The night shift attachment was a sight indeed. I am only as tall as the wheels of the smallest crane. Been aboard the mighty quay cranes ytd and maneuvering the spreader that can lift 60 tonnes of stuff in 4 directions and the entire equipment to the next berth, with the privilege of sitting at the control seat of the specialist and on board the vessel's desk and navigation room. PMing the prime movers, selecting the job sequence, job scheduling at the whiskies room AND going round with the area IC enable me to see the entire operations in a 360 degrees view. It's amazing how details are being factored into a gigantic operation on a scale unimaginable. One just cant help feeling insignificant in that environment.
Most who know about it look at me with green eyes. I know i should be proud of myself. But somehow the more approval and encouragement i get, the more i start to doubt. being skeptical and then coming to terms and really believing is a hurdle. Others most probably wont have that difficulty. so i know it's just me.
Despite being a little baffled (just a little), i keep reminding myself that it's a rare opportunity to be able to do what i've always wanted, and be part of where i think i want to belong. and not just the yusof ishaks dangling at the end of the rainbow.
Digression...
Night cycling with the KR peeps last night. the first time i went night cycling, i missed biding round 1A and ended up taking only 4 modules in a semester coz i fell asleep and was outbidded. Not a very good experience fighting for modules in the later rounds so maybe that explains my reservations regarding going on a two-wheel ride. This time round, my left knee got scraped. The last time i had an abrasion was in primary school when i fell while walking. Kids just dont have a good sense of balance. I guess not having enough sleep puts my balancing ability on the same scale as toddlers. Seriously, i am lost- what do people do to treat abrasion? leave it alone? yeah. so much for being in SJAB.
I've never been a good cyclist, never am and never will be. But the best part of cycling is that you know that there is no way you can fall off unless you stop peddling. so no worries about not being able to balance, coz everyone can- just that sometimes you balance on your butt. Oh.. and the amazing feeling of hearing the wind. being alone, hearing your thoughts loud and clear enveloped in the wind. I like being at the back, coz i believe that slow and steady wins the race so taking risks are well, just not my style. Then again, sometimes i think i just have to take the leap pf faith and build my wings on the way down.
Yeah. so back to the topic, i think i'll step across the line and go charging into the storm. there might be two pots of gold at the end of the rainbow.
February 28, 2008
February 24, 2008
Happy recess week. yeah, as if.
I ended off the week with a never-ending checklist of to-dos. ARGH.
but i guess everyone's pretty much the same, so live with it.
No more part-time work till i find the time to complete those dreaded assignments, never-ending readings and maybe start revising MA should i want to stop accumulating those should-be-forsakens.
and i guess i'm a little homesick. at least i missed home-cooked food and dread doing the laundry! so i've been thinking: Everyone can live alone. it's just that we don't want to.
random. random. random. It's irritating when i got loads to clear yet somehow the procrastination trait turns dominant. Like wth.
I ended off the week with a never-ending checklist of to-dos. ARGH.
but i guess everyone's pretty much the same, so live with it.
No more part-time work till i find the time to complete those dreaded assignments, never-ending readings and maybe start revising MA should i want to stop accumulating those should-be-forsakens.
and i guess i'm a little homesick. at least i missed home-cooked food and dread doing the laundry! so i've been thinking: Everyone can live alone. it's just that we don't want to.
random. random. random. It's irritating when i got loads to clear yet somehow the procrastination trait turns dominant. Like wth.
February 22, 2008
I remember moments and events, NOT dates. and i am absolutely amazed when people tell me they remember the exact date we met, or my birthday with just a glance.
for the hundredth time, i must declare that Numbers just assume a supportive role in my life, so i'm bad with sums, dates and grades!!
It takes that little effort to brighten someone's day, coz my cousin just did it. with a one-liner.
for the hundredth time, i must declare that Numbers just assume a supportive role in my life, so i'm bad with sums, dates and grades!!
It takes that little effort to brighten someone's day, coz my cousin just did it. with a one-liner.
February 20, 2008
THE ART OF RATIONALISATION
When opportunity comes knocking, do you:
1) keep the door shut
2) open it wide
3) peep through the door viewer
Reservations due to a couple of foreseen circumstances, and more to come i guess.
and it doesn't help that I seem to be treading on thin ice ever since the start of the semester.
Divided as to which side of the fence i should lean towards. or rather, whether i should advance forward despite knowing that gravity might just cause whatever that's supporting me to give way.
