Phew~ sigh of relief..

I FINALLY cleared my poly CPF tuition loan..

Peeps, my bank acc is officially at rock bottom so please exclude me from luxurious makan fares and such till i find a way to tap into a flow of Yusof Ishak..

Dun ask me how i did it coz i am amazed at myself too.. lolx.. Didnt i say i am an old age Asian who is uncomfortable with debts?

gearing up for school.. I'm so looking forward to the various modules, given that i like half of what i am going to take.. i am confident, so totally unexpected, that i will do what it takes to ensure i have a great semester. but let's just hope my enthusiasm doesnt fluctuates..

I've encountered surprises aplenty this holiday. Just like what i prayed for during my examinations, i really did have a fulfilling and meaningful break. and it is by far the best to date. What would i lose if i cross my line? there's always another line somewhere. I've taken so many risks this time round and realised that it is not at all bad.. the one who risk nothing, has nothing and is nothing.

and i have a feeling the best has yet to come.. let's just hope i'm able to keep my optimism level high enough so that when it dips, i'm still at the average.. dont they use to say that you have to aim for the moon to land amongst the stars?

I think i really have myself to thank. i didnt realise anything more than what i already know. NO. but i was standing on the ledge and decided to leap.

Like thanks.

Art of rejecting flaggers

The annual Flag day was a success. at least to my OG. being in AMK from 0630 till 2100 aint an easy feat. and the fact that i thoroughly enjoyed myself made flag a really meaningful event. People donated generously. My max was 10 bucks and i had a good many $2, given the charity situation recently, i thought we did great.

I had a few good laughs about the way people reject or try to siam flaggers. I told this auntie "Notes are accepted and greatly appreciated" when she told me that "I dont have coins." she stared at me for quite sometime k.. and hasten off looking damn embarrassed. some nice people saw me at 8pm still flagging and donated additional coz according to them, i was hardworking.. Was chatting with some old friends, schoolmates and alumni, some of them graduated years back and some recently. Some fellow schoolmate was saying "see u ard" when i dont even know the faculty. some other was cracking jokes with me under the hot sun.. Another senior was telling me he has been looking out for Bizaders since morning and only managed to see ONE, which is me. lolx.. another came over and talked to me while waiting for his transport. everyone is excited about flag and confident that we're going to win this year (again). yeah. i'm confident of that too. given our enthu level. sure win.

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Went Marina Bay for NDP 2007 with Ching ytd..
THANKS FOR THE TIX GIRL! AND HELP ME SAY THANKS TO GX TOO!

NDP rox can. I missed singing to the national day songs loud and in high spirits.. I love to see a sea of red and everyone (almost) gathered at a common place and knowing practically all the songs be it chinese, english, malay or tamil. Love having the renamed Kallang-Marina wave. the goody bag, the fireworks, the effects and such.. i love the moment(s) where i feel that i belong, truly.

The 3D defence thingy felt like what someone planned to show to the rest how much s spent on the NECESSITIES and some great reasons for doing so.. I cant deny they werent of some top notch equip. and the air thingy saluting is kinda cool.. the thing tt looks much like a hovercraft got me quite interested but other better things caught my attention..

The over friendly uncles sitting beside Ching was a little too enthu.. and i received smses from friends asking if i went for the NDP @ Marinabay yesterday.. lolx..

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Thanks to Winnie for inviting us over to ur place.. Guess we made a mess AND helluva noise.. I love her massage chair and garden swing, not to forget her Pooh bear filled belongings and room.. Citadels is fun IF i dun get killed or robbed so often. and i am absolutely jealous of her OPEL automobile can. I was gazing at the car at the MRT station while waiting for her to come fetch me and didnt notice that that car was hers. Like OMG lor.. So jealous.. Grr...

We stayed up the entire night playing games.. and they never fail to amaze me with their super ability of staying up the entire night one day after FLAG plus continuing games all the way till the following day's afternoon. like WOw.. i cant even deny that i'm old.. or convince myself to believe that i'm as young as them.. cant take all that late nights and alcohol and intellectual games in the middle of the night when ur brain is supposed to be at it's most lax stage..

I'm glad i took the initiative. Never look back since..

On to only 4 modules this semester. Only 4 modules and i bidded for Bahasa Indonesian!!!!!! i'm so looking forward to sprouting Indo can.. lolx.. so i can pass off as malay if need be.. wahaa

I was asked if I am a BBA senior, year 3.

I have no idea if I should be elated or sad. Like what they say, I have the disposition of a year 3 student. Then again, I'm afraid they missed out the other side of me.

Serious sleeping disorder. Guess i have to start monitoring my condition.. They have been asking when i can stop sleeping at every possible moment. and i wonder just when they can stop trying to video me sleeping and treat that as entertainment. laughs.. i guess if i were them, i would've done the same thing and laugh at myself while watching someone being video-ed sleeping..

Let's pray that i get my modules this bidding round. I've never gotten to bidding at round 2A with only 3 confirmed modules (and i JUST DROP ONE!!) Should i just say that i am optimistic? or maybe i'm just too tired to be bothered.

Flag tomorrow. Look out for pple in PINK and red bands.. Please do your part for charity.. dont attempt to siam.

Ouch

Home sweet home.

Scorched by the blazing sun. I've morphed from the color of a cooked prawn to that of a live soft shell crab. My mom saw me and asked what happened to my chao ta skin. yup. as if i need to do any explanation.

Didn't really participate in the games save for the finale. The OCH trip blew as the MCs seemed really reluctant for us to go AFTER we waited for 4 hours. The self-entertainment sessions were great though, and thanks to Kim for the nice hospitality at KEVII..

The juniors were great. i wish i were in their corhot.. not that i am complaining, but so far i only have one module which i am taking with familiar pple. think i will be polishing my independence skills further this semester. yeap. as if i needed more of that.

Family gathering this week. FINALLY.
Grandma got to be chauffeured by me,
grandpa still cant get over the K episode,
i got my dad irritated by my reckless driving skills,
and i am happier just being present today..

To more rest and relaxation before the sch term.
Cheers, to a better tomorrow.

The time has come for us to part. All the best Nino. We'll miss you.
Take good care of yourself in China and hope to see you back real soon. Gain lots of experience and remember we're just a phone call away..

Apologies for not being able to send you off at the airport and i believe that the girls cried buckets.. We'll always be here when u need us and let things start anew. Dont start doing those stuff that you told us during Cat's bdae. Hope to see a happier you next year. Please rem to give us ur china number in case we need to contact u..

The sleepover last night felt just like any other sleepovers we have had. Nothing really special and it seems that all it matters for us is to enjoy each other's company for the very last time at the 'old' house. I'm glad we took time for steamboat, ktv, sleepover, shopping, dinner and our very first da-ing session with the 4 of us present.

Hope you like the gift as much as we did selecting it. before i forget, thanks pal, for everything.. together with the 2 of them, you all are the reason why I never regret not quiting SJAB in Sec 2.

Once again, all the best. Let us know when you've settled down and see if we can make plans to meet u in Dec.. hopefully *pray hard...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Been fighting sleep for days on end but realized that the human will is incredible at times..

Came back from night cycling on Monday and totally forgotten about bidding deadline on Tues.. Missed everything for round 1A. Had a training session with barely enough sleep followed by the sleepover gathering at THE 'hougang house'. dozed off and managed to sleep for an hour before waking up and saying my goodbyes.. i took a long slow walk home and went back to bed for another hour's of sleep before the ODIN peeps came to pick me up to school. I dozed off at every possible freetime. No wonder they say that if we have a competition to see who can sleep the longest, i'll be the winner.

O week officially starts tomorrow. From tml onwards, i'll be stuck in school till my next holiday. Say cheers to a new school term.

zombie with failed eye-makeup

Thanks to all my friends who didn't tell me that i look like a walking zombie with horrible gothic eye makeup that smudged. I appreciate your kind intentions.

