HAPPY BIRTHAY MEIHUI!!!!

she doesnt know about my blog but i want to shout it out loud all the same. my first best friend.. friend of 13 years.. hopefully friend for life..

As expected, work was hell today. didnt talk much at work coz i just want to finish that ever increasing emails though i'm trying my very best to clear them.. mail after mail after mail after mail.. till i felt like vomiting.. couldnt imagine replying emails can result in nausea.. i tried taking deep breaths, drinking water, resting my eyes.. all didnt help.. all i can do is to sigh.. again and again and again.. to make myself feel better.. that feeling sux.. i'm lucky i'm just ONE day awar from emails..

Been raining again these few days.. was wondering why coz April and March period should be warm... then i realised... QING MING IS HERE!!! that rainy poem.. no wonder i feel so relaxed when i'm outdoors.. the wind and the rain.. my two best tranquilizers.. wonder why so many others are running on the streets of Orchard.. coz they dont understand...

'some people walk in the rain. others just get wet'.

^.^v

dreamt about an old friend the day i blog about wanting to meet pple in the past to know how they're doing now.. it's amazing how our minds work.. maybe that's the cause of my contentment.. it's been at least a couple of years since i last met that friend. okay PJ.
STOP digging out outdated data.. START believing in future technology.

away on cloud number 9

the best day since the first day i started work.. besides having breakfast twice, great news frm marcomm, nice food from the canteen, great walk at Taka, fantastic weather in the evening, nice dinner at Sakae, lots of laughter and fun after work.. and a nice surprise at home. =D

saw this braun buffel bag.. it was love at first sight (but cured by the second look).. too bad.. wont be getting it coz we've decided to get it for someone else.. too pricey for me to get it for myself.. and the DKNY bag.. nice, but way way over budget.. a happy person is a contented person. i am very contented today. therefore i am happy..

Finally gotta know that new girl in Revenue.. Cassandra!! well, coursemate.. lucky me.. no need to intro myself all over again and try to explain my long long story.. hope she finds that place alright.. all the best to her..

5 more days...

enough of all the nonsense stuff. met one of my primary sch buddy on the way to work and realised that she cant even recognise me.. didnt went up to inro myself the her bf and her coz i guess it'll be a rather awkward situation with so many pple in the train trying to eavesdrop on our conversation. it's good seeing a friend u haven been in contact with living life the way you think everyone should. i guess that's why pple always say they wanna see someone that they cared for in the past now, just to know whether they're living just as well, if not better, than they used to. somehow u wont feel so guilty about not being in touch for so long and that whether u're the cause of someone's misery. i guess that's why humans are just plain selfish. it's not for the good of the other party.. the ultimate motive is to benefit yourself.

well, am i talking about me here?

saw another colleague on my way to work and again, didnt acknowledge the other party's presence. dont find it a need to. diferent frequency, very dificult to communicate. maybe it's just me in another dun-talk-to-me-i'm-on-my-way-to-work-leave-me-alone-cant-you-read-body-language-i-dun-wanna-talk-right-now mood... lolx.. anyway, the person didnt speak to me for the rest of the day.. so i dunno if showing what i am feeling is actually a good social etiquette.. but at least it is a good honesty check.. =X

that was the first time that thought crosses my mind.. used to think that he lives life pretty much the way he wants to. without a care. i sort of brought up the topic of his younger-than-one-year-nephew. am aware that they grew up like brothers but he passed away quite recently.. i cant really imagine having a niece that is one year younger than myself and die earlier than me. stupid me asked him whether he'll think of him and his reply made me so gloomy. he denied and told me not to talk about such stuff coz they'll cause sleepless nights.. saw the look of disappointment when i told him i wont be seeing him tomorrow.. the loneliness.. i guess it's too much to bear.. then i ask myself. how would i turn out if he doesnt play a part in my life..

who and how are you now if we are perfect strangers? will u still be who you are today?