My brain seems to have a mind of its own recently, and so i've been putting things off to the better-tomorrows so to speak.
Overwhelmed. So maybe i shouldn't describe mono mono to Ching when she asked. It isnt like the session we attended in TP where i said P=peaceful. but being equipped with the art of rationalisation (i think), i guess i can continue to believe in myself.
1) keep the door shut
2) open it wide
3) peep through the door viewer
Reservations due to a couple of foreseen circumstances, and more to come i guess.
and it doesn't help that I seem to be treading on thin ice ever since the start of the semester.
Divided as to which side of the fence i should lean towards. or rather, whether i should advance forward despite knowing that gravity might just cause whatever that's supporting me to give way.
My brain seems to have a mind of its own recently, and so i've been putting things off to the better-tomorrows so to speak.
Overwhelmed. So maybe i shouldn't describe mono mono to Ching when she asked. It isnt like the session we attended in TP where i said P=peaceful. but being equipped with the art of rationalisation (i think), i guess i can continue to believe in myself.
Received a surprise call from Ms. Teoh in the afternoon. It's more of the i-m-looking-for-you-to-fill-a-position kinda call instead of a call to ask how i'm doing. I've never been on great terms with her and she's always been a superior in my eyes. Never a friend-friend kinda relationship and i think she lived with my not-so-sociable personality compared to the rest of FO just because i know what needs to be done and am pretty much the only one who'll do the stuff that the rest will complain doing.. Her honey-coated words then, and now. It's nice to know that despite assuming insignificant roles throughout my internship, part-time stints and temp contracts, someone out there notices my effort and thinks of me when they need a quick solution.
Maximizing throughput by subordinating stuff around the bottleneck and i happened to be the additional equipment on hand. Sometimes i look at my friends who are still in the hospitality industry in awe and envy, on how they managed to overcome the there's-no-need-to-look-beyond-the-surface situations in the industry, their undying passion in the trade, and how much they really enjoy what they're doing.
Sometimes i look back and wonder just how i'll turn out IF i accepted the many different offers back then. Back at the place where efforts don't get appreciated, and even if they do it's always too late. If only i took up the Rev exec position then. I may well by flying to establishments in the region a couple of times a year. and i admit it was pretty tempting to start my career with a job that comes with business trips and i remembered Mr. Rum telling us that for a woman to succeed in the business world, it's essential that she needs to be able to eat alone. coz that may well be the most common activity on a long business trip. VL was talking about Maslow in OB cls today and she was saying that it's funny how some people places so much emphasis on self-esteem and belonging needs that they'd rather go hungry than to eat alone and satisfy the most basic need- food. and it aint no surprise that i follow the 5-tier rule closely. since the big 5 shows that i'm a high C, again.
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I've forgotten just how easy it is to reflect when there's someone to share the ongoings.. so Ching, when KS isnt free, rmbr i'm just a phone call away..
and thanks Wilson, for letting me see out of the box ever so often. =)
I find myself walking along the scales, still.
Walk with me, wont you?
Maximizing throughput by subordinating stuff around the bottleneck and i happened to be the additional equipment on hand. Sometimes i look at my friends who are still in the hospitality industry in awe and envy, on how they managed to overcome the there's-no-need-to-look-beyond-the-surface situations in the industry, their undying passion in the trade, and how much they really enjoy what they're doing.
Sometimes i look back and wonder just how i'll turn out IF i accepted the many different offers back then. Back at the place where efforts don't get appreciated, and even if they do it's always too late. If only i took up the Rev exec position then. I may well by flying to establishments in the region a couple of times a year. and i admit it was pretty tempting to start my career with a job that comes with business trips and i remembered Mr. Rum telling us that for a woman to succeed in the business world, it's essential that she needs to be able to eat alone. coz that may well be the most common activity on a long business trip. VL was talking about Maslow in OB cls today and she was saying that it's funny how some people places so much emphasis on self-esteem and belonging needs that they'd rather go hungry than to eat alone and satisfy the most basic need- food. and it aint no surprise that i follow the 5-tier rule closely. since the big 5 shows that i'm a high C, again.
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I've forgotten just how easy it is to reflect when there's someone to share the ongoings.. so Ching, when KS isnt free, rmbr i'm just a phone call away..
and thanks Wilson, for letting me see out of the box ever so often. =)
I find myself walking along the scales, still.
Walk with me, wont you?
February 14, 2008
Freaky
It's scary.
To some it might be a chunk of alphabets put together.
