Procrastinating. headache.
After exercising. headache.
Eat too full. headache.
Deadlines. headache.
Weather. headache.
Presentations. headache.
Tutorials. headache.
Anxious. headache.
Quizzes. headache.
March 31, 2008
I'm perfectly fine.
Procrastinating. headache.
After exercising. headache.
Eat too full. headache.
Deadlines. headache.
Weather. headache.
Presentations. headache.
Tutorials. headache.
Anxious. headache.
Quizzes. headache.
When the familiar gets mundane, find zest in life.
Woke up with an empty stomach AND found breakfast within 50 steps of my room.
Extremely motivated today despite the lack of sleep. Guess nothing can go wrong when the day started off great.
and the perfect way to end the day is to step out of hall and go for a jog to hear and reorganise my thoughts. so i shall do so later.
Woke up with an empty stomach AND found breakfast within 50 steps of my room.
Extremely motivated today despite the lack of sleep. Guess nothing can go wrong when the day started off great.
and the perfect way to end the day is to step out of hall and go for a jog to hear and reorganise my thoughts. so i shall do so later.
March 29, 2008
rearranging my mind so that there'd be room for him to stay.
--------------------------------------
There's this thing about home that put me entirely at ease. and all i wanna do is to laze around enjoying the comfort. No wonder i can't get any work done at home.
--------------------------------------
Schedule packed for the week leading up to the exams. Planning to see if i am able to thrive under pressure, whether performance is positively correlated to the amount of time till deadlines. and seriously, i can foresee that the zombie with failed eye makeup is going to return. have to find a way to let Von knows that i will TRY my very best to fit work into my schedule, maybe head down on Fri, and stay in for the weekend. RAH.
Biz comm presentation next week,
HRM, OB and MA presentation week 12.
HRM ind response paper due week 12.
PMM and MA presentation in week 13.
HRM group report submission due week 13.
End of term OB quiz week 13.
PMM end of sem test week 13.
OB report due week 14.
Biz comm end of sem test week 14.
ARGH.. Faintz.
Time to oil the gears and start moving. I'll work on biz comm first. One step at a time i guess.
--------------------------------------
There's this thing about home that put me entirely at ease. and all i wanna do is to laze around enjoying the comfort. No wonder i can't get any work done at home.
--------------------------------------
Schedule packed for the week leading up to the exams. Planning to see if i am able to thrive under pressure, whether performance is positively correlated to the amount of time till deadlines. and seriously, i can foresee that the zombie with failed eye makeup is going to return. have to find a way to let Von knows that i will TRY my very best to fit work into my schedule, maybe head down on Fri, and stay in for the weekend. RAH.
Biz comm presentation next week,
HRM, OB and MA presentation week 12.
HRM ind response paper due week 12.
PMM and MA presentation in week 13.
HRM group report submission due week 13.
End of term OB quiz week 13.
PMM end of sem test week 13.
OB report due week 14.
Biz comm end of sem test week 14.
ARGH.. Faintz.
Time to oil the gears and start moving. I'll work on biz comm first. One step at a time i guess.
March 28, 2008
Picked up the motivation to jog recently.
An outlet. For the confusion and mental fatigue.
The only time when i can clear my mind, keep my mouth shut, yet feel unrestricted and free. and i always feel so so much better after, that i wondered what made me less than happy then.
Chamomile supply running low.. and anticipating the need to get more before the semester ends.
An outlet. For the confusion and mental fatigue.
The only time when i can clear my mind, keep my mouth shut, yet feel unrestricted and free. and i always feel so so much better after, that i wondered what made me less than happy then.
Chamomile supply running low.. and anticipating the need to get more before the semester ends.
March 26, 2008
Distracted
Distracted. really. and at a loss as to what to do.
At the same time I sense independence slipping away.
So what am i to do if there's no one else to turn to?
My mind was empty all morning. and i screwed up at the subject pool. I have no idea why the hell i'd make the decision to offer 6 when i could have said 4 or even 2. It's really really illogical. Guess i wasnt thinking right today.
-------------- fast forwarding---------------------------
Someone is ignoring me. =(
and it doesnt help that i've work buried up till my neck so much so that it takes all my energy not to suffocate. am trying real hard to obtain school-life-work balance, and the irony is that i seem to be set for failure.
so i have to keep convincing myself.
that i am strong. i am STRONG. i AM STRONG. I AM STRONG.