Life has been beautiful recently and I hope it stays this way.

I didn't know I can be dead tired yet happy, contented and grateful at the same time.
It never occurred to me that I can be the person I always wanted to be. Let's just say I'm pretty much amazed at myself, by myself and with myself.

Been acting like a workaholic desperately clocking OTs when i actually don't really need them. Making myself tired, but contented. It's as if I am making progress doing what i can with all i have. I mean, everyone loves to see a little more of Yusof Ishak.. Who doesn't? Even if it means sacrificing some beauty sleep and suffering from the effects of dark circles and eyebags..

WQ's interpretation is right. and the number 8 is the sign of infinity.

Met up with Jo and Tina today at our fav makan place. I like the kind of feeling of seeing each other and knowing that we're still the same persons, but better. Sharing the going-ons and knowing that we're all good and happy, albeit tired. Finally gotten the Taipei picture book. Love the fact that we share a common experience and that no matter how long time passes, we can bring up the same thing and recap the experiences once again.

The only issue i have now is that i've been missing the weekly gatherings for two consecutive weeks.. Haven been spending enough time with my family. Can't remember the last time i ate dinner at home with my mom and sis. Think May. So please just imagine how much i am looking forward to a good home cooked meal served piping hot straight from the pan. That is sheer indulgence in comparison to cafeteria food. Her cooking beats that of a 5* hotel's fare. Really. To me.

I'm so looking forward to work tomorrow.

The sunnier Sunday is, the better Monday will be.

Just one of the rare family gatherings which we talk about whom we'll never forget.

No issues about who they were, but rather what they liked, how we felt and the going ons then..

Reminisces... Been so fast yeah.. almost a year.. since i sat alone in SW2104 lecture listening to the crap about growing old and dying when someone close really did passed on..

My maternal Grandpa knew what happened two week ago.. the incident blew out of proportion and he apologised. that was an unforgettable episode and credits go to my Grandma..

He seems to enjoy the ride home everytime i drive.. saying good good good~
I enjoy it too.. knowing that things can happen anytime.. tonight he was saying that he got just a couple of years more to live.. and that 80 is enough for him.. saying that he has no wish to live to 90 at all.. i dont like it when the old speculate just how long more they WANT to live; it's like predetermining your will to go on.. everyone, especially him.

Tomorrow is Youth Day. as if it makes any difference to me. i have to work. oh crap. and i'm a youth who's not entitled to youth day. and cheers, to MORE OT tomorrow. yeah right.

This is turning into a dumping ground for crap. serious.

I'm making improvement. Work is getting worse at a slower rate.

Some guest named K C made my day today, with a one-liner in his email correspondence..
Something to do with GEM.. I feel so proud of myself.. *yaya.. buay paiseh ar***

Wanted to ask the almighty Lee whether i can wear jeans to work since i am allowed (by left) to wear casual attire - skirts. By right i was supposed to don office attire for all 6 days. but dressing up and looking like a 25-yo aint really what i look forward to.. but i know his answer anyway. He likes his female subordinates looking like OLs.. with knee length skirt, court shoes, nice blouse, blazer and makeup. damn.

Meeting with the Odin peeps always makes me feel youthful again. Wasnt in the right capacity to learn and play new games. My mind is fried and everything is playing on slow-mo beside me. Work has been this dreary monotonous series of actions that i perform for the sake of the payslip at the end of the month. and now that it's the start of the month again, i shall wait for the end of the month to come.

Was in a crazy mood the other day so i ended up with a bagful of Crabtree & Evelyn stuff AND a big hole in my pockets.. Thanks Tina, for the trouble of meeting me and passing me the mailing thing..

The emails are getting on my nerves lately.. when you're a few emails away from 700 and spent most of your waking hours trapped in the office facing the com and corresponding with people you'd rather not be in contact for the rest of your life, you'll feel like doing something out of the ordinary. something outrageous. serious. my mngr was saying we should just tug at the plug so the com wont work.. my colleague was saying we should just spend 5 minutes with our index finger on the 'Delete' key. i think we should just pack up and go home for a good rest.

i go to work daily bright and sunny and return home long after the sun sets. it's crazy, but i felt as if i've sold my soul for cash.

The funniest thing is, i received a super belated Xmas gift. i was sort of given the gift 6 months back but it came recently.. i guess that IS my birthday prezzie too.. whatever it is, i'm grateful, for being given the trust and freedom.. thanks Dad! you're the best!

I've forgotten how fun it is to say what i want, do what i like, be who i am.

Thanks to everyone in ODIN. I'm grateful for the chance to relive what i've missed out as a freshie last year..

Back from Kukup. It's a lovely backward place.. totally what i imagined the 1960s to be.. Exactly how i think my parents lived when they were young..

They have a population of approx 1000 and you cant see any young women there.. we were joking that my cousin, my sis and i were the oldest single women in the entire kukup.

houses above water.. the place is without a spec of dust. serious. i walked about the entire day and find my feet still clean.. and i still cant get past using the toilet where everything goes straight into the mud below. i prefer modern facilities where i dont see where those stuff go.. lolx..

the seafood there is fresh. superb.

ate sea mantis.. for goodness sake, i didnt even know it exists.. and it tastes much like crab meat..

i made a new friend there.. a cute little boy we called didi and ltr on xiao jun.. lolx..

the kids!







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i am a mahjong idiot.. i know nuts about the rules.. but i guess it's beginner's luck.. i won 5 times in a row.. that's when my little cousin, another super noobz came and break my luck.. and for that round, the first few tiles we discarded were all 'super tiles'..

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that's a harry potter lightning shot.
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reliving the childhood experiences.. blowing bubbles, running about the place, playing together..

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beautiful lilies with the dirty mud and unwanted fishing nets behind..

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failed magic.. lolx..

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this is how the entire village looks like at 9,10 pm.. the night is still young but the pple are all sound asleep.. they have to wake up at 4 to fish..

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money eating chips.. cool~ u shld see them read the papers.. lolx.. like some pro..

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toilet left to rot...

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ahem~ i can ride u know..

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the place is comfortable.. it felt like a visit to my grandparent's place.. sleep well, eat well and slack well. what more can i ask for?
love walking about the place under the sun amazed at stuff that the locals cant even be bothered about. things like the monkeys, rats, mudskippers, crabs, ongoing renovations, TOILETS, bicycles, rubbish etc... yes, even rubbish!

we were shocked, when the lady threw the entire POT of steamboat soup over the foyer latch onto the mud below, it doesnt matter coz the tide is coming in.. we stopped doing what we were doing at that point in time, until my cousin commented that the poor mudskipper living just below where the lady emptied the soup is pronounced dead.

and my lovely cuzzies.. the things they say... made my trip a memorable one. and i left that place with a different kind of mood than i expected.. woke up at 0630 this morning and sat outside the house with a cup of milo, enjoying the rain and wind, looking at the pple getting about their daily activities. no worries, no stress.

life really should be like that.

That's from Jo's photobook of our trip to Taipei. yup. that was exactly how we felt that night..

life should be like that.

i missed the trip. i missed OTOT R&R activities.. i missed chatting with friends about the insignificant and/or the important things in life..


was chatting with another temp staff and she was telling me about her not able to understand why her friend suffers from bruises on her left arm after joining archery.. i was thinking.. oh my god.. that sounds familiar lor.. and i missed shooting.. serious. camp is coming.. but before that i'll be back from kukup.. just one last day to a break from the 600 emails i face daily.

Wedding aftermath

First wedding invitation to a friend's wedding in my near-21 years of youth.
Congratulations to Candy and MF.. and many thanks for inviting..

