January 07, 2008

Leaning far out

Gave myself yet another break in the midst of using work as an opportunity to find out just how much yusof ishaks means to me. and as far as i can see, it means a lot more than i think is healthy.

Finally gotten down to doing the ONE thing i think i desperately need to do- reorganizing. Actually if i handle stuff by prioritizing them, then clearing my notes would be the first on my list, followed by clearing the clutter in my room. Then again, it's the holidays so i deserve a break. In order not to let this off day go to waste, i reorganized a whole lot of stuff- in my email inbox. lolx.. it's the one thing i can accomplish just by sitting in front of a screen and moving my fingers.

Finding time to connect with myself. Found time to connect with myself. Made me feel better about a whole load of stuff that i figured aint worth my energy in the first place. This holiday, i think i've taken gigantic steps towards the better tomorrows.

This is the center of the universe at this moment unless you're looking in
another direction or are thinking about something from a long time ago, in which
case it will wait quietly right here until you return.

yesh. i guess everything always comes at the right time. just that we ourselves aint ready or don't have the right attitude to welcome whatever happens with open arms. In which case, we just have to spend (MORE) time trying to figure out just how long more till the RIGHT time comes along and when we're finally ready, things fall nicely into place without you ever realizing that yours is the only world not revolving till now.

and time still stands still best in moments that look suspiciously like ordinary life. Embrace simplicity and be grateful for the little things in life. (yeah. am trying hard to..)

To the friends around me who have the patience to sieve through my long-winded way of communication, thanks for being a tolerant audience. Many a time, the important stuff gets cluttered with a whole lot of others that makes sense only if you're patient enough.

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Digression...

First impression counts i know, but it certainly does not help if people judge based on looks especially if what i want to do or is doing isnt what others think i am suitable for.

Take work for example. I'm a female, so that makes me a weakling who cant carry heavy stuff and has to let those big strong guys take over. If i look feminine, then automatically i am not the candidate for blue collar jobs that dont include air-conditioning and office attire in the code of conduct/ regulations/ staff welfare etc.. They'll put me in say Human Resource or administration. That pisses me off, big time. No wonder people with an artistic flare gotta dress differently to show their sense of belonging. ARGH.

I am now thinking of forgoing my long hair, and changing my entire wardrobe, throw away my dresses, skirts and get a bike license.. oh.. and start speaking loudly in public, which aint a difficulty.

You know, i'm willing to accept that i myself create my own reality, except the fact that for some parts i really have no idea what i was thinking. somewhere along those lines, i am who i am now coz of social norms.. part of me wants to belong to the majority, but i know i'll regret it if i stay with the masses forever. Time for a change i guess. at least for awhile.

Taking risks. Like the title, this season i couldnt stand the adopt a wait-and-see approach. I'll just lean as far as i can, furthest out i want to, and stop worrying about what will happen..

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