It's officially November!
My favorite quarter of the year AND the wedding is over finally.
Somehow everything that happened on the wedding day seems like a roller coaster ride with me realising that the ride was over only at the end.
I collected my gown a week before the wedding and did my nails 2 days before the wedding. on the eve of the actual day, i was going about normal daily activities like waiting 3 hrs at Starhub signing up for broadband, cable tv and mobile line WHEN the iPhone 4S was out. lolx.. then cleaning up the new house again. Aint brides supposed to be uber busy on the eve of the wedding? lolx.. i feel totally relaxed... at first. that was when i returned home only to realise i haven put on facial mask one last time, haven had time to do yet another hair mask, clean up my room MORE, and pack for the hotel stay. lolx.. so i was walking around the house getting things done until 12+. and luckily shiftwork trained me to wake up at 0530am regardless of my fatigue level. so i woke up, shower AND eat breakfast while waiting for the make up artist to come. lolx. and i did my makeup lying down. muahaha.. talk abt slack..
The hair stylist and photographer arrived at abt 0745 and started their work. I just sat there waiting for the day to turn bright. Before i realised it, my relatives had arrived with their congratulatory voices and flashes were snapping away.
I changed into my gown and people started tearing. My parents came to put on the veil for me and they started crying as well. then my aunts were watching and they too, started crying. My big aunt couldnt sleep last night. she said she felt as if her own daughter was getting married- maybe coz we're only 3 days old apart and they see me grow up..
Then I hear the Camry honk and i heard his voice at the door and my heart started to race. He wrote me a sweet note as requested. We did away with the gate crashing- the 4 flavors as well as the games, and the love contract outside the room door. but I requested for a love letter/ note, which he wrote and slide under the door before my sis open the door to allow him in. ^.^
I think this is more like us, and I'm glad I didnt conform to norm by having the gate crashing.
Even the make up artist commented that our wedding is simple without any major time delay. We arrived at the hotel and we got a free upgrade to a suite!! =)
I was surrounded by people I love and friends who make a difference in my life. Those that without them, i wont be who i am today.
All i wanted was for everyone to turn up with well wishes for me and Wils, to relax and enjoy the food. That was also partly the reason why I did not have an entourage. Having to ensure that everyone was taken care of, well fed and satisfied was more than what i could handle on the day i need to relax the most.
and so i was thinking after the wedding, that in this lifetime, i am lucky to find the one i love, and loves me back, as well as the friends who are willing to share my greatest joy. THANK YOU all. for making a difference in my life.
November 01, 2011
June 24, 2011
June 09, 2011
Utterly emo today. Suddenly I felt like everything is happening at the same time and that my life has been compressed to a high pressure vault that needs constant monitoring lest it explodes.
So being a pessimist, I was quietly tearing before bed thinking how long more till i encounter a meltdown in the near future.
I know I must have better time management. I know I am capable of bigger things in life and should be able to cope with all things as I believe that God will never give someone more things that he or she can handle. But somewhere along this path that I'm taking, things don't go the way I want them to, and I become so overwhelmed with stuffs that I shldnt be too concerned with in the first place.
I cannot perform at my peak at work, maintain a good emotional and physical well-being, be the best daughter/fiancee/friend that I can be, without compromising on one or a combination of the above.
So I feel like My achievements for this year is at an all time low.
I seldom feel so demoralized at the life I am leading. So I guess this emo phase comes from the fear of not achieving my dream wedding, or the fear of not being good enough for everyone. Maybe it's a combination of both.
And I am annoyed at myself. A lot. For I know that he loves me so much that whatever I want, he'll provide just to make me happy. But I don't want OUR wedding to be a one-sided preference kinda event, for I know there are elements were he'll comply but not be too enthu or happy about. And I am willing to compromise. That is, after the meltdown that is sure to come. The meltdown will make me come to terms with those regrets that I'll live with, at least in the near future.
So being a pessimist, I was quietly tearing before bed thinking how long more till i encounter a meltdown in the near future.
I know I must have better time management. I know I am capable of bigger things in life and should be able to cope with all things as I believe that God will never give someone more things that he or she can handle. But somewhere along this path that I'm taking, things don't go the way I want them to, and I become so overwhelmed with stuffs that I shldnt be too concerned with in the first place.
