Utterly emo today. Suddenly I felt like everything is happening at the same time and that my life has been compressed to a high pressure vault that needs constant monitoring lest it explodes.

So being a pessimist, I was quietly tearing before bed thinking how long more till i encounter a meltdown in the near future.

I know I must have better time management. I know I am capable of bigger things in life and should be able to cope with all things as I believe that God will never give someone more things that he or she can handle. But somewhere along this path that I'm taking, things don't go the way I want them to, and I become so overwhelmed with stuffs that I shldnt be too concerned with in the first place.

I cannot perform at my peak at work, maintain a good emotional and physical well-being, be the best daughter/fiancee/friend that I can be, without compromising on one or a combination of the above.

So I feel like My achievements for this year is at an all time low.
I seldom feel so demoralized at the life I am leading. So I guess this emo phase comes from the fear of not achieving my dream wedding, or the fear of not being good enough for everyone. Maybe it's a combination of both.

And I am annoyed at myself. A lot. For I know that he loves me so much that whatever I want, he'll provide just to make me happy. But I don't want OUR wedding to be a one-sided preference kinda event, for I know there are elements were he'll comply but not be too enthu or happy about. And I am willing to compromise. That is, after the meltdown that is sure to come. The meltdown will make me come to terms with those regrets that I'll live with, at least in the near future.