The dinner was held at ACT 1, the ballroom i like the most in the whole of Mandarin.
It was a cheery but quiet affair. There wasn't much yum-senging and no yelling crying kids running about the place. Their friends were surprisingly well-mannered- for a wedding. No one had glasses after glasses of alcohol, maybe except my table. Suz was a drinker. serious. i lost count of the number of glasses of beer AND red wine she drank.

I love weddings.. this happy occasion where people get together with well-wishes for the couple who has already vow to stay together for good and for bad..

Had a little too much to drink.. went home on a high, only to find that my queen-sized bed has shrunk. reduced to this pathetic single bed. my room is roomier now, if that's what you want to hear. and under the effects of alcohol, my sleep wasn't disturbed lest some back ache and neck ache this morning. I've gotten used to sleeping on big bed for years.. now that i am reverting to a single bed, i wonder just how long it will take me to get used to the limited space again. Seems like we are always resistant to change, especially if everything has been fine and smooth all along..

and that little boy was so cute last night.. he came over to me before he left to give me a hug.. and they were saying he will grow up to be someone females must be wary of.. lolx.. maybe. but as of now, he's cute.

my dad came to fetch me last night.. and my mom asked if i want to drive.. i felt like, but you'll never know what will happen IF i did that.. i felt fine, but my reaction time was slow. so slow reflex on a wols person like me is exactly what a to-be-accident lacks..

Meeting up with the poly peeps tonight.. will definitely have a good time. to ensure my work and social life is balanced.

half the day to myself

spent half the day in the office and the rest of the day away from the com, endless phone calls, yelling irritating corporate clients, boss, and the organization.
not racing against time, but rather flowing with it.. haven had such luxury time since i started work.. and the fact that i'm contented with this short break makes me wonder if i am really pushing myself too hard..

for an 'ultimate slacker' like me, as quoted from jess; this amount of work is ideal to change my over-indulgence lifestyle.. and this change brings about vitamin M, which is exactly what everyone needs..

made some new friends at work, which makes me very happy.. being able to get along with people whom you face 6 days a week, 8 hours a day, is extremely important to my well-being.. coz i see them more often than i do my family.. and dont we all love the feeling of working together towards a common goal??

the same hate hate relationships we have with:
1) our boss, the almighty Lee
2) the other departments which are obsessed with the new art of Taichi
3) those bugger agents
4) the i-am-your-corporate-client-you-owe-me-a-living kinda pple
5) i-dunno-anything-can-your-department-help OTHER department pple
6) one of the 3 out of the 10 who is yet to be diagnosed to be suffering from mental illness according to statistics
7) the canteen auntie/ new cook/ new-and-old dishes

and before i forget,
8) the aircon which is forever PMS-ing.. even after a repair..

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and my manager FINALLY notices how much some other pet is slacking.. for the same amount of time, i am doing stuff 5 times faster, or more. and why is that so, coz i dont listen to mp3 while working, i dont go on endless smoking and toilet breaks, i dont turn up at work late and stretch my lunch hour.. i am sure every penny i earn is well deserved. i dont want others to label me like they do my other course mates.. so i am standing by my beliefs, doing what i know best.

and that's more than enough, for me.

I've sold my soul to the organisation, if you haven realize it.

I'm trying hard to clock in OTs so that i can clear my poly tuition fees by the end of this vacation. This means emptying my savings and not splurging on stuff this season. If i can repay whatever i owe by this year, i know that I'll have time-buffer for my uni tuition fees and the next couple of years will be smoother and easier.

Colleagues are starting to question why I'm working when i should be outside partying and having the time of my life. They say that office job and OTs are for people with no life, for boring people. yeap. i do agree. and i belong to that group. seriously, i cant take all the put-things-off-wait-till-tomorrow attitude when stuff concerns money. I cant seem to understand why people can buy on credit, then let the interests roll.. I am the old age Asian. I am uncomfortable with debts.


Overhead the DJ discussing on the family topic on the morning show.

When is the last time you had a meal with your family or relatives?

I'm glad my answer is at least weekly.. and i'm kinda surprised some pple never communicate with their parents or siblings. i mean, if you dont talk and trust your family totally, who should you turn to? i find it comfortable chatting with my mom at home over dinner, or when she is getting about the household chores. she knows what i'm doing outside and i know exactly how she feels about what i think or do. it's a 2-way thing. and i like this feeling if bonding.. and when there is trust and absolute faith, i get lots of freedom, and i really mean it.

the strength of a chain is at its weakest link and we work hard to increase the tenacity of each link.

Have half a day to myself tomorrow. will make the best of it.

Ashamed at my ignorance and quick-to-judge personality.

Have always thought that she is this havoc, crazy but independent mom who brings up her two sons single-handedly; assuming that she filed for divorce with her husband long ago. Over lunch today, i listened to her conversation in awed. Her husband is in Changi serving time and due out only in 2010. She feels that it's unfair for her kids not to have a Dad when they're at this critical age of 3 and 5 when your friends from school boast about 'papa and mama'.. she wonders what her kids will do when the teacher asks them to draw a family tree. She doesn't want them to grow up deprived of fatherly love. Quietly, i took in all these and the accounts of what happened back then.. Seriously, it didn't occur to me that those police police crime watch shows on TV can happen to someone so close to me. someone i know. someone whom i assume is taking life a little too easy. and that someone is only a couple of years my senior.

'I have to be strong. Life has to go on.' was what she said. Before i can digest all that info and brace myself up to say some encouraging words, she has already smiled and moved on.. Getting by the to-dos in work and life.. It's as good like that, what i wanted to say means nothing anyway. it's those weightless redundant stuff that pple say for the sake of saying..

Hidden behind this facade for all to see and unknowingly turning into what you weren't in the first place..

Find myself more matured when I'm working... school somehow brings me back to a youthful and rebellious stage when I am the center of my world. work life makes me see the big-ger picture..

Work life has been surprisingly smooth for me lest for some minor glitches and the fact that I'm working in the same place, doing the same things but under a different department that still liaise closely with the old department with a new management heading the team.. and my new boss isn't exactly what you call pleasant or friendly.. he got this temper that is worse than mine, serious biasness, unreasonable, childish and yes.. childish nature. very. no wonder i find his actions so familiar. he reminds me of a dozen sec school girls put together..

fatigue

Finally gotten into the rhythm of having deep sleep for ultimate rest and relaxation at night. I stumble into dreamland the moment my head hit the pillow and the only thing i look forward to each day is to snuggle into bed after a shower to recharge before the next day's to-dos..

Been suffering from the effects of the 3 main sources of discomfort- fatigue, exhaustion and tiredness. basically, they're the same thing so the effect is 3 times that of a single syndrome. and the fact that i face the com the entire day gives me dizzy spells with side-effects like blinking lights and colourful world so going home to face the com is a big NO-NO.

i'm so looking forward to the trip. Let's just hope we dont get stuck at the planning stage, which happens ever so often.

outliving them

I did better than expected for ops, acctg and econs; with unsolved problems, unbalanced financial statements and inaccurate graphs.. yet i aint feeling good.

Why is it so difficult to get an A?

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Saw the pics.. Smokers go away..

I dont understand why they always use 'social' or 'can control' as excuses when in fact they shld've NOT smoke since they can 'control' in the first place..

and i cant fathom why they consider puffing a cool act... When it's so ghoulish in the first place.. With those smoke around you and you looking like your soul is detached from your body and your mind in control by some other..

Goodness gracious.. Looks are deceiving.. and the fact that i know these pple makes it even harder for me to accept the fact that they are doing such stuff when in fact if i can live on without those thrills in life, they shld be able to too..

Seriously, if it's like what they say, life is too short to give a miss at stuff; then i guess i just have to accept the fact that i'm going to outlive them..

