Ashamed at my ignorance and quick-to-judge personality.
Have always thought that she is this havoc, crazy but independent mom who brings up her two sons single-handedly; assuming that she filed for divorce with her husband long ago. Over lunch today, i listened to her conversation in awed. Her husband is in Changi serving time and due out only in 2010. She feels that it's unfair for her kids not to have a Dad when they're at this critical age of 3 and 5 when your friends from school boast about 'papa and mama'.. she wonders what her kids will do when the teacher asks them to draw a family tree. She doesn't want them to grow up deprived of fatherly love. Quietly, i took in all these and the accounts of what happened back then.. Seriously, it didn't occur to me that those police police crime watch shows on TV can happen to someone so close to me. someone i know. someone whom i assume is taking life a little too easy. and that someone is only a couple of years my senior.
'I have to be strong. Life has to go on.' was what she said. Before i can digest all that info and brace myself up to say some encouraging words, she has already smiled and moved on.. Getting by the to-dos in work and life.. It's as good like that, what i wanted to say means nothing anyway. it's those weightless redundant stuff that pple say for the sake of saying..
Hidden behind this facade for all to see and unknowingly turning into what you weren't in the first place..
Find myself more matured when I'm working... school somehow brings me back to a youthful and rebellious stage when I am the center of my world. work life makes me see the big-ger picture..
Work life has been surprisingly smooth for me lest for some minor glitches and the fact that I'm working in the same place, doing the same things but under a different department that still liaise closely with the old department with a new management heading the team.. and my new boss isn't exactly what you call pleasant or friendly.. he got this temper that is worse than mine, serious biasness, unreasonable, childish and yes.. childish nature. very. no wonder i find his actions so familiar. he reminds me of a dozen sec school girls put together..
May 31, 2007
fatigue
Finally gotten into the rhythm of having deep sleep for ultimate rest and relaxation at night. I stumble into dreamland the moment my head hit the pillow and the only thing i look forward to each day is to snuggle into bed after a shower to recharge before the next day's to-dos..
Been suffering from the effects of the 3 main sources of discomfort- fatigue, exhaustion and tiredness. basically, they're the same thing so the effect is 3 times that of a single syndrome. and the fact that i face the com the entire day gives me dizzy spells with side-effects like blinking lights and colourful world so going home to face the com is a big NO-NO.
i'm so looking forward to the trip. Let's just hope we dont get stuck at the planning stage, which happens ever so often.
Been suffering from the effects of the 3 main sources of discomfort- fatigue, exhaustion and tiredness. basically, they're the same thing so the effect is 3 times that of a single syndrome. and the fact that i face the com the entire day gives me dizzy spells with side-effects like blinking lights and colourful world so going home to face the com is a big NO-NO.
i'm so looking forward to the trip. Let's just hope we dont get stuck at the planning stage, which happens ever so often.
May 28, 2007
outliving them
I did better than expected for ops, acctg and econs; with unsolved problems, unbalanced financial statements and inaccurate graphs.. yet i aint feeling good.
Why is it so difficult to get an A?
----==========================------------------------=======================
Saw the pics.. Smokers go away..
I dont understand why they always use 'social' or 'can control' as excuses when in fact they shld've NOT smoke since they can 'control' in the first place..
and i cant fathom why they consider puffing a cool act... When it's so ghoulish in the first place.. With those smoke around you and you looking like your soul is detached from your body and your mind in control by some other..
Goodness gracious.. Looks are deceiving.. and the fact that i know these pple makes it even harder for me to accept the fact that they are doing such stuff when in fact if i can live on without those thrills in life, they shld be able to too..
Seriously, if it's like what they say, life is too short to give a miss at stuff; then i guess i just have to accept the fact that i'm going to outlive them..
Why is it so difficult to get an A?
----==========================------------------------=======================
Saw the pics.. Smokers go away..
I dont understand why they always use 'social' or 'can control' as excuses when in fact they shld've NOT smoke since they can 'control' in the first place..
and i cant fathom why they consider puffing a cool act... When it's so ghoulish in the first place.. With those smoke around you and you looking like your soul is detached from your body and your mind in control by some other..
Goodness gracious.. Looks are deceiving.. and the fact that i know these pple makes it even harder for me to accept the fact that they are doing such stuff when in fact if i can live on without those thrills in life, they shld be able to too..
Seriously, if it's like what they say, life is too short to give a miss at stuff; then i guess i just have to accept the fact that i'm going to outlive them..
May 24, 2007
Dead tired
----------------------------
was reading this lame book on how to ruin my life.. and it mentioned:
so if that phrase holds, then it means that i'm a weak person. or not.
