whatever it is (i think it's the humidity) . the afternoon nap made me so energised that i feel as if it worsen my condition. i'm beginning to have the urge to snap at every little issue. even the damn rain that is coming. it better be a thunderstorm!!!!!!!!!

ARGH~!!!!~~!!!!~!!!!!!!!!!

what can i do if all my must-dos are done? find more?

read in this book that

[ when your 'there' has become a 'here,' you will simply obtain a 'there' that will look better to you than your present 'here.' ]

but is it as simple as it seems?

i really hope i can find more MUSTs soon.. that's the only problem people with realistic goals has... =P

been working underground for so long i cant remember the last raining day.
really felt like some hedgehog in its burrow.
and i'm really not giving in to panadol, clarinase, or whatever sophisticated names you give...

pls, no calling my name.

really wished i am where my bro is now..

he's enjoying life in HTM when i got out of it..

can i restart my poly life?

i want to relive this experience once again..

meet everyone again..

dont even mind studying CSA and MBS again..

just turn back the time..

hurt myself while having lunch and didnt seem to pick up my spirits to have fun after that..

lesson of the day is to eat slowly..

and i haven get round to congratulate myself on being very decisive on certain things... all thanks to sam..

monday blues tomorrow. i dont think i have a blue outfit to match.. juz hope i dun see black and red anywhere...

pls, pls, pls dun call my name...