At the same time I sense independence slipping away.
So what am i to do if there's no one else to turn to?
My mind was empty all morning. and i screwed up at the subject pool. I have no idea why the hell i'd make the decision to offer 6 when i could have said 4 or even 2. It's really really illogical. Guess i wasnt thinking right today.
-------------- fast forwarding---------------------------
Someone is ignoring me. =(
and it doesnt help that i've work buried up till my neck so much so that it takes all my energy not to suffocate. am trying real hard to obtain school-life-work balance, and the irony is that i seem to be set for failure.
so i have to keep convincing myself.
that i am strong. i am STRONG. i AM STRONG. I AM STRONG.
March 23, 2008
Rearranging my mind so that there'd be room.
and it's hard to say the right words without practice.
-----------------------------------------
Down with MS analysis. Did whatever i can with the resources on hand. Will have to leave the rest till i get back to hall: War-zone. zonked. at least i got started. Group proj next.
Feel trapped in a space with air getting thinner, breathing getting heavier. Wanted to go on a online video streaming marathon to clear my mind but figured i wont be able to do anything constructive if i got started on that. i'll be swimming in tears next week if that was the choice i made. So i figured i still have a bit of sanity in me.
Sat behind the wheels today and that activity killed the least brain cells. that is, in addition to sleeping.
---------------------------------------
Glad i met up with Ching, Jas and WL last week, and Alvin on Fri night.
Missed catching up with old friends and striking a conversation as if we have been constantly meeting up. Spare me the awkward conversation-starters that make me feel like doing a self-intro again. With them there's no need to do so, and knowing that everyone's doing well sort of motivates me to strive on with what i have, towards what i want. and that's exactly what i need now. source of motivation.
It's Week-H for me all the way till study week.. BRING IT ON!!
and it's hard to say the right words without practice.
-----------------------------------------
Down with MS analysis. Did whatever i can with the resources on hand. Will have to leave the rest till i get back to hall: War-zone. zonked. at least i got started. Group proj next.
Feel trapped in a space with air getting thinner, breathing getting heavier. Wanted to go on a online video streaming marathon to clear my mind but figured i wont be able to do anything constructive if i got started on that. i'll be swimming in tears next week if that was the choice i made. So i figured i still have a bit of sanity in me.
Sat behind the wheels today and that activity killed the least brain cells. that is, in addition to sleeping.
---------------------------------------
Glad i met up with Ching, Jas and WL last week, and Alvin on Fri night.
Missed catching up with old friends and striking a conversation as if we have been constantly meeting up. Spare me the awkward conversation-starters that make me feel like doing a self-intro again. With them there's no need to do so, and knowing that everyone's doing well sort of motivates me to strive on with what i have, towards what i want. and that's exactly what i need now. source of motivation.
It's Week-H for me all the way till study week.. BRING IT ON!!
March 22, 2008
Putting thoughts into perspective
Buried neath the heap of assignments.
it doesnt help that i am working against time, not WITH it. ARGH.
and it doesnt make sense that the effort i put in is not positively correlated to the work presented, especially when group mates conveniently deleted the part you edited AND only informed you half an hour prior to report submission.
It's a miracle i'm still sane and my hair is still intact.
My laptop is procrastinating. It only allows normal functionality for 5 minutes tops, from startup. and i think i am so going to blow up if i send it for repair and they insist that there's no problem. great. just when i needed it most. ARGH.
and it seems like the perfect time for Microsoft, gates, allen, ballmer to drive me crazy too. dfaf;sa;lgfslk;n
Organization of thoughts seems so much easier when i put them down in writing. at least i know that i WILL BE in deep shit if i continue procrastinating and indulging in the weekend mood.
it doesnt help that i am working against time, not WITH it. ARGH.
and it doesnt make sense that the effort i put in is not positively correlated to the work presented, especially when group mates conveniently deleted the part you edited AND only informed you half an hour prior to report submission.
It's a miracle i'm still sane and my hair is still intact.
