You have no idea how glad i am with most of the workload off my back. but good news never last long.. the lecturer announced yet another quiz next week. Reading The Goal makes me think quite a fair bit of mine as well.. The goal is to make money so everything that works towards the goal is productive while those that don't are not.. so using that as an analogy, if my goal is happiness, what should i do or work towards in order to reach it?

don't blindly follow the common practice (making more money = happiness) just because it seems logical (more money = more purchasing power = ability to do what you want)... what we need to work on is simple to find the constraints to our goal (like tons and piles of work), exploit them (work so damn hard to clear all of them?? burn midnight oil?), then subordinate everything else to the decisions made (plan life around clearing work pile). elevate the system's constraints (like find alternatives to solve the prob?).. and you know, repeat the process over and over again while not letting more constraints get into the way..that way, we keep the operating expenses to a minimal (less procrastination, better anger management, less frustrations and stress etc..) which ultimately (albeit slowly) lead us to the goal.. but then again, having less operating expense might mean being less efficient. but the end result is that we're inching forward instead of marching at square 1. and that's all that matters, in the end.

oh great. by tomorrow i can take this post-it off my bed's headboard. and I've been waiting for a month to do it. yup. my handwriting's crap but i quite like the feeling of coming up with to-do lists and then checking it one by one once I'm done with. for busy weeks, i have another detailed check list. and imagine striking them out before i go to bed, feeling as if I've accomplished a lot. lolx.. deception and illusion..

seriously, i need to do something to my temperament.

i'm starting to wonder if stopping myself from cursing and swearing is the RIGHT thing to do or should i just cut myself some (more) slack..

anyway, haven you heard about it?
Aggression is better than repression..

and if that's not enough, see this one:
it's better to be pissed off than pissed on..

and to hell with the horrible crappy weather. when is the monsoon season EVER going to come? before i die of frustration and dehydration?

cream of the crop

It seems like nothing can boost my enthusiasm level recently. rather bogged down by school stuff lately.. so much so that my social life seems to be in a mess and limited to those sing-song-cut-cake-sessions..

it's irritating when my mind is only filled with sch stuff.. and it reflects badly on how i should advance and improve. life is not just about Math and deadlines..

and i find myself dozing off right after dinner while doing my tutorial.. and that isnt so bad if i dont fall asleep while watching tv too.. and as the frequency of the art of resting increases, the more i question myself. why am i so tired when i dont participate in school activities, no CCA, not even part time work, not helping out doing household chores, not even revising my work or attempting to complete other assignments.. so WHAT the hell am i entitled to fatigue?

Met a poly friend online just now.. she's going to work hard for 5 years so that she can complete her masters and be a full fledge architect.. u know how i envy pple with aspirations.. so i ask myself again: am i going to complete my sch in 2 years so i can graduate and look for a job, keep my original plan of just having a degree for the sake of having one.. or maybe i should stick around some more so that i have extra time to really think through what i want to do and IF possible, do my honours, find something i am passionate about and write a thesis on it, convince others what i believe in and show them what i am capable of.. that is, PROVIDED i am capable enough. in there, everyone is the cream of the crop.

that's what my sec school teachers used to tell the class. u are the cream of the crop. so i used to think that i have to meet expectations to avoid disappointments.. so as to have great dreams and scale greater heights..

but recently i have been thinking...









maybe i am not there as the cream of the crop.
maybe i'm the farmer.

they THOUGHT i took part in the Nationals..

didnt i remind them not to assume? for the millionth time?

so they ASSUME i can drink. didnt i emphasize i am allergic?

i admitted to trying to act busy when someone asked.. there's just so much to do when topics run dry and others are just not comfortable with silence.. for the last time, i have to confess to being much of a person who can spaced out anywhere, anytime. stoning specialist.

as usual, the gathering marks yet another day of the sing-song-cut-cake session..

so enough of rest and relaxation.

back to serious business..

I've been facing this damn laptop for an entire day yesterday and finally managed to get it done today. i only have myself to blame for putting things off till the last minute. yup. procrastinate.

i'm finally done faking my way through (again) about a topic i'm interested in. goodness.. the info i had was originally 26 pages and my page limit is 10. imagine the whole lot of stuff i got to go through. i dont feel a sense of achievement this time round. i guess i'll feel better after completing my stats, ops, econs and fna tutorial plus prepare for my legal presentation on monday and a class quiz for econs on wed.. that, will take up almost all of my waking hours.. and i promised Leya to help tomorrow and i have classes with my cousins at night.. gosh~ blame it on my impulsive nature. i thought i can strive to be a superwoman. lolx..