Alicia Keys: If I Ain't Got You

Some people live for the fortune

Some people live just for the fame

Some people live for the power

Some people live just to play the game

Some people think that the physical things

Define what's within

I've been there before

But that life's a bore

So full of the superficial

... ... ...

in a world on a silver platter

And wondering what it means

No one to share, no one who truly cares for me

TGIF

how many times must i remind myself that Saturday is near? that my nightmare for the week is finally over? that no matter how bad this week may seem, it's gonna be all over by Friday..

They told me next week some tourism girl is going to join the revenue's department, that means i'll have a chance to see this person whom, i might have sat through many a lectures with.. haha.. one more makan partner..

Sandy as saying that she can see that i am someone who is very lazy.. to put it in a nicer term, i always seek the easiest way out.. i guess so too.. felt like a person who belongs to the canned-food society.. convenience is like the way of like man.. lazy for all the responsibilities in the world, couldnt be bothered about the troubles in life and cant seem to find sufficient motivation that last in whatever i do.. maybe i am part of maggie-mee and 3-in-1 coffee. life in an instant.. sounds like magic.. lolx

if given a choice, would i want a peaceful life or a tough one? i guess the answer is pretty straightforward. but life doesnt always go the way we want it to.. so it's not our area of control because we're not given a choice. we all want to have an easy and peaceful life.. but why are we always facing circumsances than, given a choice, we would like to do without?? we are never gonna to be in control.. but we thought we are.. that, is the illusion of control. succumb to power.

had lunch with a colleague from club floor. she was telling me that i am much more mature than others my age. in terms of attiude and behaviour. well, it's a fact i look much older too.. they tell me things that are not tangible.. so how am i to know if what they say is what they meant??

sometimes pple say things for the sake of saying them. how then do you tell whether it's sincere or not? sometimes they say the words you wanna hear. how do you tell then, whether they really want to say it? maybe right from the start, it's just assumptions on our part..

the interview didnt go as well as i thought.. but i went through it in a breeze.. my most pressure-free interview as of yet.. didnt realise i sounded so bo chap till aining's 'analysis'. boy~ i must have sounded rude.. but who cares.. that A-MAZE-IN a place.. damn..

finished blogging and i saw one of my contact's nick in msn
"people my age like to dress and act like an adult but they know they are still a si gina..
" lolx.. i am still a si ginah.. si si si si siao ar..

now let's hope other things go well.. countdown.. 10 more days.. to freedom...

I dread waking up every morning to face a wardrobe of black and grey office wear. blazers, skirts, pants and tops.. they're in similar hues.. gave me the huhworkagain feeling..

have very simple wants when i was young (not that i'm very old now).. the longing-ness of being one of the OLs i see ever so often in nice clothes looking like they're having the time of their lives.. what i was thinking back then i really have no idea, but one thing i'm sure of is i haven been thinking in their shoes.. if not i'll know how uncomfortable they are.. lolx..

my manager saw me today and said 'you look like an executive.' so well, looks are deceiving.. i am juz a temporary staff.. but comparing to what we have to wear during BESE, this is nothing.. i no longer need to stock up on makeup and stocking.. and i can afford to have bad hair days.. so that's what OLs do.. sit in front of their coms, have snacks ever so often, joke around every now and then.. then get ready to go home..

paid the balance for the taiwan trip.. all i need to do now is to enjoy..

Jasmine msg me ytd.. her sms asked if i'm alright.. told me that she had a weird dream about me.. dreamt that i'm married AND pregnent. okay. what else can be worse whe that's the first thing someone whom you haven been in contact for quite long said? it's not exactly the first question. it's the second. she asked if i'm working or not.. somehow all this doesnt make any sense to me.. Sam dreamt that i died in the high school's toilet! and she cried.. coz i'm dead.. i dunno whether she's too frightened of the sight or because i matter as a friend..