My laptop is procrastinating. It only allows normal functionality for 5 minutes tops, from startup. and i think i am so going to blow up if i send it for repair and they insist that there's no problem. great. just when i needed it most. ARGH.
and it seems like the perfect time for Microsoft, gates, allen, ballmer to drive me crazy too. dfaf;sa;lgfslk;n
Organization of thoughts seems so much easier when i put them down in writing. at least i know that i WILL BE in deep shit if i continue procrastinating and indulging in the weekend mood.
March 11, 2008
Random
Thought material possession signifies that i am normal (in econs term) and that in any situation, i will want more of something. Seems like i was wrong.
Been seeking for tangible wants to remind myself that i am just like any other only to realise that what i am seeking dont seem to be tangible. I don't suppose that i am THAT indifferent, but then again, i cant find a good enough explanation for my perceptions.
I've brought a pier to hall yesterday.
The quilt cover reminds me of home, where the heart and the start is.
A place to return.
Seriously, i have no idea just how long more it'll take for me to be independent judging from my dependence on others. What will i do when the source of strength is gone?
Learning to make it out on my own. Standing on my two feet. making my own decisions, choosing my own destiny. Have been doing that since young, just that the older i get, though i am nearing the end, the consequences seem so much more severe.
Plagued by the listlessness syndrome recently, like witnessing the bull's eye fading out.. and it takes all my energy just to stay on track.
For the record, I am not complaining. I don't recall any other moments where i seem to be living life the way i am now, and i still stand by my belief that everything happens for a reason- just that some take a longer time to surface.
and it's so wonderful to have a comfort spot near. seems like nothing is impossible now.
Been seeking for tangible wants to remind myself that i am just like any other only to realise that what i am seeking dont seem to be tangible. I don't suppose that i am THAT indifferent, but then again, i cant find a good enough explanation for my perceptions.
I've brought a pier to hall yesterday.
The quilt cover reminds me of home, where the heart and the start is.
A place to return.
Seriously, i have no idea just how long more it'll take for me to be independent judging from my dependence on others. What will i do when the source of strength is gone?
Learning to make it out on my own. Standing on my two feet. making my own decisions, choosing my own destiny. Have been doing that since young, just that the older i get, though i am nearing the end, the consequences seem so much more severe.
Plagued by the listlessness syndrome recently, like witnessing the bull's eye fading out.. and it takes all my energy just to stay on track.
For the record, I am not complaining. I don't recall any other moments where i seem to be living life the way i am now, and i still stand by my belief that everything happens for a reason- just that some take a longer time to surface.
and it's so wonderful to have a comfort spot near. seems like nothing is impossible now.
March 10, 2008
random
Amazed at my topsy turvy living style recently. Guess we must experience the extremes more frequently to better appreciate how great life is when everything is in order.
Putting my problems at bay with sensibility and maturity as trade offs ain't really something i consider logical, and i swear i am never going to go over my limit the next time, if i can help it.
Over-indulged: because i trust that there is someone who can take care of me
Sigh. Now i feel so silly. shldnt have convinced myself to follow my heart.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Met up with 150+ - BL today.
The usual exchange of info on topics which we never seem to run out of, made me realised just how important communication is, with words or without. and how good it is to feel comfortable around each other even in periods of silence.
Putting my problems at bay with sensibility and maturity as trade offs ain't really something i consider logical, and i swear i am never going to go over my limit the next time, if i can help it.
Over-indulged: because i trust that there is someone who can take care of me
Sigh. Now i feel so silly. shldnt have convinced myself to follow my heart.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Met up with 150+ - BL today.
The usual exchange of info on topics which we never seem to run out of, made me realised just how important communication is, with words or without. and how good it is to feel comfortable around each other even in periods of silence.
March 05, 2008
En route the future
I'm learning how to flap now that I've made the decision to take the leap of faith and definitely need to believe that i will be able to build my wings on the way down.
I guess what i am seeking for the past few days was exactly what BL was searching for- reassurance that i am making the right decision.
Then again, what is right is subjective. So well, i suppose sometimes we (I) just need others to remind me that what's awaiting at the finishing line is the ribbon and NOT anything else. Definitely not an invitation to a never-ending marathon.
Aint quite myself recently. I guess going home after staying out for 2 whole weeks only to see them for a day and coming back to hall makes me even more homesick compared to seeing them for 3 days a week. so I fathom absence really makes the heart fonder.
