You know what I want to do most on rainy days?

It's here! One more month till 2010.

Somehow the years get shorter as I get older.

Last year this time, I was still blissfully ignorant of the kind of life I will be leading this year. I was still a young college student away from home having the time of her life.

It felt like 10 years. The twinkle is gone and I no longer find the need to flash the camera at every single moment worth capturing. Or maybe all the moments aint worth the effort now.

I still look forward to the same old things, like sleeping, a cup of coffee, a book with a quilt on rainy days on that rocking chair. Just that non-working hours have become the prerequisites to all those things to be happy about.

Today he came over and I finally understand a tad of how he feels every time we arrange to meet and me looking like work is pulling me down. For the past 5 months it just seems that only I'm the one with the horrible work-life balance and yep. I feel damn guilty. and even more so after receiving Royce after work. and some days the thought of settling down early dont seem like such a bad idea after all.

But work has to come first, at least for two and a half more years. Working hard towards that goal. If you really have to know, I really can't see myself there in 5 years time. Internal promotion is absolutely out of the question. Maybe another company. It's not that I don't enjoy the work I am doing now. I've come to a stage whereby I'll come home, to spend time logging in just to check my performance in the previous shift. So I know I'm one level higher than where I started out. Good, but not enough. I need to conquer the next, for people have expectations. The money is not for free. Yep, but so is my mental and physical health. And would I trade this for that? Maybe I would.

I look at my friends who have already changed/ is changing/ will be changing jobs. All the best for your new jobs. Surveys have shown that the first 6 months in a new job is the most stressful. I can vouch for that, and let's hope the next job is a better one. One with more pay, better benefits, and nicer colleagues. No point moving from bad to worse yeah. and know that if you feel miserable, remind yourself that I'm stuck. until I get that money ready in the bank. lolx..

and yep. The Kuching and Italy trip have been booked. At last something for me to look forward to. To break the monotonous work streak. So I guess I'm really stuck. Yep, talk about choices.