----------------------------
was reading this lame book on how to ruin my life.. and it mentioned:
Dont let gratitude even enter your mind. The world hasnt completely bowed down before your perfection yet, and it's very far from being a perfect place, so what's there to be grateful for? If you start feeling gratitude- even in some small way- that means you're weak. so forget it.
so if that phrase holds, then it means that i'm a weak person. or not.
May 20, 2007
No conversation agenda.
Love it.
Been so long since i last chat on the phone.
Suffering from insomnia- look like a walking zombie, and my speech cant seem to coordinate with my mind.. i'm not saying what i'm thinking.. and this is getting worse..
I'm starting work on Monday so i have to find a way to sleep at 10 and wake up at 8 instead of sleep at 6 and wake up at 3 by tomorrow..
Think the Kukup trip is off unless we managed to find more pple to join.. But at least I have Tioman to look forward to.. Please dont let it be a talk-only plan coz I need to recharge..
Love it.
Been so long since i last chat on the phone.
Suffering from insomnia- look like a walking zombie, and my speech cant seem to coordinate with my mind.. i'm not saying what i'm thinking.. and this is getting worse..
I'm starting work on Monday so i have to find a way to sleep at 10 and wake up at 8 instead of sleep at 6 and wake up at 3 by tomorrow..
Think the Kukup trip is off unless we managed to find more pple to join.. But at least I have Tioman to look forward to.. Please dont let it be a talk-only plan coz I need to recharge..
May 19, 2007
May 18, 2007
I got my license! YEAH!!!
YIPEE!!!! I PASS!!!! After six months of learning, I'm now able to sit behind the steering wheel and go where i like whenever i want! yeap. provided the car is available, which is practically impossible.
Went back to TP today.. coz it's CCN day! walked around biz, engine and design.. The usual booths selling drinks, candy floss, fondue, ice-cream, popcorn, brownies, muffins, manicure services, henna, and what not.. As usual, biz is the most happening place to be. lots of shouting, promoting, all those rah-rah.. lolx.. the good old times. i feel as young or even younger than those pple there today..
spent sometime walking around Engine school but couldnt find the new Saffron.. asked a couple of pple and they dunno either..like duh~
couldnt get my bro too.. so didnt get to see the NEW restaurant.. Saw Royston.. Btw, QY what course is Royston studying in TP???
it's amazing.. the place is still pretty much like what i rmbr it to be.. the same old banners.. posters all over for some voting thingy for union and of course promo ads for CCN.. lively bunch of pple so this trip back makes uni education seem so much more dull in contrast..
Alright.. time to drive tonight.. ^.^v
Went back to TP today.. coz it's CCN day! walked around biz, engine and design.. The usual booths selling drinks, candy floss, fondue, ice-cream, popcorn, brownies, muffins, manicure services, henna, and what not.. As usual, biz is the most happening place to be. lots of shouting, promoting, all those rah-rah.. lolx.. the good old times. i feel as young or even younger than those pple there today..
spent sometime walking around Engine school but couldnt find the new Saffron.. asked a couple of pple and they dunno either..like duh~
couldnt get my bro too.. so didnt get to see the NEW restaurant.. Saw Royston.. Btw, QY what course is Royston studying in TP???
it's amazing.. the place is still pretty much like what i rmbr it to be.. the same old banners.. posters all over for some voting thingy for union and of course promo ads for CCN.. lively bunch of pple so this trip back makes uni education seem so much more dull in contrast..
Alright.. time to drive tonight.. ^.^v
May 17, 2007
Page one
I edited the template to fit what i feel.
It's exactly what i think it is.
Everything reduced to a one liner.
Almost everything- since most of the important things in life is inexpressible anyway.
CAPS and exclamation marks becoming the tangibalisation tool!!!!! and paragraphs without full stops simply mean i'm too furious to even pause for a breather so i go on and on and rant and rave so as to deflate this inflated balloon of bad pent up emotions..
seriously, everything loses its impact when it is reduced to a one liner. but who cares?
Right now i need to feel good about myself so that i can perform tomorrow.
Cheers, to a better tomorrow and the best of luck to me.
It's exactly what i think it is.
Everything reduced to a one liner.
Almost everything- since most of the important things in life is inexpressible anyway.
CAPS and exclamation marks becoming the tangibalisation tool!!!!! and paragraphs without full stops simply mean i'm too furious to even pause for a breather so i go on and on and rant and rave so as to deflate this inflated balloon of bad pent up emotions..
seriously, everything loses its impact when it is reduced to a one liner. but who cares?
