It seems like nothing can boost my enthusiasm level recently. rather bogged down by school stuff lately.. so much so that my social life seems to be in a mess and limited to those sing-song-cut-cake-sessions..
it's irritating when my mind is only filled with sch stuff.. and it reflects badly on how i should advance and improve. life is not just about Math and deadlines..
and i find myself dozing off right after dinner while doing my tutorial.. and that isnt so bad if i dont fall asleep while watching tv too.. and as the frequency of the art of resting increases, the more i question myself. why am i so tired when i dont participate in school activities, no CCA, not even part time work, not helping out doing household chores, not even revising my work or attempting to complete other assignments.. so WHAT the hell am i entitled to fatigue?
Met a poly friend online just now.. she's going to work hard for 5 years so that she can complete her masters and be a full fledge architect.. u know how i envy pple with aspirations.. so i ask myself again: am i going to complete my sch in 2 years so i can graduate and look for a job, keep my original plan of just having a degree for the sake of having one.. or maybe i should stick around some more so that i have extra time to really think through what i want to do and IF possible, do my honours, find something i am passionate about and write a thesis on it, convince others what i believe in and show them what i am capable of.. that is, PROVIDED i am capable enough. in there, everyone is the cream of the crop.
that's what my sec school teachers used to tell the class. u are the cream of the crop. so i used to think that i have to meet expectations to avoid disappointments.. so as to have great dreams and scale greater heights..
but recently i have been thinking...
maybe i am not there as the cream of the crop.
maybe i'm the farmer.
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