14 March is White Valentine... it's for females to reciprocate their love/like for the guy(s) who showed their affection on 14 Feb.

so on this day, there's nothing for me to do. As usual, it's just a day like any other.

and the fact that i've been single for so long makes me wonder if i'll stay that way for the rest of my life. Haa..

then again, that doesnt sound like a bad idea.. my aunt is an excellent example.
her house has a amazing array of small miniature fragile displays.. potpourri in almost every room. a home theater system, massage chair, queen-sized bed (not that i dont have), coffee maker, plus a new member of the family- a puppy.. guess life doesnt get any nicer that having total ownership..

In a lighthearted mood today. My presentation was a breeze, coz i didnt care to practice last night. Preparations make me more nervous.. and the fact that my groupmates are so nonchalant as to leave the entire question to me to do and didnt even bother to check makes me wonder if i should be glad that they trust me or that they cant be bothered.. and i was assigned the question coz the rest didnt know how to do it. to top it off, my very responsible grpleader volunteered to compile the report AND be the clicker coz he admitted that he barely knows the chapter, let alone solve the questions. for the last time, i feel like telling him- read the textbook.

Anyway, my group did okay. the tutor gave a somewhat positive reaction before distributing the mid-sem results. i did fair. barely met the average score.

I'm done with Econs. Next up legal, stats assignment & proj and OM by this week. by the end of next week, i can cut myself some slack before going steam-rolling ahead. I have friends telling me the exams are round the corner. yeah right. like 50 days away kind of thing. are they crazy or do they not have better things to do?

My brain cells are dying at an incredible rate.. i have 17 journals/articles to read, select and analyse for my term paper by the end of this week. and all i did was to set aside 5 as backup. yeah. as if that's progress..

This week is hell week for me. so i have to get legal and OM term paper over and done with before i attend some bdae celebration on sat night AND maybe help Leya if i have the time on Sunday.. that i think is out of the question, unless i have super powers..

Now that it's nearing the end of the semester, i'm seriously considering signing up for the special semester so that i can get my bachelors at the end of 2 years instead of 3.. BUT, i dont want to work.. so, opportunity cost. take my pick.

Ching's day/ friendship

Dont think i have the luxury of blogging tomorrow so
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHING!
hope you like the prezzie and enjoyed the outing as much as i did though the power was cut off at kbox for close to an hour.. anything to do with kbox, i'm the suay one.. trust me.. =)

and i sincerely wish that you'll enjoy Monday at work (have a great time with DHL and the advert firm!) and with your family (enjoy ya dinner!).. forget about those frustrating problems/issues for an entire day k.. and stay pretty and happy (i know you will)..

--------------------------------------------------

i went about my daily business thinking about what Eve told me in poly.
back then, she shared with me her views on friendships..
when i get upset thinking why some friendships turn out the way they did, she was the one who told me that as our personalities differ, different friends are just meant to be with you on different occasions.. so there's nothing to be upset or frustrated about..

i'm sure you can name some people whom you spent many a great time with.. and some friends are always there for you during a bad patch- work, family and relationship problems and so on.. some are great company- for movies, some solely for shopping, some for outdoor stuff, some for leisure activities.. you're in luck if you can find someone to share ALL your ups and downs with. but mostly, we settle for the best among the worst.. and let's just pray what you have more friends beside you during a rough patch than happy times..

All of us can live without friends. but who will want to do so if given an alternative?

so let's not be upset when things dont turn out the way we want them to. it is only human nature that you stick with those whom you can connect/ get along well with. and i bet H will never be on my list- good times or bad..

so many thanks to the rest who can. =)

TGIF.

Had a nightmare last night. if i can compile all my nightmares, i'll have an awesome horror show..
and you should look at my dark circles.. i look like a walking zombie..

anyway, i cut my hair. i wasnt aware that it's so horribly long.. it reaches my waist.. imagine the weight i'm carrying ard daily for the past few months. gosh~ no wonder i seem to be suffering from hair loss.. now, this is the shortest hair i spot in like 9 years.. been keeping long hair since sec 1.. and almost wanted a bob cut.. luckily i didnt. still trying to get use to shoulder length hair.. it's the most unbearable length where u know you'll have bad hair day everyday coz your hair dont fall in place and u need lots of pins just to tie a ponytail. but i kinda like the change. it's terrible having long hair in this humid weather.. and i say that becoz i no longer have it.. lolx..

give me 6 months.. my hair'll grow back by then.. provided i dont change my mind soon..

gosh~ wackier by the day..