In my eyes, it seems like a child crying in vain with a bleeding heart with no one around to help.
I can imagine thoughts screaming in the mind, the scarring beneath the smiling face, the direction-less and unanchored feelings that lead to nowhere. that's not all, what follows is being alone bearing the intolerable and trying your best to do without the indispensables..
Being enveloped by the dark. Scary thoughts that may as well drive a person insane. nothing to fall back on, without any way to rebound, and help seems like a million light years away.. what can one do when the negativities start corroding your well-being?
The tag line i set is 'Finding sanity through words, in this ever-changing world.' Always believe that we best rationalize away the negativities through words. but the fact remains that a coin has two sides and it depends on which side one is looking at.
the unimaginable disturbing feelings i get from one entry. Just one. just lines and lines of words made up of 26 characters.
How far can one reaches out to save a poor soul in need of help? and can help transcends across time and space?
so the one thing i want you to know: your pleas are heard. So try to stay away from the bad and ugly till help is rendered. i know you can do it.
To some it might be a chunk of alphabets put together.
In my eyes, it seems like a child crying in vain with a bleeding heart with no one around to help.
I can imagine thoughts screaming in the mind, the scarring beneath the smiling face, the direction-less and unanchored feelings that lead to nowhere. that's not all, what follows is being alone bearing the intolerable and trying your best to do without the indispensables..
Being enveloped by the dark. Scary thoughts that may as well drive a person insane. nothing to fall back on, without any way to rebound, and help seems like a million light years away.. what can one do when the negativities start corroding your well-being?
The tag line i set is 'Finding sanity through words, in this ever-changing world.' Always believe that we best rationalize away the negativities through words. but the fact remains that a coin has two sides and it depends on which side one is looking at.
the unimaginable disturbing feelings i get from one entry. Just one. just lines and lines of words made up of 26 characters.
How far can one reaches out to save a poor soul in need of help? and can help transcends across time and space?
so the one thing i want you to know: your pleas are heard. So try to stay away from the bad and ugly till help is rendered. i know you can do it.
February 13, 2008
Riding on high self-esteem
No one knows just how proud i am of myself ytd.I finally accomplished a goal that has been pending since high school- The gift of life, literally.
I like this year's tag line. Love is in the air, life is to be shared.
Ventured to MPSH alone after lessons, seeking the one thing that can only be received when it's given.
The gift of life aint painful, especially when you're experiencing that feeling of great satisfaction. I have the impression that the immense contentment numbed the pain, rather than the effect of anesthetics. lolx.
See. Donating blood aint a nerve-racking thing. So pple, DONATE BLOOD to complete the festive joy!
Have yet to let my mom know. I guess she'll be as proud of me as i am of myself. She's the first to know how much i wanted to do it and have been supportive since then. been encouraging me to go for it every single time i told her i wanted to and reassuring me that there's always a next time every time my attempts fail.
did i mention that the intangible gains surpass the material possessions (though insignificant items like the green bandage, red pump and cert do help in tangibalisation to an extent)??
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Caught The Mist at Marina last night.
The desperate need to have a belief, regardless of how illogical things may seem.
grasping hope in whichever form it takes. just to stay sane.
and it's amazing how far people are willing to venture in search of a way out, even when situations render clear sight impossible. and how is optimism going to help when you cant even visualise the goal? seems like sometimes opting for a pessimistic attitude helps.
and civility works only when things are going fine.
the irrational decisions people make when they're being driven to a corner.
Take away the rules of the game and people go crazy.
so, welcome to the dark side of human nature.
February 11, 2008
Patience waning..
i suspect someone has taken a liking to the realm of harry potter simply because of the undetectable charms in place and all muggler devices are confiscated by the ministry of muggler affairs.
and that, is just my speculation.
it won't seem half as bad if i can pretend that i know nothing about the traits of walking along the scales. and it's just too bad i practice a lot on the ordinary things.
and that, is just my speculation.
it won't seem half as bad if i can pretend that i know nothing about the traits of walking along the scales. and it's just too bad i practice a lot on the ordinary things.
February 09, 2008
Peter Knipp's talk, 2004.
Old thoughts for the new year.
Blogging enables me to save my thoughts and review them in leisure years after.
I wonder if the above link works.. but do take a look, coz Peter Knipp is fantastic.
Blogging enables me to save my thoughts and review them in leisure years after.
I wonder if the above link works.. but do take a look, coz Peter Knipp is fantastic.
