Have sort of lost touch typing on my laptop.

On days when I have the luxury and the energy to look at the monitor for yet another 2 hours at leisure on top of the 12 hours i put at work are those days where life doesnt get as comfortable as i want it to, yet little adjustments seem to do good.

I know I am one big grumpy naggy person but i TRY not to repeat how dark and gloomy things are, for i know that others have problems that are just as big and dark and occupies almost all their time. but keeping things to myself aint a solution. somedays i know i'm at the point where things are threatening to overflow and really need a quick fix, like panadol but without the side effects.
those are the days where i desperately need music in my life, as well as time alone. some days on my way to and fro work I contemplate getting a music device to add joy to my life. then again, i sleep the journey away so music may not have much of a use. i have never own a music player and think that songs playing in my head is as good as those that goes in the ears. so maybe not. but i shall see how. blocking out the noise seem like a good idea, but the senses are heightened one the journey to and fro work when everyone in the same space and time as me are keeping to themselves thinking aloud and leading different lives. i find that interesting and find joy in connecting with myself, for that seems like the only time i can hear myself think. this is the problem of having a big family, someone is always ruining the peace and quiet. i, for many times, ruin it for my family. there are just too many people whose emotions one has to be sensitive about. most days i dont bother. we learn to live with it.

so enjoying the tranquility at 4 in the morning with the music playing softly in the background while i do whatever i want and the weather cool enough to not ruin my mood ends my day off perfect.

and for now, i need the motivation to put on my running shoes to get those limbs moving.