People born under the sign of Libra are exceptionally indecisive.

Caught at the crossroad without knowing which way i should move, as if every single step i take will topple the scale.

Cost AND opportunity cost. i dislike that.

When stuff happens and u realize that all that matters actually boils down to one single thing- money, that's when i reconfirm my beliefs:

Money is the root of all evil.

Constantly reminding myself NOT TO succumb to the temptation of not giving thanks, taking stuff for granted, thinking the world owes me a living (AS IF). It was here first anyway.

Between knowing and wanting what to do, i'll opt for the more conservative approach. It's not as if i don't take risks. It's just that when i can see dark clouds looming ahead, why would i want to go charging into the storm unless i can be sure there aint lightning?

Enough of all the self-reminders.. if this goes on i can be sure i'm going to start talking in 3rd person.

To lighter stuffs..
Last practise session of the semester. A perfect ending. all within range.

If i can take away some of the laziness and inconsistencies in me, i believe archery will be an entire different thing to me.
Should i be more motivated, more discipline, more focused. who knows how different i'd regard this sport? How many times have i given myself prep talks, mental training but STILL fail to meet my own expectations? That is- IF i overcome all the above odds, which requires much determination and optimism and given that i started the para with IF and SHOULD, the answer is pretty much obvious.

and Passion is nothing unless coupled with discipline and discipline is nothing without commitment.

maybe i'll find the fuel in my next lifetime. Then- i'm sure to have 2 stones handy.

The battle is won.

Time for rest and recuperation.

Cheers, to a fantastic week.

Never like project compilation. doubt i'll change my mind anytime in the near future.

** process of vomiting blood**

Need to get down to what got to be done.

BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!!!

Poifull, the chick magnet.

This creation of Meiji has once again, generate wonders beyond imagination.

Resident Evil is nice. much nicer than Halloween.
The reward of the day: jalan-jalan and chanced upon a museum i've never heard of.

It's the Fuk Tak Chi museum, originally a temple.
For more info, click on the link.
http://infopedia.nlb.gov.sg/articles/SIP_232_2004-12-10.html

Traces of existence left behind in our lifetime, even after we're gone.

Upon seeing the newspaper article, my mom responded to the journalist's call. That jars were evidences of my Grandpa's passing in his time long before i was born. My Dad brings us to where he used to live, every time we happened to go by that particular area, atop a small hill tucked away near the very busy MS streets..










Some fuzzy stories of what was told, and forgotten, had i not read last night's papers. The OLD warehouse next to the hill is what i recalled.




From what i know, my Grandpa placed soil in the jars used to store preserved veg in the olden days, stacked them up to prevent soil erosion. They moved to Hougang during the golden years of the HDB projects, and left the jars untouched for years at the exact same location.

Years later, some organisation named API found the jars and guess what? to their HORROR, the jars looked like urns. or maybe not. yeah. as if anyone would want to place their ashes in the same container as preserved veg.

Was chit-chatting with friends over lunch a couple of weeks ago and one of them were saying that in actual fact, many intangible items like memories are imprinted on tangible items for eg. walls. With the passing of time, these things accumulate and has a personality of its own.

Back then, i thought : it's all bull.

fast forwarding to the present >>> After not being around for more than a year, there are still things he came across, stuffs he did and memories left behind. That, is a source of comfort. seemingly.

Thanks to 150+. Love the Crabtree & Evelyn stuff u all got me. The Chamomile tea was really unexpected, more so than i appeared to be. I vow not to be lazy and take good care of my skin with all the lotions and stuff i receive. =) Dinner at Spaggs was great. Shall dine there more often. the Bali cafe is real nice place for a drink or two at night, away from the crowd.

Accompanied my sis to the polyclinic in search of immediate help for eye infection. After the consultation, i checked with the doctor (yes, again!) regarding my nose. He told me that it's an allergy and there's no cure for that allergy as of yet. MAYBE i can try taking medicine. ya. like thanks for the info.

The WAT 2008 interview was okay.
ALASKA HERE I COME!
I extended my work time there so hopefully i'll get SEP in a uni which starts the sch term late (later than local uni at least).

Better than the expected from the totally unexpected. Went for some career fair today, and spent an hr walking aimlessly around the booths thinking of what to do if someday i "realize" my dreams aint mine to begin with. I look at a "particular organisation" and thought how good it will be if i can work with ships or oil rigs. From the model, i can imagine myself standing liken to a speck of dust near the lifeboats.

