Seeker.
Of all the things in the world, I asked for a happy meal that satisfies the stomach of all my loved ones.
And if that aint enough to bring contentment, I don't know what else could.
Seeking those intangibles. Everyone is invariably looking for those stuffs and choosing to fulfill them with tangibles.
so if most people are just one of the rest, then maybe everyone should be grouped with the majority due to them being unique. Yes, you belong to the majority because everyone of us is unique.
October 31, 2009
October 27, 2009
The ideal roster is one that gives me 2 + 2 with the original standby days as it should be.
As the time goes, all I look forward to after the end of work is to sleep right through the fatigue and wake up to a nice meal or greetings from someone.
and to top it off, some little treats like chocolate or ice cream in the fridge.
like a kid. yep. but that's like the ideal day to day life i'm looking forward to.
As the time goes, all I look forward to after the end of work is to sleep right through the fatigue and wake up to a nice meal or greetings from someone.
and to top it off, some little treats like chocolate or ice cream in the fridge.
like a kid. yep. but that's like the ideal day to day life i'm looking forward to.
Stuff to fill
Paycheck is in, again. That makes me just 8/9 away from this journey.
If i keep this going, maybe I'll hit 39kg by Christmas.
Yep. tell me about going on a diet.
Expensive stuffs don't bother me. and i wonder why they don't. Shouldn't i just stand with the majority? Knowing i will not be happier in the long run with those purchases but decided to go ahead anyway. and what's life without splurging money on stuff that fulfill only wants in the short term esp since i'm earning my own keep.
i'm bothered. and think that sooner or later i'll get high blood pressure due to the stress level, and require money to see a psychiatrist. then again, who in this time and age aint bothered with money? Keep thinking that no matter how much i earn, it aint enough. some days I look back at my $1300/mth salary a couple of years ago and think how crazy i was to even think that that amount of money is enough for a living. Minus CPF and the monthly allowance for parents, there aint even enough for transportation and meals. then again, meals were provided back then.
then i look at myself now and think that at where i am now, it feels like not enough. not enough at all. not enough to do things that i want without considering for the future. and so i'm confused with the priority at the moment. keep thinking of wanting to grab more moolah before i cant do so. keep thinking of how great everything would be if one day i strike the lottery and can continue to work with minimum burden. yes, i feel like an old lady dying for a way out of her miserable life. and the funny thing about all this is, i'm having all that i wanted. a challenging job that pays relatively well, a cert that opens door and supportive love ones. yet the grass is still greener on the other side.
but as we all know, when one crosses the line, there's always another one out there.
so learn to be pessimistic. For there'll be less lines to cross.
If i keep this going, maybe I'll hit 39kg by Christmas.
Yep. tell me about going on a diet.
Expensive stuffs don't bother me. and i wonder why they don't. Shouldn't i just stand with the majority? Knowing i will not be happier in the long run with those purchases but decided to go ahead anyway. and what's life without splurging money on stuff that fulfill only wants in the short term esp since i'm earning my own keep.
i'm bothered. and think that sooner or later i'll get high blood pressure due to the stress level, and require money to see a psychiatrist. then again, who in this time and age aint bothered with money? Keep thinking that no matter how much i earn, it aint enough. some days I look back at my $1300/mth salary a couple of years ago and think how crazy i was to even think that that amount of money is enough for a living. Minus CPF and the monthly allowance for parents, there aint even enough for transportation and meals. then again, meals were provided back then.
then i look at myself now and think that at where i am now, it feels like not enough. not enough at all. not enough to do things that i want without considering for the future. and so i'm confused with the priority at the moment. keep thinking of wanting to grab more moolah before i cant do so. keep thinking of how great everything would be if one day i strike the lottery and can continue to work with minimum burden. yes, i feel like an old lady dying for a way out of her miserable life. and the funny thing about all this is, i'm having all that i wanted. a challenging job that pays relatively well, a cert that opens door and supportive love ones. yet the grass is still greener on the other side.
but as we all know, when one crosses the line, there's always another one out there.
so learn to be pessimistic. For there'll be less lines to cross.
October 21, 2009
October 18, 2009
Sometimes all one wants to hear is the simplest greeting for a special day.
and if that is not possible, all else doesn't matter, really.
Recently I know i've been working hard, for the fatigue came back. When i can feel my heartbeat with my toes after a long day at work and my body goes limp after hitting the sack, I know i'm maxed out.
coz that's what happened back in Tok when after not being able to feel coz of the chores and cold, i can still count my heartbeat lying in bed, with my toes. the veins there somehow don't stop sending signals to the brain even after u feel numb all over.
