The night shift attachment was a sight indeed. I am only as tall as the wheels of the smallest crane. Been aboard the mighty quay cranes ytd and maneuvering the spreader that can lift 60 tonnes of stuff in 4 directions and the entire equipment to the next berth, with the privilege of sitting at the control seat of the specialist and on board the vessel's desk and navigation room. PMing the prime movers, selecting the job sequence, job scheduling at the whiskies room AND going round with the area IC enable me to see the entire operations in a 360 degrees view. It's amazing how details are being factored into a gigantic operation on a scale unimaginable. One just cant help feeling insignificant in that environment.
Most who know about it look at me with green eyes. I know i should be proud of myself. But somehow the more approval and encouragement i get, the more i start to doubt. being skeptical and then coming to terms and really believing is a hurdle. Others most probably wont have that difficulty. so i know it's just me.
Despite being a little baffled (just a little), i keep reminding myself that it's a rare opportunity to be able to do what i've always wanted, and be part of where i think i want to belong. and not just the yusof ishaks dangling at the end of the rainbow.
Digression...
Night cycling with the KR peeps last night. the first time i went night cycling, i missed biding round 1A and ended up taking only 4 modules in a semester coz i fell asleep and was outbidded. Not a very good experience fighting for modules in the later rounds so maybe that explains my reservations regarding going on a two-wheel ride. This time round, my left knee got scraped. The last time i had an abrasion was in primary school when i fell while walking. Kids just dont have a good sense of balance. I guess not having enough sleep puts my balancing ability on the same scale as toddlers. Seriously, i am lost- what do people do to treat abrasion? leave it alone? yeah. so much for being in SJAB.
I've never been a good cyclist, never am and never will be. But the best part of cycling is that you know that there is no way you can fall off unless you stop peddling. so no worries about not being able to balance, coz everyone can- just that sometimes you balance on your butt. Oh.. and the amazing feeling of hearing the wind. being alone, hearing your thoughts loud and clear enveloped in the wind. I like being at the back, coz i believe that slow and steady wins the race so taking risks are well, just not my style. Then again, sometimes i think i just have to take the leap pf faith and build my wings on the way down.
Yeah. so back to the topic, i think i'll step across the line and go charging into the storm. there might be two pots of gold at the end of the rainbow.
February 28, 2008
February 24, 2008
Happy recess week. yeah, as if.
I ended off the week with a never-ending checklist of to-dos. ARGH.
but i guess everyone's pretty much the same, so live with it.
No more part-time work till i find the time to complete those dreaded assignments, never-ending readings and maybe start revising MA should i want to stop accumulating those should-be-forsakens.
and i guess i'm a little homesick. at least i missed home-cooked food and dread doing the laundry! so i've been thinking: Everyone can live alone. it's just that we don't want to.
random. random. random. It's irritating when i got loads to clear yet somehow the procrastination trait turns dominant. Like wth.
I ended off the week with a never-ending checklist of to-dos. ARGH.
but i guess everyone's pretty much the same, so live with it.
No more part-time work till i find the time to complete those dreaded assignments, never-ending readings and maybe start revising MA should i want to stop accumulating those should-be-forsakens.
and i guess i'm a little homesick. at least i missed home-cooked food and dread doing the laundry! so i've been thinking: Everyone can live alone. it's just that we don't want to.
random. random. random. It's irritating when i got loads to clear yet somehow the procrastination trait turns dominant. Like wth.
February 22, 2008
I remember moments and events, NOT dates. and i am absolutely amazed when people tell me they remember the exact date we met, or my birthday with just a glance.
for the hundredth time, i must declare that Numbers just assume a supportive role in my life, so i'm bad with sums, dates and grades!!
It takes that little effort to brighten someone's day, coz my cousin just did it. with a one-liner.
for the hundredth time, i must declare that Numbers just assume a supportive role in my life, so i'm bad with sums, dates and grades!!
It takes that little effort to brighten someone's day, coz my cousin just did it. with a one-liner.
February 20, 2008
THE ART OF RATIONALISATION
When opportunity comes knocking, do you:
1) keep the door shut
2) open it wide
3) peep through the door viewer
Reservations due to a couple of foreseen circumstances, and more to come i guess.
and it doesn't help that I seem to be treading on thin ice ever since the start of the semester.
Divided as to which side of the fence i should lean towards. or rather, whether i should advance forward despite knowing that gravity might just cause whatever that's supporting me to give way.
My brain seems to have a mind of its own recently, and so i've been putting things off to the better-tomorrows so to speak.
Overwhelmed. So maybe i shouldn't describe mono mono to Ching when she asked. It isnt like the session we attended in TP where i said P=peaceful. but being equipped with the art of rationalisation (i think), i guess i can continue to believe in myself.
1) keep the door shut
2) open it wide
3) peep through the door viewer
Reservations due to a couple of foreseen circumstances, and more to come i guess.
and it doesn't help that I seem to be treading on thin ice ever since the start of the semester.
Divided as to which side of the fence i should lean towards. or rather, whether i should advance forward despite knowing that gravity might just cause whatever that's supporting me to give way.
My brain seems to have a mind of its own recently, and so i've been putting things off to the better-tomorrows so to speak.
Overwhelmed. So maybe i shouldn't describe mono mono to Ching when she asked. It isnt like the session we attended in TP where i said P=peaceful. but being equipped with the art of rationalisation (i think), i guess i can continue to believe in myself.
Received a surprise call from Ms. Teoh in the afternoon. It's more of the i-m-looking-for-you-to-fill-a-position kinda call instead of a call to ask how i'm doing. I've never been on great terms with her and she's always been a superior in my eyes. Never a friend-friend kinda relationship and i think she lived with my not-so-sociable personality compared to the rest of FO just because i know what needs to be done and am pretty much the only one who'll do the stuff that the rest will complain doing.. Her honey-coated words then, and now. It's nice to know that despite assuming insignificant roles throughout my internship, part-time stints and temp contracts, someone out there notices my effort and thinks of me when they need a quick solution.
Maximizing throughput by subordinating stuff around the bottleneck and i happened to be the additional equipment on hand. Sometimes i look at my friends who are still in the hospitality industry in awe and envy, on how they managed to overcome the there's-no-need-to-look-beyond-the-surface situations in the industry, their undying passion in the trade, and how much they really enjoy what they're doing.
Sometimes i look back and wonder just how i'll turn out IF i accepted the many different offers back then. Back at the place where efforts don't get appreciated, and even if they do it's always too late. If only i took up the Rev exec position then. I may well by flying to establishments in the region a couple of times a year. and i admit it was pretty tempting to start my career with a job that comes with business trips and i remembered Mr. Rum telling us that for a woman to succeed in the business world, it's essential that she needs to be able to eat alone. coz that may well be the most common activity on a long business trip. VL was talking about Maslow in OB cls today and she was saying that it's funny how some people places so much emphasis on self-esteem and belonging needs that they'd rather go hungry than to eat alone and satisfy the most basic need- food. and it aint no surprise that i follow the 5-tier rule closely. since the big 5 shows that i'm a high C, again.
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I've forgotten just how easy it is to reflect when there's someone to share the ongoings.. so Ching, when KS isnt free, rmbr i'm just a phone call away..
and thanks Wilson, for letting me see out of the box ever so often. =)
I find myself walking along the scales, still.
Walk with me, wont you?
Maximizing throughput by subordinating stuff around the bottleneck and i happened to be the additional equipment on hand. Sometimes i look at my friends who are still in the hospitality industry in awe and envy, on how they managed to overcome the there's-no-need-to-look-beyond-the-surface situations in the industry, their undying passion in the trade, and how much they really enjoy what they're doing.
Sometimes i look back and wonder just how i'll turn out IF i accepted the many different offers back then. Back at the place where efforts don't get appreciated, and even if they do it's always too late. If only i took up the Rev exec position then. I may well by flying to establishments in the region a couple of times a year. and i admit it was pretty tempting to start my career with a job that comes with business trips and i remembered Mr. Rum telling us that for a woman to succeed in the business world, it's essential that she needs to be able to eat alone. coz that may well be the most common activity on a long business trip. VL was talking about Maslow in OB cls today and she was saying that it's funny how some people places so much emphasis on self-esteem and belonging needs that they'd rather go hungry than to eat alone and satisfy the most basic need- food. and it aint no surprise that i follow the 5-tier rule closely. since the big 5 shows that i'm a high C, again.
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I've forgotten just how easy it is to reflect when there's someone to share the ongoings.. so Ching, when KS isnt free, rmbr i'm just a phone call away..
and thanks Wilson, for letting me see out of the box ever so often. =)
I find myself walking along the scales, still.
Walk with me, wont you?
February 14, 2008
Freaky
It's scary.
To some it might be a chunk of alphabets put together.
In my eyes, it seems like a child crying in vain with a bleeding heart with no one around to help.
I can imagine thoughts screaming in the mind, the scarring beneath the smiling face, the direction-less and unanchored feelings that lead to nowhere. that's not all, what follows is being alone bearing the intolerable and trying your best to do without the indispensables..
Being enveloped by the dark. Scary thoughts that may as well drive a person insane. nothing to fall back on, without any way to rebound, and help seems like a million light years away.. what can one do when the negativities start corroding your well-being?
The tag line i set is 'Finding sanity through words, in this ever-changing world.' Always believe that we best rationalize away the negativities through words. but the fact remains that a coin has two sides and it depends on which side one is looking at.
the unimaginable disturbing feelings i get from one entry. Just one. just lines and lines of words made up of 26 characters.
How far can one reaches out to save a poor soul in need of help? and can help transcends across time and space?
so the one thing i want you to know: your pleas are heard. So try to stay away from the bad and ugly till help is rendered. i know you can do it.
To some it might be a chunk of alphabets put together.
In my eyes, it seems like a child crying in vain with a bleeding heart with no one around to help.
I can imagine thoughts screaming in the mind, the scarring beneath the smiling face, the direction-less and unanchored feelings that lead to nowhere. that's not all, what follows is being alone bearing the intolerable and trying your best to do without the indispensables..
Being enveloped by the dark. Scary thoughts that may as well drive a person insane. nothing to fall back on, without any way to rebound, and help seems like a million light years away.. what can one do when the negativities start corroding your well-being?
The tag line i set is 'Finding sanity through words, in this ever-changing world.' Always believe that we best rationalize away the negativities through words. but the fact remains that a coin has two sides and it depends on which side one is looking at.
the unimaginable disturbing feelings i get from one entry. Just one. just lines and lines of words made up of 26 characters.
How far can one reaches out to save a poor soul in need of help? and can help transcends across time and space?
so the one thing i want you to know: your pleas are heard. So try to stay away from the bad and ugly till help is rendered. i know you can do it.
February 13, 2008
Riding on high self-esteem
No one knows just how proud i am of myself ytd.I finally accomplished a goal that has been pending since high school- The gift of life, literally.
I like this year's tag line. Love is in the air, life is to be shared.
Ventured to MPSH alone after lessons, seeking the one thing that can only be received when it's given.
The gift of life aint painful, especially when you're experiencing that feeling of great satisfaction. I have the impression that the immense contentment numbed the pain, rather than the effect of anesthetics. lolx.
See. Donating blood aint a nerve-racking thing. So pple, DONATE BLOOD to complete the festive joy!
Have yet to let my mom know. I guess she'll be as proud of me as i am of myself. She's the first to know how much i wanted to do it and have been supportive since then. been encouraging me to go for it every single time i told her i wanted to and reassuring me that there's always a next time every time my attempts fail.
did i mention that the intangible gains surpass the material possessions (though insignificant items like the green bandage, red pump and cert do help in tangibalisation to an extent)??
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Caught The Mist at Marina last night.
The desperate need to have a belief, regardless of how illogical things may seem.
grasping hope in whichever form it takes. just to stay sane.
and it's amazing how far people are willing to venture in search of a way out, even when situations render clear sight impossible. and how is optimism going to help when you cant even visualise the goal? seems like sometimes opting for a pessimistic attitude helps.
and civility works only when things are going fine.
the irrational decisions people make when they're being driven to a corner.
Take away the rules of the game and people go crazy.
so, welcome to the dark side of human nature.
February 11, 2008
Patience waning..
i suspect someone has taken a liking to the realm of harry potter simply because of the undetectable charms in place and all muggler devices are confiscated by the ministry of muggler affairs.
and that, is just my speculation.
it won't seem half as bad if i can pretend that i know nothing about the traits of walking along the scales. and it's just too bad i practice a lot on the ordinary things.
and that, is just my speculation.
it won't seem half as bad if i can pretend that i know nothing about the traits of walking along the scales. and it's just too bad i practice a lot on the ordinary things.
February 09, 2008
Peter Knipp's talk, 2004.
Old thoughts for the new year.
Blogging enables me to save my thoughts and review them in leisure years after.
I wonder if the above link works.. but do take a look, coz Peter Knipp is fantastic.
Blogging enables me to save my thoughts and review them in leisure years after.
I wonder if the above link works.. but do take a look, coz Peter Knipp is fantastic.
[You aren't looking for anyone who reminds you of anyone else]
Life is afterall a fiction. A story with a beginning and an end.
Love is afterall a distraction from loneliness.
And happiness, a distraction from sadness.
That sounds so logically, cynically true.
Browsing through entries on the OLD OLD forgotten blog.
Stories of the blouse and the cake.
Here it goes:
- I bought a blouse that i like tremendously. so much so that i am reluctant to wear it for fear of staining the nice new clean top. i kept it safe and straight in the wardrobe. months down the road, i took out the same blouse only to realise that it is already out of fashion. I have no desire to want to don that now.
- I bought a cake back then. a cake that looked so yummy that i curb my temptation by putting it in the fridge so that i can slowly savour it bit by bit instead of stuffing it down at one go. the cake was forgotten for i did not open the fridge frequently. days past. and the cake was already spoilt when i finally felt like eating it..
The two stories are superb analogies. about regrets and reservations, amongst many others..
Out of proportion
Wagging, wagging, wagging..
The center of the tornado is always calm.
and that describes how i'm feeling right now.
Always oblivious to the happenings around me. Way too much anyway.
The reminders that follow. Seems like there's always someone out there who's in charge of keeping things in order. Making situations seem mundane. and i am so not fitted for that role.
The center of the tornado is always calm.
and that describes how i'm feeling right now.
Always oblivious to the happenings around me. Way too much anyway.
The reminders that follow. Seems like there's always someone out there who's in charge of keeping things in order. Making situations seem mundane. and i am so not fitted for that role.
February 08, 2008
Maybe one can refer to number 232 to see that i still stand by my belief. and that sometimes, reasons are just excuses regardless of the effort put in to convince/persuade another.
