Dear JC will be forgoing a once in 2 years gathering just so that she can go out with you-know-who.

SIGHZ.. as usual. so the very apathetic PJ told her to join his friends instead. Since her mind will always be with him. Must as well let her be. and frankly speaking, i think i will have a better time in the absence of strangers whom i can't communicate with.. watever~ save me from reliving the HP/CJ scenes again.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Christmas is barely over and i find myself fretting over INsignificant stuff like a thousand bucks in time for the new semester. Like maybe CNY can come just a little sooner in the coming year. and maybe i can make a trip down to cash converters and see just how much $$ i can get out of junk.. all the hard work, for an experience. It better be worth it.

Never mind the money. I'll find a way somehow. Maybe send in a resume for the part-time position of a security guard at one of the condos near my place. Since my sleeping patterns are kinda hay-wired recently. Might as well make the most out of it. wahaha.. or maybe deliver the morning papers. Good option since i can exercise at the same time.. or maybe mid-night factory worker for the new year hampers. Heard they give out bonuses. LOLX.

All these useless thoughts by a person desperately in need of yusof ishaks. amazed by the human brain.

Count my blessings. Compared to the semester break last December, i have had a great number of things to be happy about.
1) the HK trip
2) exams ended early- extended holiday
3) work 4 times as hard with $$ as the side effect
4) 2 new work places, new colleagues..
5) Great news to end the year
6) motivation for a fresh start

and out of my 7 wants that i posted a couple of months back, i achieved 5 of them.
one is not within my control and the other overlaps with another.
So simply put, i've gotten whatever i hope for. so back to the issue of the root of all evil, i shall take one step at a time. That's how the journey of a thousand miles begins, with a single step.

Accumulation of the should-be-forsaken once again..

Talk about coincidences..

... ... ... ... ...

Planning to take a gigantic step forth in the coming year.
Outperform myself.
Surprise the people around me.
Make a difference.

Despite the reluctance in the endless ongoing work-related issues that I'd very much rather not focus on, they somehow always manage to haunt me. wherever, whenever.

Some unexpected events happened today. Was being moved like pawns in a chess set. I'm not particularly unhappy about it as it brought about a pleasant surprise.
My partner offered the opportunity to sit in and be enveloped by music conjured by an orchestra made up of young performers. There's always a difference between listening to a good CD and being in an acoustically excellent venue with the notes seemingly dancing around you. I've always like the song Amazing Grace but today's performance was special. It's as near to witnessing a performance by the choir of cherubims and seraphims.

I cant read notes and dont play any instruments. but i believe i can appreciate music when i listen with my heart and soul. any music. and being at the correct place puts me at an advantage.
I got great colleagues working alongside me today. People who'll take the initiative and trouble to send up a controller just because my end was shorthanded, even though the timing was critical. Seniors being courteous and helpful in all ways. People helping out in all possible areas to make work enjoyable despite the hiccups..

It's December and my favourite season is here. I hope my growth is for the better this year. Suppress selfishness and arrogance. I don't think the reason why i'm here is to sell seafood and face pple with nostrils..

results out tomorrow morning.
Feels safer in the dark but the darker it is, the sooner light will come.
May the day be great.

Watched I Am Legend today and was burning in the cinema despite the cold temperature..
Guess the flu bug has taken a liking to me this season..

I think there are still ways beside tripping. Doesn't matter. One step at a time. I have 5 more months till Alaska. Then, maybe someone can tell me what i want to hear. Some positive happy stuff for the new year, and enough to last for 12 months.

This time of the year when i have the urge to keep thinking of more wants to beef up the new year mood. It's like if i have more desires, then maybe the thoughts will get channeled and positive things will keep coming my way. The grades will be out tomorrow. Let's just pray things turn out well.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Merry Christmas pple!! I assumed the crowds hit town. Coz Clarke Quay was only as busy as it gets on a normal Friday/Saturday night.

Bought myself a belated bdae/christmas/new year gift. It's now on reserve. Will only be collecting it in Jan. Something i've been looking for. Something that caught my eye weeks ago. Something great to end AND start the new year.

6 more days to another good start. All the best peeps.