Right now i need to feel good about myself so that i can perform tomorrow.
Cheers, to a better tomorrow and the best of luck to me.
May 16, 2007
brick boys
The brickboy series.. seriously, when does poly education includes such fun stuff? My fav is the Jay with fans brickboy, the lion king brickboy, superman brickboy, harry potter brickboy, long mao brickboy, and most of all, the garfield and pokey brickboys.. coz it's my sis's work!
May 15, 2007
Haven seen Viy and Cerrie in months.. yup.. my slacking khakis.. The Jups days and photo-taking in places with the best lightings.. wonder how they're doing.. Celi shld still be studying at SIM. V shld be still in the hospi industry, maybe as coordinator, or maybe she has a change of job.. i cant even rmbr how i got to know them.. izzit through F&B science where we sat at the last row with the locked room behind us? hmm..
then there's 11-of-us.. well, take away Nixon and add esther.. the ones i've been in contact with are PL, aining, Jo and Eve. haven met the rest in ages.. Hui should be with the love of her life- French, and maybe planning a trip to France in the near future.. HW maybe working temp at some F&B outlet for the holidays, Esther still at the hotel working OT everyday, Lisa applying and preparing for overseas study maybe, Tina surrounded by kids everyday, steph flying 100 miles away from home as the iconic SIA stewardess..
i missed the days in lec where Eve and Tina display their power of infectious laughter, bringing joy to yet another mundane day in school.. i missed going to the canteen and having to look for 3 tables coz there's simply too many of us to fit into one. i missed the wednesday visits to ITAS, the weekly exercise session during the last sem, the Mac snacks before heading home, KTV, Tina's sweets-pouch-passing-session in lecs, meetings at mushroom or biz entrance, the 72 ride and endless gossip about the same topic..
yeap. missed all that. even BIZ etiquette with formal wear.
then there's 11-of-us.. well, take away Nixon and add esther.. the ones i've been in contact with are PL, aining, Jo and Eve. haven met the rest in ages.. Hui should be with the love of her life- French, and maybe planning a trip to France in the near future.. HW maybe working temp at some F&B outlet for the holidays, Esther still at the hotel working OT everyday, Lisa applying and preparing for overseas study maybe, Tina surrounded by kids everyday, steph flying 100 miles away from home as the iconic SIA stewardess..
i missed the days in lec where Eve and Tina display their power of infectious laughter, bringing joy to yet another mundane day in school.. i missed going to the canteen and having to look for 3 tables coz there's simply too many of us to fit into one. i missed the wednesday visits to ITAS, the weekly exercise session during the last sem, the Mac snacks before heading home, KTV, Tina's sweets-pouch-passing-session in lecs, meetings at mushroom or biz entrance, the 72 ride and endless gossip about the same topic..
yeap. missed all that. even BIZ etiquette with formal wear.
May 14, 2007
The usual weekend get-together.. love it.
fell asleep resting on my grandpa's shoulder on the long ride home.. and it feels just like ytd.. the times when we take turns to sit on his lap and listen to stories.. or ask for a piggy back.. or bugging him to take us to the playground when all the other adults refused to. asking for sweets and ice-cream, begging him to take us to the arcade.. him bringing us out for great food and great fun.. especially the fake 20 cents rides with us singing our own songs.. i woke up when he reached my uncle's place and alighted. how he aged. his white hair, weak legs and failing eye sight.
i dunno if it's me. i wonder if it's because i only see him once in awhile that every time i see him he seems older, a lot more than the last time i saw him.
i guess i had always thought of them in the age range of 50+ instead of 70+.. in social work terms, they'd have been considered as the old-old. it never occurred to me that they're already in their 70s.. with their cheerful nature and loud voices that can be heard a corridor away.. and i hope the national statistics are wrong. i hope that the average age of males is NOT 75 and females 80. i hope not. coz it feels like there is not enough time for me to do whatever needs to be done.
fell asleep resting on my grandpa's shoulder on the long ride home.. and it feels just like ytd.. the times when we take turns to sit on his lap and listen to stories.. or ask for a piggy back.. or bugging him to take us to the playground when all the other adults refused to. asking for sweets and ice-cream, begging him to take us to the arcade.. him bringing us out for great food and great fun.. especially the fake 20 cents rides with us singing our own songs.. i woke up when he reached my uncle's place and alighted. how he aged. his white hair, weak legs and failing eye sight.
i dunno if it's me. i wonder if it's because i only see him once in awhile that every time i see him he seems older, a lot more than the last time i saw him.
i guess i had always thought of them in the age range of 50+ instead of 70+.. in social work terms, they'd have been considered as the old-old. it never occurred to me that they're already in their 70s.. with their cheerful nature and loud voices that can be heard a corridor away.. and i hope the national statistics are wrong. i hope that the average age of males is NOT 75 and females 80. i hope not. coz it feels like there is not enough time for me to do whatever needs to be done.
