Time for a wardrobe change. and I have no idea the difference that few kilos can make.
Shocked. Everytime I was alone in the office ladies spending the precious 5 minutes to myself and scare myself half to death with the notion that something aint right. or rather, seriously wrong. I put on a piece of pants today that used to be tight, and realised that I need a belt now. I no longer use the digital weighing scale underneath the dressing table for every bit lost cant be easily gained back. and it's kinda depressing. I'm maintaining my usual diet, and might even be consuming more tidbits with the frequent snacking. And not to mention the absence of any exercise in my day-to-day life. But somehow the metabolism still remains high and the energy intake doesnt seem to be enough. The guys in the office commented that I'm scary coz I eat a lot. Like a lot. Not normal for a female. Or maybe they just havent meet that many females in the office. And yes, my manager unofficially told me today that I've became a male in my line of work. Not because I want to. But because I have to. So the expectation is kinda like: u're a female so u're expected to have the usual blah blah qualities like being meticulous and stuff, yet able to act like I have the OTHER good qualities of a male. Anyway, my hormones are kinda screwed now with the irregular sleeping pattern so maybe I do have some of those traits. I think stress is playing a rather major role in my life now that I've started working and expecations are rising, if it aint high in the first place. Struggling to make things work, all the time. and explaining for every small details that may or may not be out of my control. and if it's not. why and what could be done. I was thinking today how it used to be like, say 15 years ago when the trade was booming (it's still booming) and haven been privatised, yet. I heard stories, wonderful ones, that I hope was still on but sadly not. Then again, when money gets in the way, everything gets OUT of the way.
So today I came back from a scoring day at work and realised that even with 2 hours of sleep I can jolly well function for more than 12 hours. and find myself amazed and wondering again how far one can go. Like where exactly is the limit. Like whether the same situation will happen like playing SIMS. fatigue sets in and one drops to the ground and catch some sleep then continue to wake up and go abt their activity.
so back to the scoring thing. My morale was on a uphill hike until those damn phone calls pushed me down the ladder. not once, not twice, but numerous time. If you do well, they want better. So ultimately I'm always racing against time, and trying to beat targets time and again. when you do extremely well in one area by sacrificing something else (one's always got to prioritise stuff), they expect u to maintain the one that u sacrificed AND also do well for the 1st priority. So the grey areas just gotten bigger. and things aint black and white anymore. not that they are in the first place. but the grey got diffused, if u know what i mean.
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Showing posts with label rantings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rantings. Show all posts
November 18, 2009
September 15, 2009
Something to look forward to?
Need those stuffs to keep me motivated.
Last time there used to be deadlines that I know I'll meet, signifying the end of a period and the start of a new one.
Like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Somehow this time round it seems like everything is clouded and haze is all over those stuffs.
Like the ticket to freedom costs much more than the pot of gold credited into an invisible source of moolah accumulation at the end of the month.
I thought I'll come to forget the feeling of being so tired, since the 17 odd hours i put in every other day in Tok. but life always find someway or another to make a joke out of you.
So here I am, zombie-like and trying to please myself more than anything in the world.
and looking for stuff to keep me sane. things that bring me away from the feeling of being suffocated.
Like searching for the feeling of going away like last year. Like having no responsibility and smiling like all the thousands of photos in the hard disk.
Like the need to go away after a period of work. Like planning for a trip that makes it possible for one to look forward to and count down to happy days.
Like feeling so lucky after work being doted on and cared for.
Like thanks. Thank You.
Last time there used to be deadlines that I know I'll meet, signifying the end of a period and the start of a new one.
Like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Somehow this time round it seems like everything is clouded and haze is all over those stuffs.
Like the ticket to freedom costs much more than the pot of gold credited into an invisible source of moolah accumulation at the end of the month.
I thought I'll come to forget the feeling of being so tired, since the 17 odd hours i put in every other day in Tok. but life always find someway or another to make a joke out of you.
So here I am, zombie-like and trying to please myself more than anything in the world.
and looking for stuff to keep me sane. things that bring me away from the feeling of being suffocated.
Like searching for the feeling of going away like last year. Like having no responsibility and smiling like all the thousands of photos in the hard disk.
Like the need to go away after a period of work. Like planning for a trip that makes it possible for one to look forward to and count down to happy days.
Like feeling so lucky after work being doted on and cared for.
Like thanks. Thank You.
July 07, 2009
Was browsing through my thoughts in the Tok blog and suddenly felt overwhelmed by emotions.
4th of July just passed and I found myself recalling the sugared duckies with the flag. Then soon after we'll be celebrating Christmas in July with hot cocoa and Kahlua. Last year this time I do not have time to complain. I was like on my 3rd consecutive work week or something without any rest days, holding more than one job plus working close to 17 hours every alternate day. I can almost imagine the creepy numbness at my fingertips. The unexplained weakness of arm muscles from hauling food bins OVERHEAD and into the dumpster.
Yep. should anyone say that I am a xiao jie/ gu niang, maybe I should retort by asking if they've ever tried working as a dishwasher at the most popular restaurant in town. If no, then talk to my hand.
4th of July just passed and I found myself recalling the sugared duckies with the flag. Then soon after we'll be celebrating Christmas in July with hot cocoa and Kahlua. Last year this time I do not have time to complain. I was like on my 3rd consecutive work week or something without any rest days, holding more than one job plus working close to 17 hours every alternate day. I can almost imagine the creepy numbness at my fingertips. The unexplained weakness of arm muscles from hauling food bins OVERHEAD and into the dumpster.