** i got into KR next semester! my third and last choice. lolx... to think i put that as a filler only without harboring any hope. Guess MOTHER luck is on my side this season.. muahahaha...

oh. and i miss QY's aunt's place.. Christmas is nothing without a get-together with great company and having an awesome time.. sighz

Trapped in a tornado thinking the world is as calm as it seems without knowing that it's hell out there.

Physically drained. Mentally un-stimulated this season.
Think the fairies and elves' supply of magic dust is running low this time round.

------------------------------------------------

Flour going through a sieve. Flour. Going through a sieve.
The big stubborn ones which refused to go with the flow get left behind.
Flowing along. Going with.
Those that went through gets to be sieved finer still.
Forced to flow along. Made to fit in.
Somehow that seems pathetic.

Random thoughts..

------------------------------------------------

Tonight a picture i saw in a book kept flashing across my mind.
The caption for that picture was sth like:
Even though there are many people present in the same venue as us, there is always someone who seems to belong to his/her own world.
**translation

Fitting in. More like accommodating to the norm.. Adjust to the exterior yet retaining your unique properties.. Like water changing shapes but not its compositions..

random.

Wasn't in the best of condition when i reported for work.
The sluggish, lethargic feeling that goes hand-in-hand with the weather.
Was supposed to meet Ad for dinner before work but couldnt make it due to some VERY last minute errands.. and i still couldn't believe just how many pple are swarming in an ulu mall like Raffles City. Makes walking around a chore. Seriously.. and I am still fathom by Singaporeans' buying behaviour.. You see some pple walking around SWEEPING stuffs into their baskets/trolleys/bags.. It's as if Santa is giving out freebies for xmas..

Work aint really worth mentioning save for some issues that i guess i have to somehow find a way to make public to save trouble.. Today's real cute act of hint-hint after all things end doesnt bring across a clear message to me. I like it when someone senior or more knowledgeable about a particular area tells me straight in MY face that maybe i should or can try to say/react in a programmed way to save time/trouble, just in case anything happens.. You tell me, i listen, i act accordingly.

If you don't speak to me in MY face, i would NEVER know what i did wrong, or which ways i can improve on and would simply keep doing what i did.. Like i say, hinting doesnt work on me. that's worse than one-way communication. Imagine i put in 100% effort everytime only to find that pple doesn't like the 100%.. Maybe they prefer only 70% effort and another 5% that is sth of their expectation.. If i'm unaware, I'll never do the 5 that others think i should do.. and my 30 would have gone to waste.

Seriously, i dont think i'll break down easily in front of others, nor do i have pride too much for me to handle.. Words dont really hurt me. Words of work anyway.. so others should tell me off if need be.. Work is an area i am proud to say i have the least control yet most optimistic attitude towards.. Like i always say, if i cant find the passion, work is just an avenue for money.

and I only need to convince myself. See, that's the challenge.

My colleague commented that she thinks i kind of come out from/ belongs in an anime, and that was supposed to be a compliment. She added that my voice seems to give pple reassurance. and it's AS IF i'm that mature, confident, independent/ da jie type of person that will jump out when needed and start to clear up the mess for others/take care of stuff..

i guess that's the funniest thing i heard in ages.. lolx..

I dunno if i am really THAT good.. but it sure feels good to hear nice stuff every now and then.. and one must always remember that beauty is only the icing, NOT the cake..

I engage in mindless chatter ever so often.. so i'm pretty much amazed there are pple out there who are able to sieve out stuff that makes sense from the things i said, and detect nice traits about me that i didnt know in the first place..

Thank you Santa. I'm receiving the joy and happiness that you've been spreading since Nov..

Don't take reservations. So no booking allowed. Just like NYNY. =P

Xmas party @ Terry's place. Of all i still like the bottom half of mousey, THAT i didnt even get extra for myself.

The Hazelnut log cake from Swensen's was scrumptious, and Ritz strudel completed the celebration, putting a great end to the night. The white xmas tree is pretty, real pretty.. Thanks to Eunice and Terry for organising, preparing the food, thinking of games, buying and wrapping prezzies.. oh.. and renting the DVDs.. The campbell inspired mushroom soup was Delicious. and i couldnt stop eating.. hafta get away frm the dining table to avoid putting on the kilos..