My mom was telling me that for someone to dream of you dying, the person is actually sort of topping up your lifespan.. so in actual fact it is a blessing in disguise.. dunno.. i wish to die earlier..

dreams.. haven had any for very long.. wanted to have some coz it's like watching shows when i'm asleep.. killing 2 birds with one stone.. jas ar jas.. i cannot remember the last time iw ent out with her.. i cant even remember the last time i went out with ching.. must have been like half a year ao.. even rachael transferred back to Heartland outlet le.. that means i wont see her in heeren anymore.. March is coming to an end..

wasnt really thinking abt uni life until someone called to ask me down for an interview this coming week.. then i start to feel nervous.. like wth.. it's like NEXT week.. i hav to keep reminding myself not to worry.. hav to keep bluffing myself that with my grades, i should be able to make it.. then this interview thing.. the lady doesnt sound very helpful or friendly over the phone.. so i dun really know whether i'll hav a smooth interview session.. told me it's juz 10 mins.. but it's all the way at boonlay.. that's like 2 hours of travelling time.. NBZ... think i gotta take cab down coz the interview session is scheduled in the morning.. i really dislike interview sessions.. enough said.

God, please let everything run smoothly for that ONE day..

TGIF

someone up there obviously wanted me to have a great day. my journey to work and back is so smooth i find it funny. i dont have to wait an extra minute for the buses or trains.. i completed my work on time and reached home early. i didnt make any major mistakes today and the printer was exceptionally obedient..i even gotten the currypuff flavour that the rest of my colleagues were looking for... lolx.. the coffee cake the FOM bought was great and i enjoyed my lunch chatting with some old staff.. was praying damn hard that i need not wait for the bus when i alighted at kovan station and really.. i didnt. the bus was just there when the bus stop came into view.. fell asleep in the bus and woke up one stop before the one i should alight. even my shoes didnt give me a problem today..

back home, the first thing i felt was that my life seemed to be in order again. then i realised...
It's Friday.

TGIF.

IF LIFE IS ONLY A JOURNEY TOWARDS DEATH, THEN WHY ARE WE WORKING SO HARD TOWARDS IT?

doesnt matter where i'm heading towards.. coz ultimately, we're all going in the same direction. it's just a matter of time. and fortunately, that's all i have in the world. free usage for all. equality.

we know that it's the journey that counts but choose to see only the end. what happens in between is no big deal. actually.

i spent 15 hours of my rest day slouching and watching tv. if God gives me one more hour everyday, i guess i'll spend it pretty much the way i do now.. by wasting it away.. to put it in a nicer way, i'll use the extra hour for more rest and less work.

i've entered another void in my life recently, and cant seem to find a way out. it's the kind of period where nothing matters very much and few things matter at all. i guess i know now how a person in coma feels. just like i continue to wake up every morning, get ready for work, do what i'm paid to do, go home after work and sleep when night falls.. then i repeat what i did the previous day the next time i open my eyes, with not one single happy thought of being alive.. those self-help books always mention somthing about waking up each morning knowing that i'm alive and deciding to be happy for the day.. not that i dread waking up every morning and facing a whole new day, but because i know that i have to spend the rest of my life pretty much like the rest of the people on this Earth does, going through hour after hour until the day our life ends. somehow, this is pathetic. personality tests proved that i'm a person who prefers routine stuff.. but somehow this doesnt appeal to me. living life doesnt.

i tried so hard to find something to look forward to and realised that i'm thankful on Fridays because the workload is crazy and that Saturday i work half as much i do on Fridays and that Sunday is my OFF.. this doesnt make me feel good but at least i know that after 4 times of such 'happy thoughts', i'll go through one month and after 12 months of such thoughts, i'll be older by one year, that means i'll be nearer to my destination by a year too. that is certainly not where i'm looking forward to, but that's where i'm definitely going. so i dont think too much..

IF LIFE IS ONLY A JOURNEY TOWARDS DEATH, THEN WHY ARE WE WORKING SO HARD TOWARDS IT?

Spent my OFF day watching Love in Paris..

People say: home is where the heart is.
I say: home is also where the start is.

closest place to recharge.

Happy Bdae Ching.. 20 this year. start of another phase in life. we're getting older.. best wishes for whatever plans u have.. hopefully we can find time for kbox, starbucks & coffeebean sometime soon..