I spent a good 8 hours into my bday at work, come to think of it, it feels like i've sold my soul to the organisation. i thought we'll be heading out for supper last night and i'll be able to at least spent time away from work to properly rest for a moment to note the start of a new year. but as usual, in ops shit happens all the time. so i ended up hungry, and miserable. for when things dont go as well as expected, it's hard to be happy. optimism gone with the wind. it's hard to keep the mood upbeat al the time, esp when the work env keeps throwing shit at you, and things make u fall time and again.
can only get use to it i suppose. that's what i prepare chocolates in my bag, for situations like that. so i was popping cocoas the whole night trying to keep the mood up by faking the hormones using whatever that is in chocolates, plus keep my stomach happy with the high energy intake. yep, the body can be fooled, but not the mind.
so now let's be realistic. I want new bags for my bday, new work shoes and new work clothes. and i know these can be fulfilled. i can buy them myself. haa!
Now, to my strawberry cake. YUM!
and if that is not possible, all else doesn't matter, really.
Recently I know i've been working hard, for the fatigue came back. When i can feel my heartbeat with my toes after a long day at work and my body goes limp after hitting the sack, I know i'm maxed out.
coz that's what happened back in Tok when after not being able to feel coz of the chores and cold, i can still count my heartbeat lying in bed, with my toes. the veins there somehow don't stop sending signals to the brain even after u feel numb all over.
I spent a good 8 hours into my bday at work, come to think of it, it feels like i've sold my soul to the organisation. i thought we'll be heading out for supper last night and i'll be able to at least spent time away from work to properly rest for a moment to note the start of a new year. but as usual, in ops shit happens all the time. so i ended up hungry, and miserable. for when things dont go as well as expected, it's hard to be happy. optimism gone with the wind. it's hard to keep the mood upbeat al the time, esp when the work env keeps throwing shit at you, and things make u fall time and again.
can only get use to it i suppose. that's what i prepare chocolates in my bag, for situations like that. so i was popping cocoas the whole night trying to keep the mood up by faking the hormones using whatever that is in chocolates, plus keep my stomach happy with the high energy intake. yep, the body can be fooled, but not the mind.
so now let's be realistic. I want new bags for my bday, new work shoes and new work clothes. and i know these can be fulfilled. i can buy them myself. haa!
Now, to my strawberry cake. YUM!
October 13, 2009
random
Different paths taken by different people.
Friends you used to hang out with, being in different places doing different things, leading different lives.
and facebook enables us to have a glimpse into the snapshots of your friends' lives.
work, study, at home, abroad.
like fun is the new life. no. letting people know that you're having fun is the new life.
Friends you used to hang out with, being in different places doing different things, leading different lives.
and facebook enables us to have a glimpse into the snapshots of your friends' lives.
work, study, at home, abroad.
like fun is the new life. no. letting people know that you're having fun is the new life.
don't want to be left alone when the tough gets going
Exhausted. very.
Knowing that the best thing is to be left alone yet can't help but engage in conversations that cause emotions to fluctuate. Like swinging from one extreme mood to another when the spark from that one little stone actually is able to start a fire.
Knowing that the best thing is to be left alone yet can't help but engage in conversations that cause emotions to fluctuate. Like swinging from one extreme mood to another when the spark from that one little stone actually is able to start a fire.
45
The desire to hit the minimum to give the gift of life, as a gift for myself. and knowing that that aint gonna happen anytime soon.
So let's be practical and turn to the tangibles.
Yep, a new bag, new shoes and new clothes will do.
and maybe I should get a new laptop for myself. when this one fails to perform.
we shall see.
So let's be practical and turn to the tangibles.
Yep, a new bag, new shoes and new clothes will do.
and maybe I should get a new laptop for myself. when this one fails to perform.
we shall see.
October 11, 2009
For all
Have you ever experience the transitional period where you keep searching for something but you have no idea what it is and where to find it?
Knowing that you've foreseen the circumstances of action or inaction yet not doing anything in the hope that your inaction will lead you down the path that has yet to be traveled?
Recently keep feeling that i'm not in the zone for anything. not even for resting. and that every minute spent is a step closer to the end of the month, and a step closer to the next year.
Need some screaming pills.
but knowing that even if there is somehow some means to obtain it, it wouldnt help coz if others find your toe a little out of line, you're game.
----------------------------
ok, random stuff..
aint there a saying that people live in denial? so if i think i'm crazy, am i not? or because i think, therefore i am?
Knowing that you've foreseen the circumstances of action or inaction yet not doing anything in the hope that your inaction will lead you down the path that has yet to be traveled?
Recently keep feeling that i'm not in the zone for anything. not even for resting. and that every minute spent is a step closer to the end of the month, and a step closer to the next year.
Need some screaming pills.
but knowing that even if there is somehow some means to obtain it, it wouldnt help coz if others find your toe a little out of line, you're game.
----------------------------
ok, random stuff..
aint there a saying that people live in denial? so if i think i'm crazy, am i not? or because i think, therefore i am?
realising i have most of the symptoms of the big D, just missing the death part
and the chili that i misplaced last year appeared mysteriously in the kitchen counter-top. and yep, a stress-ball's gonna do what a stress-ball's gonna do.
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