Sometimes all one wants to hear is the simplest greeting for a special day.

and if that is not possible, all else doesn't matter, really.

Recently I know i've been working hard, for the fatigue came back. When i can feel my heartbeat with my toes after a long day at work and my body goes limp after hitting the sack, I know i'm maxed out.

coz that's what happened back in Tok when after not being able to feel coz of the chores and cold, i can still count my heartbeat lying in bed, with my toes. the veins there somehow don't stop sending signals to the brain even after u feel numb all over.

I spent a good 8 hours into my bday at work, come to think of it, it feels like i've sold my soul to the organisation. i thought we'll be heading out for supper last night and i'll be able to at least spent time away from work to properly rest for a moment to note the start of a new year. but as usual, in ops shit happens all the time. so i ended up hungry, and miserable. for when things dont go as well as expected, it's hard to be happy. optimism gone with the wind. it's hard to keep the mood upbeat al the time, esp when the work env keeps throwing shit at you, and things make u fall time and again.

can only get use to it i suppose. that's what i prepare chocolates in my bag, for situations like that. so i was popping cocoas the whole night trying to keep the mood up by faking the hormones using whatever that is in chocolates, plus keep my stomach happy with the high energy intake. yep, the body can be fooled, but not the mind.

so now let's be realistic. I want new bags for my bday, new work shoes and new work clothes. and i know these can be fulfilled. i can buy them myself. haa!

Now, to my strawberry cake. YUM!