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went makaning with my paents today. had chatterbox lobster laksa that costs a freaking $24 +++... find it so-so nia. i could have eaten 8 bowls of hawker centre laska and still got change for dao hway. waste of money.

gotten my last C for the whole of my poly educaiton.. for HTSEM, as expected.. so no disappointment at all. rather relieved it's the last. GPA dropped.. sianz.. was chatting with this shaltec trainee after work and she was saying that her GPA is 4. FULL marks. and that HR only interviewed pple frm her course who obtained perfect scores for GPA and expects 100% attendence and punctuality. -_-"' wth.. attachment is her last semester's work before she graduate and she completed her Nitec education with perfect scores.. that's horrible. i mean i couldnt believe it. she kept saying it's easy work but then, imagine As and Zs all over her report slip.. damn.

watever it is, i'm outta that phase. now to a few more months of replying emails, faxes and processing bookings.. really really really really looking forward to a good night sleep later.. a long deep sleep...

They couldnt believe i am not even 20. My shifu told me when she was my age, she gave birth to a baby boy. *faintz... but she's a malay. that explains everything huh...

made an expensive blunder at work on saturday and that causes the hotel to not be able to charge the agent one night's stay.. that is equivilant to about 200 bucks.. i kept thinking i'm new, i have room for improvement and the things i do have a certain of degree of tolerant for mistakes.. but then, though i'm new to that department, i've been there for like 11 months.. that's close to a year of my youth wasted.. but they allowance it out in the end and the matter was closed. i guess that made me exceptionally careful to get EVERYTHING out in black and white so that i have prove of things that i committed.

the assistant RM was telling me to find a guy that likes me more than i like him.. correction.. is a guy that loves me even though i dont really like him.. was citing her own example and such.. aunties nowaday have nothing much to do except storytelling to the next generation things that they regret NOT doing so that we can help them fulfil what they missed out in life. after my turn, another male colleague suffered.. she went on and on and on telling him how to choose a gf even though he already has one.. pple.. they're always like that.. just because they themselves are not brave enough to face whatever situaiton they went thru in the past, they can and should pass on hope to the newer generation thinking that as these younger pals live in a more comfortable setting, they should be able to do whatever that they deemed as impossible in the past..

signs of fatigue.. the start of blabbering... night.

craze for dou hua recently.. so i have them like 4 times a week.. lolx.. finished watching 'it started with a kiss' and 'prince turns into frog' on youtube so i've sarted watching 'MARS' even though i've watched it like two times.. simply way too bored to have no recreational activities besides slacking and more slacking.. not in the mood to blog coz i have to face the com and type away for 7 hours almost everyday.. what makes it worse is that the com there looks juz like the one i have at home..

counting down to 2nd April.

dunno what's wrong with me recently.. i cut this gundoo toot toot hair at the spur of the moment and it actually makes me look younger. then i realised it clashes with the office attire i wear to work.. ate so much dao huay these few weeks that i think add up to more than the amount had the whole of last year. then i got the urge to do alot of things even though i dont quite like to do or dun do often.. the sudden feeling to want to dance, to blog long long stories, to write my journal, to listen to old CDs, to walk in the rain, to drink a cup of tea and most of all to chat on the phone.. nice long chat with no conversation agenda.. to be able to juz crap and crap and crap knowing someone is at the other end listening.. to be able to go on and on and on and on and on...

okay. sth is really wrong with me.

Paid deposit for my trip le.. soon i'll be away enjoying my long-deserved break. how i wish i could forward the time. 3 weeks is just nice.

My bro has been accepted into Hospi and Tourism Management. he landed in my course after i got out of it. He should take the aerospace thingy. better prospects i guess..

been rather tired lately. it's not really work, but somehow or another i feel drained.. of my energy and optimism for the future.. like no matter how much i do, it's never enough..

so, i got lost in youtube, watching drama series one after another. these shows keep me sane and occupied.. at lease i have something to do besides slacking.

wel, back to the world of false pretenses..

LoOk more like an executive than an executive. lolx

Been staring at the com the whole day replying to emails, emails and more emails.. lucky to be sitting down instead of opening doors.

watever lah. too tired to blog. back to prince turns into froggie..