This is a poison soup to kill all the bad witches, she said. How can you tell the difference? I asked. O, good witches are very polite & say no thank you. Bad witches just die.

---------------------------

found that in my email inbox. what a great way to end the week. seriously, i don't know what i'm doing.

I'm down to only ONE paper, and have totally no urge to study for it. not that i put in a lot of effort for the rest, but at least i tried burning midnight oil for macro and intl econs.. but ended up leaving blanks for 2 parts and guessing 25% of the MCQs.. seems like i cant do anything right this season.

Acctg is not any better. it's the 1st time i'm not able to balance ANYTHING.. and when are Libras bad at balancing?

what a good morale booster.. then legal wasnt much better. i wrote so much but realised i didnt really answer the question.. yeah. talk about good time management. Ops wasnt too bad until i reached the last question. it's a theory based question so it's sort of a giveaway. and guess what, i chose to SKIP that chapter.. yeap. so i wrote a one-liner for a 15-mark qn.. How optimistic..

i should be feeling exasperated.. but i ended up doing what i can and within the 2 hours in the exam venue, i sat there enjoying the peace and quiet. i like the fact that everyone is brought to the same place, trying their best and working seriously towards a common goal. i like the fact that you're at this place with about a thousand people, yet it's so quiet you can hear your own thoughts. it's amazingly peaceful in there, feeling at ease with yourself.. and i like sitting in the middle of nowhere surrounded by rows and rows of tables and chairs arranged neatly and everyone bowed in silence, as if what is happening is a solemn and serious affair. and it's a miracle an examination can do what i thought only religons can..

think i'm just 贱。u know i've mentioned it a million times i loathe that place. BUT i went back. yes. it's like committing a crime, even for a day. i know they're desperate for pple. i know they cant get the other 2 girls to help coz one's overseas and the other wont take time off from study week to commit one day for that pathetic pay doing stupid tasks. seriously, i wonder if i agreed on the basis that i have an excuse to stay away from my books for a day.. coz i really did.

what makes me really happy is that i went back to my favourite department. the aunties are still as cheerful (despite the workload), and they didnt forget me. i saw the 2006 calender on top of the work desk with the month of June on display, and smiled.

the kind of warmth that spreads through your entire body in that icy cold place sets me thinking.. i guess the only thing that is positive in that entire organisation is that small department that's being stashed in a corner of the basement, undervalued and unappreciated. and the joke is, that's the department that's generating revenue for the organisation. like the blood in the valves, that's where the money flows- and that's where pple overlooked..

and as usual, i left that place on a high. how can i not when i can see, hear and feel that they're genuinely concern, with their well-wishes for my coming exams and uni education, with their smiles and offer to go back to help out during my vacation (provided the management approves).. the 10 mins with them made my day, and the 6 hours i spent above ground is such torture and horror. some acquaintance commented that there's no element of surprise in seeing me as i return once in a couple of months.. and another say 'oh, you're here'.. seriously, i dont see why they can stay in the service industry for so long when deep down they dont have what it takes..

and that i think is the main reason why people think their only rated 3.5 when they boast that they're 5. there's a difference between being good and THINKING you're good. and yeap. they belong to the latter. they have no grounds for that claim.. and let's just say i'm evil. i'm kinda happy seeing pple with senior positions quarreling in front of the junior staff. 1stly, they dont deserve any respect after such an 'entertaining performance' and 2ndly, their 'professionalism' shocked me. really. i have doubts about their ability to lead a workforce with a strength of say 50?.. they're STILL hiring pple. yeap. endless hiring.. someone need to REALISE that there's something wrong with the management with such INCREDIBLE turnover rates..

and with the new batch of foreign workers, drawing the same salary for the same position, i bet things are looking better for them. That is, if those new staff dont complain to union about the horrendous job scope. 12 hours of work, 6-day work week, same pay. i get a headache just thinking about it. i tried that for a month, and felt like banging my head against the wall.. they're incredible. serious. and i hope someone complains.

there's a million things to improve on. once, i thought that with the new management team, the organisation will gradually be a better place to work in.. but it seems like i was wrong. they took away a great many benefits, and implemented stringent rules for INMATERIAL claims. and didnt they learn in accounting that for inmaterial stuff, it shouldnt even be in the balance sheet?

every trip back there makes me more grateful for the fact that i'm given a chance to study.. being in a place where stuff dont corrode your entire well-being. school makes me feel good about myself, yes. even exams.

and returning to the dumps always serve as a reminder to give thanks for what i have now. to further appreciate how green the grass is at MY side. great. a lesson learnt. FOC.