It's a pity i've work tomorrow, for i'd love those to be able to stay and hav MORE fun.. and i swear i could sit on the couch and stare at the pretty lights for ages with music in the background and finger food and drinks available throughout the night.. That, is indulgence during the xmas season.

This joyous season i'm waiting.. for magical moments.. for someone up there to put a perfect end to a good year so that i can start the next on a high.

countdown: 10 days to 2008.
Just 10 days to a new start. 10 days left to complete those unfinished business(es).. 10 days before you need to change the year to 08 instead of writing or typing 07. 10 days before i step into yet another year of school life that i know i better treasure before i regret till the end of time.. 4 more months to the examinations, 5 more months to Alaska. 8 more months before i start my year 3 education. 17 more months before i start hunting for a job, being socially responsible and financially independent. Dreading, dreading.. time aint always on my side.Even if it is, i've learnt to be a little pessimistic so that no matter how terrible things are, there wont be too much disappointment in store.. Or rather, i'm prepared for more things to come..

2007 is a good year. Let's just pray someone is playing Santa this season, spreading love and joy lots.. so 2008 will be a great year!

Hugs are free. Give more.

Yellow light(s)...
------------------------

The shock of knowing the news of Jas's new 17 yr old bf and seeing him. 4 years our junior. gosh~ and so what if he's now working with chef E that so many of my frens admire? Frankly speaking, it's beyond my imagination. Coz he's even younger than my bro AND sis, and smaller size than them..

I'm not against, or for it. But maybe coz my clique knows the Tempura Maki story, all the way from prom till Sakae till April's fool till now.. Like Ching, i feel that it's really not worth it. Really. All the years. Gone to waste.

This kinda situation would be better accepted if it happens like 5-8 years down. I dun understand how JC made the decision there and then. 3 times. ONLY. and even so, why Temp maki let her go? just like that.

Seriously, i know i am in no position to comment. Then again, i feel a little helpless seeing a friend i know since Primary 1 making decisions that I THINK is irrational and not being able to help, or rather not knowing what i can do or say to help. Seriously, i think nothing i say will get into her head.. That's the disadvantage of knowing someone for like 15 years of your life. You don't even want to try. Coz u know the outcome, and the energy can be out to better use instead.

whatever it is, time will tell.

-----------------------------------------
Met up with Huiz last night and as usual, we lost track of time chatting at the void deck.
Met char in the train today. Same cabin. Talk about coincidences. All the crazy things we did in school, the things that happened after that.. Being in different places, but having memories that belong to the same time and place. Knowing that sometimes an exchange of words is not needed. Silence IS a response/reaction.

There's this issue meeting old friends and new ones. There's no need to response if i dun want to or dun find a need to. I dont have to constantly think of some stuff to say or react.. can't enjoy keep my mouth shut without someone else asking things like 'are u alright' and 'u look very tired.' the lame answers that follow the redundant questions doesnt matter, seriously.

knowing personality traits make my life easier and difficult at the same time. Easier as i wont get upset over certain actions. Difficult coz i know that there's no point raising my blood pressure over something i know is the norm.

Requests. requests. requests.

~Let the HK pictures do the talking~

BubbleShare: Share photos - Cheap Hotels Vegas

Booked.

Booked.

All set to fly away on Monday.

Not fretting for the weeks to come. Worse come to worse i can join the shake-leg company pte ltd as a permanent employee till the next school term. The benefit of the organisation is such that there isnt any dress code, the hours are flexible, they allow me to take naps, and workload depends on the individual.

Booked.

Maybe i'll have more than one additional x'mas celebration this year. and ARGH the gifts.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Slots up for grabs. You see which slots are available and can fit into your schedule, and try to register yourself. Depending on the nature of the performance/activity, a person may enjoy as many as 24 slots per day but it is also possible to have a group of say 5 sharing 3 slots.

so far the max averages at abt 12.

Dun ask for the logic. there's no logic in this.

Beautiful day. Perfect weather.

A series of events happened lately.. which sadly, didnt seem to faze me..
Am just wondering just how much (more) time i am going to waste.. on all these stuff before i leap into the rat race..

And i seriously dunno just how much (more) indifferent i can get.. About everything.
Everything used to matter so much that even nothing matters. Now everything doesnt seem to matter so nothing matters at all. alright. and nothing seems to be the problem. yeah. nothing. and it's irritating that even when nothing matters, it still does. Maybe it's just me.

