July 30, 2009
July 27, 2009
Trying to be more independent
Not just financially, but with everything.
Financial independence is easily achievable with the following guaranteed:
1) a roof over my head
2) food on the table
3) no other commitments and responsibilities
But else, all other contexts of the attainment (or even the lack) of independence involves much of trust. Oneself, as much as others.
People talked once in awhile about 50k. and so i told them if i have 50k, or even some backing from higher authority, maybe it'll be easier to watch the days go by. but it's a fact that i have neither. so i'll have to go with the flow.
one big question: What comes after work?
In life there should be a flow, and I'd very much rather I'm the lead actress in that Mercedes (or was it BMW?) advert about living life backwards.
It seems like a nice choice to damn one's life to work in the first 40 years of one's life since one won't remember what happened in the first half anyway, then following by some crazy plans since one has all the money earned, and the health to enjoy it.. and then going on to pursue an education where one drifts off into forever and dying in dreamland as a child.
well, that is just my ideal kind of life. I jolly well know that if one does not have the basic building blocks like speech and physical abilities accumulated from young, then how do we even work for the first 40 years..
Hmm.. the symptoms of thinking too much, again.
Financial independence is easily achievable with the following guaranteed:
1) a roof over my head
2) food on the table
3) no other commitments and responsibilities
But else, all other contexts of the attainment (or even the lack) of independence involves much of trust. Oneself, as much as others.
People talked once in awhile about 50k. and so i told them if i have 50k, or even some backing from higher authority, maybe it'll be easier to watch the days go by. but it's a fact that i have neither. so i'll have to go with the flow.
one big question: What comes after work?
In life there should be a flow, and I'd very much rather I'm the lead actress in that Mercedes (or was it BMW?) advert about living life backwards.
It seems like a nice choice to damn one's life to work in the first 40 years of one's life since one won't remember what happened in the first half anyway, then following by some crazy plans since one has all the money earned, and the health to enjoy it.. and then going on to pursue an education where one drifts off into forever and dying in dreamland as a child.
well, that is just my ideal kind of life. I jolly well know that if one does not have the basic building blocks like speech and physical abilities accumulated from young, then how do we even work for the first 40 years..
Hmm.. the symptoms of thinking too much, again.
July 22, 2009
Shrinking memory radius
Those group mates that once were. Now gone.
Will i take the initiative to contact them in future?
No.
Will they do the same to me?
Yes.
Memories lasted till the point in time where we sat during meal breaks in the middle of / in between classes talking about how little we learnt from the start of the module till then. What we aim to achieve at the end of our schooldays.
People forgotten, till facebook pops up some familiar name with a link.
you click on it, bringing you to the current going-ons in their lives, and you wonder if somewhere, sometime, other acquaintances are doing the same- not remembering your existence until they chanced upon chance.
Then somehow it brings about this sombre mood where the fact sinks in, the fact that even when your paths crossed, it means little than yet another maybe familiar face in future.
and that, is sad. For it seems like at the end of the day, we are all solely me, me, me for we are the only ones living with ourselves 24/7.
and as time goes, the theory of 6 degrees of separation may well be just an ideal term which is only possible on paper. For those steps may well be invisible, or so weak that one will never reach the 6th. which is to say, we are all so NOT connected that it amazes me. yes, especially in this technologically advanced generation where we all buy into the theory that the world is flat.
yes. and all over the invisible dimension of the world wide web, people are coming up with a zillion programs and applications just to make those lines more defined. Things like facebook and iphones. yes, hail those intangibles that make up our world.
Will i take the initiative to contact them in future?
No.
Will they do the same to me?
Yes.
Memories lasted till the point in time where we sat during meal breaks in the middle of / in between classes talking about how little we learnt from the start of the module till then. What we aim to achieve at the end of our schooldays.
People forgotten, till facebook pops up some familiar name with a link.
you click on it, bringing you to the current going-ons in their lives, and you wonder if somewhere, sometime, other acquaintances are doing the same- not remembering your existence until they chanced upon chance.