Dead tired

----------------------------

was reading this lame book on how to ruin my life.. and it mentioned:

Dont let gratitude even enter your mind. The world hasnt completely bowed down before your perfection yet, and it's very far from being a perfect place, so what's there to be grateful for? If you start feeling gratitude- even in some small way- that means you're weak. so forget it.

so if that phrase holds, then it means that i'm a weak person. or not.

No conversation agenda.

Love it.

Been so long since i last chat on the phone.

Suffering from insomnia- look like a walking zombie, and my speech cant seem to coordinate with my mind.. i'm not saying what i'm thinking.. and this is getting worse..

I'm starting work on Monday so i have to find a way to sleep at 10 and wake up at 8 instead of sleep at 6 and wake up at 3 by tomorrow..

Think the Kukup trip is off unless we managed to find more pple to join.. But at least I have Tioman to look forward to.. Please dont let it be a talk-only plan coz I need to recharge..

TGIF

I just realized why I was that lucky yesterday..

TGIF

I got my license! YEAH!!!

YIPEE!!!! I PASS!!!! After six months of learning, I'm now able to sit behind the steering wheel and go where i like whenever i want! yeap. provided the car is available, which is practically impossible.

Went back to TP today.. coz it's CCN day! walked around biz, engine and design.. The usual booths selling drinks, candy floss, fondue, ice-cream, popcorn, brownies, muffins, manicure services, henna, and what not.. As usual, biz is the most happening place to be. lots of shouting, promoting, all those rah-rah.. lolx.. the good old times. i feel as young or even younger than those pple there today..

spent sometime walking around Engine school but couldnt find the new Saffron.. asked a couple of pple and they dunno either..like duh~

couldnt get my bro too.. so didnt get to see the NEW restaurant.. Saw Royston.. Btw, QY what course is Royston studying in TP???

it's amazing.. the place is still pretty much like what i rmbr it to be.. the same old banners.. posters all over for some voting thingy for union and of course promo ads for CCN.. lively bunch of pple so this trip back makes uni education seem so much more dull in contrast..

Alright.. time to drive tonight.. ^.^v

Page one

I edited the template to fit what i feel.

It's exactly what i think it is.
Everything reduced to a one liner.
Almost everything- since most of the important things in life is inexpressible anyway.

CAPS and exclamation marks becoming the tangibalisation tool!!!!! and paragraphs without full stops simply mean i'm too furious to even pause for a breather so i go on and on and rant and rave so as to deflate this inflated balloon of bad pent up emotions..

seriously, everything loses its impact when it is reduced to a one liner. but who cares?

Right now i need to feel good about myself so that i can perform tomorrow.
Cheers, to a better tomorrow and the best of luck to me.

GOOD LUCK!

brick boys

The brickboy series.. seriously, when does poly education includes such fun stuff? My fav is the Jay with fans brickboy, the lion king brickboy, superman brickboy, harry potter brickboy, long mao brickboy, and most of all, the garfield and pokey brickboys.. coz it's my sis's work!

Haven seen Viy and Cerrie in months.. yup.. my slacking khakis.. The Jups days and photo-taking in places with the best lightings.. wonder how they're doing.. Celi shld still be studying at SIM. V shld be still in the hospi industry, maybe as coordinator, or maybe she has a change of job.. i cant even rmbr how i got to know them.. izzit through F&B science where we sat at the last row with the locked room behind us? hmm..

then there's 11-of-us.. well, take away Nixon and add esther.. the ones i've been in contact with are PL, aining, Jo and Eve. haven met the rest in ages.. Hui should be with the love of her life- French, and maybe planning a trip to France in the near future.. HW maybe working temp at some F&B outlet for the holidays, Esther still at the hotel working OT everyday, Lisa applying and preparing for overseas study maybe, Tina surrounded by kids everyday, steph flying 100 miles away from home as the iconic SIA stewardess..

i missed the days in lec where Eve and Tina display their power of infectious laughter, bringing joy to yet another mundane day in school.. i missed going to the canteen and having to look for 3 tables coz there's simply too many of us to fit into one. i missed the wednesday visits to ITAS, the weekly exercise session during the last sem, the Mac snacks before heading home, KTV, Tina's sweets-pouch-passing-session in lecs, meetings at mushroom or biz entrance, the 72 ride and endless gossip about the same topic..

yeap. missed all that. even BIZ etiquette with formal wear.

The usual weekend get-together.. love it.

fell asleep resting on my grandpa's shoulder on the long ride home.. and it feels just like ytd.. the times when we take turns to sit on his lap and listen to stories.. or ask for a piggy back.. or bugging him to take us to the playground when all the other adults refused to. asking for sweets and ice-cream, begging him to take us to the arcade.. him bringing us out for great food and great fun.. especially the fake 20 cents rides with us singing our own songs.. i woke up when he reached my uncle's place and alighted. how he aged. his white hair, weak legs and failing eye sight.

i dunno if it's me. i wonder if it's because i only see him once in awhile that every time i see him he seems older, a lot more than the last time i saw him.

i guess i had always thought of them in the age range of 50+ instead of 70+.. in social work terms, they'd have been considered as the old-old. it never occurred to me that they're already in their 70s.. with their cheerful nature and loud voices that can be heard a corridor away.. and i hope the national statistics are wrong. i hope that the average age of males is NOT 75 and females 80. i hope not. coz it feels like there is not enough time for me to do whatever needs to be done.

Just for laughs =]

－CONTINUE...



and for those who'd been through or is going through tertiary education, you'll love this:



-lolx.. y cant they just leave the comments section blank if they have nth much to say? goodness.. i can imagine a balding lecturer in the LT showing that at the end of the semester @ the revision lec.. haha.. ENJOY

关心

那天写了篇和关心有关的entry。不久后就遇到和那天说的‘站在客观的角度’ 可能就是唯一能够真正关心他人的立场。这不是第一次。从前也有发生过类似的事。等到别人对你说出自己不曾知道或者自己根本不想承认的事时，静下心来好好思考到底应不应该相信他。也许那危言耸听会导致一份友谊的变质，但也许那能够让彼此更加珍惜和了解对方。所以我们是不是只该相信自己的眼睛，把所谓的谣言当屁？或者说我们应该听从旁观者的意见以及想法，好让我们以更客观的立场判断和决定接下来的行动？

还是我应该说只要听见的是‘好’ 事，那我就听。‘坏’ 事呢，我就当耳边疯？尤其主角如果是自己的好朋友，更难作出抉择－听：不相信朋友。不听：也许不能够在第一时间做出原本应该采取的举动，例如帮朋友解决问题。

就现在的我而言，我还是选择相信朋友。不是其他人的话不可靠。但我认为朋友毕竟是不会刻意隐瞒事情的真相，反而会选在最适当的时机让你知道。如真有意隐瞒，那也只是有更合理的解释。Maybe 因为距离和感情越好，越不能够开口。也许是想要避免不必要的冲突，让伤害减到最低。Or maybe 想把唯一能够支持自己的力量留到最后，当一切似乎忍无可忍，身体和心灵接近崩溃边缘时有个人能依靠。那个人，就是朋友。

是个很微妙的关系。一个能在全世界都遗忘你的时候，记住你的脸。一个能在所有人都抛弃你的时候伸出援手扶你一把。一个能在你开心时分享你的喜悦，伤心时分担你的忧愁的人。

友情，亲情，爱情：缺一不可。


而我仍然选择相信那位朋友有自己的苦衷和想法。
是的，对朋友而言，解释－－是多余的。

~walking in circles...

With the recent happenings, i wonder if level-loading is a thing of the past.
I'm glad it's the holidays.. yet i loathe this feeling of overindulgence in the seven deadly sins, especially sloth. as if it extends into infinity.