met some old grpmate.. and he made my day.. yup. with his weird chinese pronounciation.. was feeling grouchy the whole day in school.. the lecturer wasted 2 hours of my sleep by informing us last minute via email that the lec is cancelled. i mean, i dont check my mail b4 i leave the house everyday and by the time i received sms from my friend, i'm already on the way... and it doesnt really make sense travelling back home.. so i ended up having an exceptionally early and long lunch with my uni khaki.. slack while she entertained me with the going-ons with her bf.. i have no idea how he looks like so it's kinda crazy listening to endless funny stories with this character with detailed profile.. like an imaginery personnel in some online game.. lolx..

so i slept through legal lecture (it's nothing new)... and slack thru legal tut pretending i did my homework (yup. 1 paragraph).. and dozed off during stats tut behaving as if i have had an extremely long day.. my friends turned to me and asked if i'm done sleeping coz i slept through the entire day's lessons.. well. to be frank, i haven.

aint sleeping well recently.. and that has a direct impact on my attention span and concentration.. plus it affects my attitude.. so everything else have to wait while i adjust.. i cant function in this listless state.. let alone perform..

..

i finally know the reason for my horrible temper.. i'm a tiger born in the lunar bing yu year.. that means my element is FIRE.. now with that, everything seems to make sense.. fiery, fury and frustration ARE second nature.. lolx..

So it's down to ONE tutorial, ONE mid-sem and 2 proj meetings for next week plus 2 more presentations the week after.. i'll just take things one week at a time.. gone were the days where living day to day is the norm. now i consider that a luxury though theoretically i'm still living life that way..

all i read in the papers the past week were articles on organ donation, Hota and what not. i dont mean (but want to) discriminate some pple.. but their thinking is irksome.. maybe mine is as bad to them but who cares.. some silly person (read: idiot) said that she opted out coz she didnt know how the system works then but after that harvest-liver-wait-then-cannot-liao incident, she got an idea so she's opting out.. BUT she claims that she has nothing against the scheme so she'll definitely opt in AGAIN sometime later. these kuku pple.. wonder how many of these pple are out there.. i can find no other reason they do this (opt out then in) except they have too much free time and want to waste administrative resources.. cant they even have a stand? you have one life. live it. you can be indecisive for ALL the small stuff in life. things like what to eat for dinner, where to go, which movie to watch, what transport to take, which mall to shop, what clothes to buy.. BUT cant they even decide on a simple thing like what they want to do should the journey ends in an accident or when the body if functioning but the brain is dead? i totally understand that some pple opt out due to other beliefs that are stronger, things like they believe (coz they religion convinced them) that you should not touch the eye or donate your cornea when you're dead coz your eyes are suppose to be the light in the other side, when u continue your journey to the nether world. i can accept this kinda reasons for opting out.. and Muslims by default are out. they can opt in though.. these, but not some bizarre excuses.. maybe they can take time to IMAGINE how it's like to be able to save 3-4 more lives (if possible) when u legally disappear from the face of the earth, and how your family will feel when they know that though you're no longer with them, a part of you still lives.. and think about the pple on the receiving end.. how great it is to be able to touch a life, with the last thing you do a good deed.. gain some good karma before you move on.. and it's a privilege given to a handful.. ... ... oh.. i take pleasure knowing that those pple who opt out of the scheme will be the LAST on the waiting list should they EVER need a transplant. meaning, an eye for an eye. (read: haha. you're NEVER going to have a transplant so u can jolly well wait, count down to THE date and make whatever preparations needed after you're gone).

say aye. love the way this scheme works.. especially the sorry-you-didn't-want-this-benefit-in-the-first-place-so-now-that-you-need-it-i'm-sorry-but-too-bad-it's-never-to-be-given-to-you-again deal.lolx.. crazy childish thoughts on a saturday night. lolx..

i know i die die wont be able to complete my legal assignment before i sleep coz the room is now turning, turning, turning.. and i cant focus when my body aint in balance.. my day started off great. i got motivated enough to spend 5 hours on an assignment, which means i'm going to check that task off my to-do list by tonight, AND i have one less section to study for the exams..

my goal for the whole of Friday will be to go for my lessons in the morning, followed by clearing AT LEAST 4 tutorials before i sleep so as to start revising for mid-sem next week.. i'm determined to minimise March nightmares...

good. if i keep reminding myself how awesome it is to be organised and in charge of the situation, eventually i'll convince myself that time is on my side..

Grrrrrr

Exactly a year ago, i started my temp job in TMS. 28 Feb. the last day of Feb. Having mixed feelings on this particular day.. Contented coz it's a rainy day, my lessons ended early and econs mid-sem is over. Kinda sad coz unknowingly, i made another leap across memories.. Guilty coz i didnt prepare well enough for the mid-sem today. Exhausted coz i'm still recovering from lack of sleep and sore throat. Unhappy coz i have to prepare for tml's tut and absolutely disgusted at my lack of motivation and that temptations got the better of me. i've decided. to give myself a break. at least till evening. watch some shows, listen to some songs, chat with my mom and sis, enjoy the weather and have a cup of coffee.

so. about a year ago i sat through my last poly exam paper thinking gosh~i'm so gonna miss this feeling..