A little emo these few days. I wonder if it's just the festive season, the alcohol, or the fact that i've been listening to this Kenny G compilation.
I've in mind 5 people i badly want to share some news with, sooner or later, face-to-face. and let's just say that i'm not so sure if the number stands at 5 right now.
Before i start the usual emo-regulating process, i realised there is actually no need for that as i've that amazing indifferent attitude of mine in place. Whatever. really. it didnt bother me one bit. Maybe i'm too busy with ongoing stuffs and responsibilities. or it didnt matter then, now or ever.
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New year is supposed to be a great season, for reinforcing ties with relatives and love ones.. Yet this year, there's this tinge of sadness no matter where i go, like a dark cloud looming above my head.
On Tues i was at the ca**** ward trying to spread the festive joy with patients, trying my very best to rub off some of the enthusiasm that i was feeling then hoping that they can feel a little better about spending the new year in a place that smells like antiseptic no matter where you turn and gloomy faces greeting you no matter which direction you look. Much as i've said about me being apathetic, there's no denying that i'm a weakling since i'm made from flesh and blood.
I salute the caregivers. Their profession is one that should be right at the top of Maslow's hierarchy. It takes so much effort to try to do what i was supposed to do when in actual fact i guess if i were in the family's shoes, i'd very much rather 'I' leave them alone. Surrounding someone's bed, trying to spend the last few living moments together. The struggles and attempts to stay normal, behaving as usual despite feeling someone's life slipping away.. It's bad enough without some 'supposedly' kind and helpful people who come once in a blue moon and try to make themselves feel better by doing what THEY think is right and good to a whole group of people who might not need it anyway.
That day i walked away from that place feeling so insignificant, so insensitive, so useless and helpless. and the joke of the day is that despite that, life still goes on. Nothing matters (as much as we think it does).
Pardon this emo entry. Kenny G and Josh Groban are apt at creating such an atmosphere..
If there's a 'To happier stuffs' for me to continue, i'll gladly do so. But i'm afraid there isnt. and this year there's no need for the second chance to make things right. So it doesnt seem to matter whether i'm a Chinese or not.
A little emo these few days. I wonder if it's just the festive season, the alcohol, or the fact that i've been listening to this Kenny G compilation.
I've in mind 5 people i badly want to share some news with, sooner or later, face-to-face. and let's just say that i'm not so sure if the number stands at 5 right now.
Before i start the usual emo-regulating process, i realised there is actually no need for that as i've that amazing indifferent attitude of mine in place. Whatever. really. it didnt bother me one bit. Maybe i'm too busy with ongoing stuffs and responsibilities. or it didnt matter then, now or ever.
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New year is supposed to be a great season, for reinforcing ties with relatives and love ones.. Yet this year, there's this tinge of sadness no matter where i go, like a dark cloud looming above my head.
On Tues i was at the ca**** ward trying to spread the festive joy with patients, trying my very best to rub off some of the enthusiasm that i was feeling then hoping that they can feel a little better about spending the new year in a place that smells like antiseptic no matter where you turn and gloomy faces greeting you no matter which direction you look. Much as i've said about me being apathetic, there's no denying that i'm a weakling since i'm made from flesh and blood.
I salute the caregivers. Their profession is one that should be right at the top of Maslow's hierarchy. It takes so much effort to try to do what i was supposed to do when in actual fact i guess if i were in the family's shoes, i'd very much rather 'I' leave them alone. Surrounding someone's bed, trying to spend the last few living moments together. The struggles and attempts to stay normal, behaving as usual despite feeling someone's life slipping away.. It's bad enough without some 'supposedly' kind and helpful people who come once in a blue moon and try to make themselves feel better by doing what THEY think is right and good to a whole group of people who might not need it anyway.
That day i walked away from that place feeling so insignificant, so insensitive, so useless and helpless. and the joke of the day is that despite that, life still goes on. Nothing matters (as much as we think it does).
Pardon this emo entry. Kenny G and Josh Groban are apt at creating such an atmosphere..
If there's a 'To happier stuffs' for me to continue, i'll gladly do so. But i'm afraid there isnt. and this year there's no need for the second chance to make things right. So it doesnt seem to matter whether i'm a Chinese or not.
February 07, 2008
2 glasses of wine
State of blabber.
Happy CNY peeps. This festive season I've mulled over some stuff that I haven been thinking about for ages. Just cause someone sparked off that series of reflection over the weekend.
It never occurred to me that life should be an accumulation of experiences. trying. trying. trying.
To me, it has always been do or do not. So i find myself tongue-tied when others asked. I cant seem to find valid and logical reasons to substantiate what i think, especially when the other party has some G-D logical reasons.
Subtle compliments. I'm not belittling myself but somehow there's always a whole lot of people who i think is better and brighter.
Being commented that i don't share easily. Maybe if you ask, i'll say. maybe i wont. but if something's bugging you, then you should take the initiative. I admit i'm not one who bares her soul to others. But then again, those who knows me well (enough) understands (or at least i choose to believe) .
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Thanks for the card Ching. Just saw it yesterday. I know i haven been putting enough effort for arranging for meet-up sessions and havent really been in contact since the last time we met. What you wrote in the card is so sweet (ants are getting to it) =) and thanks for the appreciation. It means a lot to me. *hugs
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Dreading the coming week, though it's CNY.
i saw someone that looks like Lionel in the dining hall the other day and tried not to stare. He's the only guy that reminds me of flowers. Iris flowers in fact. The 1st 3 mths AJ stint that he tried to pull with the help of the rest of us. I mean, at the very least, we were there to accompany him.
It's getting a little late and i'm a little tipsy. I think i'll feel better if someone can give me a hug. So maybe i should just listen to what others say and get myself attached.
Spinning spinning, spinning. head spinning. Forget what i've said. Wasnt in the right state of mind. Cny rocks. I'm going to stay home as much as possible and nua the holidays away.
Happy CNY peeps. This festive season I've mulled over some stuff that I haven been thinking about for ages. Just cause someone sparked off that series of reflection over the weekend.
It never occurred to me that life should be an accumulation of experiences. trying. trying. trying.
To me, it has always been do or do not. So i find myself tongue-tied when others asked. I cant seem to find valid and logical reasons to substantiate what i think, especially when the other party has some G-D logical reasons.
Subtle compliments. I'm not belittling myself but somehow there's always a whole lot of people who i think is better and brighter.
Being commented that i don't share easily. Maybe if you ask, i'll say. maybe i wont. but if something's bugging you, then you should take the initiative. I admit i'm not one who bares her soul to others. But then again, those who knows me well (enough) understands (or at least i choose to believe) .
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Thanks for the card Ching. Just saw it yesterday. I know i haven been putting enough effort for arranging for meet-up sessions and havent really been in contact since the last time we met. What you wrote in the card is so sweet (ants are getting to it) =) and thanks for the appreciation. It means a lot to me. *hugs
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Dreading the coming week, though it's CNY.
i saw someone that looks like Lionel in the dining hall the other day and tried not to stare. He's the only guy that reminds me of flowers. Iris flowers in fact. The 1st 3 mths AJ stint that he tried to pull with the help of the rest of us. I mean, at the very least, we were there to accompany him.
It's getting a little late and i'm a little tipsy. I think i'll feel better if someone can give me a hug. So maybe i should just listen to what others say and get myself attached.
Spinning spinning, spinning. head spinning. Forget what i've said. Wasnt in the right state of mind. Cny rocks. I'm going to stay home as much as possible and nua the holidays away.
February 03, 2008
X-rayed
It's as if i've been taken apart and analysed. Mole by mole, atom by atom. Never felt so transparent after what Christine said then. It's like no matter how much sugar and honey i add, the cup of water still tastes pretty much like.. water.
I guessed i got my amour of quills out in full view last night, but it's clear to anyone who isn't blind that somehow, somewhere that coat didn't help. That effort seemed so feeble that in contrary it displayed what's left in full view.
Now i am wondering what will happen after the intangible sword pierced through the intangible shield.
Will the turtle goes back to it's shell?
I guessed i got my amour of quills out in full view last night, but it's clear to anyone who isn't blind that somehow, somewhere that coat didn't help. That effort seemed so feeble that in contrary it displayed what's left in full view.
Now i am wondering what will happen after the intangible sword pierced through the intangible shield.
Will the turtle goes back to it's shell?
February 01, 2008
Reinforcing beliefs
I received the greatest news in my life (as of now) verbally, on Tues.
Thought it was all but a dream. until i saw it in print.
The shock has yet to filter through my state of intense confusion and be registered.
So now it still feels kind of intangible and faraway. Like some unreachable goals.
My mom has started to spread the joy (i think) and i guess she's as proud of me as she was, maybe even proud-ER now. My dad adopted his usual laid-back attitude but took the initiative to call me and ask for more information every now and then, showing concern as to how my hostel life is. I think my family misses me. lolx.. and i do miss them too.
I'm kind of glad that opportunities come by so often that if u dare to grab hold of one, it'll bring you to scale greater heights. Received the email forwarded by the school's admin staff to the KU's person in charge regarding my application. Now all i need to do is to wait and see. I guess things will fall nicely in place since i seem to be going steamrolling ahead and is unstoppable.
Maybe i should just wait for a couple of days. Miss a few days (more) of school for the new term so that i can fully enjoy Alaska without the need to take the long lone flight home, especially with the troublesome connecting flights. I'm so looking forward to taking away with me all the insecurities and negativities to a faraway place that serves as a dumping ground AND to obtain valuable experiences that i'll never forget for a lifetime at the same location. I believe that it's only when you're in liminality that you'll truly reflect your innate self.
Wanted someone who can reinforce my beliefs the other day. Needed a pat on the back for job well-done, for someone to assure me that no matter what i do or what choices i make, i'll be safe on the track i'm on and will end up well and good at the finishing line. Goals may change, i do too. but shall leave the worrying and uncertainties to the brighter and better tomorrows.
Thought it was all but a dream. until i saw it in print.
The shock has yet to filter through my state of intense confusion and be registered.
So now it still feels kind of intangible and faraway. Like some unreachable goals.
My mom has started to spread the joy (i think) and i guess she's as proud of me as she was, maybe even proud-ER now. My dad adopted his usual laid-back attitude but took the initiative to call me and ask for more information every now and then, showing concern as to how my hostel life is. I think my family misses me. lolx.. and i do miss them too.
I'm kind of glad that opportunities come by so often that if u dare to grab hold of one, it'll bring you to scale greater heights. Received the email forwarded by the school's admin staff to the KU's person in charge regarding my application. Now all i need to do is to wait and see. I guess things will fall nicely in place since i seem to be going steamrolling ahead and is unstoppable.
Maybe i should just wait for a couple of days. Miss a few days (more) of school for the new term so that i can fully enjoy Alaska without the need to take the long lone flight home, especially with the troublesome connecting flights. I'm so looking forward to taking away with me all the insecurities and negativities to a faraway place that serves as a dumping ground AND to obtain valuable experiences that i'll never forget for a lifetime at the same location. I believe that it's only when you're in liminality that you'll truly reflect your innate self.
Wanted someone who can reinforce my beliefs the other day. Needed a pat on the back for job well-done, for someone to assure me that no matter what i do or what choices i make, i'll be safe on the track i'm on and will end up well and good at the finishing line. Goals may change, i do too. but shall leave the worrying and uncertainties to the brighter and better tomorrows.
January 28, 2008
Beyond the facade
I think the floor theme should be 'Confession of an overage teenager.'
Goes well with the 'got depth' framework with mirrors, lift button strictly 'not for grownups', the kid's party streamers and lots of cutesy shimmering hearts hung on ceiling and a half constructed supposedly cozy corner.
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The oh-so-lame things that i thought were beyond my imagination, at least until yesterday.
Seems like even as we mature in age, our inner selves may well remain childlike forever.
The excuses we made up ever so often to get about our daily lives makes me wonder how long more we are going to deceive ourselves and to what extent just to feel better, for you, me and the world at large.
I've been trying not to get emotionally affected by a certain behavior, especially disappearing acts. It makes me wonder (again) why the more technology advances, the more faults and problems we seem to find and/or identify with. and the contradiction here is that most of the issues have to be solved, somehow or another, via another major technological breakthrough. and let's just say i'm so looking forward to teleportation, time freezing and precise biometric tracking system linked to GPS.
Three weeks into school and it feels like i'm halfway through the semester. I've begin to think of room as home and the act of walking back to hall as a routine act like taking a bus trip back to HG. Growing accustomed to the convenience, and the feeling of being independent. Minimal communication with my siblings means lesser frictions, especially when they're at what Erikson termed as 'identity vs identity confusion' stage.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Opportunities aplenty. Abundant room for growth and a million reasons to take (more) risks.
The initial appeal usually intensifies then die away completely, like echo in the mountains.
Now i find myself equipped with everything but the right mood to take up MORE responsibilities and commitment for stuff that i know i wont be able to handle with my personality and lousy time management, especially on top of the pile of schoolwork that is increasing at an accelerating speed.
digression:
I like my room. I think it is how i'd like my room to be. A little messy yet in order. Things in their right places and inventory minimised yet the entire supply chain optimised, keeping total costs low. I like the way the sun streamed through my blinds in the morning in the exact angle that i left the night before so that i can wake up with the sun shining brightly in my face, welcoming me to a whole new day. I like just how the PSA lights glow in the distance at night with the street lamps lined up solitary in the streets and me being able to see through my snowflake glasses if i want to empty my mind. I am grateful for the fact that the condo next door isnt ready yet so i can leave my blinds undrawn the entire day without having the feeling that someone opposite is peeping. I like it that i can see greenery from where i am sitting instead of the windows of yet another room. I like the fact that i'm living at the highest floor possible for females and that the floor above me is the rooftop. I consider myself lucky that i am NOT placed is a strategic location where the afternoon sun shines in and make my room a sauna.
----------------------------------------------------------
Learn as we go along.. thinking that you've found the center of the onion only to realise that what lies beneath the layer of skin is yet another skin and you can go on and on thinking that you're just one step away from the truth only to find more layers to be uncovered.. and tearing as you go along..
Beyond the facade, may well be another.
Goes well with the 'got depth' framework with mirrors, lift button strictly 'not for grownups', the kid's party streamers and lots of cutesy shimmering hearts hung on ceiling and a half constructed supposedly cozy corner.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
The oh-so-lame things that i thought were beyond my imagination, at least until yesterday.
Seems like even as we mature in age, our inner selves may well remain childlike forever.
The excuses we made up ever so often to get about our daily lives makes me wonder how long more we are going to deceive ourselves and to what extent just to feel better, for you, me and the world at large.