I cannot perform at my peak at work, maintain a good emotional and physical well-being, be the best daughter/fiancee/friend that I can be, without compromising on one or a combination of the above.
So I feel like My achievements for this year is at an all time low.
I seldom feel so demoralized at the life I am leading. So I guess this emo phase comes from the fear of not achieving my dream wedding, or the fear of not being good enough for everyone. Maybe it's a combination of both.
And I am annoyed at myself. A lot. For I know that he loves me so much that whatever I want, he'll provide just to make me happy. But I don't want OUR wedding to be a one-sided preference kinda event, for I know there are elements were he'll comply but not be too enthu or happy about. And I am willing to compromise. That is, after the meltdown that is sure to come. The meltdown will make me come to terms with those regrets that I'll live with, at least in the near future.
June 02, 2011
lasik
Recently my brain functions at its maximum capacity. to the point where i think i'm a walking timebomb.
Firstly i wanted to note down my LASIK experience. Finally made up my mind and go ahead with Shinagawa lasik at Wheelock place. Went for both Shinagawa and LSC forums and felt that the former was much better in terms of the clear ecplanation as well as had a great experience at the pre-lasik assessment.
Wils went for his pre-lasik assessment at LSC and had a totally horrendous saturday afternoon there. He then went to try Shinagawa. The utcome is still the same- his cornea is not suitable for lasik. But he too, felt that the doctors and nurses there have a much better understanding of the customer needs as well as a higher standard of service.
I went to the appointment on 30 May and spend a total of less than 2 hours in the clinic, incl filling up forms and waiting time before i stepped out of the clinic spectacle-free.
The nurse first brought me to a cosy area of the clinic and let me relax on this reclining armchair in a private space. she administered a small sleeping pill which she told me was for relaxation and in no means meant to make me sleep during the surgery. then she gave me numbing eyedrops. after resting for awhile, i was brought to another room where i don this disposable surgery gown and cap to keep my hair out of the way. Then i had more eye drops administered before the doctor check my eyes to confirm that i'm well enough for surgery.
i was then brought to the 1st operating theater where they create the flap. The nurses there guided me along the way and told me what to expect prior to each stage of the surgery, which i find very comforting.
In the 1st operating room, i lie down on this chair that looks damn dentist-like. Doctor Lee was talking to me the whole time, pre-empting me of what to expect. Along the way he told me what i was supposed to experience, which is great, for i was initially so scared of the pressure on my eye and the vision going away completely for that few seconds. i was told that i will see a green light, then a red one, then i will feel pressure on my eye, then my vision will disappear. then i will feel more pressure. then i was to countdown from 25. so 2 nurses was in the room counting down for me so that i know when to take a new breadth! then the cycle repeats. after which doc Lee went to the 2nd operating room to prepare while the nurse apply more eyedrops, and told me to continue blinking to make the bubbles which was formed to create the flap go away.
then someone guided me to the next room. by then my vision was much like my normal sight without specs or contacts, but more hazy.
the 2nd operating room was a full lie down bed. this time round i do not feel any pressure/pain at all. again Dr lee pre-empt me on what to expect and what i was suppose to experience. after which i can see him using this thing that looks like a spatula to even out the flap. that very much reminds me of how we apply butter on chicken wings during BBQ.
in less than 5 mins, viola! i was given a pat on the shoulders and congratulations! i can see without spectacles.
So i was brought back to the resting area to relax for awhile fore leaving the clinic. the first thing the nurse told me was "your husband ask you to call him when you're done. he says he'll be downstairs shopping!" Damn. i forgot to bring my phone so i got to borrow the clinic's phone to make the call. and he told the nurse that i'm his wife. lolx.. not for another 2 months!
So my eyes felt rather heavy right after the surgery. on my way back home in his car i kept my eyes closed to avoid the sunlight. after i reached home i realised i have trouble keeping my eyes wide open. i can only manage a slit to see and my eyes cant stop tearing. so i ate a quick dinner and went to bed.
4 hrs nap later, i woke up being able to see everything without spectacles.
2 days later, i'm thoroughly enjoying my lifestyle without spectacles and contacts. after lasik, i no longer need to fumble for my spectacles when i wake up in the morning, or remove my contacts when my eyes feel too dry.