他人总是察身而过。。 我也同样是察身而过。。
其他人是透明的吗？或者说。。。我是透明？

来来往往的人潮，把行人道挤得水泄不通。
我发现吵杂声渐渐消失了。
当全世界似乎回荡在一片宁静中，我的思绪在呐喊。

－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－

拍照：
快门按下的那一刻，每个人脸上都堆着笑，
不管是不是真心，至少看起来是快乐的。

也许我们只想留住一切美丽的回忆，让多年后回首过去时，记起的是些快乐的东西。
不开心的，就遗忘在那多年前的现在。毕竟悲伤的过往，谁也没有兴趣知道。

－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－

身边的人，用无法挽留的速度经过，在都市里。
我以为在这么多人的地方，更容易找到交谈的对象才发现不是这么一回事。
或许是相遇随手可得所以不再珍惜。
或许是可以接触的人多所以分散了关心。

可笑的是，‘关心’两个字，似乎是要把心封闭起来才有可能实现的。
这代表着当我们要真正关心一个人时，一定得站在客观的立场吗？

我们爱上了一个不期而遇的人，
也许是因为他唤起了我们的一些回忆。
他的出现，让我们想起当年的人，
当年的时光和那段时光中的自己。
在不可能重复的岁月里，有一些感觉却重来了。

Like the last sentence.. 在不可能重复的岁月里，有一些感觉却重来了...

In the shadows by The Rasmus.. some old song.. =)

想要：

想要：

找到一个通往出口的方向，
指引我到更明亮的前方。

寻找一个没有沉重心情的地方，
让心能无时无刻荡漾。

追寻一些无法到达的梦想，
把遗憾通通释放。

到达一个靠近天堂的地方，
这样我才能把烦恼抛光。

进到一个被称为梦境的地方，
自己才能不用逞强/坚强。

站上舞台的中央，
这样脱下面具也可以算正常。

走在一条没有退路的街上，
才能逼自己不再回头看。

体会拥有欢笑的泪光，
使自己发现代替难过/悲伤 的解放。

拥有一个幸福的池塘，
让我可以随时洗去悲伤。

拿到一个可以让时间冻结的机关，
把世界停留在那美丽的时光。

－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－

finally downloaded the chinese input program.. so more chinese posts coming up..
i love being a chinese. the language is amazing.. and inspirations always come when u least expect it. that stuff above was what i came up with on one of the nights when i'm suffering from insomia.. just like that 'a little chotto' crap i posted way back... lolx..

[我得了一种无法于人相处的病。] 她说

[一种想要孤独的病。
一种热闹就浑身不自在的病。
一种讨厌人类肤浅相处的病。]

{也可以说是一种很在意于人相处的病。} 我说。

但她不承认。

－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－

在整理过去之中，我突然看见某样曾经非常珍惜的东西。
在整理完之后，我仍然把它放在已经不会在意的角落。
因为我只能一追求新的东西好让自己更懂事。
一面把旧的东西塞在角落里，好腾出个空位摆放新的事情。

－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－

会说话的人， 真理总是站在他那一边。
会装饰的人，目光总是放在他那一边。
由于不清楚自己真正要的是什么，
所以大部分的人总是跟着人多的那一边。

－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－

每个人要成长，但‘成长’ 的内容， 真的成长了吗？

从一开始，原点和终点都在这里，只是你没发觉。

有时候，我弄不清楚，人是为了梦想中的生活而努力工作，还是为了工作而放弃梦想。

Ede's birthday! and i'm the 9th guest.. so i rcvd that rubber index with '9', wrote some birthday greetings on a green butterfly.. =) and i met a soci tut mate.. we were like going 'ei... why are u here'.. seriously, i think that question is redundant as the answer is pretty obvious.. lolx.. s'pore really is small.. one sing-song-cut-cake session after another.. angeleigh was there too.. that girl whom they say looks like me. or rather, i look like her.. so, i really have a common face.. let's just see who i look like next..

was flipping thru the pics we took in poly.. gone were the days.. lolx.. and ede has so many friends.. the turnout makes me feel a tad ashame.. she estimated about 90 pple there.. and dun forget those who cant make it.. so there i was, at a party of 90, feeling rather glad that my number-of-friends-scale is way down coz i dun like socializing.. then again, maybe the scale is low BECAUSE i dun like socializing..

so who's next? jo?

I'm not out of my mind. I'm just trying to make life a little more challenging.. In order to make my study week a little less troublesome, i introduced a forced source of motivation.. The lecturer asked if we want another quiz tomorrow and yup. i said aye. lol.. i don't regret it but was rather reluctant in reading the notes.. and the fact that i fell asleep reading the text in the library proved that i really have no interest in the subject. so that'll leave Lan to solve the problems and obtain a solution tomorrow.

am in a whining mood recently.. was feeling grumpy the other day and was telling my cuzzies that some coursemates actually emailed the lecturer coz they're not happy with pple 'cheating' during the quiz.. things like referring to notes or chatting with other groups. for goodness sake, it's a group quiz. we're entitled to chat.. so are they unhappy coz the groups made a lot of noise by discussing the qns or did some groups who refer to cheat sheets violate their principles? seriously, i thought we're all matured enough to mind our own business.. if some pple are alright with doing certain things, then that just goes to show the level of their integrity.. there is no need for a handful of pple to blow up such a matter.. their actions make me feel as if i'm in Primary school with those tale-telling.. seriously.

alright.. i should stop whining and filling my entries with crap.. it's been so long since i have a decent post.. time for a change yeah..

my Pri sch's friend's grandma passed away a couple of days ago, a day before her 21st bdae to be exact. i went to the wake just now.. and as usual, i was reminded of my grandpa's funeral.