I've been trying not to get emotionally affected by a certain behavior, especially disappearing acts. It makes me wonder (again) why the more technology advances, the more faults and problems we seem to find and/or identify with. and the contradiction here is that most of the issues have to be solved, somehow or another, via another major technological breakthrough. and let's just say i'm so looking forward to teleportation, time freezing and precise biometric tracking system linked to GPS.
Three weeks into school and it feels like i'm halfway through the semester. I've begin to think of room as home and the act of walking back to hall as a routine act like taking a bus trip back to HG. Growing accustomed to the convenience, and the feeling of being independent. Minimal communication with my siblings means lesser frictions, especially when they're at what Erikson termed as 'identity vs identity confusion' stage.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Opportunities aplenty. Abundant room for growth and a million reasons to take (more) risks.
The initial appeal usually intensifies then die away completely, like echo in the mountains.
Now i find myself equipped with everything but the right mood to take up MORE responsibilities and commitment for stuff that i know i wont be able to handle with my personality and lousy time management, especially on top of the pile of schoolwork that is increasing at an accelerating speed.
digression:
I like my room. I think it is how i'd like my room to be. A little messy yet in order. Things in their right places and inventory minimised yet the entire supply chain optimised, keeping total costs low. I like the way the sun streamed through my blinds in the morning in the exact angle that i left the night before so that i can wake up with the sun shining brightly in my face, welcoming me to a whole new day. I like just how the PSA lights glow in the distance at night with the street lamps lined up solitary in the streets and me being able to see through my snowflake glasses if i want to empty my mind. I am grateful for the fact that the condo next door isnt ready yet so i can leave my blinds undrawn the entire day without having the feeling that someone opposite is peeping. I like it that i can see greenery from where i am sitting instead of the windows of yet another room. I like the fact that i'm living at the highest floor possible for females and that the floor above me is the rooftop. I consider myself lucky that i am NOT placed is a strategic location where the afternoon sun shines in and make my room a sauna.
----------------------------------------------------------
Learn as we go along.. thinking that you've found the center of the onion only to realise that what lies beneath the layer of skin is yet another skin and you can go on and on thinking that you're just one step away from the truth only to find more layers to be uncovered.. and tearing as you go along..
Beyond the facade, may well be another.
January 27, 2008
Out of control
Feel so comfortable at home that i can't wait to get back to hall. Seriously, i don't think i can get constructive things done at home, if any at all.
Looking at my damn organizer, i find the weeks leading up to CNY fully packed, and that excludes the to-be-scheduled-meetings and activities that follow. and i've never seen my planner so packed just 2 weeks into school. and now i'm wondering whether to return home, or not, for this coming week. and just how should i let Von know that work is definitely out till i have better time management.
Looking at my damn organizer, i find the weeks leading up to CNY fully packed, and that excludes the to-be-scheduled-meetings and activities that follow. and i've never seen my planner so packed just 2 weeks into school. and now i'm wondering whether to return home, or not, for this coming week. and just how should i let Von know that work is definitely out till i have better time management.
January 24, 2008
Half truths = lies??
Told a half truth. Not really a half truth but rather, what i was thinking seemed true yet after serious consideration, sounds like a lie. Maybe i should have said otherwise but then again, it doesnt matter. really. At least not at this point in time.
If i'm saying what i think is true yet it turns out that the truth is sitting on a fence, like so many of us do, then what have i done? told a lie?
Whatever it is, i guess we still think about what others think of us more than they actually do. So i shall let it go at that.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
VL was saying it MAY BE possible for an introvert to be high self monitoring, since there's the saying - still water runs deep. I've taken 3 gigantic steps in 2 days, and have been on 'impulse agreeable' mode for the entire week.
Went for handball match today at the netball court. and boy~ dont i missed sports! I missed the cheering till you feel your voice cracking, i missed shouting goodness-know-whether-the-players-can-hear-what-i-say cheers, i missed the desire for victory that is shared with everyone in the same team, i missed the silent smiles and nods that are exchanged on the field, the absolute trust between teammates and such..
When entries veer towards this kind of direction, i know i'm closer to where i want to be, who i want to be, what i want to be. All it takes is that little effort. BRING IT ON!
If i'm saying what i think is true yet it turns out that the truth is sitting on a fence, like so many of us do, then what have i done? told a lie?
Whatever it is, i guess we still think about what others think of us more than they actually do. So i shall let it go at that.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
VL was saying it MAY BE possible for an introvert to be high self monitoring, since there's the saying - still water runs deep. I've taken 3 gigantic steps in 2 days, and have been on 'impulse agreeable' mode for the entire week.
Went for handball match today at the netball court. and boy~ dont i missed sports! I missed the cheering till you feel your voice cracking, i missed shouting goodness-know-whether-the-players-can-hear-what-i-say cheers, i missed the desire for victory that is shared with everyone in the same team, i missed the silent smiles and nods that are exchanged on the field, the absolute trust between teammates and such..
When entries veer towards this kind of direction, i know i'm closer to where i want to be, who i want to be, what i want to be. All it takes is that little effort. BRING IT ON!
January 23, 2008
If only i stop making assumptions. Then again, i got the indifferent attitude to cope with.
It's surprising how the number of hours i spend facing the laptop isn't in proportionate to more shows/ longer entries and such. It's the number of minutes that tick by without any accomplishment that kind of.. you know.. irritates me endless..
Yet another week. I'm counting down, or rather, trying not to. 15 more weeks to the end of this term. If only I can get past not being judged by people who follow the norm in this superficial society, perhaps i'll be an entire different person. Then again, it's too late. I've alr found myself walking en route the future.
To those who are still aimless with life, the only think i recalled from OB this week is that studies have shown that generally, people who are unhappy or don't like school tend to bring with them the same mentality when they go out to work. Somehow or another, they'll be discontented with life in every step of the way, all the way till they die.
Wasn't i glad that i got the personality of a White. Apathy still rules despite unhappy times.
That makes me a little contented, yet a little sad.
It's surprising how the number of hours i spend facing the laptop isn't in proportionate to more shows/ longer entries and such. It's the number of minutes that tick by without any accomplishment that kind of.. you know.. irritates me endless..
Yet another week. I'm counting down, or rather, trying not to. 15 more weeks to the end of this term. If only I can get past not being judged by people who follow the norm in this superficial society, perhaps i'll be an entire different person. Then again, it's too late. I've alr found myself walking en route the future.
To those who are still aimless with life, the only think i recalled from OB this week is that studies have shown that generally, people who are unhappy or don't like school tend to bring with them the same mentality when they go out to work. Somehow or another, they'll be discontented with life in every step of the way, all the way till they die.
Wasn't i glad that i got the personality of a White. Apathy still rules despite unhappy times.
That makes me a little contented, yet a little sad.
January 22, 2008
January 19, 2008
I like the feeling of being in a time period where things are ambiguous..
Like the period after an interview, being confused on which decision to make, which road to choose, pending application acceptance, the moments before the start of sth new and such.. It's like waiting for something that has infinite possibilities.. somehow that time frame seems most comforting.. like walking along the scales without responsibility except to try to keep your balance. But there's not much to worry because you always balance. just that sometimes you balance on your butt.
Random. An outlet for the randomness..
I've finally gotten back to writing journals.
I figured that there's always something that one has to make known, yet keep a secret.
-----------------------------------
Been reassuring myself that everything will turn out fine this year.
I've made it clear that this time round i'll lean far out. and hopefully whatever follows is what i've foreseen. Even if it doesnt, i'll take with me all that's left in a matter of weeks. 17 to be exact. Then return whole and new.
Like the period after an interview, being confused on which decision to make, which road to choose, pending application acceptance, the moments before the start of sth new and such.. It's like waiting for something that has infinite possibilities.. somehow that time frame seems most comforting.. like walking along the scales without responsibility except to try to keep your balance. But there's not much to worry because you always balance. just that sometimes you balance on your butt.
Random. An outlet for the randomness..
I've finally gotten back to writing journals.
I figured that there's always something that one has to make known, yet keep a secret.
-----------------------------------
Been reassuring myself that everything will turn out fine this year.
I've made it clear that this time round i'll lean far out. and hopefully whatever follows is what i've foreseen. Even if it doesnt, i'll take with me all that's left in a matter of weeks. 17 to be exact. Then return whole and new.
TGIF. TGIF. TGIF. TGIF. TGIF. TGIF.
I'm home!! I missed the scent of home. the smell of fresh linen airing and squeaky clean floor detergent.. i missed mum's cooking. so i ate 2 bowls of rice at 12 midnight when i got home. now i feel super contented with the familiars around me.. the usual untidy room, my clean bathroom, clean floor, comfy chair etc.. and the luxury of opening the fridge and choosing a drink out from more than 5 choices. i missed bickering with my siblings on the mundane stuff like why she converted my bed as a tabletop and her asking me to move out quickly coz i generate a lot of noise at home..
A room can never be compared to a home.
Home is where the heart is.
It is also where the start is.
I'm home!! I missed the scent of home. the smell of fresh linen airing and squeaky clean floor detergent.. i missed mum's cooking. so i ate 2 bowls of rice at 12 midnight when i got home. now i feel super contented with the familiars around me.. the usual untidy room, my clean bathroom, clean floor, comfy chair etc.. and the luxury of opening the fridge and choosing a drink out from more than 5 choices. i missed bickering with my siblings on the mundane stuff like why she converted my bed as a tabletop and her asking me to move out quickly coz i generate a lot of noise at home..
A room can never be compared to a home.
Home is where the heart is.
It is also where the start is.
January 17, 2008
The internet port in my room wasnt compatible with my laptop. So i spent 2 whole days listening to songs, viewing pictures and rearranging folders in my laptop. and i guess i can be considered handicapped without access to the internet.
Parts of the songs that i like and can remember:
I should be the first to know,
where the road i'm taking goes.
If I fall then i suppose,
that this road, must be wrong.
I learnt something all these years,
how to turn on those crocodile tears.
I may seem like a perfect girl,
not a care in the whole wide world.
I may seem self-assured and strong,
confident, Ivy you are wrong.
Single in Sngapore, you dont know what you're in for.
Just pray that someday you'll find who you're looking for.
Searching for answers but finding more questions.
Funny how our lives are full of changes.
Funny how friends are made from strangers.
-----------------------------------------------
All the best to me tomorrow! today!
I'll once again put o my best smile and behaviour in search of better tomorrows, with the sign loud and clear outside my windows.
My room feels bare. Now I know why YQ felt that way.. unpacking, unpacking with this lonely feeling. It’s like moving away to an entire different region without the familiars close by. I tried making it as close to home as possible BUT somehow it just seems like I’ve gone on a long camp… Everything’s in order and I am feeling lost... so I pretty much figured I still rely too much on the anchored feeling…
Beauty World was good. cha cha cha..Parts of the songs that i like and can remember:
I should be the first to know,
where the road i'm taking goes.
If I fall then i suppose,
that this road, must be wrong.
I learnt something all these years,
how to turn on those crocodile tears.
I may seem like a perfect girl,
not a care in the whole wide world.
I may seem self-assured and strong,
confident, Ivy you are wrong.
Single in Sngapore, you dont know what you're in for.
Just pray that someday you'll find who you're looking for.
Searching for answers but finding more questions.
Funny how our lives are full of changes.
Funny how friends are made from strangers.
-----------------------------------------------
All the best to me tomorrow! today!
I'll once again put o my best smile and behaviour in search of better tomorrows, with the sign loud and clear outside my windows.
January 13, 2008
Reminisce
Dad is away, I'm going away too. Not far, but still, away from home. I kinda miss home even before i move out. Singapore aint that big i know, but something seems to be missing.. Like a strong presence disappearing.. I swear i'm going to think up a list of makanan for mom to whip up when i get home every week..
Sent boon to TP for training this morning. I missed Tembusu Grove, missed training in the rain, setting up and clearing the range, loading trolley with bottles, writing reflections and update on weather condition in my training notebook before debrief, mental calculation on scores, indulging in being an optimistic pessimist, bow exercises, the long warm up and super short cool down, stringing up bows, fletching. yes, even fletching. oh. and i missed the food. =(
Driving along old tampines road brings back memories of the bus 72, Mac ice-cream, GV outings and Bedok int celebration after papers with the girls. Bitching about you-know-who, the stories that we never seem to get bored of. Saffron is now on a scale so large i couldnt piece my experiences at that small place in a corner of business with the current building near the pool. Saffron used to be this cosy small restaurant hidden from the nasty customers of the leaders of tomorrow for noobs waitstaffs to test out their skills and have fun. Now it seems like an outlet for people with money to spare and staffs that are there for upgrading of skills instead of a place for learning from scratch. It kinda hit me that the course has progressed this far ever since the IR project started AND me graduating.
I dunno what sparked off this emo session but i guess i have to reassure myself yet again that there's nothing to worry about, coz change is the only constant.
Sent boon to TP for training this morning. I missed Tembusu Grove, missed training in the rain, setting up and clearing the range, loading trolley with bottles, writing reflections and update on weather condition in my training notebook before debrief, mental calculation on scores, indulging in being an optimistic pessimist, bow exercises, the long warm up and super short cool down, stringing up bows, fletching. yes, even fletching. oh. and i missed the food. =(
Driving along old tampines road brings back memories of the bus 72, Mac ice-cream, GV outings and Bedok int celebration after papers with the girls. Bitching about you-know-who, the stories that we never seem to get bored of. Saffron is now on a scale so large i couldnt piece my experiences at that small place in a corner of business with the current building near the pool. Saffron used to be this cosy small restaurant hidden from the nasty customers of the leaders of tomorrow for noobs waitstaffs to test out their skills and have fun. Now it seems like an outlet for people with money to spare and staffs that are there for upgrading of skills instead of a place for learning from scratch. It kinda hit me that the course has progressed this far ever since the IR project started AND me graduating.
I dunno what sparked off this emo session but i guess i have to reassure myself yet again that there's nothing to worry about, coz change is the only constant.
January 11, 2008
True to your heart. You must be true to your heart.
I guess being comfortable and natural without false pretenses in the presence of others make all the difference.
Instead of the polite thank you, professional acknowledgement and sincere apology, i found myself replying with that excited voice as i would to a good friend. I know i am truly grateful and lucky when i dont even want to try containing happiness for an impression that i couldnt be bothered to upkeep.
Now i really hope to keep the goal in mind, with confidence and optimism at their peaks.
Work was great despite the fact that sales was as slow as or slower than snail. I managed to keep a conversation going for 8 long hours.. Just imagine the amount of nonsense i managed to sprout.. lolx.. and i seriously wonder just where my limit is.