[You aren't looking for anyone who reminds you of anyone else]
Life is afterall a fiction. A story with a beginning and an end.
Love is afterall a distraction from loneliness.
And happiness, a distraction from sadness.
That sounds so logically, cynically true.
Browsing through entries on the OLD OLD forgotten blog.
Stories of the blouse and the cake.
Here it goes:
- I bought a blouse that i like tremendously. so much so that i am reluctant to wear it for fear of staining the nice new clean top. i kept it safe and straight in the wardrobe. months down the road, i took out the same blouse only to realise that it is already out of fashion. I have no desire to want to don that now.
- I bought a cake back then. a cake that looked so yummy that i curb my temptation by putting it in the fridge so that i can slowly savour it bit by bit instead of stuffing it down at one go. the cake was forgotten for i did not open the fridge frequently. days past. and the cake was already spoilt when i finally felt like eating it..
The two stories are superb analogies. about regrets and reservations, amongst many others..
Out of proportion
Wagging, wagging, wagging..
The center of the tornado is always calm.
and that describes how i'm feeling right now.
Always oblivious to the happenings around me. Way too much anyway.
The reminders that follow. Seems like there's always someone out there who's in charge of keeping things in order. Making situations seem mundane. and i am so not fitted for that role.
The center of the tornado is always calm.
and that describes how i'm feeling right now.
Always oblivious to the happenings around me. Way too much anyway.
The reminders that follow. Seems like there's always someone out there who's in charge of keeping things in order. Making situations seem mundane. and i am so not fitted for that role.
February 08, 2008
Maybe one can refer to number 232 to see that i still stand by my belief. and that sometimes, reasons are just excuses regardless of the effort put in to convince/persuade another.
A little emo these few days. I wonder if it's just the festive season, the alcohol, or the fact that i've been listening to this Kenny G compilation.
I've in mind 5 people i badly want to share some news with, sooner or later, face-to-face. and let's just say that i'm not so sure if the number stands at 5 right now.
Before i start the usual emo-regulating process, i realised there is actually no need for that as i've that amazing indifferent attitude of mine in place. Whatever. really. it didnt bother me one bit. Maybe i'm too busy with ongoing stuffs and responsibilities. or it didnt matter then, now or ever.
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New year is supposed to be a great season, for reinforcing ties with relatives and love ones.. Yet this year, there's this tinge of sadness no matter where i go, like a dark cloud looming above my head.
On Tues i was at the ca**** ward trying to spread the festive joy with patients, trying my very best to rub off some of the enthusiasm that i was feeling then hoping that they can feel a little better about spending the new year in a place that smells like antiseptic no matter where you turn and gloomy faces greeting you no matter which direction you look. Much as i've said about me being apathetic, there's no denying that i'm a weakling since i'm made from flesh and blood.
I salute the caregivers. Their profession is one that should be right at the top of Maslow's hierarchy. It takes so much effort to try to do what i was supposed to do when in actual fact i guess if i were in the family's shoes, i'd very much rather 'I' leave them alone. Surrounding someone's bed, trying to spend the last few living moments together. The struggles and attempts to stay normal, behaving as usual despite feeling someone's life slipping away.. It's bad enough without some 'supposedly' kind and helpful people who come once in a blue moon and try to make themselves feel better by doing what THEY think is right and good to a whole group of people who might not need it anyway.
That day i walked away from that place feeling so insignificant, so insensitive, so useless and helpless. and the joke of the day is that despite that, life still goes on. Nothing matters (as much as we think it does).
Pardon this emo entry. Kenny G and Josh Groban are apt at creating such an atmosphere..
If there's a 'To happier stuffs' for me to continue, i'll gladly do so. But i'm afraid there isnt. and this year there's no need for the second chance to make things right. So it doesnt seem to matter whether i'm a Chinese or not.
A little emo these few days. I wonder if it's just the festive season, the alcohol, or the fact that i've been listening to this Kenny G compilation.
I've in mind 5 people i badly want to share some news with, sooner or later, face-to-face. and let's just say that i'm not so sure if the number stands at 5 right now.
Before i start the usual emo-regulating process, i realised there is actually no need for that as i've that amazing indifferent attitude of mine in place. Whatever. really. it didnt bother me one bit. Maybe i'm too busy with ongoing stuffs and responsibilities. or it didnt matter then, now or ever.
-----------------------------------------------------------
New year is supposed to be a great season, for reinforcing ties with relatives and love ones.. Yet this year, there's this tinge of sadness no matter where i go, like a dark cloud looming above my head.