Then somehow it brings about this sombre mood where the fact sinks in, the fact that even when your paths crossed, it means little than yet another maybe familiar face in future.
and that, is sad. For it seems like at the end of the day, we are all solely me, me, me for we are the only ones living with ourselves 24/7.
and as time goes, the theory of 6 degrees of separation may well be just an ideal term which is only possible on paper. For those steps may well be invisible, or so weak that one will never reach the 6th. which is to say, we are all so NOT connected that it amazes me. yes, especially in this technologically advanced generation where we all buy into the theory that the world is flat.
yes. and all over the invisible dimension of the world wide web, people are coming up with a zillion programs and applications just to make those lines more defined. Things like facebook and iphones. yes, hail those intangibles that make up our world.
July 12, 2009
Will be officially a working adult out of school by this time tomorrow.
Uni convocation will be somehow like what we went through in poly (I suppose), so nothing much to worry about. I recalled a mad rush and panic for preparation the night before poly commencement BUT somehow this time round I know I've reached the end of the edu journey hence it's only the paper that matter at the end of the day, and no one will remember how I look like on the day of the ceremony, yes, not even myself.
Yes, and my parents are more excited than me. Can you believe it?!
and the saddest thing of what I learnt these 22 years is that the easiest route to a better future is that passport (read: cert) that gets you across customs. The entry level to a hell lot of stuff.
and the reason behind that is the society we embrace. This practical yet moronic mindset of my fellow citizens that make us force ourselves into a certain mould so as to fit in, better.
alright. to the topic of work. I am now at legoland looking at systems that make my eyes crossed, somehow. and i go home at the end of the day feeling like i've been filled to the brim with stuff. For the time being, it is really exhausting. But i can foresee the sense of fulfillment that comes with experience.. and of course the moolah that flows in with the fatigue I'll accumulate as time goes. Well, what do you expect? ALL passion, no ka-ching $$ ? sorry. I've already been mould-ed. lolx
Uni convocation will be somehow like what we went through in poly (I suppose), so nothing much to worry about. I recalled a mad rush and panic for preparation the night before poly commencement BUT somehow this time round I know I've reached the end of the edu journey hence it's only the paper that matter at the end of the day, and no one will remember how I look like on the day of the ceremony, yes, not even myself.
Yes, and my parents are more excited than me. Can you believe it?!
and the saddest thing of what I learnt these 22 years is that the easiest route to a better future is that passport (read: cert) that gets you across customs. The entry level to a hell lot of stuff.
and the reason behind that is the society we embrace. This practical yet moronic mindset of my fellow citizens that make us force ourselves into a certain mould so as to fit in, better.
alright. to the topic of work. I am now at legoland looking at systems that make my eyes crossed, somehow. and i go home at the end of the day feeling like i've been filled to the brim with stuff. For the time being, it is really exhausting. But i can foresee the sense of fulfillment that comes with experience.. and of course the moolah that flows in with the fatigue I'll accumulate as time goes. Well, what do you expect? ALL passion, no ka-ching $$ ? sorry. I've already been mould-ed. lolx
July 07, 2009
Was browsing through my thoughts in the Tok blog and suddenly felt overwhelmed by emotions.
4th of July just passed and I found myself recalling the sugared duckies with the flag. Then soon after we'll be celebrating Christmas in July with hot cocoa and Kahlua. Last year this time I do not have time to complain. I was like on my 3rd consecutive work week or something without any rest days, holding more than one job plus working close to 17 hours every alternate day. I can almost imagine the creepy numbness at my fingertips. The unexplained weakness of arm muscles from hauling food bins OVERHEAD and into the dumpster.
Yep. should anyone say that I am a xiao jie/ gu niang, maybe I should retort by asking if they've ever tried working as a dishwasher at the most popular restaurant in town. If no, then talk to my hand.
4th of July just passed and I found myself recalling the sugared duckies with the flag. Then soon after we'll be celebrating Christmas in July with hot cocoa and Kahlua. Last year this time I do not have time to complain. I was like on my 3rd consecutive work week or something without any rest days, holding more than one job plus working close to 17 hours every alternate day. I can almost imagine the creepy numbness at my fingertips. The unexplained weakness of arm muscles from hauling food bins OVERHEAD and into the dumpster.