The load on my mind this semester outweighs the past 3 semesters combined. After making
the decision to take on more responsibility, i realised just how much that issue has been lingering in my subconscious all the while, surfacing constantly at the most inappropriate time, like during periods of higher stress or fatigue level. I can't get out of the trapped frame of thought, that horrible cycle that seems to rotate endlessly, like how my mind has became.
But no worries. this time round I AM going to forcefully stop the scales from swaying (again). and just like the many other times that i did, i KNOW that everything is going to turn out fine. So much for being wishy-washy.
When i say nothing matters, i guess sometimes i mean it as an unconventional point of view. Nothing matters meaning EVERYTHING matters so much so that even nothing matters.
I guess what i am seeking for the past few days was exactly what BL was searching for- reassurance that i am making the right decision.
Then again, what is right is subjective. So well, i suppose sometimes we (I) just need others to remind me that what's awaiting at the finishing line is the ribbon and NOT anything else. Definitely not an invitation to a never-ending marathon.
Aint quite myself recently. I guess going home after staying out for 2 whole weeks only to see them for a day and coming back to hall makes me even more homesick compared to seeing them for 3 days a week. so I fathom absence really makes the heart fonder.
The load on my mind this semester outweighs the past 3 semesters combined. After making
the decision to take on more responsibility, i realised just how much that issue has been lingering in my subconscious all the while, surfacing constantly at the most inappropriate time, like during periods of higher stress or fatigue level. I can't get out of the trapped frame of thought, that horrible cycle that seems to rotate endlessly, like how my mind has became.
But no worries. this time round I AM going to forcefully stop the scales from swaying (again). and just like the many other times that i did, i KNOW that everything is going to turn out fine. So much for being wishy-washy.
When i say nothing matters, i guess sometimes i mean it as an unconventional point of view. Nothing matters meaning EVERYTHING matters so much so that even nothing matters.
March 04, 2008
Behind the line, awaiting the right time to take the leap of faith and in the process of accumulating courage.
Sometimes i really feel like slapping myself, at least that might be able to serve as a wake up call.
and there is no dilemma to begin with. NOT at all. I made the decision before i turned 21, and has been working hard towards it after knowing what i want then. Now that i am THIS close to grasping that bright shining star, i start having reservations.. Feels EXACTLY like being on the starting line during sports day waiting for the guest-of-honor to pull the trigger to begin the race. After working hard to be qualified to compete in the finals, suddenly you start having doubts and then go on to thoughts on giving up, even before the race begins.
It's kinda hard to explain why. I have no idea where the confidence and optimism went. I guess i'm afraid, that i cannot live up to expectations, of not being good enough. that the luck that i've had all these years might just run out when i needed it most. and it's kinda annoying that a person with internal locus of control starts faltering and allow extrinsic influences to take over.
Fickle-minded. what if i realise that my passion lies somewhere ELSE after this semester? what if there are better opportunities out there? what if i am limiting myself way too much and viewing the world from the bottom of the well? then again, i applied when i am barely halfway through BECAUSE i believe my future self will be able to handle come what may. Now that i am IN the future, i find myself stuck despite my confidence and strong belief then.
Everyone has been encouraging, and i think that i'm damn lucky. BUT what if, what if it isnt meant to be? that means i have to live 1000 days in misery. not that i cant overcome that (my mom has been extremely optimistic, telling me that if i cant handle it, no one will be able to), but i don't think i want to put myself through that.
One educator changed my life. ONE. in barely a semester. and in today's OB class, VL was saying that how things turn out in life is based on the choices that you make 90% of the time, which is dependent on the 10% events that will happen anyway.
It's the choices we make that determine who we are today. so back to the topic, should i take another step forward into the glaring light though i cant see what's ahead?
Sometimes i really feel like slapping myself, at least that might be able to serve as a wake up call.
and there is no dilemma to begin with. NOT at all. I made the decision before i turned 21, and has been working hard towards it after knowing what i want then. Now that i am THIS close to grasping that bright shining star, i start having reservations.. Feels EXACTLY like being on the starting line during sports day waiting for the guest-of-honor to pull the trigger to begin the race. After working hard to be qualified to compete in the finals, suddenly you start having doubts and then go on to thoughts on giving up, even before the race begins.
It's kinda hard to explain why. I have no idea where the confidence and optimism went. I guess i'm afraid, that i cannot live up to expectations, of not being good enough. that the luck that i've had all these years might just run out when i needed it most. and it's kinda annoying that a person with internal locus of control starts faltering and allow extrinsic influences to take over.