On Tues i was at the ca**** ward trying to spread the festive joy with patients, trying my very best to rub off some of the enthusiasm that i was feeling then hoping that they can feel a little better about spending the new year in a place that smells like antiseptic no matter where you turn and gloomy faces greeting you no matter which direction you look. Much as i've said about me being apathetic, there's no denying that i'm a weakling since i'm made from flesh and blood.
I salute the caregivers. Their profession is one that should be right at the top of Maslow's hierarchy. It takes so much effort to try to do what i was supposed to do when in actual fact i guess if i were in the family's shoes, i'd very much rather 'I' leave them alone. Surrounding someone's bed, trying to spend the last few living moments together. The struggles and attempts to stay normal, behaving as usual despite feeling someone's life slipping away.. It's bad enough without some 'supposedly' kind and helpful people who come once in a blue moon and try to make themselves feel better by doing what THEY think is right and good to a whole group of people who might not need it anyway.
That day i walked away from that place feeling so insignificant, so insensitive, so useless and helpless. and the joke of the day is that despite that, life still goes on. Nothing matters (as much as we think it does).
Pardon this emo entry. Kenny G and Josh Groban are apt at creating such an atmosphere..
If there's a 'To happier stuffs' for me to continue, i'll gladly do so. But i'm afraid there isnt. and this year there's no need for the second chance to make things right. So it doesnt seem to matter whether i'm a Chinese or not.
February 07, 2008
2 glasses of wine
State of blabber.
Happy CNY peeps. This festive season I've mulled over some stuff that I haven been thinking about for ages. Just cause someone sparked off that series of reflection over the weekend.
It never occurred to me that life should be an accumulation of experiences. trying. trying. trying.
To me, it has always been do or do not. So i find myself tongue-tied when others asked. I cant seem to find valid and logical reasons to substantiate what i think, especially when the other party has some G-D logical reasons.
Subtle compliments. I'm not belittling myself but somehow there's always a whole lot of people who i think is better and brighter.
Being commented that i don't share easily. Maybe if you ask, i'll say. maybe i wont. but if something's bugging you, then you should take the initiative. I admit i'm not one who bares her soul to others. But then again, those who knows me well (enough) understands (or at least i choose to believe) .
----------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks for the card Ching. Just saw it yesterday. I know i haven been putting enough effort for arranging for meet-up sessions and havent really been in contact since the last time we met. What you wrote in the card is so sweet (ants are getting to it) =) and thanks for the appreciation. It means a lot to me. *hugs
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Dreading the coming week, though it's CNY.
i saw someone that looks like Lionel in the dining hall the other day and tried not to stare. He's the only guy that reminds me of flowers. Iris flowers in fact. The 1st 3 mths AJ stint that he tried to pull with the help of the rest of us. I mean, at the very least, we were there to accompany him.
It's getting a little late and i'm a little tipsy. I think i'll feel better if someone can give me a hug. So maybe i should just listen to what others say and get myself attached.
Spinning spinning, spinning. head spinning. Forget what i've said. Wasnt in the right state of mind. Cny rocks. I'm going to stay home as much as possible and nua the holidays away.
Happy CNY peeps. This festive season I've mulled over some stuff that I haven been thinking about for ages. Just cause someone sparked off that series of reflection over the weekend.
It never occurred to me that life should be an accumulation of experiences. trying. trying. trying.
To me, it has always been do or do not. So i find myself tongue-tied when others asked. I cant seem to find valid and logical reasons to substantiate what i think, especially when the other party has some G-D logical reasons.
Subtle compliments. I'm not belittling myself but somehow there's always a whole lot of people who i think is better and brighter.
Being commented that i don't share easily. Maybe if you ask, i'll say. maybe i wont. but if something's bugging you, then you should take the initiative. I admit i'm not one who bares her soul to others. But then again, those who knows me well (enough) understands (or at least i choose to believe) .
----------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks for the card Ching. Just saw it yesterday. I know i haven been putting enough effort for arranging for meet-up sessions and havent really been in contact since the last time we met. What you wrote in the card is so sweet (ants are getting to it) =) and thanks for the appreciation. It means a lot to me. *hugs
---------------------------------------------------------------
Dreading the coming week, though it's CNY.
i saw someone that looks like Lionel in the dining hall the other day and tried not to stare. He's the only guy that reminds me of flowers. Iris flowers in fact. The 1st 3 mths AJ stint that he tried to pull with the help of the rest of us. I mean, at the very least, we were there to accompany him.
