When given the time

Instead of chasing after some absurd or even impractical dreams, I chose what most people do - watching the days go by and not knowing which day of the week it is.

We are all attached to the anchored, secured feeling. So when faced with prolong periods of rest, the sense of restlessness come into play. Time, then, display the stark contrast between now and anytime elsewhere. Day in day out waiting for something different, something that makes my life worthwhile at the end of my time where I can look back and go in peace knowing that out of the billions of people walking on Earth, I am me and have not lived my life like a puppet on string listening and following what the rest of the world is doing, what other people believed to be the right way to do things. Rather, MY way of doing things.

Consciously or subconsciously comparing everything with everyone else. Tiring chore. Comparing grades, material goods, sportsmanship, talents, abilities, friends, partners, the makeup on my face, the shoes on my feet, the books i am reading, the games i play, what i do in my free time, the amount of money i have in the bank, where i've been, the people around me, how i treat other people, how i this, how i that, and in later part of life, my job, my family, how i raise my kids, how i fare as an adult and most of all how i carry all that judgments all my life. It's a chore knowing that nothing matters as much as how I see myself but conformance is a disease, for it brings joy- to those who managed to extract a sense of superiority over the rest, and comfort (if they fail)- as they are with the majority.

Finding meaning, real meaning. Giving up everything, campaigning for AIDS all over the world trying to make a difference? Implementing changes to save the Earth? or just making oneself feel better by retaining what one has now and making small changes? Support the ribbon campaigns, donate money for that is what humans are less likely to part with given a comfortable lifestyle and not wanting to make major changes to their lives while trying to make themselves feel like they've tried their best in making a difference..

Just like passion, sometimes one has to keep reminding oneself that only money rule this world now, not those intangible feelings that are unanchored to anything else. and for that, we are all slaves. somehow or another.


Maybe it's just me. but given the time to be paranoid is not healthy, at all.