My friend greeted me with smiles, as usual.. i think there's this strange phenomenon that only surface during times like this.. we tend to act nonchalant.. or maybe we really were at that point in time, seeing familiar faces- source of comfort..

my friend of 15 years is great. seriously, i've thought about it time and again.. she was the popular girl in sch, the pretty, outgoing, sporty and smart one. so i really have no idea how we clicked then.. she's the one who stood up against this bully, the one who helped me ever so often.. we're always competing.. i think it's more of friendly matches for improvement.. fighting to be the first to hand in our chinese workbook so that it'll be the last book the teacher marks and that we'll be the first one to get back our books for the next lesson.. small stuff like that.. i still remember the long conversations before bedtime, and the Jurassic Park joke.. which coincidently is the cause of my longest laughter.. to tell the truth, i'm a tad jealous of her when we were young. it's like seeing someone with the best of all worlds.. everythng i've ever wanted- then i mean.. now i'm contented..

her bdae gift would have to come much later.. i think about 49 days or 100 days after.. this year she'll receive a super duper belated bdae gift from me..

but a gift full of well-wishes nontheless..

rest in peace.

I always thought that giving others freedom to do what they like is like empowerment. That way they'll grow the way they want, and become what they want to be. Then again, what happens to those who were given the chance yet made/ will make the wrong choice(s)? What if they're not meant to be given free reign of their life, what if it's not so much of a wise choice to tie them too tightly or give up on them? what if they are unable to withstand the consequences? then how would hey move on from that pitfall?

My cousin had an operation in NUH ytd. to remove his toe as a result of negligence due to diabetes. You know, i know too many people with that yucky liability that i find carbonated drinks yucky. i mean, not all carbonated gassy stuff. i still take some on occasions but i stay away from them most of the time, replacing that with tea.

my cousin is only 3 years older than me. he got that since primary 5 when the docs said he has had too much soft drinks and candies... imagine having to amputate one of your toes at the age of 24 because it's beyond hope. and tomorrow is his bdae.. what an unforgettable birthday gift to yourself.. i didnt get to see him. my mom did. so she told me that in order to let the flesh heal to a rounded stump, there's no stitches. so what's left between the other 4 toes is an empty space that's oozing blood..

my grandpa has diabetes too. but it's under control.. it pains me seeing him inject that into his body after meals.. he's a big strong guy but he told me that sometimes the pain is too much to bear. and he jokingly said that there's no space in his stomach that hasnt been pierced by the needle. For a man who lives to eat, this deficiency is evil. He still secretely takes his favourite pig trotters or durians once in awhile but has always been caught by my grandma. coz he'll fall ill soon after indulgence.. and his cough takes forever to recover.. it's like not able to wipe ur mouth clean no matter how hard you try after you sneak a snack. and it's liability for a lifetime.

i've learnt, at a tender age, that every choice i make has an impact in my life. in the quality of life. it doesnt take too much sickness to realise you have to love yourself, more than any other. i dont like smokers, coz i see the difficulty and struggles my paternal grandparents went through before they passed away. i see how a reflex like breathing becomes wheezing and panting just because when others have 2 lungs, you might be depending only on one. and you cant walk fast, cant exert strength, can even climb stairs. so all along, i've been striving towards a goal that can only be realised at the age of retirement. ageing graefully.. and before i achieve that, i need to lay the foundations in which to build my other goals on..

that's why i dont ever want anyone to fall into the same vicious cycle. you can learn to be responsible for your future happiness. you are given a choice. choose wisely. sometimes you reach dead end.. but make sure you turn back in time. do not embark on a road with no return..

yeap. Peiling's bdae today.. the munchies roly poly girl.. anyway, the theme she set for the party is rainbow. so everybody gotta show up in colours.. AND the bdae girl wore black! =( so we were saying that her idea of a rainbow theme is such that we all wear colours so as to make her black outstanding.. lol.. anyway, meting up with old friends sure is a joy.. then again, we're all in the same school.. most of us anyway.. but you know the feeling of meeting up in and gab non stop, updating about our life (yes, i know.. it's the usual sch stuff..), gossiping, laughing and having fun.. yup.. i think u know..