All good things come to those who patiently wait

I don't expect ALL good things to happen out of no reason, just like I don't believe free money will ever fall from the sky.

Like reaping what you sow.

Some things are very clear cut. There's only black and white, and the existence of the grey area is simply the understanding of those at either end.

Like I don't like smokers, but I don't hate them either. I have friends and relatives who smoke, but I don't. I am at one end of the spectrum and the only reason I walk to the center is not because I want to be converted.

So I don't believe in the bullshit of being entirely different yet still the same just because I crossed the line.

I simply don't buy into the idea.

So for me it's still very much of a do or do not kind of scenario most of the time, and some stuffs are just non-negotiable.

The year is coming to an end, and I am going to be a year older. I dread the coming of the next year, for it signifies more responsibilities. Yet the coming of 2010 means a lot a lot to me in terms of the expiration of the bond. The freedom at the end of the race.

Pudding and warm chocolate cake

All I can think of between those moments of silence. *laughs

Xmas came 8 days earlier this year with the black shiny plastic in the pouch.

Plus I'm exceptionally glad not because of that, but more of knowing that I can be so so happy with other stuff that doesnt require money.


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Was chatting with the karang guni ah pek just now and he commented that it must be real nice to live in my house where it's windy. For a moment I felt so guilty, for it seems like I have all the good things in life. and the next thought that came to my mind- get a house with good feng shui, for it'll determine my mood for the days to come.

Just another one of those days. yet again.

I was on day shift today and almost extinguished the fuel by the end of the day.
Was walking across the st.james overhead bridge and something visual came to my mind-
That every time work sapped my life and energy, a picture of a flattened yellow balloon that has lost its taut, shiny texture when it's brimming with joy appears in the space of my brain.
So it appears that what's left is a mustard-coloured 'lao hong' balloon on the ground with grim and dirt on it.

Haa. Exactly how I felt.

I literally walked home like a lifeless corpse.
I must have looked like shit for surveyors tried to strike a conversation but did not pester me further when I looked at them in the eyes and then away.
Yes, I looked at them. Action speaks louder than words indeed.

and i know exactly how over my body has been maxed out, for i can (again) count my heartbeats with my toes. I KO on the sofa with the intention to skip dinner due to the lack of energy to hold utensils properly. but you know you're not doing the right things when people you love remind you that what is convenient aint good, even if it may seem so at the moment.

Desperately need a holiday.

To stroll in a foreign land hand in hand and smiling like the world is ours throughout.
To spend quality time together. To get away from stuff.

4 more months to Italy!!!!!!!!!

Like Pringles- once you pop, you cant stop.

Love the weather recently. Down my temper like water on fire.

Irritated. Quarreled with some people at work. and didn't do well in presentation.

Pulled up the damned rates by their 2nd meeting that seem to be all that they're looking at. And feeling like some stuffs are going to overflow soon if I don't keep things in check.

Some days I have a lot of drive. and really put in 101% of effort in every single detail, going through those things painstakingly, just hoping that I'll close off my shift with a decent good rate and not hand over shit to other people.

Some days I feel like hecking it. On days like that I remember that I used to have a nonchalant attitude and that I can put that to good use. I can tell them that there's nothing that I can do to improve on the situation, and yet still happily take the same pay at the end of the month, like a few others that I know. So today just happened to be one of those days where I feel like half threatening them. I feel very irritated. Frustrated that some days things go very well and people dont say a word and on 3 hours of lousy performance, they smack you in the head and make you see stars.

They're not convinced of my explanation, but I don't feel like saying that the ground staff are not cooperating today. that i got so mad at my no-show list that I feel like letting the time run on its own till whoever else is happy to complete the pending task, regardless of the time. and it doesnt help that the yard situation has been terok since last week. With all those boxes piling up in the yard, there is no way we can squeeze in additional containers into that limited space. So my resources keep running round and round waiting to be served by a more efficient machine.

kind of tired after awhile. The kind of disappointment that comes with every lousy rate. But with that comes the adrenaline rush that i enjoy so much whenever things go smoothly because of pre-planning and luck.

I don't even feel like screaming anymore. I feel like wailing like a kid and waiting for someone to come with a candy to cheer me up.

A colleague is leaving, for greener pastures. here he is merely a small inexperienced staff hidden amongst one of the 5 branches of the organization. Is he the best? definitely not. for there are better ones. But outside, there are places that will take him for a $800/month increment in a position that is like so high that in normal working day, people working in my level will not be contacting. Is the green-eye monster coming out of the shadows? absolutely. That news kinda sparked off a series of job-hopping thoughts in many of us.