Yep. should anyone say that I am a xiao jie/ gu niang, maybe I should retort by asking if they've ever tried working as a dishwasher at the most popular restaurant in town. If no, then talk to my hand.
July 06, 2009
Training phase
I know it is the right one when your mind doesn't work the way it used to work when you feel undervalued and unappreciated.
I know that if everything goes well, the pot of gold will be at the end of my rainbow for sure.
... And in the event that I screw up, the cause-and-effect theory ain't too hard to swallow either.
Plus performance to reward keeps the motivation going.. So I do not foresee how this will end up like the hospitality sector where one sits by thinking your department is the ONLY one bringing in the revenue..
Maybe I'm wrong. But let me be mistaken till 2012.
To the one staying above, THANKS.
------------------------------
Commencement this Sunday. I can hardly believe I've finished running around the track and have reached the finishing line. I have yet to feel the effect of stumbling head on into the rat race. Today I met a uni friend at Kovan MRT. She's currently hired at some investment banking company as an intern drawing an INTERN pay of $1500 per month. like WTF. seriously... all other interns earn like 700 bucks. those at auditing firms take 600. but well, that's where the money lies huh.. so I guess somehow I must tell myself that between money and passion, I CHOSE somewhere in between. Of course all must be aware that the scale is ALWAYS tipped to one end. ^.-
She posed the question: How does working full-time feels like?
Somehow I was truly lost for words. Somehow the situation has yet to hit full blast. I am still sort of strolling and admiring the flowers before someone throws a pail of dirty water at the walkway, and screams at me to get off their yard. yes. not that yet. Maybe that's why I can only properly evaluate the situation half a year from now, then a year from now, 2 years from now, and right after the bond. By then I should look like 30 with wrinkles and crowfeet. yep. Maybe.
Slowing down the ageing process. Maybe all we're seeking is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, regardless of one's wealth. All we're looking forward to is to be more stable, more secure, more dependable. yes, on ourselves. The HOPE for a BETTER tomorrow, no matter how contented we are. For if we can have more of one commodity, why would we want to settle for less? Yes, I'm starting to think that my mind works more like an economist than not.
For the many more 12-hr ++ shifts that I will be enduring for my coming days, wish me all the best.
thanks
I know that if everything goes well, the pot of gold will be at the end of my rainbow for sure.
... And in the event that I screw up, the cause-and-effect theory ain't too hard to swallow either.
Plus performance to reward keeps the motivation going.. So I do not foresee how this will end up like the hospitality sector where one sits by thinking your department is the ONLY one bringing in the revenue..
Maybe I'm wrong. But let me be mistaken till 2012.
To the one staying above, THANKS.
------------------------------
Commencement this Sunday. I can hardly believe I've finished running around the track and have reached the finishing line. I have yet to feel the effect of stumbling head on into the rat race. Today I met a uni friend at Kovan MRT. She's currently hired at some investment banking company as an intern drawing an INTERN pay of $1500 per month. like WTF. seriously... all other interns earn like 700 bucks. those at auditing firms take 600. but well, that's where the money lies huh.. so I guess somehow I must tell myself that between money and passion, I CHOSE somewhere in between. Of course all must be aware that the scale is ALWAYS tipped to one end. ^.-
She posed the question: How does working full-time feels like?
Somehow I was truly lost for words. Somehow the situation has yet to hit full blast. I am still sort of strolling and admiring the flowers before someone throws a pail of dirty water at the walkway, and screams at me to get off their yard. yes. not that yet. Maybe that's why I can only properly evaluate the situation half a year from now, then a year from now, 2 years from now, and right after the bond. By then I should look like 30 with wrinkles and crowfeet. yep. Maybe.
Slowing down the ageing process. Maybe all we're seeking is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, regardless of one's wealth. All we're looking forward to is to be more stable, more secure, more dependable. yes, on ourselves. The HOPE for a BETTER tomorrow, no matter how contented we are. For if we can have more of one commodity, why would we want to settle for less? Yes, I'm starting to think that my mind works more like an economist than not.
For the many more 12-hr ++ shifts that I will be enduring for my coming days, wish me all the best.
thanks
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