Just picture yourself awestruck at the environment u're working in, with curiosity aplenty about the entire business model the company is built upon, passionate about how an insignificant you can contribute to this mega deal and swelling with pride of being part of the organisation. I dunno much about the industry but i certainly want to experience all that with PSA in mind.

Lesson for the day: Halloween is a boring movie. Horrible. Waste my money. Boo

The big hoo-ha

I'm 21. Maybe i should start acting mature.

I received showers of blessings on the 18th. I mean, it's in a quantity liken to a thunderstorm instead. By this i am referring to the rain and wind.
Drenched, cold and wet. Like any other day in the monsoon season.

Fortunately, i love rainy days. Good mood, great weather, fantastic time.

Thanks to ODIN, i had a great time. and the drizzle came silently after the storm.
I had a wonderful happy dinner with lots of smiles and laughter. Appreciate the effort they put in for the sabo session and gifts. Frankly speaking, the card would have suffice. The best gifts are those that make people smile, remember?


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Top secrets to staying young:



































Ignore all 3 rules and just follow this one:















This card is perfect, really. ODIN internal joke.
They are simply the sweetest.
and they got me a Mizuno jacket, Godiva chocos and the ultimate- self made ODIN vouchers. laughs... and of course the memorable sabo session.

Joyce the random-qn-generator came up with the most bizarre ultimate crazy questions i would never imagine. So i ended up being blind-folded AND made to eat stuff like pepper, chilli padi, ginger, drinking soy sauce and what not, plus play with camo cream thinking it's mayo etc as punishment..

Some details that i missed out and will remember for quite some time:
Milo is under Nestle.
ODIN lettering order- J,S,A,G
Chalet number C & D
Camp dates 196-226
Joyce had wanton noodles for lunch on the day we break camp
JY ordered sugar cane juice WITH lemon
The 7 names of Bowman juniors- weejin, Diana, Suanggita, Diana, Vanessa, Christian, Wan jou
3 birth dates: YQ/pooh- 15 Nov, Terry- 14 Nov, JY 20 Jan.
The SR we got on the first day of O week for Bowman is SR13. laughs
23 pple in ODIN according to n(shirts)

plus some other super random things that we dont even find it a need to remember. I made some intelligent guesses, and totally screwed up the rest.

and they made me cut the cake using a pair of chopsticks!!!!!!!!!! like dots.. but i guess i must be having too much fun to be bothered. i posed WITH the chopsticks. laughs.. and thank goodness i was smart enuff to not wear makeup.

now i'm looking forward to yet another thing. The WAT 2008 interview later in the afternoon. **Pray silently**

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May Lady Mother Luck shines on me tomorrow.

I'm counting down to my fourth 18th birthday in less than an hour's time.

This week has been exceptionally smooth sailing. The weather was superb. I booked tix to HK on sat, tues training went well, today's batik cls was great fun, fna tut finished within the hour, and the PSA talk was the highlight. Got to know some new pple, crap with some acquaintances (caught on candid camera. lolx), got lots of help and understanding from the team and enjoyed the bus journey home.


Things usually go uphill when i'm appreciative of what i have and give thanks for everything in the present. so that's like foreign aid from someone above. My backup in times of need. There's always a reason for you to be optimistic. Give thanks. and i don't think YOU need reminder.

After the scrimping and saving comes the spending.

Counting down to yet another trip. With those whom i know will have a great time together no matter where we are. never mind Nepal, New Guinea or Antigua.

Blessed with good health, a loving family and great friends. So maybe that explains why i don't see the need to have more wants, coz the act of asking for more signifies dissatisfaction or the lack of appreciation for the good. and the last thing i want to see happen is for someone up there to take away all that i have now.

Grateful for all the good, the bad and the ugly, plus a million of other things..
Thank you, for my fate of blood-ties. i can never imagine another family that i will be happier in.
Thank you, for the gift of friendships forged from young and hopefully thru adulthood. People whom i will still hope to meet in my next life, and all the other succeeding ones.
Thank you, for all the luck i have received, am receiving and will receive in the lifetime and a million ones thereafter, many which i believe would have changed me in unimaginable ways.
Thank you, for bestowing the ability to have beliefs and faith in so many things. They determine how i turned out to be.

Giving thanks, with a grateful heart.

Bogged down by some stuff that will be insignificant in a year's time, or maybe shorter.