May 13, 2007
Just for laughs =]
－CONTINUE...
and for those who'd been through or is going through tertiary education, you'll love this:
-lolx.. y cant they just leave the comments section blank if they have nth much to say? goodness.. i can imagine a balding lecturer in the LT showing that at the end of the semester @ the revision lec.. haha.. ENJOY
May 10, 2007
关心
那天写了篇和关心有关的entry。不久后就遇到和那天说的‘站在客观的角度’ 可能就是唯一能够真正关心他人的立场。这不是第一次。从前也有发生过类似的事。等到别人对你说出自己不曾知道或者自己根本不想承认的事时，静下心来好好思考到底应不应该相信他。也许那危言耸听会导致一份友谊的变质，但也许那能够让彼此更加珍惜和了解对方。所以我们是不是只该相信自己的眼睛，把所谓的谣言当屁？或者说我们应该听从旁观者的意见以及想法，好让我们以更客观的立场判断和决定接下来的行动？
还是我应该说只要听见的是‘好’ 事，那我就听。‘坏’ 事呢，我就当耳边疯？尤其主角如果是自己的好朋友，更难作出抉择－听：不相信朋友。不听：也许不能够在第一时间做出原本应该采取的举动，例如帮朋友解决问题。
就现在的我而言，我还是选择相信朋友。不是其他人的话不可靠。但我认为朋友毕竟是不会刻意隐瞒事情的真相，反而会选在最适当的时机让你知道。如真有意隐瞒，那也只是有更合理的解释。Maybe 因为距离和感情越好，越不能够开口。也许是想要避免不必要的冲突，让伤害减到最低。Or maybe 想把唯一能够支持自己的力量留到最后，当一切似乎忍无可忍，身体和心灵接近崩溃边缘时有个人能依靠。那个人，就是朋友。
是个很微妙的关系。一个能在全世界都遗忘你的时候，记住你的脸。一个能在所有人都抛弃你的时候伸出援手扶你一把。一个能在你开心时分享你的喜悦，伤心时分担你的忧愁的人。
友情，亲情，爱情：缺一不可。
而我仍然选择相信那位朋友有自己的苦衷和想法。
是的，对朋友而言，解释－－是多余的。
还是我应该说只要听见的是‘好’ 事，那我就听。‘坏’ 事呢，我就当耳边疯？尤其主角如果是自己的好朋友，更难作出抉择－听：不相信朋友。不听：也许不能够在第一时间做出原本应该采取的举动，例如帮朋友解决问题。
就现在的我而言，我还是选择相信朋友。不是其他人的话不可靠。但我认为朋友毕竟是不会刻意隐瞒事情的真相，反而会选在最适当的时机让你知道。如真有意隐瞒，那也只是有更合理的解释。Maybe 因为距离和感情越好，越不能够开口。也许是想要避免不必要的冲突，让伤害减到最低。Or maybe 想把唯一能够支持自己的力量留到最后，当一切似乎忍无可忍，身体和心灵接近崩溃边缘时有个人能依靠。那个人，就是朋友。
是个很微妙的关系。一个能在全世界都遗忘你的时候，记住你的脸。一个能在所有人都抛弃你的时候伸出援手扶你一把。一个能在你开心时分享你的喜悦，伤心时分担你的忧愁的人。
友情，亲情，爱情：缺一不可。
而我仍然选择相信那位朋友有自己的苦衷和想法。
是的，对朋友而言，解释－－是多余的。
~walking in circles...
With the recent happenings, i wonder if level-loading is a thing of the past.
I'm glad it's the holidays.. yet i loathe this feeling of overindulgence in the seven deadly sins, especially sloth. as if it extends into infinity.
3 months later, will i be back at where i was? will it seem as if the 'reset' button was pressed and everything back at one? again?