A new colleague called to check if i'm good to take some slot during the 1st week of school, for a performance that i've been waiting for since last year.. and it sure feels good being at the receiving end of a sharing session, so far.. means a lot to me in terms of job satisfaction.. that's what i term pleasing internal customers.. and i swear i'm going to pass it on. lolx..
2008 WILL BE a fantastic year. and i'll walk along the scales should it tip.. so hakuna matata!!!
Instead of the polite thank you, professional acknowledgement and sincere apology, i found myself replying with that excited voice as i would to a good friend. I know i am truly grateful and lucky when i dont even want to try containing happiness for an impression that i couldnt be bothered to upkeep.
Now i really hope to keep the goal in mind, with confidence and optimism at their peaks.
Work was great despite the fact that sales was as slow as or slower than snail. I managed to keep a conversation going for 8 long hours.. Just imagine the amount of nonsense i managed to sprout.. lolx.. and i seriously wonder just where my limit is.
A new colleague called to check if i'm good to take some slot during the 1st week of school, for a performance that i've been waiting for since last year.. and it sure feels good being at the receiving end of a sharing session, so far.. means a lot to me in terms of job satisfaction.. that's what i term pleasing internal customers.. and i swear i'm going to pass it on. lolx..
2008 WILL BE a fantastic year. and i'll walk along the scales should it tip.. so hakuna matata!!!
January 10, 2008
One missed call
Moving into hall is a challenge liken to migrating. I find myself adding stuff to that never ending list of 'to-brings' written on multiple post-it slips..
Been trying to keep things to a minimum but as far as i can see, i'm failing terribly.. and i can imagine just how much MORE things i'm going to have to move out once sem ends and having to pack MORE stuff for Alaska.
Dad will be boarding the plane this weekend to UK, and stopping over at Rome.. If only the semester starts three weeks later. I might be on the same plane having the time of my life then, and not discussing with my bro who get to use the car on which day for that 2 weeks.. and i dont seem to be able to justify why i need to car when i'm moving into hall first thing on Monday.. Grrrrr...
Learning to be more independent.. Gotta put aside the reliance for once. and i definitely need more of Thierry's scent.
Been trying to keep things to a minimum but as far as i can see, i'm failing terribly.. and i can imagine just how much MORE things i'm going to have to move out once sem ends and having to pack MORE stuff for Alaska.
Dad will be boarding the plane this weekend to UK, and stopping over at Rome.. If only the semester starts three weeks later. I might be on the same plane having the time of my life then, and not discussing with my bro who get to use the car on which day for that 2 weeks.. and i dont seem to be able to justify why i need to car when i'm moving into hall first thing on Monday.. Grrrrr...
Learning to be more independent.. Gotta put aside the reliance for once. and i definitely need more of Thierry's scent.
January 09, 2008
Feel of my spirit is too old for me to understand
Being mistaken for being older than i am just by the way i carry myself.
You don't look old. But you most certainly don't behave like other 21s.. The way you speak and act. Isn't as childish as others.
What's new? ... As usual.. and i dunno if i should laugh or cry.. but this time round, i take that as a compliment.
Was told that i should be happy because there'll be a point in time when the differences end and i'll be able to appreciate the disparity.
Right now all i want is the ability to see myself the way others see me. Then, i will (might) be able to understand the reasons behind the impression i give others.
You don't look old. But you most certainly don't behave like other 21s.. The way you speak and act. Isn't as childish as others.
What's new? ... As usual.. and i dunno if i should laugh or cry.. but this time round, i take that as a compliment.
Was told that i should be happy because there'll be a point in time when the differences end and i'll be able to appreciate the disparity.
Right now all i want is the ability to see myself the way others see me. Then, i will (might) be able to understand the reasons behind the impression i give others.
January 07, 2008
Leaning far out
Gave myself yet another break in the midst of using work as an opportunity to find out just how much yusof ishaks means to me. and as far as i can see, it means a lot more than i think is healthy.
Finally gotten down to doing the ONE thing i think i desperately need to do- reorganizing. Actually if i handle stuff by prioritizing them, then clearing my notes would be the first on my list, followed by clearing the clutter in my room. Then again, it's the holidays so i deserve a break. In order not to let this off day go to waste, i reorganized a whole lot of stuff- in my email inbox. lolx.. it's the one thing i can accomplish just by sitting in front of a screen and moving my fingers.
Finding time to connect with myself. Found time to connect with myself. Made me feel better about a whole load of stuff that i figured aint worth my energy in the first place. This holiday, i think i've taken gigantic steps towards the better tomorrows.
yesh. i guess everything always comes at the right time. just that we ourselves aint ready or don't have the right attitude to welcome whatever happens with open arms. In which case, we just have to spend (MORE) time trying to figure out just how long more till the RIGHT time comes along and when we're finally ready, things fall nicely into place without you ever realizing that yours is the only world not revolving till now.
and time still stands still best in moments that look suspiciously like ordinary life. Embrace simplicity and be grateful for the little things in life. (yeah. am trying hard to..)
To the friends around me who have the patience to sieve through my long-winded way of communication, thanks for being a tolerant audience. Many a time, the important stuff gets cluttered with a whole lot of others that makes sense only if you're patient enough.
-----------------------------------------------
Digression...
First impression counts i know, but it certainly does not help if people judge based on looks especially if what i want to do or is doing isnt what others think i am suitable for.
Take work for example. I'm a female, so that makes me a weakling who cant carry heavy stuff and has to let those big strong guys take over. If i look feminine, then automatically i am not the candidate for blue collar jobs that dont include air-conditioning and office attire in the code of conduct/ regulations/ staff welfare etc.. They'll put me in say Human Resource or administration. That pisses me off, big time. No wonder people with an artistic flare gotta dress differently to show their sense of belonging. ARGH.
I am now thinking of forgoing my long hair, and changing my entire wardrobe, throw away my dresses, skirts and get a bike license.. oh.. and start speaking loudly in public, which aint a difficulty.
You know, i'm willing to accept that i myself create my own reality, except the fact that for some parts i really have no idea what i was thinking. somewhere along those lines, i am who i am now coz of social norms.. part of me wants to belong to the majority, but i know i'll regret it if i stay with the masses forever. Time for a change i guess. at least for awhile.
Taking risks. Like the title, this season i couldnt stand the adopt a wait-and-see approach. I'll just lean as far as i can, furthest out i want to, and stop worrying about what will happen..
Finally gotten down to doing the ONE thing i think i desperately need to do- reorganizing. Actually if i handle stuff by prioritizing them, then clearing my notes would be the first on my list, followed by clearing the clutter in my room. Then again, it's the holidays so i deserve a break. In order not to let this off day go to waste, i reorganized a whole lot of stuff- in my email inbox. lolx.. it's the one thing i can accomplish just by sitting in front of a screen and moving my fingers.
Finding time to connect with myself. Found time to connect with myself. Made me feel better about a whole load of stuff that i figured aint worth my energy in the first place. This holiday, i think i've taken gigantic steps towards the better tomorrows.
This is the center of the universe at this moment unless you're looking in
another direction or are thinking about something from a long time ago, in which
case it will wait quietly right here until you return.
yesh. i guess everything always comes at the right time. just that we ourselves aint ready or don't have the right attitude to welcome whatever happens with open arms. In which case, we just have to spend (MORE) time trying to figure out just how long more till the RIGHT time comes along and when we're finally ready, things fall nicely into place without you ever realizing that yours is the only world not revolving till now.
and time still stands still best in moments that look suspiciously like ordinary life. Embrace simplicity and be grateful for the little things in life. (yeah. am trying hard to..)
To the friends around me who have the patience to sieve through my long-winded way of communication, thanks for being a tolerant audience. Many a time, the important stuff gets cluttered with a whole lot of others that makes sense only if you're patient enough.
-----------------------------------------------
Digression...
First impression counts i know, but it certainly does not help if people judge based on looks especially if what i want to do or is doing isnt what others think i am suitable for.
Take work for example. I'm a female, so that makes me a weakling who cant carry heavy stuff and has to let those big strong guys take over. If i look feminine, then automatically i am not the candidate for blue collar jobs that dont include air-conditioning and office attire in the code of conduct/ regulations/ staff welfare etc.. They'll put me in say Human Resource or administration. That pisses me off, big time. No wonder people with an artistic flare gotta dress differently to show their sense of belonging. ARGH.
I am now thinking of forgoing my long hair, and changing my entire wardrobe, throw away my dresses, skirts and get a bike license.. oh.. and start speaking loudly in public, which aint a difficulty.
You know, i'm willing to accept that i myself create my own reality, except the fact that for some parts i really have no idea what i was thinking. somewhere along those lines, i am who i am now coz of social norms.. part of me wants to belong to the majority, but i know i'll regret it if i stay with the masses forever. Time for a change i guess. at least for awhile.
Taking risks. Like the title, this season i couldnt stand the adopt a wait-and-see approach. I'll just lean as far as i can, furthest out i want to, and stop worrying about what will happen..
January 06, 2008
Last gathering before term starts.
Walking around Pasir Ris Park at night beats the afternoon sun. But the day would have ended better if cycling wasn't canceled due to the rain.
The games were fun. Thanks YQ.
The IQ questions were great, thanks to KK, though it was extremely irritating trying to make the brain work at 3 in the morning with the effects of alcohol in the body.
The questions made me see the bigGER picture, to not be trapped in that frame of thought forever. Look out.
Amazed at how gu niang KK is compared to the rest of us girls. His entire range of hair care, face care, moisturiser and what not leaves me/us speechless. maybe i should start being diligent in usage. lolx..
All that aside, i must say i'm contented with what i have. I cant imagine living like strangers in a house, getting about our daily activities without crossing paths, minimal communication. It's a total opposite env from the one i was brought up.
Having stuffs aint the only way to show your wealth. Mine is filled with intangibles that are priceless. I am rich beyond imagination. lolx...
That's comforting.. To remind myself to stay contented every now and then when wants seem to eat into my sanity..
Walking around Pasir Ris Park at night beats the afternoon sun. But the day would have ended better if cycling wasn't canceled due to the rain.
The games were fun. Thanks YQ.
The IQ questions were great, thanks to KK, though it was extremely irritating trying to make the brain work at 3 in the morning with the effects of alcohol in the body.
The questions made me see the bigGER picture, to not be trapped in that frame of thought forever. Look out.
Amazed at how gu niang KK is compared to the rest of us girls. His entire range of hair care, face care, moisturiser and what not leaves me/us speechless. maybe i should start being diligent in usage. lolx..
All that aside, i must say i'm contented with what i have. I cant imagine living like strangers in a house, getting about our daily activities without crossing paths, minimal communication. It's a total opposite env from the one i was brought up.
Having stuffs aint the only way to show your wealth. Mine is filled with intangibles that are priceless. I am rich beyond imagination. lolx...
That's comforting.. To remind myself to stay contented every now and then when wants seem to eat into my sanity..
January 04, 2008
January 03, 2008
1st impression counts
Finally met boss and lady boss at work, got my pay for the month of December, and received a belated Christmas gift from Lady boss herself. Many thanks..
Besides the pleasant surprise, both of them invited me again to the company dinner next week and after they left, V told me that lady boss decided to raise my pay, and the uniform is going to come in by next week. Now, that's what i call great news for a new beginning. Then just when i thought today's sales was horrible due to the lazy weather, some last minute shoppers made my day. i went home a little later, but on a lighter mood.
Upon reaching home, i received a msg from a new colleague asking if i'm free to take over work. Thanks man. That's what i've been looking forward to. BW~
and the only thing that is bugging me now is the headache that wont go away ever since i flipped through my old text on cash flow statements.. I wonder how i'm going to help if i cant even recall what i've studied a year ago..
All the best.
and surprisingly, that didnt leave me fretting and thinking what and how i should react next. One step at a time i guess.
Besides the pleasant surprise, both of them invited me again to the company dinner next week and after they left, V told me that lady boss decided to raise my pay, and the uniform is going to come in by next week. Now, that's what i call great news for a new beginning. Then just when i thought today's sales was horrible due to the lazy weather, some last minute shoppers made my day. i went home a little later, but on a lighter mood.
Upon reaching home, i received a msg from a new colleague asking if i'm free to take over work. Thanks man. That's what i've been looking forward to. BW~
and the only thing that is bugging me now is the headache that wont go away ever since i flipped through my old text on cash flow statements.. I wonder how i'm going to help if i cant even recall what i've studied a year ago..
All the best.
and surprisingly, that didnt leave me fretting and thinking what and how i should react next. One step at a time i guess.
January 02, 2008
When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires will come to you
If your heart is in your dreams, no request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star as dreamers do
(Fate is kind, she brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment of their secret longing)
Like a bolt out of the blue, fate steps in and sees you thru
When you wish upon a star, your dreams come true
----------------------------------------------------------
There's this thing with Disney that brings out the child in me, long after knowing and understanding that fairy tales don't exist outside of books.. Stepping into fantasyland, strolling in front of sleeping beauty's castle, walking around the gardens of dreamland and being whizzed into space, amongst many others.
It's like no matter how old i am, i can trust Disney to make me feel childlike again.
Hate to grow up..
Anything your heart desires will come to you
If your heart is in your dreams, no request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star as dreamers do
(Fate is kind, she brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment of their secret longing)
Like a bolt out of the blue, fate steps in and sees you thru
When you wish upon a star, your dreams come true
----------------------------------------------------------
There's this thing with Disney that brings out the child in me, long after knowing and understanding that fairy tales don't exist outside of books.. Stepping into fantasyland, strolling in front of sleeping beauty's castle, walking around the gardens of dreamland and being whizzed into space, amongst many others.
It's like no matter how old i am, i can trust Disney to make me feel childlike again.
Hate to grow up..
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
All set and ready for a new start. The fireworks at Marina Bay wasnt even half as nice as those i saw in Disneyland. The music wasn't in sync with the fireworks, the people were all pushing and chatting in the midst of the fireworks display, and most of all, i wasnt with the right coy.
despite the disappointment, things went much smoother than expected for most part of the day. Cheers, to a great end and even better start.
Went AVP2 watching today and boy, wasnt i surprised to find myself surrounded by youths rushing to celebrate before the new school term starts tomorrow!
Some lame excuses, and the sense of sheepishness. could barely keep my eyes open during the movie, with bad bad lighting and slimy creatures.. It's as good as watching a home made video taken by some inexperienced person moving the recorder about. Gave me a headache and it took all my energy just to stay awake.
--------------------------------------------------
New Year is the perfect time for a new start, though beginnings should never be restricted..
If i say i'm comfortable with whatever i have now, should i still start something new? Will what i start affect what i will be doing?
What if i tell you i don't want one? will you then leave me alone or go ahead with whatever?