So i was thinking. In a couple of years, I would not have to worry if I'll be unwanted outside. I just need to flash the cert, and act like I'm damn worth the money you're paying me for.

I met the COO yet again yesterday at the company Christmas lunch. I dread meeting him, for he always uses the same question as the start of our conversation, and always ends the conversation with a reminder of some unpleasant stuff that I'd gladly forget. well, to hell with that. You just wait till my backup plan is in place. Then I'll simply smirk when you say the same things over again.

Some insensitive comments someone made also has me frowning for quite some time.
but it's okay. for I know that's not important. yep. like telling me things that down my mood invigorates me. exactly the opposite- so i slept well last night.

My sleeping pattern is absolutely screwed. and so is my food-induction routine. I have a hearty diet. someone reminded me again. and I do not need reminder that I feel like I'm going to evaporate into thin air if this goes on. I am eating well and I think it's the digestive system that makes my body all knobbed. Like no matter how much I eat, I no longer feel bloated or full. so that is making me miserable. you know how much I enjoy the feeling of contentment in the stomach after a good meal thinking that the day can end coz I am fed.

and the VP attitude irks me. Yep. Talking about changing the corporate culture and appreciating your people more doesnt mean that one has to look down on others and feel superior for we are leaders and the blue-collar jobs are for those people that you wont mix around with.

mind him. a lousy speaker than tries to instill action plans and inspires subordinates shld not act all snotty. Feels worse than high school when you know you can never be compared to the top 5 schools for the elites in the nation yet the educators kept brainwashing the class that we are the cream of the crop. and the physics teacher telling us that the NA and NT students are useless and stuff. You know the kind of feeling when you look at them, supposedly in respect, but turned out that they're some hypocrites just wanting to meet their own targets and appraisals for the academic year. People turn out just fine without adding kerosene and starting a fire. thank you.

and I am where I am because of opportunities. I kept thinking of the Nepal video in year one and feel so glad that the cards I'm being dealt with are good in the first place.

You know what I want to do most on rainy days?

It's here! One more month till 2010.

Somehow the years get shorter as I get older.

Last year this time, I was still blissfully ignorant of the kind of life I will be leading this year. I was still a young college student away from home having the time of her life.

It felt like 10 years. The twinkle is gone and I no longer find the need to flash the camera at every single moment worth capturing. Or maybe all the moments aint worth the effort now.

I still look forward to the same old things, like sleeping, a cup of coffee, a book with a quilt on rainy days on that rocking chair. Just that non-working hours have become the prerequisites to all those things to be happy about.

Today he came over and I finally understand a tad of how he feels every time we arrange to meet and me looking like work is pulling me down. For the past 5 months it just seems that only I'm the one with the horrible work-life balance and yep. I feel damn guilty. and even more so after receiving Royce after work. and some days the thought of settling down early dont seem like such a bad idea after all.

But work has to come first, at least for two and a half more years. Working hard towards that goal. If you really have to know, I really can't see myself there in 5 years time. Internal promotion is absolutely out of the question. Maybe another company. It's not that I don't enjoy the work I am doing now. I've come to a stage whereby I'll come home, to spend time logging in just to check my performance in the previous shift. So I know I'm one level higher than where I started out. Good, but not enough. I need to conquer the next, for people have expectations. The money is not for free. Yep, but so is my mental and physical health. And would I trade this for that? Maybe I would.

I look at my friends who have already changed/ is changing/ will be changing jobs. All the best for your new jobs. Surveys have shown that the first 6 months in a new job is the most stressful. I can vouch for that, and let's hope the next job is a better one. One with more pay, better benefits, and nicer colleagues. No point moving from bad to worse yeah. and know that if you feel miserable, remind yourself that I'm stuck. until I get that money ready in the bank. lolx..

and yep. The Kuching and Italy trip have been booked. At last something for me to look forward to. To break the monotonous work streak. So I guess I'm really stuck. Yep, talk about choices.

Astrological predictions. lolx

Beware of taking a job for which you are utterly unsuited. Yes, you need a steady income, but it's important to hold out for the right kind of work. Opportunities related to the arts, charity work, or psychology are highly favoured. You might also thrive in the hospitality field. These days, it's practically impossible to get good customer service. That's where someone with your diplomatic talents comes in. Stress this ability when you go on job interviews.

An unusual routine you were forced to abandon could be put back into action. It will take some time to get used to working strange hours and running strange errands. Still, your work won't ever be boring.

December. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.