Yep. should anyone say that I am a xiao jie/ gu niang, maybe I should retort by asking if they've ever tried working as a dishwasher at the most popular restaurant in town. If no, then talk to my hand.
March 06, 2009
November 08, 2008
rubbish
The KUBS scholarship is in, finally.
That means shopping, and the rate of reducing moolah.
Aint sure if i will be able to keep up with the no need to think thrice or a million times before buying rule. and whether my bank account can sustain my buying behaviour this season.
Can't get the cadbury song out of my mind recently.. the 'wouldn't it be nice' advertisement. yep, wouldnt it be nice if i have... ... ... but so far i'm thankful for all that i've gotten.. so forget about those if-onlys and should-have-beens..
Went to this famous samgyetang restaurant at Tosokchon today with a buddy of Mabel's boyfriend's friend who was here on exchange last fall. sometimes quality of food is directly proportionate to the ka ching at the end of the meal. a nice change compared to the usual cosy homey relatively cheaper restaurants. tonic for the cold weather, something that warms the heart.. ginseng in actual fact.
a million things to do in 3 weeks and none accomplished. like how efficient can i be when i have all my weekends packed in addition to the outings on weekdays? this week i've been out 4 days out of 5 and will be going jalan-jalaning tomorrow before the hair appointment and we're going nami island on Sunday. partly because it's the place where winter sonata was filmed, but personally it's the longing to see an island in autumn where the leaves are falling. cycling around the place with the loose leaves ruffling below when the wheels go round and round. having great company and laughing in the wind. i guess that's as close as i can get to a fairytale? reminds me of the film what dreams may come. if only everything is so magical.
Right now i am a little irritated with the stupid heater which switches off every 5-10 mins or so after blowing warm air coz the organisation is extremely environmentally conscious and wants to save the earth! (as if! more like save electricity coz heating is expensive.) so when it's like 6 degrees c outside the freaking heater suka suka on and then off so tell me who would want to get out of bed like 50 times a night to RE-on the heater? smart move. i wont. for i can snuggle under that not-so-warm but can-still-make-it blanket and hug my bolster tight. yep. that's how i get through the night. and i foresee that the heater utilisation time wont increase anytime soon. time to get a quilt?
Publish Post
That means shopping, and the rate of reducing moolah.
Aint sure if i will be able to keep up with the no need to think thrice or a million times before buying rule. and whether my bank account can sustain my buying behaviour this season.
Can't get the cadbury song out of my mind recently.. the 'wouldn't it be nice' advertisement. yep, wouldnt it be nice if i have... ... ... but so far i'm thankful for all that i've gotten.. so forget about those if-onlys and should-have-beens..
Went to this famous samgyetang restaurant at Tosokchon today with a buddy of Mabel's boyfriend's friend who was here on exchange last fall. sometimes quality of food is directly proportionate to the ka ching at the end of the meal. a nice change compared to the usual cosy homey relatively cheaper restaurants. tonic for the cold weather, something that warms the heart.. ginseng in actual fact.
a million things to do in 3 weeks and none accomplished. like how efficient can i be when i have all my weekends packed in addition to the outings on weekdays? this week i've been out 4 days out of 5 and will be going jalan-jalaning tomorrow before the hair appointment and we're going nami island on Sunday. partly because it's the place where winter sonata was filmed, but personally it's the longing to see an island in autumn where the leaves are falling. cycling around the place with the loose leaves ruffling below when the wheels go round and round. having great company and laughing in the wind. i guess that's as close as i can get to a fairytale? reminds me of the film what dreams may come. if only everything is so magical.
Right now i am a little irritated with the stupid heater which switches off every 5-10 mins or so after blowing warm air coz the organisation is extremely environmentally conscious and wants to save the earth! (as if! more like save electricity coz heating is expensive.) so when it's like 6 degrees c outside the freaking heater suka suka on and then off so tell me who would want to get out of bed like 50 times a night to RE-on the heater? smart move. i wont. for i can snuggle under that not-so-warm but can-still-make-it blanket and hug my bolster tight. yep. that's how i get through the night. and i foresee that the heater utilisation time wont increase anytime soon. time to get a quilt?
April 21, 2008
Nothing is impossible
So soon we'll see cases of dehydration INDOORS. Like wth is wrong with this freaking weather?! With motivation at its trough, I'm so glad I'll be away for the summer.
ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH.
There goes. Feeling much better.
ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH. ARGH.
There goes. Feeling much better.
January 27, 2008
Out of control
Feel so comfortable at home that i can't wait to get back to hall. Seriously, i don't think i can get constructive things done at home, if any at all.
Looking at my damn organizer, i find the weeks leading up to CNY fully packed, and that excludes the to-be-scheduled-meetings and activities that follow. and i've never seen my planner so packed just 2 weeks into school. and now i'm wondering whether to return home, or not, for this coming week. and just how should i let Von know that work is definitely out till i have better time management.
Looking at my damn organizer, i find the weeks leading up to CNY fully packed, and that excludes the to-be-scheduled-meetings and activities that follow. and i've never seen my planner so packed just 2 weeks into school. and now i'm wondering whether to return home, or not, for this coming week. and just how should i let Von know that work is definitely out till i have better time management.
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