It's getting a little late and i'm a little tipsy. I think i'll feel better if someone can give me a hug. So maybe i should just listen to what others say and get myself attached.
Spinning spinning, spinning. head spinning. Forget what i've said. Wasnt in the right state of mind. Cny rocks. I'm going to stay home as much as possible and nua the holidays away.
February 03, 2008
X-rayed
It's as if i've been taken apart and analysed. Mole by mole, atom by atom. Never felt so transparent after what Christine said then. It's like no matter how much sugar and honey i add, the cup of water still tastes pretty much like.. water.
I guessed i got my amour of quills out in full view last night, but it's clear to anyone who isn't blind that somehow, somewhere that coat didn't help. That effort seemed so feeble that in contrary it displayed what's left in full view.
Now i am wondering what will happen after the intangible sword pierced through the intangible shield.
Will the turtle goes back to it's shell?
I guessed i got my amour of quills out in full view last night, but it's clear to anyone who isn't blind that somehow, somewhere that coat didn't help. That effort seemed so feeble that in contrary it displayed what's left in full view.
Now i am wondering what will happen after the intangible sword pierced through the intangible shield.
Will the turtle goes back to it's shell?
February 01, 2008
Reinforcing beliefs
I received the greatest news in my life (as of now) verbally, on Tues.
Thought it was all but a dream. until i saw it in print.
The shock has yet to filter through my state of intense confusion and be registered.
So now it still feels kind of intangible and faraway. Like some unreachable goals.
My mom has started to spread the joy (i think) and i guess she's as proud of me as she was, maybe even proud-ER now. My dad adopted his usual laid-back attitude but took the initiative to call me and ask for more information every now and then, showing concern as to how my hostel life is. I think my family misses me. lolx.. and i do miss them too.
I'm kind of glad that opportunities come by so often that if u dare to grab hold of one, it'll bring you to scale greater heights. Received the email forwarded by the school's admin staff to the KU's person in charge regarding my application. Now all i need to do is to wait and see. I guess things will fall nicely in place since i seem to be going steamrolling ahead and is unstoppable.
Maybe i should just wait for a couple of days. Miss a few days (more) of school for the new term so that i can fully enjoy Alaska without the need to take the long lone flight home, especially with the troublesome connecting flights. I'm so looking forward to taking away with me all the insecurities and negativities to a faraway place that serves as a dumping ground AND to obtain valuable experiences that i'll never forget for a lifetime at the same location. I believe that it's only when you're in liminality that you'll truly reflect your innate self.
Wanted someone who can reinforce my beliefs the other day. Needed a pat on the back for job well-done, for someone to assure me that no matter what i do or what choices i make, i'll be safe on the track i'm on and will end up well and good at the finishing line. Goals may change, i do too. but shall leave the worrying and uncertainties to the brighter and better tomorrows.
Thought it was all but a dream. until i saw it in print.
The shock has yet to filter through my state of intense confusion and be registered.
So now it still feels kind of intangible and faraway. Like some unreachable goals.
My mom has started to spread the joy (i think) and i guess she's as proud of me as she was, maybe even proud-ER now. My dad adopted his usual laid-back attitude but took the initiative to call me and ask for more information every now and then, showing concern as to how my hostel life is. I think my family misses me. lolx.. and i do miss them too.
I'm kind of glad that opportunities come by so often that if u dare to grab hold of one, it'll bring you to scale greater heights. Received the email forwarded by the school's admin staff to the KU's person in charge regarding my application. Now all i need to do is to wait and see. I guess things will fall nicely in place since i seem to be going steamrolling ahead and is unstoppable.
Maybe i should just wait for a couple of days. Miss a few days (more) of school for the new term so that i can fully enjoy Alaska without the need to take the long lone flight home, especially with the troublesome connecting flights. I'm so looking forward to taking away with me all the insecurities and negativities to a faraway place that serves as a dumping ground AND to obtain valuable experiences that i'll never forget for a lifetime at the same location. I believe that it's only when you're in liminality that you'll truly reflect your innate self.
Wanted someone who can reinforce my beliefs the other day. Needed a pat on the back for job well-done, for someone to assure me that no matter what i do or what choices i make, i'll be safe on the track i'm on and will end up well and good at the finishing line. Goals may change, i do too. but shall leave the worrying and uncertainties to the brighter and better tomorrows.
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