Sometimes frustrations leave me wondering what reaction i should have to be considered normal.
Luckily this season i am sure of what i want and what i don't. so bring it on 2008!
All set and ready for a new start. The fireworks at Marina Bay wasnt even half as nice as those i saw in Disneyland. The music wasn't in sync with the fireworks, the people were all pushing and chatting in the midst of the fireworks display, and most of all, i wasnt with the right coy.
despite the disappointment, things went much smoother than expected for most part of the day. Cheers, to a great end and even better start.
Went AVP2 watching today and boy, wasnt i surprised to find myself surrounded by youths rushing to celebrate before the new school term starts tomorrow!
Some lame excuses, and the sense of sheepishness. could barely keep my eyes open during the movie, with bad bad lighting and slimy creatures.. It's as good as watching a home made video taken by some inexperienced person moving the recorder about. Gave me a headache and it took all my energy just to stay awake.
--------------------------------------------------
New Year is the perfect time for a new start, though beginnings should never be restricted..
If i say i'm comfortable with whatever i have now, should i still start something new? Will what i start affect what i will be doing?
What if i tell you i don't want one? will you then leave me alone or go ahead with whatever?
Sometimes frustrations leave me wondering what reaction i should have to be considered normal.
Luckily this season i am sure of what i want and what i don't. so bring it on 2008!
December 28, 2007
Dear JC will be forgoing a once in 2 years gathering just so that she can go out with you-know-who.
SIGHZ.. as usual. so the very apathetic PJ told her to join his friends instead. Since her mind will always be with him. Must as well let her be. and frankly speaking, i think i will have a better time in the absence of strangers whom i can't communicate with.. watever~ save me from reliving the HP/CJ scenes again.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Christmas is barely over and i find myself fretting over INsignificant stuff like a thousand bucks in time for the new semester. Like maybe CNY can come just a little sooner in the coming year. and maybe i can make a trip down to cash converters and see just how much $$ i can get out of junk.. all the hard work, for an experience. It better be worth it.
Never mind the money. I'll find a way somehow. Maybe send in a resume for the part-time position of a security guard at one of the condos near my place. Since my sleeping patterns are kinda hay-wired recently. Might as well make the most out of it. wahaha.. or maybe deliver the morning papers. Good option since i can exercise at the same time.. or maybe mid-night factory worker for the new year hampers. Heard they give out bonuses. LOLX.
All these useless thoughts by a person desperately in need of yusof ishaks. amazed by the human brain.
Count my blessings. Compared to the semester break last December, i have had a great number of things to be happy about.
1) the HK trip
2) exams ended early- extended holiday
3) work 4 times as hard with $$ as the side effect
4) 2 new work places, new colleagues..
5) Great news to end the year
6) motivation for a fresh start
and out of my 7 wants that i posted a couple of months back, i achieved 5 of them.
one is not within my control and the other overlaps with another.
So simply put, i've gotten whatever i hope for. so back to the issue of the root of all evil, i shall take one step at a time. That's how the journey of a thousand miles begins, with a single step.
SIGHZ.. as usual. so the very apathetic PJ told her to join his friends instead. Since her mind will always be with him. Must as well let her be. and frankly speaking, i think i will have a better time in the absence of strangers whom i can't communicate with.. watever~ save me from reliving the HP/CJ scenes again.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Christmas is barely over and i find myself fretting over INsignificant stuff like a thousand bucks in time for the new semester. Like maybe CNY can come just a little sooner in the coming year. and maybe i can make a trip down to cash converters and see just how much $$ i can get out of junk.. all the hard work, for an experience. It better be worth it.
Never mind the money. I'll find a way somehow. Maybe send in a resume for the part-time position of a security guard at one of the condos near my place. Since my sleeping patterns are kinda hay-wired recently. Might as well make the most out of it. wahaha.. or maybe deliver the morning papers. Good option since i can exercise at the same time.. or maybe mid-night factory worker for the new year hampers. Heard they give out bonuses. LOLX.
All these useless thoughts by a person desperately in need of yusof ishaks. amazed by the human brain.
Count my blessings. Compared to the semester break last December, i have had a great number of things to be happy about.
1) the HK trip
2) exams ended early- extended holiday
3) work 4 times as hard with $$ as the side effect
4) 2 new work places, new colleagues..
5) Great news to end the year
6) motivation for a fresh start
and out of my 7 wants that i posted a couple of months back, i achieved 5 of them.
one is not within my control and the other overlaps with another.
So simply put, i've gotten whatever i hope for. so back to the issue of the root of all evil, i shall take one step at a time. That's how the journey of a thousand miles begins, with a single step.
December 27, 2007
Planning to take a gigantic step forth in the coming year.
Outperform myself.
Surprise the people around me.
Make a difference.
Despite the reluctance in the endless ongoing work-related issues that I'd very much rather not focus on, they somehow always manage to haunt me. wherever, whenever.
Some unexpected events happened today. Was being moved like pawns in a chess set. I'm not particularly unhappy about it as it brought about a pleasant surprise.
My partner offered the opportunity to sit in and be enveloped by music conjured by an orchestra made up of young performers. There's always a difference between listening to a good CD and being in an acoustically excellent venue with the notes seemingly dancing around you. I've always like the song Amazing Grace but today's performance was special. It's as near to witnessing a performance by the choir of cherubims and seraphims.
I cant read notes and dont play any instruments. but i believe i can appreciate music when i listen with my heart and soul. any music. and being at the correct place puts me at an advantage.
I got great colleagues working alongside me today. People who'll take the initiative and trouble to send up a controller just because my end was shorthanded, even though the timing was critical. Seniors being courteous and helpful in all ways. People helping out in all possible areas to make work enjoyable despite the hiccups..
It's December and my favourite season is here. I hope my growth is for the better this year. Suppress selfishness and arrogance. I don't think the reason why i'm here is to sell seafood and face pple with nostrils..
results out tomorrow morning.
Feels safer in the dark but the darker it is, the sooner light will come.
May the day be great.
Outperform myself.
Surprise the people around me.
Make a difference.
Despite the reluctance in the endless ongoing work-related issues that I'd very much rather not focus on, they somehow always manage to haunt me. wherever, whenever.
Some unexpected events happened today. Was being moved like pawns in a chess set. I'm not particularly unhappy about it as it brought about a pleasant surprise.
My partner offered the opportunity to sit in and be enveloped by music conjured by an orchestra made up of young performers. There's always a difference between listening to a good CD and being in an acoustically excellent venue with the notes seemingly dancing around you. I've always like the song Amazing Grace but today's performance was special. It's as near to witnessing a performance by the choir of cherubims and seraphims.
I cant read notes and dont play any instruments. but i believe i can appreciate music when i listen with my heart and soul. any music. and being at the correct place puts me at an advantage.
I got great colleagues working alongside me today. People who'll take the initiative and trouble to send up a controller just because my end was shorthanded, even though the timing was critical. Seniors being courteous and helpful in all ways. People helping out in all possible areas to make work enjoyable despite the hiccups..
It's December and my favourite season is here. I hope my growth is for the better this year. Suppress selfishness and arrogance. I don't think the reason why i'm here is to sell seafood and face pple with nostrils..
results out tomorrow morning.
Feels safer in the dark but the darker it is, the sooner light will come.
May the day be great.
December 25, 2007
Watched I Am Legend today and was burning in the cinema despite the cold temperature..
Guess the flu bug has taken a liking to me this season..
I think there are still ways beside tripping. Doesn't matter. One step at a time. I have 5 more months till Alaska. Then, maybe someone can tell me what i want to hear. Some positive happy stuff for the new year, and enough to last for 12 months.
This time of the year when i have the urge to keep thinking of more wants to beef up the new year mood. It's like if i have more desires, then maybe the thoughts will get channeled and positive things will keep coming my way. The grades will be out tomorrow. Let's just pray things turn out well.
Guess the flu bug has taken a liking to me this season..
I think there are still ways beside tripping. Doesn't matter. One step at a time. I have 5 more months till Alaska. Then, maybe someone can tell me what i want to hear. Some positive happy stuff for the new year, and enough to last for 12 months.
This time of the year when i have the urge to keep thinking of more wants to beef up the new year mood. It's like if i have more desires, then maybe the thoughts will get channeled and positive things will keep coming my way. The grades will be out tomorrow. Let's just pray things turn out well.
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.
Merry Christmas pple!! I assumed the crowds hit town. Coz Clarke Quay was only as busy as it gets on a normal Friday/Saturday night.
Bought myself a belated bdae/christmas/new year gift. It's now on reserve. Will only be collecting it in Jan. Something i've been looking for. Something that caught my eye weeks ago. Something great to end AND start the new year.
6 more days to another good start. All the best peeps.
** i got into KR next semester! my third and last choice. lolx... to think i put that as a filler only without harboring any hope. Guess MOTHER luck is on my side this season.. muahahaha...
oh. and i miss QY's aunt's place.. Christmas is nothing without a get-together with great company and having an awesome time.. sighz
Merry Christmas pple!! I assumed the crowds hit town. Coz Clarke Quay was only as busy as it gets on a normal Friday/Saturday night.
Bought myself a belated bdae/christmas/new year gift. It's now on reserve. Will only be collecting it in Jan. Something i've been looking for. Something that caught my eye weeks ago. Something great to end AND start the new year.
6 more days to another good start. All the best peeps.
** i got into KR next semester! my third and last choice. lolx... to think i put that as a filler only without harboring any hope. Guess MOTHER luck is on my side this season.. muahahaha...
oh. and i miss QY's aunt's place.. Christmas is nothing without a get-together with great company and having an awesome time.. sighz
December 23, 2007
Trapped in a tornado thinking the world is as calm as it seems without knowing that it's hell out there.
Physically drained. Mentally un-stimulated this season.
Think the fairies and elves' supply of magic dust is running low this time round.
------------------------------------------------
Flour going through a sieve. Flour. Going through a sieve.
The big stubborn ones which refused to go with the flow get left behind.
Flowing along. Going with.
Those that went through gets to be sieved finer still.
Forced to flow along. Made to fit in.
Somehow that seems pathetic.
Random thoughts..
------------------------------------------------
Tonight a picture i saw in a book kept flashing across my mind.
The caption for that picture was sth like:
Even though there are many people present in the same venue as us, there is always someone who seems to belong to his/her own world.
**translation
Fitting in. More like accommodating to the norm.. Adjust to the exterior yet retaining your unique properties.. Like water changing shapes but not its compositions..
random.
Physically drained. Mentally un-stimulated this season.
Think the fairies and elves' supply of magic dust is running low this time round.
------------------------------------------------
Flour going through a sieve. Flour. Going through a sieve.
The big stubborn ones which refused to go with the flow get left behind.
Flowing along. Going with.
Those that went through gets to be sieved finer still.
Forced to flow along. Made to fit in.
Somehow that seems pathetic.
Random thoughts..
------------------------------------------------
Tonight a picture i saw in a book kept flashing across my mind.
The caption for that picture was sth like:
Even though there are many people present in the same venue as us, there is always someone who seems to belong to his/her own world.
**translation
Fitting in. More like accommodating to the norm.. Adjust to the exterior yet retaining your unique properties.. Like water changing shapes but not its compositions..
random.
Wasn't in the best of condition when i reported for work.
The sluggish, lethargic feeling that goes hand-in-hand with the weather.
Was supposed to meet Ad for dinner before work but couldnt make it due to some VERY last minute errands.. and i still couldn't believe just how many pple are swarming in an ulu mall like Raffles City. Makes walking around a chore. Seriously.. and I am still fathom by Singaporeans' buying behaviour.. You see some pple walking around SWEEPING stuffs into their baskets/trolleys/bags.. It's as if Santa is giving out freebies for xmas..
Work aint really worth mentioning save for some issues that i guess i have to somehow find a way to make public to save trouble.. Today's real cute act of hint-hint after all things end doesnt bring across a clear message to me. I like it when someone senior or more knowledgeable about a particular area tells me straight in MY face that maybe i should or can try to say/react in a programmed way to save time/trouble, just in case anything happens.. You tell me, i listen, i act accordingly.
If you don't speak to me in MY face, i would NEVER know what i did wrong, or which ways i can improve on and would simply keep doing what i did.. Like i say, hinting doesnt work on me. that's worse than one-way communication. Imagine i put in 100% effort everytime only to find that pple doesn't like the 100%.. Maybe they prefer only 70% effort and another 5% that is sth of their expectation.. If i'm unaware, I'll never do the 5 that others think i should do.. and my 30 would have gone to waste.
Seriously, i dont think i'll break down easily in front of others, nor do i have pride too much for me to handle.. Words dont really hurt me. Words of work anyway.. so others should tell me off if need be.. Work is an area i am proud to say i have the least control yet most optimistic attitude towards.. Like i always say, if i cant find the passion, work is just an avenue for money.
and I only need to convince myself. See, that's the challenge.
The sluggish, lethargic feeling that goes hand-in-hand with the weather.
Was supposed to meet Ad for dinner before work but couldnt make it due to some VERY last minute errands.. and i still couldn't believe just how many pple are swarming in an ulu mall like Raffles City. Makes walking around a chore. Seriously.. and I am still fathom by Singaporeans' buying behaviour.. You see some pple walking around SWEEPING stuffs into their baskets/trolleys/bags.. It's as if Santa is giving out freebies for xmas..
Work aint really worth mentioning save for some issues that i guess i have to somehow find a way to make public to save trouble.. Today's real cute act of hint-hint after all things end doesnt bring across a clear message to me. I like it when someone senior or more knowledgeable about a particular area tells me straight in MY face that maybe i should or can try to say/react in a programmed way to save time/trouble, just in case anything happens.. You tell me, i listen, i act accordingly.
If you don't speak to me in MY face, i would NEVER know what i did wrong, or which ways i can improve on and would simply keep doing what i did.. Like i say, hinting doesnt work on me. that's worse than one-way communication. Imagine i put in 100% effort everytime only to find that pple doesn't like the 100%.. Maybe they prefer only 70% effort and another 5% that is sth of their expectation.. If i'm unaware, I'll never do the 5 that others think i should do.. and my 30 would have gone to waste.
Seriously, i dont think i'll break down easily in front of others, nor do i have pride too much for me to handle.. Words dont really hurt me. Words of work anyway.. so others should tell me off if need be.. Work is an area i am proud to say i have the least control yet most optimistic attitude towards.. Like i always say, if i cant find the passion, work is just an avenue for money.
and I only need to convince myself. See, that's the challenge.