3 months later, will i be back at where i was? will it seem as if the 'reset' button was pressed and everything back at one? again?

Time flies. It's been 8 long years since the day she left. On Mothers' Day. Mothers' Day has always been one of my love-hate-occasions. Till now, i can still remember what happened that day, saying goodbye then leaving for my maternal grandparent's house for Mothers' Day celebration. Seeing mom's face after receiving the call, leaving in the middle of steamboat, sitting at the back of that red car on the left, looking out without a thought, seeing cars whizzed by and the lamp posts going past in a blur.. reaching the place. tears flow the minute my bag touches the floor. without even looking at her room.

sometimes i hope my memories can fail me.. but they seldom do.. i thought that after so long, stuff will sort of disappear and fade into nothingness. then it just take one spark to set the fire burning.. 8 years. has it really been so long? so long since i last celebrated Mothers' Day in tears?

yeap. move on. stop harping on stuff that i cant change.. i know.

then again, looking back is a way to determine how much we've moved on. isnt it so?

New chapter

yeap. new chapter. finally got down to changing a new blogskin. the old one was supposed to be a temporary solution but i turned out to be the most lasting one.. anyway, wanted to get a kiddish skin but couldnt find one that i like so ya.. found this.. if u have no idea, i'll intro myself again. i'm a 15-yr old kid studying in some high school off the main street in one of the more ulu parts of S'pore. to tell the truth, 15 is really damn old for that cute and childish blogskin but then again, i'm young AND young-er at heart.. so it doesnt seem to matter..

say cheers, for a better tomorrow.

hapi bdae cat

Happy meow meow birthday to cat! the oldest-youngest of us all.. hee



I'm glad we stayed up all night for a nice chat.
I'm glad i didnt succumb to the sleepy bug temptation.

The meet-old-pals-and-pals-of-old-pals gathering was great! Been so long since i last filled balloons with carbon dioxide.. lolx..


- cat getting married.. lolx.. ~

- the Swarovski necklace we bought and her mom put it on for her~


it's a first. really. to think that we know each other for years.. now we know stuff that we thought we knew. seriously, it's good to have more of such chit-chat sessions. or rather, connection sessions.. it's good to hear the truth from the person instead of a third-party. and i sincerely apologise should my actions or reactions made any of u gals unhappy.. and we hope u can take good care of yourself..

Feels like i'm going to one of the sleepover parties in high school, those late night girls talk.. goodness.. the good old days.. and i'm reliving the experience tonight (hopefully).

Not being in the same school makes it difficult to meet up with buddies.. pals u've known for years that u cant even remember how long exactly. is it 10? or 15?

fond memories.. being with them seems more like being with myself. connecting with a older me.. someone from the past.. no worries about having to think before i speak.. they've seen all you in all behaviour, maybe know you more than you do yourself that nothing matters actually.. they'll understand no matter what.. hee..

i missed chatting late at night about the insignificant stuffs as if they make a difference. i want to cook up sth in the middle of the night or grabbing a spoon and a tub of ice-cream sitting in front of the tv watching VCDs or reruns of yet another mediacorp shows..

so i'll definitely have a helluva good time tonight.. meeting old pals and pals of old pals.. feels great. that's one of the benefits of attending those sing-song-cut-cake-sessions..

ONE last paper. Tomorrow's paper marks the end of my semester year. then it's on to 3 months of holiday!

okay. and the first thing i need to do is to work. i seriously need a job.

This is a poison soup to kill all the bad witches, she said. How can you tell the difference? I asked. O, good witches are very polite & say no thank you. Bad witches just die.

---------------------------

found that in my email inbox. what a great way to end the week. seriously, i don't know what i'm doing.

I'm down to only ONE paper, and have totally no urge to study for it. not that i put in a lot of effort for the rest, but at least i tried burning midnight oil for macro and intl econs.. but ended up leaving blanks for 2 parts and guessing 25% of the MCQs.. seems like i cant do anything right this season.

Acctg is not any better. it's the 1st time i'm not able to balance ANYTHING.. and when are Libras bad at balancing?

what a good morale booster.. then legal wasnt much better. i wrote so much but realised i didnt really answer the question.. yeah. talk about good time management. Ops wasnt too bad until i reached the last question. it's a theory based question so it's sort of a giveaway. and guess what, i chose to SKIP that chapter.. yeap. so i wrote a one-liner for a 15-mark qn.. How optimistic..

i should be feeling exasperated.. but i ended up doing what i can and within the 2 hours in the exam venue, i sat there enjoying the peace and quiet. i like the fact that everyone is brought to the same place, trying their best and working seriously towards a common goal. i like the fact that you're at this place with about a thousand people, yet it's so quiet you can hear your own thoughts. it's amazingly peaceful in there, feeling at ease with yourself.. and i like sitting in the middle of nowhere surrounded by rows and rows of tables and chairs arranged neatly and everyone bowed in silence, as if what is happening is a solemn and serious affair. and it's a miracle an examination can do what i thought only religons can..

think i'm just 贱。u know i've mentioned it a million times i loathe that place. BUT i went back. yes. it's like committing a crime, even for a day. i know they're desperate for pple. i know they cant get the other 2 girls to help coz one's overseas and the other wont take time off from study week to commit one day for that pathetic pay doing stupid tasks. seriously, i wonder if i agreed on the basis that i have an excuse to stay away from my books for a day.. coz i really did.

what makes me really happy is that i went back to my favourite department. the aunties are still as cheerful (despite the workload), and they didnt forget me. i saw the 2006 calender on top of the work desk with the month of June on display, and smiled.

the kind of warmth that spreads through your entire body in that icy cold place sets me thinking.. i guess the only thing that is positive in that entire organisation is that small department that's being stashed in a corner of the basement, undervalued and unappreciated. and the joke is, that's the department that's generating revenue for the organisation. like the blood in the valves, that's where the money flows- and that's where pple overlooked..

and as usual, i left that place on a high. how can i not when i can see, hear and feel that they're genuinely concern, with their well-wishes for my coming exams and uni education, with their smiles and offer to go back to help out during my vacation (provided the management approves).. the 10 mins with them made my day, and the 6 hours i spent above ground is such torture and horror. some acquaintance commented that there's no element of surprise in seeing me as i return once in a couple of months.. and another say 'oh, you're here'.. seriously, i dont see why they can stay in the service industry for so long when deep down they dont have what it takes..

and that i think is the main reason why people think their only rated 3.5 when they boast that they're 5. there's a difference between being good and THINKING you're good. and yeap. they belong to the latter. they have no grounds for that claim.. and let's just say i'm evil. i'm kinda happy seeing pple with senior positions quarreling in front of the junior staff. 1stly, they dont deserve any respect after such an 'entertaining performance' and 2ndly, their 'professionalism' shocked me. really. i have doubts about their ability to lead a workforce with a strength of say 50?.. they're STILL hiring pple. yeap. endless hiring.. someone need to REALISE that there's something wrong with the management with such INCREDIBLE turnover rates..

and with the new batch of foreign workers, drawing the same salary for the same position, i bet things are looking better for them. That is, if those new staff dont complain to union about the horrendous job scope. 12 hours of work, 6-day work week, same pay. i get a headache just thinking about it. i tried that for a month, and felt like banging my head against the wall.. they're incredible. serious. and i hope someone complains.

there's a million things to improve on. once, i thought that with the new management team, the organisation will gradually be a better place to work in.. but it seems like i was wrong. they took away a great many benefits, and implemented stringent rules for INMATERIAL claims. and didnt they learn in accounting that for inmaterial stuff, it shouldnt even be in the balance sheet?

every trip back there makes me more grateful for the fact that i'm given a chance to study.. being in a place where stuff dont corrode your entire well-being. school makes me feel good about myself, yes. even exams.

and returning to the dumps always serve as a reminder to give thanks for what i have now. to further appreciate how green the grass is at MY side. great. a lesson learnt. FOC.