I can see perfectly fine, and i think it's a great technology. it's amazing how a few beams of laser can bring so much convenience.
i do not experience any bloodshot eyes, i am applying the eyedrops as instructed, and can't wait to fully appreciate the convenience of not having to bring eyewear during holidays and while playing sports!!!!
Firstly i wanted to note down my LASIK experience. Finally made up my mind and go ahead with Shinagawa lasik at Wheelock place. Went for both Shinagawa and LSC forums and felt that the former was much better in terms of the clear ecplanation as well as had a great experience at the pre-lasik assessment.
Wils went for his pre-lasik assessment at LSC and had a totally horrendous saturday afternoon there. He then went to try Shinagawa. The utcome is still the same- his cornea is not suitable for lasik. But he too, felt that the doctors and nurses there have a much better understanding of the customer needs as well as a higher standard of service.
I went to the appointment on 30 May and spend a total of less than 2 hours in the clinic, incl filling up forms and waiting time before i stepped out of the clinic spectacle-free.
The nurse first brought me to a cosy area of the clinic and let me relax on this reclining armchair in a private space. she administered a small sleeping pill which she told me was for relaxation and in no means meant to make me sleep during the surgery. then she gave me numbing eyedrops. after resting for awhile, i was brought to another room where i don this disposable surgery gown and cap to keep my hair out of the way. Then i had more eye drops administered before the doctor check my eyes to confirm that i'm well enough for surgery.
i was then brought to the 1st operating theater where they create the flap. The nurses there guided me along the way and told me what to expect prior to each stage of the surgery, which i find very comforting.
In the 1st operating room, i lie down on this chair that looks damn dentist-like. Doctor Lee was talking to me the whole time, pre-empting me of what to expect. Along the way he told me what i was supposed to experience, which is great, for i was initially so scared of the pressure on my eye and the vision going away completely for that few seconds. i was told that i will see a green light, then a red one, then i will feel pressure on my eye, then my vision will disappear. then i will feel more pressure. then i was to countdown from 25. so 2 nurses was in the room counting down for me so that i know when to take a new breadth! then the cycle repeats. after which doc Lee went to the 2nd operating room to prepare while the nurse apply more eyedrops, and told me to continue blinking to make the bubbles which was formed to create the flap go away.
then someone guided me to the next room. by then my vision was much like my normal sight without specs or contacts, but more hazy.
the 2nd operating room was a full lie down bed. this time round i do not feel any pressure/pain at all. again Dr lee pre-empt me on what to expect and what i was suppose to experience. after which i can see him using this thing that looks like a spatula to even out the flap. that very much reminds me of how we apply butter on chicken wings during BBQ.
in less than 5 mins, viola! i was given a pat on the shoulders and congratulations! i can see without spectacles.
So i was brought back to the resting area to relax for awhile fore leaving the clinic. the first thing the nurse told me was "your husband ask you to call him when you're done. he says he'll be downstairs shopping!" Damn. i forgot to bring my phone so i got to borrow the clinic's phone to make the call. and he told the nurse that i'm his wife. lolx.. not for another 2 months!
So my eyes felt rather heavy right after the surgery. on my way back home in his car i kept my eyes closed to avoid the sunlight. after i reached home i realised i have trouble keeping my eyes wide open. i can only manage a slit to see and my eyes cant stop tearing. so i ate a quick dinner and went to bed.
4 hrs nap later, i woke up being able to see everything without spectacles.
2 days later, i'm thoroughly enjoying my lifestyle without spectacles and contacts. after lasik, i no longer need to fumble for my spectacles when i wake up in the morning, or remove my contacts when my eyes feel too dry.
I can see perfectly fine, and i think it's a great technology. it's amazing how a few beams of laser can bring so much convenience.
i do not experience any bloodshot eyes, i am applying the eyedrops as instructed, and can't wait to fully appreciate the convenience of not having to bring eyewear during holidays and while playing sports!!!!
April 18, 2011
March 25, 2011
The 29th is coming
Today I saw this girl with a bouquet of white cala lilies with baby's breath and was in a daze thinking how nice it will be on the receiving end of that. I no longer receive flowers on normal days just because someone wants to make my day. Or to see me smile.