December 22, 2007
My colleague commented that she thinks i kind of come out from/ belongs in an anime, and that was supposed to be a compliment. She added that my voice seems to give pple reassurance. and it's AS IF i'm that mature, confident, independent/ da jie type of person that will jump out when needed and start to clear up the mess for others/take care of stuff..
i guess that's the funniest thing i heard in ages.. lolx..
I dunno if i am really THAT good.. but it sure feels good to hear nice stuff every now and then.. and one must always remember that beauty is only the icing, NOT the cake..
I engage in mindless chatter ever so often.. so i'm pretty much amazed there are pple out there who are able to sieve out stuff that makes sense from the things i said, and detect nice traits about me that i didnt know in the first place..
Thank you Santa. I'm receiving the joy and happiness that you've been spreading since Nov..
i guess that's the funniest thing i heard in ages.. lolx..
I dunno if i am really THAT good.. but it sure feels good to hear nice stuff every now and then.. and one must always remember that beauty is only the icing, NOT the cake..
I engage in mindless chatter ever so often.. so i'm pretty much amazed there are pple out there who are able to sieve out stuff that makes sense from the things i said, and detect nice traits about me that i didnt know in the first place..
Thank you Santa. I'm receiving the joy and happiness that you've been spreading since Nov..
December 21, 2007
Don't take reservations. So no booking allowed. Just like NYNY. =P
Xmas party @ Terry's place. Of all i still like the bottom half of mousey, THAT i didnt even get extra for myself.
The Hazelnut log cake from Swensen's was scrumptious, and Ritz strudel completed the celebration, putting a great end to the night. The white xmas tree is pretty, real pretty.. Thanks to Eunice and Terry for organising, preparing the food, thinking of games, buying and wrapping prezzies.. oh.. and renting the DVDs.. The campbell inspired mushroom soup was Delicious. and i couldnt stop eating.. hafta get away frm the dining table to avoid putting on the kilos..
It's a pity i've work tomorrow, for i'd love those to be able to stay and hav MORE fun.. and i swear i could sit on the couch and stare at the pretty lights for ages with music in the background and finger food and drinks available throughout the night.. That, is indulgence during the xmas season.
This joyous season i'm waiting.. for magical moments.. for someone up there to put a perfect end to a good year so that i can start the next on a high.
countdown: 10 days to 2008.
Just 10 days to a new start. 10 days left to complete those unfinished business(es).. 10 days before you need to change the year to 08 instead of writing or typing 07. 10 days before i step into yet another year of school life that i know i better treasure before i regret till the end of time.. 4 more months to the examinations, 5 more months to Alaska. 8 more months before i start my year 3 education. 17 more months before i start hunting for a job, being socially responsible and financially independent. Dreading, dreading.. time aint always on my side.Even if it is, i've learnt to be a little pessimistic so that no matter how terrible things are, there wont be too much disappointment in store.. Or rather, i'm prepared for more things to come..
2007 is a good year. Let's just pray someone is playing Santa this season, spreading love and joy lots.. so 2008 will be a great year!
Xmas party @ Terry's place. Of all i still like the bottom half of mousey, THAT i didnt even get extra for myself.
The Hazelnut log cake from Swensen's was scrumptious, and Ritz strudel completed the celebration, putting a great end to the night. The white xmas tree is pretty, real pretty.. Thanks to Eunice and Terry for organising, preparing the food, thinking of games, buying and wrapping prezzies.. oh.. and renting the DVDs.. The campbell inspired mushroom soup was Delicious. and i couldnt stop eating.. hafta get away frm the dining table to avoid putting on the kilos..
It's a pity i've work tomorrow, for i'd love those to be able to stay and hav MORE fun.. and i swear i could sit on the couch and stare at the pretty lights for ages with music in the background and finger food and drinks available throughout the night.. That, is indulgence during the xmas season.
This joyous season i'm waiting.. for magical moments.. for someone up there to put a perfect end to a good year so that i can start the next on a high.
countdown: 10 days to 2008.
Just 10 days to a new start. 10 days left to complete those unfinished business(es).. 10 days before you need to change the year to 08 instead of writing or typing 07. 10 days before i step into yet another year of school life that i know i better treasure before i regret till the end of time.. 4 more months to the examinations, 5 more months to Alaska. 8 more months before i start my year 3 education. 17 more months before i start hunting for a job, being socially responsible and financially independent. Dreading, dreading.. time aint always on my side.Even if it is, i've learnt to be a little pessimistic so that no matter how terrible things are, there wont be too much disappointment in store.. Or rather, i'm prepared for more things to come..
2007 is a good year. Let's just pray someone is playing Santa this season, spreading love and joy lots.. so 2008 will be a great year!
December 18, 2007
Hugs are free. Give more.
Yellow light(s)...
------------------------
The shock of knowing the news of Jas's new 17 yr old bf and seeing him. 4 years our junior. gosh~ and so what if he's now working with chef E that so many of my frens admire? Frankly speaking, it's beyond my imagination. Coz he's even younger than my bro AND sis, and smaller size than them..
I'm not against, or for it. But maybe coz my clique knows the Tempura Maki story, all the way from prom till Sakae till April's fool till now.. Like Ching, i feel that it's really not worth it. Really. All the years. Gone to waste.
This kinda situation would be better accepted if it happens like 5-8 years down. I dun understand how JC made the decision there and then. 3 times. ONLY. and even so, why Temp maki let her go? just like that.
Seriously, i know i am in no position to comment. Then again, i feel a little helpless seeing a friend i know since Primary 1 making decisions that I THINK is irrational and not being able to help, or rather not knowing what i can do or say to help. Seriously, i think nothing i say will get into her head.. That's the disadvantage of knowing someone for like 15 years of your life. You don't even want to try. Coz u know the outcome, and the energy can be out to better use instead.
whatever it is, time will tell.
-----------------------------------------
Met up with Huiz last night and as usual, we lost track of time chatting at the void deck.
Met char in the train today. Same cabin. Talk about coincidences. All the crazy things we did in school, the things that happened after that.. Being in different places, but having memories that belong to the same time and place. Knowing that sometimes an exchange of words is not needed. Silence IS a response/reaction.
There's this issue meeting old friends and new ones. There's no need to response if i dun want to or dun find a need to. I dont have to constantly think of some stuff to say or react.. can't enjoy keep my mouth shut without someone else asking things like 'are u alright' and 'u look very tired.' the lame answers that follow the redundant questions doesnt matter, seriously.
knowing personality traits make my life easier and difficult at the same time. Easier as i wont get upset over certain actions. Difficult coz i know that there's no point raising my blood pressure over something i know is the norm.
Requests. requests. requests.
------------------------
The shock of knowing the news of Jas's new 17 yr old bf and seeing him. 4 years our junior. gosh~ and so what if he's now working with chef E that so many of my frens admire? Frankly speaking, it's beyond my imagination. Coz he's even younger than my bro AND sis, and smaller size than them..
I'm not against, or for it. But maybe coz my clique knows the Tempura Maki story, all the way from prom till Sakae till April's fool till now.. Like Ching, i feel that it's really not worth it. Really. All the years. Gone to waste.
This kinda situation would be better accepted if it happens like 5-8 years down. I dun understand how JC made the decision there and then. 3 times. ONLY. and even so, why Temp maki let her go? just like that.
Seriously, i know i am in no position to comment. Then again, i feel a little helpless seeing a friend i know since Primary 1 making decisions that I THINK is irrational and not being able to help, or rather not knowing what i can do or say to help. Seriously, i think nothing i say will get into her head.. That's the disadvantage of knowing someone for like 15 years of your life. You don't even want to try. Coz u know the outcome, and the energy can be out to better use instead.
whatever it is, time will tell.
-----------------------------------------
Met up with Huiz last night and as usual, we lost track of time chatting at the void deck.
Met char in the train today. Same cabin. Talk about coincidences. All the crazy things we did in school, the things that happened after that.. Being in different places, but having memories that belong to the same time and place. Knowing that sometimes an exchange of words is not needed. Silence IS a response/reaction.
There's this issue meeting old friends and new ones. There's no need to response if i dun want to or dun find a need to. I dont have to constantly think of some stuff to say or react.. can't enjoy keep my mouth shut without someone else asking things like 'are u alright' and 'u look very tired.' the lame answers that follow the redundant questions doesnt matter, seriously.
knowing personality traits make my life easier and difficult at the same time. Easier as i wont get upset over certain actions. Difficult coz i know that there's no point raising my blood pressure over something i know is the norm.
Requests. requests. requests.
December 17, 2007
December 09, 2007
Booked.
Booked.
All set to fly away on Monday.
Not fretting for the weeks to come. Worse come to worse i can join the shake-leg company pte ltd as a permanent employee till the next school term. The benefit of the organisation is such that there isnt any dress code, the hours are flexible, they allow me to take naps, and workload depends on the individual.
Booked.
Maybe i'll have more than one additional x'mas celebration this year. and ARGH the gifts.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Slots up for grabs. You see which slots are available and can fit into your schedule, and try to register yourself. Depending on the nature of the performance/activity, a person may enjoy as many as 24 slots per day but it is also possible to have a group of say 5 sharing 3 slots.
so far the max averages at abt 12.
Dun ask for the logic. there's no logic in this.
All set to fly away on Monday.
Not fretting for the weeks to come. Worse come to worse i can join the shake-leg company pte ltd as a permanent employee till the next school term. The benefit of the organisation is such that there isnt any dress code, the hours are flexible, they allow me to take naps, and workload depends on the individual.
Booked.
Maybe i'll have more than one additional x'mas celebration this year. and ARGH the gifts.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Slots up for grabs. You see which slots are available and can fit into your schedule, and try to register yourself. Depending on the nature of the performance/activity, a person may enjoy as many as 24 slots per day but it is also possible to have a group of say 5 sharing 3 slots.
so far the max averages at abt 12.
Dun ask for the logic. there's no logic in this.
December 08, 2007
Beautiful day. Perfect weather.
A series of events happened lately.. which sadly, didnt seem to faze me..
Am just wondering just how much (more) time i am going to waste.. on all these stuff before i leap into the rat race..
And i seriously dunno just how much (more) indifferent i can get.. About everything.
Everything used to matter so much that even nothing matters. Now everything doesnt seem to matter so nothing matters at all. alright. and nothing seems to be the problem. yeah. nothing. and it's irritating that even when nothing matters, it still does. Maybe it's just me.
I think it's time for me to get away from all these clockwork stuff.. coz everywhere i turn, i see:
The good,
The bad, and
The ugly.
Situations with a million different possibilities being streamed into 3 simple categories. No matter how good or terrible i THINK certain things are, they're always not as good, or not as bad as i thought they will be.. and it's hard to breathe with the feeling of extremes closing in.. Like no matter where i turn, everything runs with that logic. So with that in mind, everyday is pretty much like all the others.. so how can i experience fluctuating emotions while holding that thought? No wonder the indifference. It's innate.
The routine-ness of the mundane happenings gets to me.. I need a place where i can experience liminality. and that's where i WILL BE soon. soon enough anyway.
A series of events happened lately.. which sadly, didnt seem to faze me..
Am just wondering just how much (more) time i am going to waste.. on all these stuff before i leap into the rat race..
And i seriously dunno just how much (more) indifferent i can get.. About everything.
Everything used to matter so much that even nothing matters. Now everything doesnt seem to matter so nothing matters at all. alright. and nothing seems to be the problem. yeah. nothing. and it's irritating that even when nothing matters, it still does. Maybe it's just me.
I think it's time for me to get away from all these clockwork stuff.. coz everywhere i turn, i see:
The good,
The bad, and
The ugly.
Situations with a million different possibilities being streamed into 3 simple categories. No matter how good or terrible i THINK certain things are, they're always not as good, or not as bad as i thought they will be.. and it's hard to breathe with the feeling of extremes closing in.. Like no matter where i turn, everything runs with that logic. So with that in mind, everyday is pretty much like all the others.. so how can i experience fluctuating emotions while holding that thought? No wonder the indifference. It's innate.
The routine-ness of the mundane happenings gets to me.. I need a place where i can experience liminality. and that's where i WILL BE soon. soon enough anyway.
December 07, 2007
Spent the entire time outside waiting and found that when the boredom becomes unbearable, singing along helps..
Someone recognizes me frm school.. so i made a new friend today. Made the right choice changing a new part time job.. at least i get to meet different pple..
Caught my eye. Right. memory never fails..
Work will be fantastic tomorrow.
Someone recognizes me frm school.. so i made a new friend today. Made the right choice changing a new part time job.. at least i get to meet different pple..
Caught my eye. Right. memory never fails..
Work will be fantastic tomorrow.
December 05, 2007
December 03, 2007
Izzit worth new ink?
Waiting for the pen to dry up so i can start fresh with thoughts that are worth new ink.
We're barely a month away from the New Year. Looking back at the past 11 months, have you resolved all the resolutions you set at the start of the year? Or are you going to postpone them (yet again) and give them another buffer year?
I love December. The feeling of fresh start ahead. All happy things seems to be within reach.
Possibilities aplenty. Somethings are worth new ink. Others, don't even bother.
A week packed with work schedules so full that my holey pockets are finally regenerating.
One day at a time till next Monday. Tomorrow will be my walking day. The 3 hour tour in the morning followed by the art of spoiling my nails at work. Let's just say my optimism is nearing its peak this season.
Say cheers to a bright, windy and cloudy day tomorrow.
Let the weather be nice.
Let the weather be nice.
The weather better be nice.
We're barely a month away from the New Year. Looking back at the past 11 months, have you resolved all the resolutions you set at the start of the year? Or are you going to postpone them (yet again) and give them another buffer year?
I love December. The feeling of fresh start ahead. All happy things seems to be within reach.
Possibilities aplenty. Somethings are worth new ink. Others, don't even bother.
A week packed with work schedules so full that my holey pockets are finally regenerating.
One day at a time till next Monday. Tomorrow will be my walking day. The 3 hour tour in the morning followed by the art of spoiling my nails at work. Let's just say my optimism is nearing its peak this season.
Say cheers to a bright, windy and cloudy day tomorrow.
Let the weather be nice.
Let the weather be nice.
The weather better be nice.
November 30, 2007
Good things come in threes. Really they do.
Partnered some great peeps at work and managed to get through one of those dreaded moments. Easy-going peeps whom i think have the same mindset as me. Work is just work. An avenue for money. Let's just not make things dirty. Get through the hours together. You happy, i happy. Paycheck end of the month even happier.
Gina called. Seems like they are in need of some help.. and (they think) i can somehow lessen the impact thru introducing process standardization.. Different products, same equipment. It's almost like subordinating to work around bottlenecks.. and wanna guess what's in store for me?