他人总是察身而过。。 我也同样是察身而过。。
其他人是透明的吗？或者说。。。我是透明？

来来往往的人潮，把行人道挤得水泄不通。
我发现吵杂声渐渐消失了。
当全世界似乎回荡在一片宁静中，我的思绪在呐喊。

－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－

拍照：
快门按下的那一刻，每个人脸上都堆着笑，
不管是不是真心，至少看起来是快乐的。

也许我们只想留住一切美丽的回忆，让多年后回首过去时，记起的是些快乐的东西。
不开心的，就遗忘在那多年前的现在。毕竟悲伤的过往，谁也没有兴趣知道。

－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－

身边的人，用无法挽留的速度经过，在都市里。
我以为在这么多人的地方，更容易找到交谈的对象才发现不是这么一回事。
或许是相遇随手可得所以不再珍惜。
或许是可以接触的人多所以分散了关心。

可笑的是，‘关心’两个字，似乎是要把心封闭起来才有可能实现的。
这代表着当我们要真正关心一个人时，一定得站在客观的立场吗？

我们爱上了一个不期而遇的人，
也许是因为他唤起了我们的一些回忆。
他的出现，让我们想起当年的人，
当年的时光和那段时光中的自己。
在不可能重复的岁月里，有一些感觉却重来了。

Like the last sentence.. 在不可能重复的岁月里，有一些感觉却重来了...

In the shadows by The Rasmus.. some old song.. =)

想要：

想要：

找到一个通往出口的方向，
指引我到更明亮的前方。

寻找一个没有沉重心情的地方，
让心能无时无刻荡漾。

追寻一些无法到达的梦想，
把遗憾通通释放。

到达一个靠近天堂的地方，
这样我才能把烦恼抛光。

进到一个被称为梦境的地方，
自己才能不用逞强/坚强。

站上舞台的中央，
这样脱下面具也可以算正常。

走在一条没有退路的街上，
才能逼自己不再回头看。

体会拥有欢笑的泪光，
使自己发现代替难过/悲伤 的解放。

拥有一个幸福的池塘，
让我可以随时洗去悲伤。

拿到一个可以让时间冻结的机关，
把世界停留在那美丽的时光。

－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－

finally downloaded the chinese input program.. so more chinese posts coming up..
i love being a chinese. the language is amazing.. and inspirations always come when u least expect it. that stuff above was what i came up with on one of the nights when i'm suffering from insomia.. just like that 'a little chotto' crap i posted way back... lolx..

[我得了一种无法于人相处的病。] 她说

[一种想要孤独的病。
一种热闹就浑身不自在的病。
一种讨厌人类肤浅相处的病。]

{也可以说是一种很在意于人相处的病。} 我说。

但她不承认。

－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－

在整理过去之中，我突然看见某样曾经非常珍惜的东西。
在整理完之后，我仍然把它放在已经不会在意的角落。
因为我只能一追求新的东西好让自己更懂事。
一面把旧的东西塞在角落里，好腾出个空位摆放新的事情。

－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－

会说话的人， 真理总是站在他那一边。
会装饰的人，目光总是放在他那一边。
由于不清楚自己真正要的是什么，
所以大部分的人总是跟着人多的那一边。

－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－

每个人要成长，但‘成长’ 的内容， 真的成长了吗？

从一开始，原点和终点都在这里，只是你没发觉。

有时候，我弄不清楚，人是为了梦想中的生活而努力工作，还是为了工作而放弃梦想。

Ede's birthday! and i'm the 9th guest.. so i rcvd that rubber index with '9', wrote some birthday greetings on a green butterfly.. =) and i met a soci tut mate.. we were like going 'ei... why are u here'.. seriously, i think that question is redundant as the answer is pretty obvious.. lolx.. s'pore really is small.. one sing-song-cut-cake session after another.. angeleigh was there too.. that girl whom they say looks like me. or rather, i look like her.. so, i really have a common face.. let's just see who i look like next..

was flipping thru the pics we took in poly.. gone were the days.. lolx.. and ede has so many friends.. the turnout makes me feel a tad ashame.. she estimated about 90 pple there.. and dun forget those who cant make it.. so there i was, at a party of 90, feeling rather glad that my number-of-friends-scale is way down coz i dun like socializing.. then again, maybe the scale is low BECAUSE i dun like socializing..

so who's next? jo?

I'm not out of my mind. I'm just trying to make life a little more challenging.. In order to make my study week a little less troublesome, i introduced a forced source of motivation.. The lecturer asked if we want another quiz tomorrow and yup. i said aye. lol.. i don't regret it but was rather reluctant in reading the notes.. and the fact that i fell asleep reading the text in the library proved that i really have no interest in the subject. so that'll leave Lan to solve the problems and obtain a solution tomorrow.

am in a whining mood recently.. was feeling grumpy the other day and was telling my cuzzies that some coursemates actually emailed the lecturer coz they're not happy with pple 'cheating' during the quiz.. things like referring to notes or chatting with other groups. for goodness sake, it's a group quiz. we're entitled to chat.. so are they unhappy coz the groups made a lot of noise by discussing the qns or did some groups who refer to cheat sheets violate their principles? seriously, i thought we're all matured enough to mind our own business.. if some pple are alright with doing certain things, then that just goes to show the level of their integrity.. there is no need for a handful of pple to blow up such a matter.. their actions make me feel as if i'm in Primary school with those tale-telling.. seriously.

alright.. i should stop whining and filling my entries with crap.. it's been so long since i have a decent post.. time for a change yeah..

my Pri sch's friend's grandma passed away a couple of days ago, a day before her 21st bdae to be exact. i went to the wake just now.. and as usual, i was reminded of my grandpa's funeral.

My friend greeted me with smiles, as usual.. i think there's this strange phenomenon that only surface during times like this.. we tend to act nonchalant.. or maybe we really were at that point in time, seeing familiar faces- source of comfort..

my friend of 15 years is great. seriously, i've thought about it time and again.. she was the popular girl in sch, the pretty, outgoing, sporty and smart one. so i really have no idea how we clicked then.. she's the one who stood up against this bully, the one who helped me ever so often.. we're always competing.. i think it's more of friendly matches for improvement.. fighting to be the first to hand in our chinese workbook so that it'll be the last book the teacher marks and that we'll be the first one to get back our books for the next lesson.. small stuff like that.. i still remember the long conversations before bedtime, and the Jurassic Park joke.. which coincidently is the cause of my longest laughter.. to tell the truth, i'm a tad jealous of her when we were young. it's like seeing someone with the best of all worlds.. everythng i've ever wanted- then i mean.. now i'm contented..

her bdae gift would have to come much later.. i think about 49 days or 100 days after.. this year she'll receive a super duper belated bdae gift from me..

but a gift full of well-wishes nontheless..

rest in peace.

I always thought that giving others freedom to do what they like is like empowerment. That way they'll grow the way they want, and become what they want to be. Then again, what happens to those who were given the chance yet made/ will make the wrong choice(s)? What if they're not meant to be given free reign of their life, what if it's not so much of a wise choice to tie them too tightly or give up on them? what if they are unable to withstand the consequences? then how would hey move on from that pitfall?