I think the acne medicine is messing with my hormones. I feel like crying.
I think the acne medicine is messing with my hormones. I feel like crying.
March 17, 2011
The older I get the more I find tt I no longer derive much happiness from material gains.
I miss those days when a $3.90 eyeshadow or a sample size $8 perfume makes my day.
And eating at restaurants with friends seem like such a big deal for an outing.
Not to forget picking THE outfit to wear.
The days go by. The days gone by. The days tt went away.
I miss those days when a $3.90 eyeshadow or a sample size $8 perfume makes my day.
And eating at restaurants with friends seem like such a big deal for an outing.
Not to forget picking THE outfit to wear.
The days go by. The days gone by. The days tt went away.
Oversimplification- and the art of reduction to nothingness
The preparation for the wedding is stressing me out.. Sometimes I wonder if it'll be easier if we pay someone to organize and recommend everything. I think tt someday I'll cry over the slightest detail tt I miss out on my big day. And it doesn't help tt we can't seem to find time to search for even the ideal restaurant on top of working ard my shiftwork. There are a lot A LOT of things a girl wants on her big day. I want it to be simple but not oversimplified. So I feel v helpless when the thing seems to reduce to nothingness.
I'm tired. I thought we can live on love and love alone. I thought that because we love each other we want to give in to everything so that the other party can be happy. But it felt like we've reached a wall this time round, for 2 indecisive people coming together and working on a plan isn't such a Gd idea after all. We ended up waiting for decisions to be made and plans to form. Sometimes I think tt my mood swings are just my subconscious telling me tt the I-want-to-get-married-after-30-syndrome hasn't really gone away.
Everything happens for a reason, or so I believe. For 2 people to meet at the right time, right place and looking ahead in the same direction is what makes things right in this lifetime. Meeting THE ONE. I have. Have you?
rearranging my mind so that there'd be room for him to stay.
He stayed. And tts all that matter.
I'm tired. I thought we can live on love and love alone. I thought that because we love each other we want to give in to everything so that the other party can be happy. But it felt like we've reached a wall this time round, for 2 indecisive people coming together and working on a plan isn't such a Gd idea after all. We ended up waiting for decisions to be made and plans to form. Sometimes I think tt my mood swings are just my subconscious telling me tt the I-want-to-get-married-after-30-syndrome hasn't really gone away.
Everything happens for a reason, or so I believe. For 2 people to meet at the right time, right place and looking ahead in the same direction is what makes things right in this lifetime. Meeting THE ONE. I have. Have you?
rearranging my mind so that there'd be room for him to stay.
He stayed. And tts all that matter.
February 08, 2011
November 12, 2010
Invisible ring
A new colleague was being driven to tears by someone upstairs the other day.
So i was wondering just how much more they can push me against the same wall to have the same outcome.
Been having quite an unpleasant time at work, having to mother hen the babies and to carry out the work from the top of the hierarchy.
Most days I can forget about work-life balance, and pray silently that I can get home and sleep the fatigue away. Then again, the him who lives upstairs has always been gracious to me.
I find myself exceptionally lucky on those days as well, having survived yet another tornado weather and being blessed with so much more.
Right now I think I have the same kind of slow rage building inside me like back then. Those type that motivates the silent rebellion. Anyway, need has always been the mother of invention, isn't it?
and yes, I have an invisible ring.
So i was wondering just how much more they can push me against the same wall to have the same outcome.
Been having quite an unpleasant time at work, having to mother hen the babies and to carry out the work from the top of the hierarchy.
Most days I can forget about work-life balance, and pray silently that I can get home and sleep the fatigue away. Then again, the him who lives upstairs has always been gracious to me.
I find myself exceptionally lucky on those days as well, having survived yet another tornado weather and being blessed with so much more.
Right now I think I have the same kind of slow rage building inside me like back then. Those type that motivates the silent rebellion. Anyway, need has always been the mother of invention, isn't it?
and yes, I have an invisible ring.
September 24, 2010
You know those moments in lazy humid afternoons whereby your thoughts run in a million different directions and suddenly you remember a thing or two about the past that never cross your mind in the normal day-to-day?
That day I was spending some time alone at home and remembered stuff that happened in high school. Of how some guy once claimed that he will quit smoking for me, which I think was a joke coz no one should change for no one but themselves and still have the same perception now.