It feels good to have them calling to ask me how's school and such.. It makes me feel like i'm at the top of their list if they are in dire straits. Not really indispensable. No one is. But i'm the number one backup. An exception. They'll (she will) work something out for me regarding the casual labour 'rule'. Love that place stashed away in a corner of the basement, unappreciated and forgotten by the entire management except colleagues of your own department.
Seems like the almighty Lee is still calling the shots there. Boo. That means that if i continue to see more of him, it'll be almost like a Dec crash course in baby-sitting.
That super flexible place. If i work there then i'll be able to coordinate my timing very well. That means MM for 8 hours followed by shows in the evenings. That means i'll be able to max out my hours AND energy this holiday. Something like 9-5 and 6.30-11. lolx.. Then Maybe twice or trice a week at that new place. Let's just see. One step at a time i guess.. =)
See. Good things come in threes.. E-P-M.
Partnered some great peeps at work and managed to get through one of those dreaded moments. Easy-going peeps whom i think have the same mindset as me. Work is just work. An avenue for money. Let's just not make things dirty. Get through the hours together. You happy, i happy. Paycheck end of the month even happier.
Gina called. Seems like they are in need of some help.. and (they think) i can somehow lessen the impact thru introducing process standardization.. Different products, same equipment. It's almost like subordinating to work around bottlenecks.. and wanna guess what's in store for me?
It feels good to have them calling to ask me how's school and such.. It makes me feel like i'm at the top of their list if they are in dire straits. Not really indispensable. No one is. But i'm the number one backup. An exception. They'll (she will) work something out for me regarding the casual labour 'rule'. Love that place stashed away in a corner of the basement, unappreciated and forgotten by the entire management except colleagues of your own department.
Seems like the almighty Lee is still calling the shots there. Boo. That means that if i continue to see more of him, it'll be almost like a Dec crash course in baby-sitting.
That super flexible place. If i work there then i'll be able to coordinate my timing very well. That means MM for 8 hours followed by shows in the evenings. That means i'll be able to max out my hours AND energy this holiday. Something like 9-5 and 6.30-11. lolx.. Then Maybe twice or trice a week at that new place. Let's just see. One step at a time i guess.. =)
See. Good things come in threes.. E-P-M.
Seriously, kids nowadays are ... **Speechless** That guy must have been at most 16. 17 tops. And do i really look THAT young? gosh~ And why are there so many U-21s around me recently? ARGH. I don't need reminder. I know. I'm 18.
It makes a world of difference to me to have someone say 'Let's trash it out' if something really did happen instead of relying on time to 'heal all wounds and mend friendships.'
Especially sensitive issues regarding work. Gives me the reassurance that no matter what, our friendship comes first. The rest takes a backseat.
I never was, never am and never will be good with expressing myself. Therefore for a friend to make it clear that 'let's not get upset over trivial stuffs' is a great way for me to know that no matter what others say, the other party will definitely listen to what i have to say. not just hear.
-------------------------------
and i can't get those songs out of my mind.
Especially sensitive issues regarding work. Gives me the reassurance that no matter what, our friendship comes first. The rest takes a backseat.
I never was, never am and never will be good with expressing myself. Therefore for a friend to make it clear that 'let's not get upset over trivial stuffs' is a great way for me to know that no matter what others say, the other party will definitely listen to what i have to say. not just hear.
-------------------------------
and i can't get those songs out of my mind.
TRULY SCRUMPTIOUS LYRICS:
Toot sweets sound like what they are
So do lollys in a lollypop jar
Gingerbread men have a gingerbread sound, we've found
Sugar plum cinnamon and lemon tart tell you what they are right from the
start
And your name does the same for you
By coincidence, Truly Scrumptious
You're truly truly scrumptious
Scrumptious as a cherry peach parfait
When your near us
It's so delicious
Honest Truly, you're the answer to our wishes
Truly Scrumptious
Though we may seem presumptuous
Never, never, ever go away
Our hearts beat so unruly
Because we love you truly
Honest Truly, we do
Truly scrumptious
You two are truly scrumptious
Scrumptious as the breeze across the bay
When you're smiling
It's so delicious
So beguiling
You're the answer to my wishes
Truly scrumptious
You two are truly scrumptious
And I shan't forget this lovely day
My heart beats so unruly
I also love you truly
Honest truly, I do
----------------------------------------------------------
Toot sweets sound like what they are
So do lollys in a lollypop jar
Gingerbread men have a gingerbread sound, we've found
Sugar plum cinnamon and lemon tart tell you what they are right from the
start
And your name does the same for you
By coincidence, Truly Scrumptious
You're truly truly scrumptious
Scrumptious as a cherry peach parfait
When your near us
It's so delicious
Honest Truly, you're the answer to our wishes
Truly Scrumptious
Though we may seem presumptuous
Never, never, ever go away
Our hearts beat so unruly
Because we love you truly
Honest Truly, we do
Truly scrumptious
You two are truly scrumptious
Scrumptious as the breeze across the bay
When you're smiling
It's so delicious
So beguiling
You're the answer to my wishes
Truly scrumptious
You two are truly scrumptious
And I shan't forget this lovely day
My heart beats so unruly
I also love you truly
Honest truly, I do
----------------------------------------------------------
HUSHABYE MOUNTAIN LYRICS:
A gentle breeze from Hushabye Mountain
Softly blows o'er lullaby bay.
It fills the sails of boats that are waiting--
Waiting to sail your worries away.
It isn't far to Hushabye Mountain
And your boat waits down by the key.
The winds of night so softly are sighing--
Soon they will fly your troubles to sea.
So close your eyes on Hushabye Mountain.
Wave good-bye to cares of the day.
And watch your boat from Hushabye Mountain
Sail far away from lullaby bay.
A gentle breeze from Hushabye Mountain
Softly blows o'er lullaby bay.
It fills the sails of boats that are waiting--
Waiting to sail your worries away.
It isn't far to Hushabye Mountain
And your boat waits down by the key.
The winds of night so softly are sighing--
Soon they will fly your troubles to sea.
So close your eyes on Hushabye Mountain.
Wave good-bye to cares of the day.
And watch your boat from Hushabye Mountain
Sail far away from lullaby bay.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
DOLL ON A MUSIC BOX:
What do you see
You people gazing at me
You see a doll on a music box
That's wound by a key
How can you tell
I'm under a spell
I'm waiting for love's first kiss
You cannot see
How much I long to be free
Turning around on this music box
That's wound by a key
Yearning
Yearning
While
I'm turning around and around
What do you see
You people gazing at me
You see a doll on a music box
That's wound by a key
How can you tell
I'm under a spell
I'm waiting for love's first kiss
You cannot see
How much I long to be free
Turning around on this music box
That's wound by a key
Yearning
Yearning
While
I'm turning around and around
November 29, 2007
It's the holidays.
No matter how things go, work is still work if i can't find a suitable place to channel my passion.
To happier things..
Ushered in the holidays and festive season with some good news.
I got my very first paycheck for this new part time work!
We'll be able to head down to pay the balance and get ready for the trip in a matter of days.
Arranged for a movie outing with a friend then I realised that my fav on-screen actor Josh is starring in 30 days of night. and the setting is in Alaska!
talk about coincidences..
Another typical day has passed. Just like that. I don't like any of the post-exams syndromes.
Doesn't feel like i just cleared my papers in a matter of hours.
Seems like i'm already halfway through the holidays.
The unanchored feeling. Exams give you a reason to work towards a common goal.
Like a dimming spotlight that fades into nothingness.
The emptiness after the papers, leaving the packing and clearing to the last possible moment. Just like fallen leaves rustling in the wind. directionless.
Exams make me feel good about myself.
I like having a goal to work towards.
A short-term goal that is within reach, regardless of the results.
A decision that you can make keeping in mind that there's no use running coz there's nowhere to escape to; and no use giving up thinking of the possibility to restart somewhere coz no one can really start anew. At least not for those who has one hand on the past.
Read this one-liner from an article:
The opposite of loneliness isn't company, it's return. A place to return.
See. We rely too much on the anchored feeling.
No matter how things go, work is still work if i can't find a suitable place to channel my passion.
To happier things..
Ushered in the holidays and festive season with some good news.
I got my very first paycheck for this new part time work!
We'll be able to head down to pay the balance and get ready for the trip in a matter of days.
Arranged for a movie outing with a friend then I realised that my fav on-screen actor Josh is starring in 30 days of night. and the setting is in Alaska!
talk about coincidences..
Another typical day has passed. Just like that. I don't like any of the post-exams syndromes.
Doesn't feel like i just cleared my papers in a matter of hours.
Seems like i'm already halfway through the holidays.
The unanchored feeling. Exams give you a reason to work towards a common goal.
Like a dimming spotlight that fades into nothingness.
The emptiness after the papers, leaving the packing and clearing to the last possible moment. Just like fallen leaves rustling in the wind. directionless.
Exams make me feel good about myself.
I like having a goal to work towards.
A short-term goal that is within reach, regardless of the results.
Read this one-liner from an article:
The opposite of loneliness isn't company, it's return. A place to return.
See. We rely too much on the anchored feeling.
November 27, 2007
In half a day's time I'll officially complete my Year 2 Sem 1.
I think my insomnia during this period is a gift, minus the dozing during the actual papers. Serious. At least i have ample time to prepare.
A kind invigilator woke me up from dreamland in the middle of com med paper. Quietly, politely. So there's no moment of embarrassment. Yeah. As if that applies to me. Barely made it through half the MCQs.. Qn 34 or 36 if I'm not wrong.
The difference between the outstanding ones and me is the expectation of grades. Frankly speaking, I can't imagine having the need to S/U a module which i obtain B+ for. Hey. That's a cap of 4 for goodness sake. An additional B+ instead of the accumulation of those shld-be-forsaken others.
I think my insomnia during this period is a gift, minus the dozing during the actual papers. Serious. At least i have ample time to prepare.
A kind invigilator woke me up from dreamland in the middle of com med paper. Quietly, politely. So there's no moment of embarrassment. Yeah. As if that applies to me. Barely made it through half the MCQs.. Qn 34 or 36 if I'm not wrong.
The difference between the outstanding ones and me is the expectation of grades. Frankly speaking, I can't imagine having the need to S/U a module which i obtain B+ for. Hey. That's a cap of 4 for goodness sake. An additional B+ instead of the accumulation of those shld-be-forsaken others.
November 25, 2007
Slacker
Couldn't help but feel amazed.
I must be the slackest person i see for miles.
Have yet to memorize commed and SCM.
What am i proving?
That i stand by my belief that my worth and knowledge shldnt be reduced to the figures on a transcript?
Or that i AM still indifferent to those seemingly important stuff at this point in time.
Something is telling me that priorities lie somewhere out there.
Not on pieces of papers with blanks for model answers anyway.
I must be the slackest person i see for miles.
Have yet to memorize commed and SCM.
What am i proving?
That i stand by my belief that my worth and knowledge shldnt be reduced to the figures on a transcript?
Or that i AM still indifferent to those seemingly important stuff at this point in time.
Something is telling me that priorities lie somewhere out there.
Not on pieces of papers with blanks for model answers anyway.
November 24, 2007
My laptop is officially on strike. It allows me to log into msn but refuses to do anything from that point on.
My hand phone is PMSing.. It shuts off as and when it likes, especially after replying a couple of smses. Then before i could even be mad at the inefficiency, it performs as usual.
So here i am, behaving just like my belongings.. My brain is on strike-mental block. My body is procrastinating-sluggish and lethargic. They're not cooperating to make my study week a smooth one.
So i am better utilising my time blogging than staring at the SAME lecture notes for hours, with constant half-hearted attempts to will myself to stay awake and FOCUS.
After this i plan to put my precious weekend to better use like having supper to please myself so that my body can be contented enough to start its engine instead of always being in standby mode.
My hand phone is PMSing.. It shuts off as and when it likes, especially after replying a couple of smses. Then before i could even be mad at the inefficiency, it performs as usual.
So here i am, behaving just like my belongings.. My brain is on strike-mental block. My body is procrastinating-sluggish and lethargic. They're not cooperating to make my study week a smooth one.
So i am better utilising my time blogging than staring at the SAME lecture notes for hours, with constant half-hearted attempts to will myself to stay awake and FOCUS.
After this i plan to put my precious weekend to better use like having supper to please myself so that my body can be contented enough to start its engine instead of always being in standby mode.
November 23, 2007
Random thoughts on lyrics
Everywhere i turn, i see-
The strangers whose faces I know.
This happens when you'd rather remain indecisive-
Someone choose who's left and who's leaving.
Trapped on the road to eternity, thinking just how long everything lasts-
All this time lingers, undefined.
Change. Change is the only constant.
So all i wish is for everything to remain as they are, only better-
The strangers whose faces I know.
This happens when you'd rather remain indecisive-
Someone choose who's left and who's leaving.
Trapped on the road to eternity, thinking just how long everything lasts-
All this time lingers, undefined.
Change. Change is the only constant.
So all i wish is for everything to remain as they are, only better-
New words for old desires.
-----------------------------------------------------
Randomness aplenty.
Maybe it's time to set the archives back in my old blog.
More random stuff anyway.
-----------------------------------------------------
Randomness aplenty.
Maybe it's time to set the archives back in my old blog.
More random stuff anyway.
November 21, 2007
The older we get, the more we learn to let go, or the more we should learn to hold on?
Like Tina's new blogskin. The header is:
Some of us think holding on makes us strong;
but sometimes it is letting go.
Have that in many of my entries. Holding on or letting go.
Haven't i mention that letting go has been one of my major weaknesses?
and recently I've been thinking if both are actually on the same side of the scales.
This study week marks yet another of the end of the semester period. Another phase in life i know I'll soon bid farewell to. Another left-to-fret-in-future problem regarding the semi-annual tuition loan.
Seems like besides enjoyment, studying is just one payment after another. Despite the fact that i am optimistic about the future, i still find that piece of paper rather worthless. At the end of it all, i might be pretty much the same as what i was. If it's not for the fortune of being born in a superficial society, i guess there will not be a need to do what i am doing and striving for.
My youngest sis will be getting her PSLE results tomorrow. Seriously, i kinda pity her. 10 years down the road she'll be where i am if everything goes smoothly and things will be vastly different compared to what i am experiencing while i will get my butt out of the warming track in a matter of months and head on into the rat race.
and i wonder just how long more it will be before i stop looking at life in the perspective of a gamer, in particular in the sense of a person playing Sims.
The other day i dreamt that i somehow know i am going to die with a friend behind the wheels on an upwards winding road. Then i refused to allow my thoughts to flow just the way it wanted to and forced the automobile to swerve. I managed to get out of the car alive. but wondered if that's the right thing to do.