It doesnt make me happy knowing that i am the bottom one third of the module cohort, or rather:

i am pretty upset knowing that i am at the bottom of the pyramid with the other 35% despite assuming that i knew the solutions to half the questions.

yeah. knew the answers. like real.

And there's just this psychological effect that is present when you're being placed alongside many others of the same AND it's pretty obvious that you're clearly not one of the best (in actual fact far from it). I claimed that grades dont really affect me. REALLY. they DONT REALLY affect me but that doesnt mean that the probability is zilch. at least let me be with the majority. I guess with my 30% coursework grade screwed, my end year couldnt be very much better.

No wonder the big-hooha regarding the PSLE mathematics paper that parents have been complaining/commenting for everyday of the past week. I think i can sort of understand why those kids will cope themselves up in their rooms, cry, or get emotionally agitated etc.. just because they got a crappy tough paper. When you know that usually u're pretty good, ur ego and confidence brings you to a point where you know that you want to and can stay somewhere above mid-range. Then someone gave a shove and suddenly you find that all you can see is the dirt on the floor. and that it takes that little effort to break you. That's when you start having doubts of your ability, your confidence and later almost everything else. the negatives thoughts start invading your mind and before you know it, they are unstoppable. then they take over every inch of your mind and start eating into your ego and id.

Okay. i am exaggerating. But that still doesnt take away my discontentment. annoyed at my immaturity,especially with that irritating voice gnawing at my thoughts and a voice in my head nagging of the ought-tos i need to be responsible for now. those bugging stuffs that are on vacation from somewhere else.

My friends were saying how the educational system has evolved since our time (like i'm some obasan). They cant use RED pen coz the colour has some negative psychological impact on children's growth. They cant cross, circle and write BIG FAT ZEROS like our teachers used to coz those too, affect the learning and growth processes and what not. I mean, if i receive a work graded in BLUE pen and no crosses, just nice neat underlines on those wrong stuffs, then i'll ASSUME that it isnt too bad in the first place, since i dont see any crosses and circles. If those things doesnt signify the degree of mistake i made and should amend, i dunno what else does.

Nothing much to look forward to. or rather no expectation.

in front of the invisible line that separates 20 and 21, knowing that there's noway i can hesitate but to step across.

I know there's a million other pple out there who has been kind enough to advise me to hold an extravagant party, minus the E part. For memory sake or what-so-ever i have no idea, but i think their view on this is that it's a milestone, an age-related one.

but since i guess i am as old as i think i am, it doesnt seem to matter, at least for now.

Maybe i'll look back and regret my decision(s) now, but one thing i am certain of- i believe my future self will be able to handle the post-effects, come what may.

The rainy season is here!

I swear my eyelids grew an additional cm recently.
Have been fighting to keep my eyes open for days on end. Takes twice the effort and yield less than a quarter of the desired effect.

Boo. I dislike fastest fingers first. I was THERE before time yet didnt manage to get even one pathetic slot. Boo. Got my hopes too high..

I need an outlet less the option of sleeping so i guess i'll be enjoying training tomorrow, after the CA nightmare.

It doesnt take much for me to realise i'm right in my decision to go for something of my interest instead of vying for better performance in you-know-that's-where-all-the-money-is.

Just 2 lectures into the module, i know i'm not cut out for it. Halfway into the semester, i find myself thinking i know some stuff yet am still as confused as ever over most. those negative vibes come strongest during tutorials, when MODEL answers are right in front of your face. No matter how i see it, there's always a huge gap between knowing what you should do and actually applying the right formula to obtain the correct solutions, and it doesnt console me that i have good know ledge about the former and a hate-hate relationship with the latter.

Sometimes i wonder why some tutors still treat us like kids.

I can't fathom the need to ask for details and reasons due to a one-time change for a class.

Maybe to them we're still stuck at age 15, unable to make good judgments.

Maybe we should highlight to them that we're no longer in high school.

Maybe i should just use 'personal issues' as an excuse.
Then again, i dont want to explain myself during the next meeting.

But doesnt it makes sense that i have something more important than a tutorial class so much so that i bother to email and inform instead of just pon-ing? Is there a need to go down to checking validity of reason just because i need to change a class. Seriously, tertiary education doesnt make much of a difference to pre-tertiary ed..

So i wonder when they're start respecting us and allow us the right to keep mum regarding stuff that we simply dont find a need to announce.