My cousin had an operation in NUH ytd. to remove his toe as a result of negligence due to diabetes. You know, i know too many people with that yucky liability that i find carbonated drinks yucky. i mean, not all carbonated gassy stuff. i still take some on occasions but i stay away from them most of the time, replacing that with tea.

my cousin is only 3 years older than me. he got that since primary 5 when the docs said he has had too much soft drinks and candies... imagine having to amputate one of your toes at the age of 24 because it's beyond hope. and tomorrow is his bdae.. what an unforgettable birthday gift to yourself.. i didnt get to see him. my mom did. so she told me that in order to let the flesh heal to a rounded stump, there's no stitches. so what's left between the other 4 toes is an empty space that's oozing blood..

my grandpa has diabetes too. but it's under control.. it pains me seeing him inject that into his body after meals.. he's a big strong guy but he told me that sometimes the pain is too much to bear. and he jokingly said that there's no space in his stomach that hasnt been pierced by the needle. For a man who lives to eat, this deficiency is evil. He still secretely takes his favourite pig trotters or durians once in awhile but has always been caught by my grandma. coz he'll fall ill soon after indulgence.. and his cough takes forever to recover.. it's like not able to wipe ur mouth clean no matter how hard you try after you sneak a snack. and it's liability for a lifetime.

i've learnt, at a tender age, that every choice i make has an impact in my life. in the quality of life. it doesnt take too much sickness to realise you have to love yourself, more than any other. i dont like smokers, coz i see the difficulty and struggles my paternal grandparents went through before they passed away. i see how a reflex like breathing becomes wheezing and panting just because when others have 2 lungs, you might be depending only on one. and you cant walk fast, cant exert strength, can even climb stairs. so all along, i've been striving towards a goal that can only be realised at the age of retirement. ageing graefully.. and before i achieve that, i need to lay the foundations in which to build my other goals on..

that's why i dont ever want anyone to fall into the same vicious cycle. you can learn to be responsible for your future happiness. you are given a choice. choose wisely. sometimes you reach dead end.. but make sure you turn back in time. do not embark on a road with no return..

yeap. Peiling's bdae today.. the munchies roly poly girl.. anyway, the theme she set for the party is rainbow. so everybody gotta show up in colours.. AND the bdae girl wore black! =( so we were saying that her idea of a rainbow theme is such that we all wear colours so as to make her black outstanding.. lol.. anyway, meting up with old friends sure is a joy.. then again, we're all in the same school.. most of us anyway.. but you know the feeling of meeting up in and gab non stop, updating about our life (yes, i know.. it's the usual sch stuff..), gossiping, laughing and having fun.. yup.. i think u know..

You have no idea how glad i am with most of the workload off my back. but good news never last long.. the lecturer announced yet another quiz next week. Reading The Goal makes me think quite a fair bit of mine as well.. The goal is to make money so everything that works towards the goal is productive while those that don't are not.. so using that as an analogy, if my goal is happiness, what should i do or work towards in order to reach it?

don't blindly follow the common practice (making more money = happiness) just because it seems logical (more money = more purchasing power = ability to do what you want)... what we need to work on is simple to find the constraints to our goal (like tons and piles of work), exploit them (work so damn hard to clear all of them?? burn midnight oil?), then subordinate everything else to the decisions made (plan life around clearing work pile). elevate the system's constraints (like find alternatives to solve the prob?).. and you know, repeat the process over and over again while not letting more constraints get into the way..that way, we keep the operating expenses to a minimal (less procrastination, better anger management, less frustrations and stress etc..) which ultimately (albeit slowly) lead us to the goal.. but then again, having less operating expense might mean being less efficient. but the end result is that we're inching forward instead of marching at square 1. and that's all that matters, in the end.

oh great. by tomorrow i can take this post-it off my bed's headboard. and I've been waiting for a month to do it. yup. my handwriting's crap but i quite like the feeling of coming up with to-do lists and then checking it one by one once I'm done with. for busy weeks, i have another detailed check list. and imagine striking them out before i go to bed, feeling as if I've accomplished a lot. lolx.. deception and illusion..

seriously, i need to do something to my temperament.

i'm starting to wonder if stopping myself from cursing and swearing is the RIGHT thing to do or should i just cut myself some (more) slack..

anyway, haven you heard about it?
Aggression is better than repression..

and if that's not enough, see this one:
it's better to be pissed off than pissed on..

and to hell with the horrible crappy weather. when is the monsoon season EVER going to come? before i die of frustration and dehydration?

cream of the crop

It seems like nothing can boost my enthusiasm level recently. rather bogged down by school stuff lately.. so much so that my social life seems to be in a mess and limited to those sing-song-cut-cake-sessions..

it's irritating when my mind is only filled with sch stuff.. and it reflects badly on how i should advance and improve. life is not just about Math and deadlines..

and i find myself dozing off right after dinner while doing my tutorial.. and that isnt so bad if i dont fall asleep while watching tv too.. and as the frequency of the art of resting increases, the more i question myself. why am i so tired when i dont participate in school activities, no CCA, not even part time work, not helping out doing household chores, not even revising my work or attempting to complete other assignments.. so WHAT the hell am i entitled to fatigue?

Met a poly friend online just now.. she's going to work hard for 5 years so that she can complete her masters and be a full fledge architect.. u know how i envy pple with aspirations.. so i ask myself again: am i going to complete my sch in 2 years so i can graduate and look for a job, keep my original plan of just having a degree for the sake of having one.. or maybe i should stick around some more so that i have extra time to really think through what i want to do and IF possible, do my honours, find something i am passionate about and write a thesis on it, convince others what i believe in and show them what i am capable of.. that is, PROVIDED i am capable enough. in there, everyone is the cream of the crop.

that's what my sec school teachers used to tell the class. u are the cream of the crop. so i used to think that i have to meet expectations to avoid disappointments.. so as to have great dreams and scale greater heights..

but recently i have been thinking...









maybe i am not there as the cream of the crop.
maybe i'm the farmer.

they THOUGHT i took part in the Nationals..

didnt i remind them not to assume? for the millionth time?

so they ASSUME i can drink. didnt i emphasize i am allergic?

i admitted to trying to act busy when someone asked.. there's just so much to do when topics run dry and others are just not comfortable with silence.. for the last time, i have to confess to being much of a person who can spaced out anywhere, anytime. stoning specialist.

as usual, the gathering marks yet another day of the sing-song-cut-cake session..

so enough of rest and relaxation.

back to serious business..

I've been facing this damn laptop for an entire day yesterday and finally managed to get it done today. i only have myself to blame for putting things off till the last minute. yup. procrastinate.

i'm finally done faking my way through (again) about a topic i'm interested in. goodness.. the info i had was originally 26 pages and my page limit is 10. imagine the whole lot of stuff i got to go through. i dont feel a sense of achievement this time round. i guess i'll feel better after completing my stats, ops, econs and fna tutorial plus prepare for my legal presentation on monday and a class quiz for econs on wed.. that, will take up almost all of my waking hours.. and i promised Leya to help tomorrow and i have classes with my cousins at night.. gosh~ blame it on my impulsive nature. i thought i can strive to be a superwoman. lolx..

14 March is White Valentine... it's for females to reciprocate their love/like for the guy(s) who showed their affection on 14 Feb.

so on this day, there's nothing for me to do. As usual, it's just a day like any other.

and the fact that i've been single for so long makes me wonder if i'll stay that way for the rest of my life. Haa..

then again, that doesnt sound like a bad idea.. my aunt is an excellent example.
her house has a amazing array of small miniature fragile displays.. potpourri in almost every room. a home theater system, massage chair, queen-sized bed (not that i dont have), coffee maker, plus a new member of the family- a puppy.. guess life doesnt get any nicer that having total ownership..

In a lighthearted mood today. My presentation was a breeze, coz i didnt care to practice last night. Preparations make me more nervous.. and the fact that my groupmates are so nonchalant as to leave the entire question to me to do and didnt even bother to check makes me wonder if i should be glad that they trust me or that they cant be bothered.. and i was assigned the question coz the rest didnt know how to do it. to top it off, my very responsible grpleader volunteered to compile the report AND be the clicker coz he admitted that he barely knows the chapter, let alone solve the questions. for the last time, i feel like telling him- read the textbook.