Of how the long driveway aka burning furnace was such a great place to march and sit on the steps and enjoy a gd lazy afternoon with a cold drink on hand.
On how in high school honesty isn't the best policy coz all people want to do is to conform and be accepted.
And i do believe that good girls are just better liars, not because they want to deceive others, but more of having ability to be perceptive on their surroundings and deal with situations accordingly.
That day I was spending some time alone at home and remembered stuff that happened in high school. Of how some guy once claimed that he will quit smoking for me, which I think was a joke coz no one should change for no one but themselves and still have the same perception now.
Of how the long driveway aka burning furnace was such a great place to march and sit on the steps and enjoy a gd lazy afternoon with a cold drink on hand.
On how in high school honesty isn't the best policy coz all people want to do is to conform and be accepted.
And i do believe that good girls are just better liars, not because they want to deceive others, but more of having ability to be perceptive on their surroundings and deal with situations accordingly.
September 18, 2010
I know I've said it like a million times
My shift work not only eats into the time I should be setting aside for my social life, but it's affecting my physical, mental and emotional health.
--------------------------------
So most days I need a safe harbour to turn to, much like kids hiding under their blankets thinking that the monster in the closet will leave them alone if they cannot be seen.
Some days it's scary knowing that my safe harbour sometimes get hit by tsunamis and the monsters are going to get me after all.
and all this is making me angry because i'm not in control.
feeling insecure..
--------------------------------
So most days I need a safe harbour to turn to, much like kids hiding under their blankets thinking that the monster in the closet will leave them alone if they cannot be seen.
Some days it's scary knowing that my safe harbour sometimes get hit by tsunamis and the monsters are going to get me after all.
and all this is making me angry because i'm not in control.
feeling insecure..
random
Every single avenue is dead, or as good as.
Facebook has already turned into Friendster II.
Email is a box for junks.
hp can be replaced by a good alarm clock.
But blog is still plays a part in enabling me to connect with myself, no matter how small the role has become.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
They enrolled me for a 2-day course about service excellence and I had so much fun recalling those stuff that I used to know and presume was rather good at.
The moments-of-truth, grooming, telephone etiquette and others.. Like so hospitality management. So the speaker was asking us to note down the way we address others over the phone and it dawned on me that ever since I joined operations, I have evolved into this rude performance-driven machine with the apparent lack of good service.
I remembered when I first started out over a year ago, I used to complete my sentences over the phone, give proper greetings, identify myself and my department as well as offer assistance.
Now i'm just this voice over at the other side of the line waiting to get through the tasks involved with the motivation to end the call ASAP. Like it's so much easier to just say "morning. Control."
It's sad, but it's the reality of life. Change is the only contact. We adapt accordingly to our environment. I suspect if i'm not such a good chameleon, i would have stabbed myself with a knife and bleed to death trying to fix the current practices/ processes to that of a different industry. Some things are best left alone.
and i was thinking that maybe that is why people in the service line puts in extra effort in serving others. For that is the only way to differentiate themselves from other industries. and it's sad that i'm in a results-oriented business where productivity counts even before the government announces the direction we should move towards. and i know the pain in accounting for every single action, or inaction that may or may not be under my control.
It makes my short stint in the hotel industry seemed so easy.
Ok. and i know that if all else fail, there is still the moolah to look forward to. and i have a good feeling about this year.
--------------------------------
A couple of stuff on my mind
- lasik or not?
- Turkey, Barcelona, Bulgaria, Egypt and Alaska
- Tod's bag
- korean food
- feeling secure
- new laptop
Action speaks louder than words. Get to understand body language better to know the reason(s) behind reactions.
Facebook has already turned into Friendster II.
Email is a box for junks.
hp can be replaced by a good alarm clock.
But blog is still plays a part in enabling me to connect with myself, no matter how small the role has become.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
They enrolled me for a 2-day course about service excellence and I had so much fun recalling those stuff that I used to know and presume was rather good at.
The moments-of-truth, grooming, telephone etiquette and others.. Like so hospitality management. So the speaker was asking us to note down the way we address others over the phone and it dawned on me that ever since I joined operations, I have evolved into this rude performance-driven machine with the apparent lack of good service.