Time flies. It's been 8 long years since the day she left. On Mothers' Day. Mothers' Day has always been one of my love-hate-occasions. Till now, i can still remember what happened that day, saying goodbye then leaving for my maternal grandparent's house for Mothers' Day celebration. Seeing mom's face after receiving the call, leaving in the middle of steamboat, sitting at the back of that red car on the left, looking out without a thought, seeing cars whizzed by and the lamp posts going past in a blur.. reaching the place. tears flow the minute my bag touches the floor. without even looking at her room.
sometimes i hope my memories can fail me.. but they seldom do.. i thought that after so long, stuff will sort of disappear and fade into nothingness. then it just take one spark to set the fire burning.. 8 years. has it really been so long? so long since i last celebrated Mothers' Day in tears?
yeap. move on. stop harping on stuff that i cant change.. i know.
then again, looking back is a way to determine how much we've moved on. isnt it so?
sometimes i hope my memories can fail me.. but they seldom do.. i thought that after so long, stuff will sort of disappear and fade into nothingness. then it just take one spark to set the fire burning.. 8 years. has it really been so long? so long since i last celebrated Mothers' Day in tears?
yeap. move on. stop harping on stuff that i cant change.. i know.
then again, looking back is a way to determine how much we've moved on. isnt it so?
May 08, 2007
New chapter
yeap. new chapter. finally got down to changing a new blogskin. the old one was supposed to be a temporary solution but i turned out to be the most lasting one.. anyway, wanted to get a kiddish skin but couldnt find one that i like so ya.. found this.. if u have no idea, i'll intro myself again. i'm a 15-yr old kid studying in some high school off the main street in one of the more ulu parts of S'pore. to tell the truth, 15 is really damn old for that cute and childish blogskin but then again, i'm young AND young-er at heart.. so it doesnt seem to matter..
say cheers, for a better tomorrow.
say cheers, for a better tomorrow.
May 06, 2007
hapi bdae cat
Happy meow meow birthday to cat! the oldest-youngest of us all.. hee
I'm glad we stayed up all night for a nice chat.
I'm glad i didnt succumb to the sleepy bug temptation.
The meet-old-pals-and-pals-of-old-pals gathering was great! Been so long since i last filled balloons with carbon dioxide.. lolx..
- cat getting married.. lolx.. ~
- the Swarovski necklace we bought and her mom put it on for her~
it's a first. really. to think that we know each other for years.. now we know stuff that we thought we knew. seriously, it's good to have more of such chit-chat sessions. or rather, connection sessions.. it's good to hear the truth from the person instead of a third-party. and i sincerely apologise should my actions or reactions made any of u gals unhappy.. and we hope u can take good care of yourself..
I'm glad we stayed up all night for a nice chat.
I'm glad i didnt succumb to the sleepy bug temptation.
The meet-old-pals-and-pals-of-old-pals gathering was great! Been so long since i last filled balloons with carbon dioxide.. lolx..
- cat getting married.. lolx.. ~
- the Swarovski necklace we bought and her mom put it on for her~
it's a first. really. to think that we know each other for years.. now we know stuff that we thought we knew. seriously, it's good to have more of such chit-chat sessions. or rather, connection sessions.. it's good to hear the truth from the person instead of a third-party. and i sincerely apologise should my actions or reactions made any of u gals unhappy.. and we hope u can take good care of yourself..
May 05, 2007
Feels like i'm going to one of the sleepover parties in high school, those late night girls talk.. goodness.. the good old days.. and i'm reliving the experience tonight (hopefully).
Not being in the same school makes it difficult to meet up with buddies.. pals u've known for years that u cant even remember how long exactly. is it 10? or 15?
fond memories.. being with them seems more like being with myself. connecting with a older me.. someone from the past.. no worries about having to think before i speak.. they've seen all you in all behaviour, maybe know you more than you do yourself that nothing matters actually.. they'll understand no matter what.. hee..
i missed chatting late at night about the insignificant stuffs as if they make a difference. i want to cook up sth in the middle of the night or grabbing a spoon and a tub of ice-cream sitting in front of the tv watching VCDs or reruns of yet another mediacorp shows..
so i'll definitely have a helluva good time tonight.. meeting old pals and pals of old pals.. feels great. that's one of the benefits of attending those sing-song-cut-cake-sessions..
Not being in the same school makes it difficult to meet up with buddies.. pals u've known for years that u cant even remember how long exactly. is it 10? or 15?
fond memories.. being with them seems more like being with myself. connecting with a older me.. someone from the past.. no worries about having to think before i speak.. they've seen all you in all behaviour, maybe know you more than you do yourself that nothing matters actually.. they'll understand no matter what.. hee..
i missed chatting late at night about the insignificant stuffs as if they make a difference. i want to cook up sth in the middle of the night or grabbing a spoon and a tub of ice-cream sitting in front of the tv watching VCDs or reruns of yet another mediacorp shows..
so i'll definitely have a helluva good time tonight.. meeting old pals and pals of old pals.. feels great. that's one of the benefits of attending those sing-song-cut-cake-sessions..
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