I think it's time for me to get away from all these clockwork stuff.. coz everywhere i turn, i see:
The good,
The bad, and
The ugly.

Situations with a million different possibilities being streamed into 3 simple categories. No matter how good or terrible i THINK certain things are, they're always not as good, or not as bad as i thought they will be.. and it's hard to breathe with the feeling of extremes closing in.. Like no matter where i turn, everything runs with that logic. So with that in mind, everyday is pretty much like all the others.. so how can i experience fluctuating emotions while holding that thought? No wonder the indifference. It's innate.

The routine-ness of the mundane happenings gets to me.. I need a place where i can experience liminality. and that's where i WILL BE soon. soon enough anyway.

Spent the entire time outside waiting and found that when the boredom becomes unbearable, singing along helps..

Someone recognizes me frm school.. so i made a new friend today. Made the right choice changing a new part time job.. at least i get to meet different pple..

Caught my eye. Right. memory never fails..

Work will be fantastic tomorrow.

The weather is perfect for some lazing around the house with a good book and a cup of coffee.

NOT for work.

Nothing that involves the use of the brain anyway.

Izzit worth new ink?

Waiting for the pen to dry up so i can start fresh with thoughts that are worth new ink.

We're barely a month away from the New Year. Looking back at the past 11 months, have you resolved all the resolutions you set at the start of the year? Or are you going to postpone them (yet again) and give them another buffer year?

I love December. The feeling of fresh start ahead. All happy things seems to be within reach.
Possibilities aplenty. Somethings are worth new ink. Others, don't even bother.

A week packed with work schedules so full that my holey pockets are finally regenerating.
One day at a time till next Monday. Tomorrow will be my walking day. The 3 hour tour in the morning followed by the art of spoiling my nails at work. Let's just say my optimism is nearing its peak this season.

Say cheers to a bright, windy and cloudy day tomorrow.
Let the weather be nice.
Let the weather be nice.
The weather better be nice.

Good things come in threes. Really they do.

Partnered some great peeps at work and managed to get through one of those dreaded moments. Easy-going peeps whom i think have the same mindset as me. Work is just work. An avenue for money. Let's just not make things dirty. Get through the hours together. You happy, i happy. Paycheck end of the month even happier.

Gina called. Seems like they are in need of some help.. and (they think) i can somehow lessen the impact thru introducing process standardization.. Different products, same equipment. It's almost like subordinating to work around bottlenecks.. and wanna guess what's in store for me?

It feels good to have them calling to ask me how's school and such.. It makes me feel like i'm at the top of their list if they are in dire straits. Not really indispensable. No one is. But i'm the number one backup. An exception. They'll (she will) work something out for me regarding the casual labour 'rule'. Love that place stashed away in a corner of the basement, unappreciated and forgotten by the entire management except colleagues of your own department.

Seems like the almighty Lee is still calling the shots there. Boo. That means that if i continue to see more of him, it'll be almost like a Dec crash course in baby-sitting.

That super flexible place. If i work there then i'll be able to coordinate my timing very well. That means MM for 8 hours followed by shows in the evenings. That means i'll be able to max out my hours AND energy this holiday. Something like 9-5 and 6.30-11. lolx.. Then Maybe twice or trice a week at that new place. Let's just see. One step at a time i guess.. =)

See. Good things come in threes.. E-P-M.

Seriously, kids nowadays are ... **Speechless** That guy must have been at most 16. 17 tops. And do i really look THAT young? gosh~ And why are there so many U-21s around me recently? ARGH. I don't need reminder. I know. I'm 18.

It makes a world of difference to me to have someone say 'Let's trash it out' if something really did happen instead of relying on time to 'heal all wounds and mend friendships.'
Especially sensitive issues regarding work. Gives me the reassurance that no matter what, our friendship comes first. The rest takes a backseat.

I never was, never am and never will be good with expressing myself. Therefore for a friend to make it clear that 'let's not get upset over trivial stuffs' is a great way for me to know that no matter what others say, the other party will definitely listen to what i have to say. not just hear.

-------------------------------

and i can't get those songs out of my mind.

