unable to lift up my spirits ever since the grad ceremony.
can even say i'm half depressed.

sitting in TCC waiting for the crermony to start is the beginning of total self awareness of how not sociable i am.
i'm starting to pity myself and wondering what the hell i'm doing in a hospitality course when i cant even think of what to say to the 2 coursemates sitting beside me.
for over an hour, i almost sat in silence if they dont speak to me first.
i cant even think of an excuse of why we know each other's existance yet i dun even greet them when i see them.

maybe i keep to myelf and my circle of friends too much.

or maybe we just dont have the same frequency.

in my 3 years (2.5 actually), i've never felt this lost, this aimless.. hate this unanchored feeling and that whatever i think i did right as and might be wrong all the while. maybei should face each day with a smile and act as if i'm best friends with the pple walking on earth, or maybe i should adapt to my surroundings more so that i can at least blend in instead of blend out.

saw so many pple i think i'll never have the chance to see in future. so many familiar faces that i wanted to just walk up and say 'hey, congrats.' but the words slipped away before i even have the chance to face this eager side of me. find myself asking why i am wanting to try so hard to salvage the situation, this last chance ever..

the emptiness after the spotlight dims.. the flimsy piece of paper that weigh the same.. i didnt try hard enough all these while. all i wanted to do when i stepped into poly is to make more friends, get out of the quiet self in sec school but things seem to take a turn for the worse..

maybe i didnt try hard enough.

right now, i wished i could turn back time. meet the pple i want to meet, make sure i put in enough effort to at least know most of them and not just a handful. seriously speaking, studies aint my priority. never was, never is and never will be.

if i could just turn back time. BUT doesnt moving on make a greater difference?

you are wiser. just tell me the answer.