I remembered when I first started out over a year ago, I used to complete my sentences over the phone, give proper greetings, identify myself and my department as well as offer assistance.
Now i'm just this voice over at the other side of the line waiting to get through the tasks involved with the motivation to end the call ASAP. Like it's so much easier to just say "morning. Control."
It's sad, but it's the reality of life. Change is the only contact. We adapt accordingly to our environment. I suspect if i'm not such a good chameleon, i would have stabbed myself with a knife and bleed to death trying to fix the current practices/ processes to that of a different industry. Some things are best left alone.
and i was thinking that maybe that is why people in the service line puts in extra effort in serving others. For that is the only way to differentiate themselves from other industries. and it's sad that i'm in a results-oriented business where productivity counts even before the government announces the direction we should move towards. and i know the pain in accounting for every single action, or inaction that may or may not be under my control.
It makes my short stint in the hotel industry seemed so easy.
Ok. and i know that if all else fail, there is still the moolah to look forward to. and i have a good feeling about this year.
--------------------------------
A couple of stuff on my mind
- lasik or not?
- Turkey, Barcelona, Bulgaria, Egypt and Alaska
- Tod's bag
- korean food
- feeling secure
- new laptop
Action speaks louder than words. Get to understand body language better to know the reason(s) behind reactions.
September 16, 2010
August 13, 2010
take it or leave it
Just another of the unhappy moments that turn my day into hell.
I swear work seems so much easier in comparison.
Maybe it's time to get a recorder here, so that I can play the when-i'm-upset-i-don't-like-to-talk in repeat mode.
I hate it when people cant accept others for who they are, and the thing to note is that I am never going to change.
I dont expect others to, but it does help a little after the grumbling.
So the truth is that I have been a little upset since then, and yes, i don't want to talk about it.
I swear work seems so much easier in comparison.
Maybe it's time to get a recorder here, so that I can play the when-i'm-upset-i-don't-like-to-talk in repeat mode.
I hate it when people cant accept others for who they are, and the thing to note is that I am never going to change.
I dont expect others to, but it does help a little after the grumbling.
So the truth is that I have been a little upset since then, and yes, i don't want to talk about it.
August 03, 2010
The never-ending AK highway.
Was cycling along the PCN trail when I had one of those flashbacks from Alaska.
August 01, 2010
dangling the carrot in front of the donkey
Someone from management spoke to me recently about job rotation, and the prospects of blah blah..
So I was thinking a couple of years more till I reconsider my options and to make the best of things now.
So I was thinking a couple of years more till I reconsider my options and to make the best of things now.
June 07, 2010
The shift work makes me feel like a 45 year-old trying to get up from bed after a bad rheumatism period.
I find myself lying in on my off days trying to replenish the lack of quality sleep on my working days, and store energy for the busy days of the week while i'm on duty.
Everyone around me says I looked tired, even though I prolly woke up from a 13-hr rest the night before. my complexion has been at an all-time low, and I really don't like how that makes me feel. Like greasy face after a night shift going home only to face the thousands of other fresh-faced commuters going to work in the train every morning. And it doesnt help if I was attending to an accident case the night before wearing WHITE and having oil stains on contact points. ARGH.
And all I look forward to each day is the rates that tally with my effort (or not) every cycle, and the moolah that appears in my bank account at month's end. AND I pray every single day that I do not need to answer to yet another email for performance, exceptions, or anything else for that matter.
What can i say? Just live and let live.
I find myself lying in on my off days trying to replenish the lack of quality sleep on my working days, and store energy for the busy days of the week while i'm on duty.
Everyone around me says I looked tired, even though I prolly woke up from a 13-hr rest the night before. my complexion has been at an all-time low, and I really don't like how that makes me feel. Like greasy face after a night shift going home only to face the thousands of other fresh-faced commuters going to work in the train every morning. And it doesnt help if I was attending to an accident case the night before wearing WHITE and having oil stains on contact points. ARGH.
And all I look forward to each day is the rates that tally with my effort (or not) every cycle, and the moolah that appears in my bank account at month's end. AND I pray every single day that I do not need to answer to yet another email for performance, exceptions, or anything else for that matter.
What can i say? Just live and let live.
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