TRULY SCRUMPTIOUS LYRICS:
Toot sweets sound like what they are
So do lollys in a lollypop jar
Gingerbread men have a gingerbread sound, we've found
Sugar plum cinnamon and lemon tart tell you what they are right from the
start
And your name does the same for you
By coincidence, Truly Scrumptious
You're truly truly scrumptious
Scrumptious as a cherry peach parfait
When your near us
It's so delicious
Honest Truly, you're the answer to our wishes
Truly Scrumptious
Though we may seem presumptuous
Never, never, ever go away
Our hearts beat so unruly
Because we love you truly
Honest Truly, we do
Truly scrumptious
You two are truly scrumptious
Scrumptious as the breeze across the bay
When you're smiling
It's so delicious
So beguiling
You're the answer to my wishes
Truly scrumptious
You two are truly scrumptious
And I shan't forget this lovely day
My heart beats so unruly
I also love you truly
Honest truly, I do

----------------------------------------------------------

HUSHABYE MOUNTAIN LYRICS:
A gentle breeze from Hushabye Mountain
Softly blows o'er lullaby bay.
It fills the sails of boats that are waiting--
Waiting to sail your worries away.
It isn't far to Hushabye Mountain
And your boat waits down by the key.
The winds of night so softly are sighing--
Soon they will fly your troubles to sea.
So close your eyes on Hushabye Mountain.
Wave good-bye to cares of the day.
And watch your boat from Hushabye Mountain
Sail far away from lullaby bay.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

DOLL ON A MUSIC BOX:
What do you see
You people gazing at me
You see a doll on a music box
That's wound by a key
How can you tell
I'm under a spell
I'm waiting for love's first kiss
You cannot see
How much I long to be free
Turning around on this music box
That's wound by a key
Yearning
Yearning
While
I'm turning around and around

It's the holidays.

No matter how things go, work is still work if i can't find a suitable place to channel my passion.

To happier things..
Ushered in the holidays and festive season with some good news.
I got my very first paycheck for this new part time work!
We'll be able to head down to pay the balance and get ready for the trip in a matter of days.
Arranged for a movie outing with a friend then I realised that my fav on-screen actor Josh is starring in 30 days of night. and the setting is in Alaska!
talk about coincidences..

Another typical day has passed. Just like that. I don't like any of the post-exams syndromes.
Doesn't feel like i just cleared my papers in a matter of hours.
Seems like i'm already halfway through the holidays.
The unanchored feeling. Exams give you a reason to work towards a common goal.
Like a dimming spotlight that fades into nothingness.
The emptiness after the papers, leaving the packing and clearing to the last possible moment. Just like fallen leaves rustling in the wind. directionless.

Exams make me feel good about myself.

I like having a goal to work towards.
A short-term goal that is within reach, regardless of the results.

A decision that you can make keeping in mind that there's no use running coz there's nowhere to escape to; and no use giving up thinking of the possibility to restart somewhere coz no one can really start anew. At least not for those who has one hand on the past.

Read this one-liner from an article:
The opposite of loneliness isn't company, it's return. A place to return.

See. We rely too much on the anchored feeling.

In half a day's time I'll officially complete my Year 2 Sem 1.

I think my insomnia during this period is a gift, minus the dozing during the actual papers. Serious. At least i have ample time to prepare.

A kind invigilator woke me up from dreamland in the middle of com med paper. Quietly, politely. So there's no moment of embarrassment. Yeah. As if that applies to me. Barely made it through half the MCQs.. Qn 34 or 36 if I'm not wrong.

The difference between the outstanding ones and me is the expectation of grades. Frankly speaking, I can't imagine having the need to S/U a module which i obtain B+ for. Hey. That's a cap of 4 for goodness sake. An additional B+ instead of the accumulation of those shld-be-forsaken others.

Slacker

Couldn't help but feel amazed.

I must be the slackest person i see for miles.

Have yet to memorize commed and SCM.

What am i proving?

That i stand by my belief that my worth and knowledge shldnt be reduced to the figures on a transcript?

Or that i AM still indifferent to those seemingly important stuff at this point in time.

Something is telling me that priorities lie somewhere out there.
Not on pieces of papers with blanks for model answers anyway.