Fickle-minded. what if i realise that my passion lies somewhere ELSE after this semester? what if there are better opportunities out there? what if i am limiting myself way too much and viewing the world from the bottom of the well? then again, i applied when i am barely halfway through BECAUSE i believe my future self will be able to handle come what may. Now that i am IN the future, i find myself stuck despite my confidence and strong belief then.
Everyone has been encouraging, and i think that i'm damn lucky. BUT what if, what if it isnt meant to be? that means i have to live 1000 days in misery. not that i cant overcome that (my mom has been extremely optimistic, telling me that if i cant handle it, no one will be able to), but i don't think i want to put myself through that.
One educator changed my life. ONE. in barely a semester. and in today's OB class, VL was saying that how things turn out in life is based on the choices that you make 90% of the time, which is dependent on the 10% events that will happen anyway.
It's the choices we make that determine who we are today. so back to the topic, should i take another step forward into the glaring light though i cant see what's ahead?
March 02, 2008
Holding a conversation
It's not merely an exchange of words, it should be an exchange of ideas and perceptions.
(at least to me)
so lesson of the day: Do not engage in mindless chatter.
(at least to me)
so lesson of the day: Do not engage in mindless chatter.
March 01, 2008
the lean far out entry. and I fell. so i better be careful of my thoughts. and that's a crazy thought, to be careful of thinking of what i think. whatever~
------------------------------------------
Home sweet home~ It's so comfortable being at home, acting like a pampered child and behaving like a radio. *laughs
so dreading work tomorrow. so so so so so so so so so so so so so dreading work tomorrow.
Work = lesser time with my family = try to feel less guilty due to the heap of seemingly endless To-Dos that has yet to be started. but that doesnt mean that i am unhappy, coz it's PAYDAY, though it's only that miserable sum due to that 2 pathetic working days the entire of last month. but hey, I could do with a LITTLE more yusof ishaks u know.. muahaha...
I'm going to have to prioritise schoolwork this coming week before everything else, yes, even work. Schedule's out for the week.
Monday: Read biz comm case studies,
do evaluation with the girls,
finish my backlog of OB readings AND
prepare for HRM presentation
Tuesday: Meet the Ward 12 pple,
prepare for OB meeting
Wednesday: Health screening
OB proj meeting,
SEP briefing
REVISE for MA mid-term
Thursday: Last minute revision for MA,
biz comm meeting after cls,
archery training,
go through purchasing materials
Friday: Make my way to Clarke Quay for work then return home, hopefully whole and good.
Gosh~ I'm so going to make myself sick so i have an excuse to sleep (more). and i think i really need to put on some weight. I look terrible these days, like an un-energetic walking zombie with failed eye makeup. Tonic maybe, or more alcohol to ensure a good night sleep.
------------------------------------------
Home sweet home~ It's so comfortable being at home, acting like a pampered child and behaving like a radio. *laughs
so dreading work tomorrow. so so so so so so so so so so so so so dreading work tomorrow.
Work = lesser time with my family = try to feel less guilty due to the heap of seemingly endless To-Dos that has yet to be started. but that doesnt mean that i am unhappy, coz it's PAYDAY, though it's only that miserable sum due to that 2 pathetic working days the entire of last month. but hey, I could do with a LITTLE more yusof ishaks u know.. muahaha...
I'm going to have to prioritise schoolwork this coming week before everything else, yes, even work. Schedule's out for the week.
Monday: Read biz comm case studies,
do evaluation with the girls,
finish my backlog of OB readings AND
prepare for HRM presentation
Tuesday: Meet the Ward 12 pple,
prepare for OB meeting
Wednesday: Health screening
OB proj meeting,
SEP briefing
REVISE for MA mid-term
Thursday: Last minute revision for MA,
biz comm meeting after cls,
archery training,
go through purchasing materials
Friday: Make my way to Clarke Quay for work then return home, hopefully whole and good.
Gosh~ I'm so going to make myself sick so i have an excuse to sleep (more). and i think i really need to put on some weight. I look terrible these days, like an un-energetic walking zombie with failed eye makeup. Tonic maybe, or more alcohol to ensure a good night sleep.
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