360 over days later, i'm loathing the end of February.. i'm looking forward to semester break alr. that is, if i managed to do all the below in order in March:
compete my 30% legal assignment
study for my stats mid-term
prepae for legal presentation
prepare for econs presentation
prepare for accounting presentation
hand up my ops mgtmnt assignment
hand up stats project
hand up accounting project

and yes. the main point is, before i do all that, i need to start my research, not to forget the many project meetings before we even start discussing for presenation, complete my survey questionnaire, no. i have to come up with relevant topics first. and before i do all that, i have to make sure i have time to complete ALL my other tutorials. and u're right. i'm screwed. i have YET to start on even ONE of the above.

and beyond that, i need to plan to visit my grandparents. plan to leave time for some rest and relaxation, and not to forget some regular exercise.

oh great. things are getting better. they are turning worse at a slower rate. at least i got them organised. God bless.

feel rejuvenated.

term break is over. so i'm looking forward to semester break. just a couple of weeks more and say yeah to freedom.. that is, after the projects, presentations and exams...before that, 2 mid-term tests.. and i think i better start looking for a job soon.. some temp job for 2-3 months to keep myself busy AND my pockets full during the 3-mth sem break. full for the GSS before the GST hike..

Despite all your rage, you're still just a rat in a cage. Get out of your box.
You will find that influences from other people can cause some serious
transformations in your general frame of mind. Let your belief systems loosen
up, and let them morph into other frames of mind. Consider new ways of living.
Do things to get out of the conventional social construct of how you should live
your life.

yup. maybe i should follow the horoscope advice.. lolx..

yup. ultimate slacking since last Friday. Turn my lifestyle upside down. i wake up well after noon.. and i've been pushing the limit.. woke up at 5pm today, thinking it feels just like 1pm.. woke up with guilt hanging over my head.. finally started on my legal tutorial.. which i spent almost an hour completing and then uploading my answers to the forum for my grpmates.. then i signed into msn.. only to find another grpmate bombarding me with qns on an individual essay due in 2 weeks time. gosh.. i didnt know they're already going steam rolling ahead, leaving me behind.. lolx.. whatever it is, i'm planning to take my time. one step at a time i guess.. 2 mid-term tests coming up..

yup. amazed at my lack of interest in everything. especially sch work. yup. yup. more qns on econs test.. i've been telling pple to relax.. it's only a mid-sem for goodness sake. they shld learn to not take evrything so seriously.. or maybe i am the one who shldnt be indifferent. haa.. so they say i am confident. maybe they sldnt judge a book by its cover. maybe what they didnt see is my apathetic attitude.

Happy CNY!!

i love the way the story starts..

OS... about how life is a game.. and that if you get around stuff (acting) well, keeping a good position without getting hurt, then it'll be easy to reach whatever goals you have..

so the lead actor went about school with all those thoughts about putting in his full effort acting friendly and helpful.. trying to be perfect..

oh great. i think i know what's goig to happen later. just 10 mins into the show and i know how the story will flow.. someone (some pple) will sort of find out, or ruin his plans but they'll become great friends in the end..

then again.. all stories seem to go like that..

This CNY, i stayed at home, or at my cousin's place, watching TV/com or reading.. there's nothing much to do besides munching on stuff anyway..

Char took the morning flight to Perth this morning.. So by now she shld have already settled down... i wished i were on a plane to somewhere, anywhere.. get out of this boring cycle.. This term break is going to be a hellavu long time.. hjkklhcsasertikop;,lmb arhyckfsuojjlnvfasdbo[o'lm nc chfgujpkkn,bjc nbyduyr8upkn
\
oh great. i'm going bonkers..

self-criticism that undermines your self-confidence..
so perhaps it's time for you to take more risks.

Did a test and that's the advice i got.. lolx.. maybe it's time to take more risks.. lolx..

This year, besides being thankful of the fact that i'm a chinese and have 2 chances a year for new beginnings, i have little else to be happy and excited about. I'm long over the honeymoon period of slacking and enjoying my days as the deadlies draw near. Besides that, i cant celebrate CNY for 2 years running and i guess tomorrow's reunion dinner will be a weird affair coz my grandpa wont be at the table with us, kicking start a new year. by right, we cant even have a reunion dinner. but seriously, we need to get over things.. so i rejoice that my term break coincides with CNY, even though it seems like the school cheated us of 2 days break.. anyway, this year CNY will be filled with gatherings, shows, gambling and studying.. term tests are right after the break.