Anyway, my group did okay. the tutor gave a somewhat positive reaction before distributing the mid-sem results. i did fair. barely met the average score.

I'm done with Econs. Next up legal, stats assignment & proj and OM by this week. by the end of next week, i can cut myself some slack before going steam-rolling ahead. I have friends telling me the exams are round the corner. yeah right. like 50 days away kind of thing. are they crazy or do they not have better things to do?

My brain cells are dying at an incredible rate.. i have 17 journals/articles to read, select and analyse for my term paper by the end of this week. and all i did was to set aside 5 as backup. yeah. as if that's progress..

This week is hell week for me. so i have to get legal and OM term paper over and done with before i attend some bdae celebration on sat night AND maybe help Leya if i have the time on Sunday.. that i think is out of the question, unless i have super powers..

Now that it's nearing the end of the semester, i'm seriously considering signing up for the special semester so that i can get my bachelors at the end of 2 years instead of 3.. BUT, i dont want to work.. so, opportunity cost. take my pick.

Ching's day/ friendship

Dont think i have the luxury of blogging tomorrow so
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHING!
hope you like the prezzie and enjoyed the outing as much as i did though the power was cut off at kbox for close to an hour.. anything to do with kbox, i'm the suay one.. trust me.. =)

and i sincerely wish that you'll enjoy Monday at work (have a great time with DHL and the advert firm!) and with your family (enjoy ya dinner!).. forget about those frustrating problems/issues for an entire day k.. and stay pretty and happy (i know you will)..

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i went about my daily business thinking about what Eve told me in poly.
back then, she shared with me her views on friendships..
when i get upset thinking why some friendships turn out the way they did, she was the one who told me that as our personalities differ, different friends are just meant to be with you on different occasions.. so there's nothing to be upset or frustrated about..

i'm sure you can name some people whom you spent many a great time with.. and some friends are always there for you during a bad patch- work, family and relationship problems and so on.. some are great company- for movies, some solely for shopping, some for outdoor stuff, some for leisure activities.. you're in luck if you can find someone to share ALL your ups and downs with. but mostly, we settle for the best among the worst.. and let's just pray what you have more friends beside you during a rough patch than happy times..

All of us can live without friends. but who will want to do so if given an alternative?

so let's not be upset when things dont turn out the way we want them to. it is only human nature that you stick with those whom you can connect/ get along well with. and i bet H will never be on my list- good times or bad..

so many thanks to the rest who can. =)

TGIF.

Had a nightmare last night. if i can compile all my nightmares, i'll have an awesome horror show..
and you should look at my dark circles.. i look like a walking zombie..

anyway, i cut my hair. i wasnt aware that it's so horribly long.. it reaches my waist.. imagine the weight i'm carrying ard daily for the past few months. gosh~ no wonder i seem to be suffering from hair loss.. now, this is the shortest hair i spot in like 9 years.. been keeping long hair since sec 1.. and almost wanted a bob cut.. luckily i didnt. still trying to get use to shoulder length hair.. it's the most unbearable length where u know you'll have bad hair day everyday coz your hair dont fall in place and u need lots of pins just to tie a ponytail. but i kinda like the change. it's terrible having long hair in this humid weather.. and i say that becoz i no longer have it.. lolx..

give me 6 months.. my hair'll grow back by then.. provided i dont change my mind soon..

gosh~ wackier by the day..

met some old grpmate.. and he made my day.. yup. with his weird chinese pronounciation.. was feeling grouchy the whole day in school.. the lecturer wasted 2 hours of my sleep by informing us last minute via email that the lec is cancelled. i mean, i dont check my mail b4 i leave the house everyday and by the time i received sms from my friend, i'm already on the way... and it doesnt really make sense travelling back home.. so i ended up having an exceptionally early and long lunch with my uni khaki.. slack while she entertained me with the going-ons with her bf.. i have no idea how he looks like so it's kinda crazy listening to endless funny stories with this character with detailed profile.. like an imaginery personnel in some online game.. lolx..

so i slept through legal lecture (it's nothing new)... and slack thru legal tut pretending i did my homework (yup. 1 paragraph).. and dozed off during stats tut behaving as if i have had an extremely long day.. my friends turned to me and asked if i'm done sleeping coz i slept through the entire day's lessons.. well. to be frank, i haven.

aint sleeping well recently.. and that has a direct impact on my attention span and concentration.. plus it affects my attitude.. so everything else have to wait while i adjust.. i cant function in this listless state.. let alone perform..

..

i finally know the reason for my horrible temper.. i'm a tiger born in the lunar bing yu year.. that means my element is FIRE.. now with that, everything seems to make sense.. fiery, fury and frustration ARE second nature.. lolx..

So it's down to ONE tutorial, ONE mid-sem and 2 proj meetings for next week plus 2 more presentations the week after.. i'll just take things one week at a time.. gone were the days where living day to day is the norm. now i consider that a luxury though theoretically i'm still living life that way..

all i read in the papers the past week were articles on organ donation, Hota and what not. i dont mean (but want to) discriminate some pple.. but their thinking is irksome.. maybe mine is as bad to them but who cares.. some silly person (read: idiot) said that she opted out coz she didnt know how the system works then but after that harvest-liver-wait-then-cannot-liao incident, she got an idea so she's opting out.. BUT she claims that she has nothing against the scheme so she'll definitely opt in AGAIN sometime later. these kuku pple.. wonder how many of these pple are out there.. i can find no other reason they do this (opt out then in) except they have too much free time and want to waste administrative resources.. cant they even have a stand? you have one life. live it. you can be indecisive for ALL the small stuff in life. things like what to eat for dinner, where to go, which movie to watch, what transport to take, which mall to shop, what clothes to buy.. BUT cant they even decide on a simple thing like what they want to do should the journey ends in an accident or when the body if functioning but the brain is dead? i totally understand that some pple opt out due to other beliefs that are stronger, things like they believe (coz they religion convinced them) that you should not touch the eye or donate your cornea when you're dead coz your eyes are suppose to be the light in the other side, when u continue your journey to the nether world. i can accept this kinda reasons for opting out.. and Muslims by default are out. they can opt in though.. these, but not some bizarre excuses.. maybe they can take time to IMAGINE how it's like to be able to save 3-4 more lives (if possible) when u legally disappear from the face of the earth, and how your family will feel when they know that though you're no longer with them, a part of you still lives.. and think about the pple on the receiving end.. how great it is to be able to touch a life, with the last thing you do a good deed.. gain some good karma before you move on.. and it's a privilege given to a handful.. ... ... oh.. i take pleasure knowing that those pple who opt out of the scheme will be the LAST on the waiting list should they EVER need a transplant. meaning, an eye for an eye. (read: haha. you're NEVER going to have a transplant so u can jolly well wait, count down to THE date and make whatever preparations needed after you're gone).

say aye. love the way this scheme works.. especially the sorry-you-didn't-want-this-benefit-in-the-first-place-so-now-that-you-need-it-i'm-sorry-but-too-bad-it's-never-to-be-given-to-you-again deal.lolx.. crazy childish thoughts on a saturday night. lolx..

i know i die die wont be able to complete my legal assignment before i sleep coz the room is now turning, turning, turning.. and i cant focus when my body aint in balance.. my day started off great. i got motivated enough to spend 5 hours on an assignment, which means i'm going to check that task off my to-do list by tonight, AND i have one less section to study for the exams..

my goal for the whole of Friday will be to go for my lessons in the morning, followed by clearing AT LEAST 4 tutorials before i sleep so as to start revising for mid-sem next week.. i'm determined to minimise March nightmares...

good. if i keep reminding myself how awesome it is to be organised and in charge of the situation, eventually i'll convince myself that time is on my side..