If dreams are simulations for life's situations, i guess mine will never be an interesting and challenging one. After all, that's what the reset/restart button is for. To get the sense of accomplishment after conquering something, with the criteria of easy defeats before the victory is won.
I know I'm insane, coz i make no sense. But somehow it doesn't seem to matter in this place where logic doesn't count for anything. Maybe it's the pre-exam syndrome. Those times where energy is diverted to nonsensical issues instead of focusing on studies. Skilled procrastinator. we all are but the difference between you and me is that i practise on the ordinary stuff, A LOT.
Some of us think holding on makes us strong;
but sometimes it is letting go.
Have that in many of my entries. Holding on or letting go.
Haven't i mention that letting go has been one of my major weaknesses?
and recently I've been thinking if both are actually on the same side of the scales.
This study week marks yet another of the end of the semester period. Another phase in life i know I'll soon bid farewell to. Another left-to-fret-in-future problem regarding the semi-annual tuition loan.
Seems like besides enjoyment, studying is just one payment after another. Despite the fact that i am optimistic about the future, i still find that piece of paper rather worthless. At the end of it all, i might be pretty much the same as what i was. If it's not for the fortune of being born in a superficial society, i guess there will not be a need to do what i am doing and striving for.
My youngest sis will be getting her PSLE results tomorrow. Seriously, i kinda pity her. 10 years down the road she'll be where i am if everything goes smoothly and things will be vastly different compared to what i am experiencing while i will get my butt out of the warming track in a matter of months and head on into the rat race.
and i wonder just how long more it will be before i stop looking at life in the perspective of a gamer, in particular in the sense of a person playing Sims.
The other day i dreamt that i somehow know i am going to die with a friend behind the wheels on an upwards winding road. Then i refused to allow my thoughts to flow just the way it wanted to and forced the automobile to swerve. I managed to get out of the car alive. but wondered if that's the right thing to do.
If dreams are simulations for life's situations, i guess mine will never be an interesting and challenging one. After all, that's what the reset/restart button is for. To get the sense of accomplishment after conquering something, with the criteria of easy defeats before the victory is won.
I know I'm insane, coz i make no sense. But somehow it doesn't seem to matter in this place where logic doesn't count for anything. Maybe it's the pre-exam syndrome. Those times where energy is diverted to nonsensical issues instead of focusing on studies. Skilled procrastinator. we all are but the difference between you and me is that i practise on the ordinary stuff, A LOT.
*puke
That's so very rude.
----------------------
Anyway, watched Saw IV and there's nothing much besides the usual gore. The cut bodies/ skull/ organs up. Rip hair off head, hack each other for survival. Mechanism smashing up head, piercing eyes and to torture oneself in order to seek redemption. seriously i have had enough of all those rubbish that it makes Saw IV the same as watching the makings of Saw I, II and III. When can they come up with some brilliant thriller/horror flicks that can somewhat chill my bones instead of just making me feel uneasy??
Met my slacking khaki from PP and turned to find some other familiar half frowning. -_-"'
Rmbr our fav tea break at 10 in the cafeteria.
Chatting at the foyer instead of standing near the driveway.
Being mistaken for being twins and having pple mixed up our names.
Having guests who think i am part of the group crew instead of a staff.
Watching the Christmas lightings on the streets and numerous London cabs passing by.
I certainly hope i changed for the better. If i did change in the first place.
That's so very rude.
----------------------
Anyway, watched Saw IV and there's nothing much besides the usual gore. The cut bodies/ skull/ organs up. Rip hair off head, hack each other for survival. Mechanism smashing up head, piercing eyes and to torture oneself in order to seek redemption. seriously i have had enough of all those rubbish that it makes Saw IV the same as watching the makings of Saw I, II and III. When can they come up with some brilliant thriller/horror flicks that can somewhat chill my bones instead of just making me feel uneasy??
Met my slacking khaki from PP and turned to find some other familiar half frowning. -_-"'
Rmbr our fav tea break at 10 in the cafeteria.
Chatting at the foyer instead of standing near the driveway.
Being mistaken for being twins and having pple mixed up our names.
Having guests who think i am part of the group crew instead of a staff.
Watching the Christmas lightings on the streets and numerous London cabs passing by.
I certainly hope i changed for the better. If i did change in the first place.
November 19, 2007
November 17, 2007
Over and over
Over and over by Nana Mouskouri
Originally a Russian Yiddish folksong titled Tum Balalaika. Chanced upon it at some event and fell in love with its catchy tune and Yiddish language. Found that there's an English version titled over and over.
----------------------------------------------------
Tum Balalaika lyrics direct translation:
A young lad stands and thinks
Thinks and thinks the whole night
Whom to take and not to embarrass [the others]?
Whom to take and not to embarrass?
Tumbala, Tumbala, Tumbalalaika
Tumbala, Tumbala, Tumbalalaika
Tumbalalaika, strum balalaika
Tumbalalaika, may we be happy
Girl, girl, let me ask you
What can grow, grow without rain
What can burn and never end
What can yearn, cry without tears
Foolish lad, why do you have to ask?
A stone can grow, grow without rain
Love can burn endlessly
A heart can yearn, cry without tears
What is taller than a house?
What is swifter than a mouse?
What is deeper than a well?
And what is bitter, more bitter than gall?
A cat is swifter than a mouse
The Torah is deeper than a well
Death is bitter, more bitter than gall
post-sem syndrome
fatigue sets in overnight.
Seems like everything gave way after the prolong tensed-slacking session during the term.
Maybe.
So apologies for appearing bored/indifferent/tired. Can't help it.
Seems like everything gave way after the prolong tensed-slacking session during the term.
Maybe.
So apologies for appearing bored/indifferent/tired. Can't help it.
November 15, 2007
Inspired by 'we are the young'
Can't seem to find this particular song by Mary Donnelly titled "we are the young."
Strange that it is listed BUT no available lyrics.. and it happened to be some batch song of RI. Anyone knows anyone else from Raffles? Lolx...
This happy song meant to be sang by children.
of better tomorrows,
more love- teach the young how to care and share,
simplicity and
hope.
Happened to be at an acoustically excellent venue when that song was sang by a choir of children.
More than a hundred of them, belting out wonders of faith and hope for better days..
It's amazing when this group of strangers paints such an optimistic picture of the future and beckons me to follow.. Giving me the assurance that everything good is just ahead, if i dare to step into the light. okay. THAT is a little off. but sometimes things happened when you're not exactly in the best of mood, and just as you subconsciously want to succumb to pressure or temptation.. someone up there drops a gigantic neon sign. as if he's directing you to look that way. guides you back on track and gives you vitamins boosts..
Can never fathom religion. Buddhist family but attended catholic school for half my lifetime. I pray to whoever is around just as i hold joss sticks and go to temples.. I'm not a freethinker coz i'm not a non-believer in religion.. so I guess what i believe in is belief itself??
a belief that no matter what, any good and kind being with higher power will want the good for mankind. It doesnt matter which side the scale is tipped but as we advance and embrace cosmopolitanism, my belief should be the norm.
yes.do what i like given that my actions will not change or affect anyone else
Do what i think is right. that should be more than enough.
Strange that it is listed BUT no available lyrics.. and it happened to be some batch song of RI. Anyone knows anyone else from Raffles? Lolx...
This happy song meant to be sang by children.
of better tomorrows,
more love- teach the young how to care and share,
simplicity and
hope.
Happened to be at an acoustically excellent venue when that song was sang by a choir of children.
More than a hundred of them, belting out wonders of faith and hope for better days..
It's amazing when this group of strangers paints such an optimistic picture of the future and beckons me to follow.. Giving me the assurance that everything good is just ahead, if i dare to step into the light. okay. THAT is a little off. but sometimes things happened when you're not exactly in the best of mood, and just as you subconsciously want to succumb to pressure or temptation.. someone up there drops a gigantic neon sign. as if he's directing you to look that way. guides you back on track and gives you vitamins boosts..
Can never fathom religion. Buddhist family but attended catholic school for half my lifetime. I pray to whoever is around just as i hold joss sticks and go to temples.. I'm not a freethinker coz i'm not a non-believer in religion.. so I guess what i believe in is belief itself??
a belief that no matter what, any good and kind being with higher power will want the good for mankind. It doesnt matter which side the scale is tipped but as we advance and embrace cosmopolitanism, my belief should be the norm.
yes.
Do what i think is right. that should be more than enough.
November 12, 2007
November 11, 2007
Met Hammy online. She's in Switzerland AND it's snowing over there..
I can almost imagine snow falling outside my windows (ya right. at a temperature of 27 degree C).
It's amazing how msn brings pple from different places together and that's why Thomas Friedman's bestseller is titled THE WORLD IS FLAT.
I can almost imagine snow falling outside my windows (ya right. at a temperature of 27 degree C).
It's amazing how msn brings pple from different places together and that's why Thomas Friedman's bestseller is titled THE WORLD IS FLAT.
November 10, 2007
Met up with my 4A clique ytd for a super belated bdae celebration.
If you're reading this: THANKS GIRLS..
We went for tea-break at Sakae.. It was hard to imagine we were LIKE THEM 4 years back.. Chawanmushi with chilli oil, sweet sauce and mayo is still the best combi to date..
Headed to the restaurant serving fusion cuisine that Ching recommended. With a seating capacity of about 25 (super cosy) and a rather reasonable pricing, i wonder how they can make a profit.. Superb ambiance, friendly attentive service staff, great decor.. oh.. and the food! portion just right (might be a little small for guys though), tealight candle holder damn cute (shaped like a saucepan!).. and the most special thing i find about the restaurant is not the fusion cuisine, not the jap staff, not the ulu location, BUT THE BILL. the bill comes shaped like a hotel room key with tag. like OMG can.. (refer to picture)
I like that concept. and i dont think they can pull off that 'insane' idea without the cosy setting and decor to match.. unlike some bright restaurants with colors that are practically hinting for you to get ur butts moving once u finish ur food. and the fact that they have limited capacity makes you feel that they value each and every customer that comes thru their door.. and i realised their wait staff are well-trained. Their body language says it all. Even the smallest thing like clearing plates. From my seat, i noticed: extend left hand, reach out to clear plate of the innermost diner. extend right hand to support/guide the left hand. It's the small little things that matters.. they make an insignificant thing like clearing plates (for goodness sake) looks professional. Like you're actually dining in some posh place and the station staff is in black and white with coat. I guess their service won me over just by the body language.. laughs..
Guess it's a habit.. of most service staff to observe and compare.. and i've seen excellent staff in quick service restaurants as well.. so it's not that all good ones are in places where that 10% is mandatory.
November 07, 2007
Once again infected with the disease of the after-effects of the don't-give-a-damn syndrome.
Maybe.
It's nearing my favorite time of the year and as usual, the over-sensitive paranoid crazy extremist is back.. It's hard to have an attitude when it takes almost everything to be in control.
Procrastinating, procrastinating, procrastinating.
Looks like Charlotte aint going to visit this place for quite some time.
All the to-dos that i have yet to embark on together with all the have-tos locked in the closet while all the want-tos given free reign.
Seriously, there ain't any extra ounce of energy for people-pleasing.. Not worth the diverted effort anyway. Not this time round.
Maybe.
It's nearing my favorite time of the year and as usual, the over-sensitive paranoid crazy extremist is back.. It's hard to have an attitude when it takes almost everything to be in control.
Procrastinating, procrastinating, procrastinating.
Looks like Charlotte aint going to visit this place for quite some time.
All the to-dos that i have yet to embark on together with all the have-tos locked in the closet while all the want-tos given free reign.
Seriously, there ain't any extra ounce of energy for people-pleasing.. Not worth the diverted effort anyway. Not this time round.
November 05, 2007
That particular day when i wasnt in the best of mood, i caught a waft of my favourite fragrance that sadly, ain't in production anymore. Couldn't track and identify the source of the scent but went home with this strange contentment, like i just met my long lost friend..
They descended to Earth disguised as human beings i guess, hidden amongst familiar surroundings and bringing comfort to everyday mundane life.
Forcefully stopped the scales from swaying.
It's high time i do so anyway.
Been walking along it for as long as i can remember..
and this time round, I've decided to put my stakes on opportunity instead of focusing on opportunity costs.
They descended to Earth disguised as human beings i guess, hidden amongst familiar surroundings and bringing comfort to everyday mundane life.
Forcefully stopped the scales from swaying.
It's high time i do so anyway.
Been walking along it for as long as i can remember..
and this time round, I've decided to put my stakes on opportunity instead of focusing on opportunity costs.
November 04, 2007
Finally saw my cousin's baby! *laughs
Cute cute sweet and nice-smelling little boy~! like omg~ the last time i carried a baby was 12 years ago, my youngest sis. *laugh
amazing.. years ago my cousin and i were learning how to play dai dee in the middle of the night at her house and she slipping out at night to party.. now she's a MOTHER. like WTH. It's amazing how time flies.. how we managed to grow up in the blink of an eye. or maybe two.
This baby is special. very very special. Initially his birthday was estimated to be on the same day as my 21st bdae. then the doc said that 1st child is usually born a couple of days earlier. seems like they all couldnt wait to come and see for themselves how wonderful and beautiful the world is.. Still, his bdae is so close to mine i couldnt help but feel exceptionally happy, as if we really are born on the same day. Like a perfect 21st bdae present.
Cant wait to see him again. But right now, first things first. Need to get thru that dreaded presentation and report by this week, followed by 2 CAs and an oral exam plus work.
Btw, did i mention that CCBB is a draggy show? Too much fantasies makes me yawn.. But hell, i'll get another chance to relive that experience. Maybe being IN is different. *shrug
shall wait and see.
Cute cute sweet and nice-smelling little boy~! like omg~ the last time i carried a baby was 12 years ago, my youngest sis. *laugh
amazing.. years ago my cousin and i were learning how to play dai dee in the middle of the night at her house and she slipping out at night to party.. now she's a MOTHER. like WTH. It's amazing how time flies.. how we managed to grow up in the blink of an eye. or maybe two.
This baby is special. very very special. Initially his birthday was estimated to be on the same day as my 21st bdae. then the doc said that 1st child is usually born a couple of days earlier. seems like they all couldnt wait to come and see for themselves how wonderful and beautiful the world is.. Still, his bdae is so close to mine i couldnt help but feel exceptionally happy, as if we really are born on the same day. Like a perfect 21st bdae present.
Cant wait to see him again. But right now, first things first. Need to get thru that dreaded presentation and report by this week, followed by 2 CAs and an oral exam plus work.
Btw, did i mention that CCBB is a draggy show? Too much fantasies makes me yawn.. But hell, i'll get another chance to relive that experience. Maybe being IN is different. *shrug
shall wait and see.
November 02, 2007
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